Abusive?

[Bloodrun]

ok, this might be a little un suitable for the younger kids here, so if it is, i understand why its locked,

But, just recently, like in the last 2 hours, i found out that my closest friend, which happened to be the friend, i really liked...

uh gosh =/

well I just got a phone call telling me that her boyfriend, had basically beat her unconscious (thats as far as ill go into detail)

and well I knew this she was in a abusive relationship, but I also knew she was happy, and i didnt want to spoil that, and now i am really blaming myself for what happened, I just cant get it out of my mind. So I thought if i posted this, It could help other people, =/, so please read this, so the same thing doesnt happen to you...

About Abusive Relationships.

 

Abusive relationships are characterized by extreme jealousy, emotional withholding, lack of intimacy, raging, sexual coercion, infidelity, verbal abuse, threats, lies, broken promises, physical violence, power plays and control games.

Abuse does not have to be physical.

 

Emotional abuse is as damaging as physical abuse, though it is often harder to recognize, and therefore to recover from. Emotional abuse causes long term self esteem issues and profound emotional repercussions for the partners of abusers. Abuse typically alternates with declarations of love and statements that they will change, providing a "hook" to keep the partner in the relationship.

Abusive relationships are progressive -

 

Abusive relationships get worse over time. Emotional and verbal abuse frequently shifts to more overt threats or physical abuse, particularly in times of stress. Abusers are generally very needy and controlling; the abuse escalates when they feel they may lose their partner, or when the relationship ends.

 

Recommended reading for abusive relationships and recovery from them.

A specific relationship is not the source of the abuse -

 

Abusive patterns are part of the emotional make up of both the parties involved. Without help and outside intervention the abusive patterns will be repeated in all relationships. The emotional volatility of addicts and alcoholics can create an abusive relationship climate. Ongoing therapy, and a 12 step recovery program for both partners is advised. (AA, NA, SAA, SLAA, etc for the addict and Alanon, COanon etc for the codependent partner.)

Abusers are often survivors of abuse themselves.

 

Many of the attributes of abusers are documented trauma based adaptations to childhood emotional, physical and sexual abuse. Abusers act out of deep seated shame and feelings of inadaquacy. They seek to pull thier partner down to make themselves feel better.

 

Abuse is a family dysfunction that repeats through generations. Just as addictions pass down through generations, abusers often leave their families for a family of choice - then repeat the abusive cycle from the other side. The abused becomes the abuser and so continues the cycle.

 

If you are in an abusive relationship:

 

Abusive relationships do not change without sustained therapy specifically targeted toward the abusive relationship patterns. These relationships cannot be changed from one side, it takes mutual honesty, openness and willingness from both parties to work through these issues. Group therapy is highly recommended for abusers, as it helps them to break through the denial that is generally a part of the abusive patterns. (People in denial generally recognize their own dysfunctional behavior in others more easily than in themselves.) This applies to the partners of abusers as well - group helps them to break through the denial by seeing the relationship patterns from a wider view. Certain personality types are more prone to abusive relationships.

 

If the abuser is unwilling to own their behavior and seek help the prudent course of action is to remove yourself totally from the situation. This is painful, but is generally safer and ultimately better for both parties than allowing the cycle of abuse to continue. Be prepared for the abuse to increase after you leave - stepping out of the cycle enrages the abuser, as it shatters their illusion of control. (75% of women killed by their abusive partners are murdered after they leave.) Learn how to protect and care for yourself. Detachment with love is difficult, but the best solution if your partner is unwilling to work though the issues.

 

Help is readily available for both parties in abusive relationships. These relationships cannot be changed from one side. Remember that by staying you are condoning and enabling the abuse - and helping your partner to stay sick. If your partner is unwilling to get help the only safe course of action is to totally remove yourself from the situation and seek help on your own.

[Abstract [Atrocity]]

Wow... that's terrible...

 

I feel bad for you, the same thing might be happening to

a friend of mine. She's falling away, and hanging out with

these Emo kids at school, and I dont have classes with

her next semester so I won't know how she's doing.

 

I hate situations like that, i feel useless.

[HORUS]

quoting wikipedia?

 

 

 

that sucks man. tell somebody of authority.

[Frunk]

I think this should be fine, no "littlies" will be bothered to read all that. :D

[Bloodrun]

I think this should be fine' date=' no "littlies" will be bothered to read all that. :D

[/quote']

 

lol ok

 

and Slime no, this is a privately owned organization, dedicated to helping young women, not wiki lol =/

 

and to the first person who posted, i firogt your name but, yes I know how you feel, and on top of the fact of how she is, i dont know if ill be able to see her again =/

[VainZiler]

Dude, i know how you feel man: I've had not jsut friends, but close familey members, who were abused in several ways that just go beyond beatings....

 

So if you need someone to just seriously talk to, you got a friend in me man.

 

And one thing I've learned: you can't blame yourself dude, it's hard not to, but you can't always be there to protect the ones you care about.

[Bloodrun]

Dude' date=' i know how you feel man: I've had not jsut friends, but close familey members, who were abused in several ways that just go beyond beatings....

 

So if you need someone to just seriously talk to, you got a friend in me man.

 

And one thing I've learned: you can't blame yourself dude, it's hard not to, but you can't always be there to protect the ones you care about.

[/quote']

 

I know, but I was there the day before, and I was going to tell that you need to stop seeing him! god, I was standing right there :cry:

[cyberdude]

my mom died becouse of my abusive father

i now how you fell

[Bloodrun]

my mom died becouse of my abusive father

i now how you fell

 

Thats horrible

I was put into adoption becuase of a abusive relationship =/

[cyberdude]

my mom died becouse of my abusive father

i now how you fell

 

Thats horrible

I was put into adoption becuase of a abusive relationship =/

 

yea me to my father almost killed me when i was 5

[Bloodrun]

my mom died becouse of my abusive father

i now how you fell

 

Thats horrible

I was put into adoption becuase of a abusive relationship =/

 

yea me to my father almost killed me when i was 5

 

rr um, no offense, but this is depressing me even more lol =/

[cyberdude]

my mom died becouse of my abusive father

i now how you fell

 

Thats horrible

I was put into adoption becuase of a abusive relationship =/

 

yea me to my father almost killed me when i was 5

 

rr um' date=' no offense, but this is depressing me even more lol =/

[/quote']

just follow the advice i sent you and shell be fine in no time

[Bloodrun]

my mom died becouse of my abusive father

i now how you fell

 

Thats horrible

I was put into adoption becuase of a abusive relationship =/

 

yea me to my father almost killed me when i was 5

 

rr um' date=' no offense, but this is depressing me even more lol =/

[/quote']

just follow the advice i sent you and shell be fine in no time

 

yeah i really hope so, if not i might have to reduce to something, I always thought was really stupid...

and pray =/

[VainZiler]

I think everyone in this thread can testify to seeing some bad times, but dude, you can't always dwell on the 'what ifs' and 'why didnt Is', the point is she still got out right? So take this time to make up for it, just be there for her, it's all you really can do.

[Bloodrun]

I think everyone in this thread can testify to seeing some bad times' date=' but dude, you can't always dwell on the 'what ifs' and 'why didnt Is', the point is she still got out right? So take this time to make up for it, just be there for her, it's all you really can do.

[/quote']

 

yeah i know, im planning i going to the hospital as soon as i can.

[georgeyboy654]

Find her boyfriend, take weapon if needed.

 

And teach him a lesson.

[Flame Dragon]

Find her boyfriend' date=' take weapon if needed.

 

And teach him a lesson.

[/quote']

 

I was going to say that, so do that, just bring backup to. Or just call the authorities what ever works best.

 

 

 

 

I think this should be fine' date=' no "littlies" will be bothered to read all that. :D

[/quote']

 

lol ok

 

and Slime no, this is a privately owned organization, dedicated to helping young women, not wiki lol =/

 

and to the first person who posted, i firogt your name but, yes I know how you feel, and on top of the fact of how she is, i dont know if ill be able to see her again =/

 

It wasn't Slime it was Horus

[Luna Diviner]

Dude I'm 10 and read that

pretty sad like what was said before try carry on try and help because most of the time dwelling in the past makes things worst and theirs something wrong with you sentence because it said I realy liked shouldn't it be I realy like but for me I don't know anything between my mum and dad 'cause for as long as I can remember I only lived with 1 so I don't know how you feel and yeh if you think its stupid don't pray [i don't I am aethist] because it will waste your time even 1 minute can help strenghten your friendship by a little bit.

[Dragon Master]

quoting wikipedia?

 

 

 

that sucks man. tell somebody of authority.

 

i agree tell adult they can at least do smoething

[Bloodrun]

Dude I'm 10 and read that

pretty sad like what was said before try carry on try and help because most of the time dwelling in the past makes things worst and theirs something wrong with you sentence because it said I realy liked shouldn't it be I realy like but for me I don't know anything between my mum and dad 'cause for as long as I can remember I only lived with 1 so I don't know how you feel and yeh if you think its stupid don't pray [i don't I am aethist] because it will waste your time even 1 minute can help strenghten your friendship by a little bit.

 

wow dude and no its not a typo is liked, because for several reasons, one i wont mention in public, and two, its going to take her a while to remember everything, if reason number one doesnt happen first =/

but dont get me wrong, i love her crazy, I just cant "love" her, untill she knows who i am, again =/

I appreciate, all of your comments, and yours rahim, and personally I thought you were a little older then ten lol =/

[Luna Diviner]

Well I knew it as their was the "......" thing so I knew you might love her but if you didn't I might have made things worse for you and yeh take it to the cops/police/whatever and cool on internet they think I am older ...in life [something you don't have bloodrun lol] they think I am younger [i am a little short but some people who say I am small are only a little taller then me . ]

[Bloodrun]

Well I knew it as their was the "......" thing so I knew you might love her but if you didn't I might have made things worse for you and yeh take it to the cops/police/whatever and cool on internet they think I am older ...in life [something you don't have bloodrun lol] they think I am younger [i am a little short but some people who say I am small are only a little taller then me . ]

 

lol now now, I have a life, im on here when i cant hang with my friends, or dont have homework to do, you see, i do homework while im on here, and stuff like that lol, this is like a home

in home lol

[Luna Diviner]

I am not doing my homework until I OPEN MY PRESSIES [16 pages of work].

I used to not have life I was on here all the time but now ,I listen to music like My chemical romance and Weird Al [Thats all] and instead of getting violent on the abuser ,sue him then use the money to buy something or do something for her [The female person who this thread was addressed to].

You have exactly 1000 more posts then me.

[Bloodrun]

I am not doing my homework until I OPEN MY PRESSIES [16 pages of work].

I used to not have life I was on here all the time but now ' date='I listen to music like My chemical romance and Weird Al [Thats all'] and instead of getting violent on the abuser ,sue him then use the money to buy something or do something for her [The female person who this thread was addressed to].

You have exactly 1000 more posts then me.

 

lol a couple more posts then ill have exactly 1000 more, and yes, im working on getting the number to my cousins law firm, and seeing what we can do! =)

[Luna Diviner]

Well I am here to help

[And raise my post count]