[YuGiOh!] Hidden Legacy {Next Generation} [Episode 3 Posted!]

[Guest Supreme Gamesmaster]

So they're 4000-LP Duels? Those tend to be really short, though; the most recent one I wrote was nine turns long, and it was a lockdown Deck versus a defense Deck. It's great for introductions, though.

 

I love the way you managed to describe everything even mid-Duel. That was very, very well-done. For once, the Duels are the highlight of the story. That said, the scenario was sort of text-block-y; try and space it out a bit more. Marshall's story, especially, could have done with a lot more description.

 

Still, this was very well-done. I'm looking forward to more.

[Guest Star]

So they're 4000-LP Duels? Those tend to be really short' date=' though; the most recent one I wrote was nine turns long, and it was a lockdown Deck versus a defense Deck. It's great for introductions, though.

 

[i']Well, they generally are short, but when I started this it was set in the "GX/YGO Universe", and so I just went with it. I'm keeping it that way, but I'm trying to make the duels more lengthy.[/i]

 

I love the way you managed to describe everything even mid-Duel. That was very, very well-done. For once, the Duels are the highlight of the story.

I can't even tell you how awesome it is to hear that. I've always struggled with writing duels, and yet I think this one started well. Thanks man!

 

That said, the scenario was sort of text-block-y; try and space it out a bit more. Marshall's story, especially, could have done with a lot more description.

 

I agree completely. As you'll see in Chapter 3, I'm using a different version, and by that I'm keeping the text just in separate lines instead of paragraphs. Marshall's story was a bit rushed because I wanted to draw it out a bit. Marshall's not just a side-character.

 

Still, this was very well-done. I'm looking forward to more.

 

Awesome, really awesome to hear that from an established member like yourself especially. Thanks so much. Hope I don't disappoint.

[Parting Shot]

Well, the second chapter is definitely less wordy than the first, so that's good. It's still a bit blocky as Gamesmaster pointed out (yay, Gamesmaster is back! (if he ever left, lol)) but you're doing better.

 

It seems you're using quite a few custom cards (like Mistaken Sacrifice and Battle Servant). Have you actually made those cards as custom cards here on the forum, or did you make them up for the fic?

 

Keep up the good work ^_^

[Guest Supreme Gamesmaster]

@Azrael: I don't formally "leave;" I'm just don't usually show up unless I have a big project or two to share with the world. But yeah, I'll be here for a while now.

 

@Star: I guess I am an established member now, aren't I? ^_^;

 

But you're very welcome. Good luck next chapter.

[Guest Star]

Well' date=' the second chapter is definitely less wordy than the first, so that's good. It's still a bit blocky as Gamesmaster pointed out (yay, Gamesmaster is back! (if he ever left, lol)) but you're doing better.

 

It seems you're using quite a few custom cards (like Mistaken Sacrifice and Battle Servant). Have you actually made those cards as custom cards here on the forum, or did you make them up for the fic?

 

Keep up the good work ^_^

[/quote']

 

Every card I've used so far has actually been a card I've created, aside from Battle Servant. I've modified a couple of effects to fit the situation, but yeah, they're all created cards.

[Chaos Impact™]

great chapter the description is so detailed i already had a mental picture of the duel in my head even while the duel was being executed.

 

I do find it good how a 4000LP duel can be extended and maintain and feeling of suspense and have an effective cliff-hanger

well in my opinion...

Great Episode! :) (Y)

[Guest Star]

great chapter the description is so detailed i already had a mental picture of the duel in my head even while the duel was being executed.

 

I do find it good how a 4000LP duel can be extended and maintain and feeling of suspense and have an effective cliff-hanger

well in my opinion...

Great Episode! :) (Y)

 

Thanks! Hopefully episode three won't disappoint, haha!

[Dr. Cakey]

And the story continues, solidifying itself as a well-written work with a good duel mechanic.

 

One way you might consider extending a duel is using Life Point gain cards. These are cut out in 8000 Life Point duels since their effects aren't potent enough, but at 4000 Life Points the gain can be thought of as doubled. One of my favorites (and a good example of mixing gain with a card that would be normally used) would have to be Half Seize - it's a Speed Spell that halves a monsters ATK and raises your Life Points by the same amount. It simultaneously extends the duel and allows for a comeback.

[Guest Star]

And the story continues' date=' solidifying itself as a well-written work with a good duel mechanic.

 

One way you might consider extending a duel is using Life Point gain cards. These are cut out in 8000 Life Point duels since their effects aren't potent enough, but at 4000 Life Points the gain can be thought of as doubled. One of my favorites (and a good example of mixing gain with a card that would be normally used) would have to be Half Seize - it's a Speed Spell that halves a monsters ATK and raises your Life Points by the same amount. It simultaneously extends the duel and allows for a comeback.

[/quote']

 

For this duel in particular, I think I've got it planned out to make it last a decent amount of time, but for duels after that, that's an awesome idea. Thanks!

 

Did you think the duel was alright?

[Dr. Cakey]

And the story continues' date=' solidifying itself as a well-written work with a good duel mechanic.

 

One way you might consider extending a duel is using Life Point gain cards. These are cut out in 8000 Life Point duels since their effects aren't potent enough, but at 4000 Life Points the gain can be thought of as doubled. One of my favorites (and a good example of mixing gain with a card that would be normally used) would have to be Half Seize - it's a Speed Spell that halves a monsters ATK and raises your Life Points by the same amount. It simultaneously extends the duel and allows for a comeback.

[/quote']

 

For this duel in particular, I think I've got it planned out to make it last a decent amount of time, but for duels after that, that's an awesome idea. Thanks!

 

Did you think the duel was alright?

 

Definitely. Though it was just two turns so far. That was kind of disappointing.

[Guest Supreme Gamesmaster]

Okay, remember what I said about 4000 LP Duels? I take that back. They can be heinously long with the right Decks. >.<

 

Still looking forward to the next chapter.

[Guest Star]

And the story continues' date=' solidifying itself as a well-written work with a good duel mechanic.

 

One way you might consider extending a duel is using Life Point gain cards. These are cut out in 8000 Life Point duels since their effects aren't potent enough, but at 4000 Life Points the gain can be thought of as doubled. One of my favorites (and a good example of mixing gain with a card that would be normally used) would have to be Half Seize - it's a Speed Spell that halves a monsters ATK and raises your Life Points by the same amount. It simultaneously extends the duel and allows for a comeback.

[/quote']

 

For this duel in particular, I think I've got it planned out to make it last a decent amount of time, but for duels after that, that's an awesome idea. Thanks!

 

Did you think the duel was alright?

 

Definitely. Though it was just two turns so far. That was kind of disappointing.

 

One thing you'll learn about my writing style is that I don't rush duels. I like to start them at the end of plot-relevant episodes, then give them their own episode to conclude if they're important. This one is, so I wanted to have the remainder of the duel take up its own episode. If that makes any sense at all.

 

Okay' date=' remember what I said about 4000 LP Duels? I take that back. They can be heinously long with the right Decks. >.<

 

Still looking forward to the next chapter.

[/quote']

 

It'll be posted tonight, so keep an eye out! Or both! Totally up to you!

[Guest Star]

[spoiler=3 : A Shocking Conclusion!]

 

LAST TIME...

 

"This, this was your decision. You made the decision to try and protect the boy, and now you're one move away from paying a heavy price for it. But that's what you get for trying to play the hero. How does it make you feel to know this boy needed your help, you were his only hope, and you've already let him down?" He chuckled again. This time, it wasn't annoying. I didn't feel irritation, I felt anger. My move was careless, and I'd practically walked into a trap. If Marshall were to suffer, I'd have no one to blame but myself. There was no way I could lose this duel. Too much depended on my success.

 

3 : A Shocking Conclusion!

 

There was so much at stake here. I hated to think it, but things would've been so much easier had I just left like Darland suggested. Now I was already on the verge of losing not only the duel, but my cards and my duel disk with it. There was Marshall, too. This kid I'd just met, and yet I couldn't resist the decision to stand up for him and try to keep him safe from this guy. My mind was twisted, and I couldn't seem to get a grasp on things. Darland knew it, too. I could tell by the look in his eyes. He was just toying with me, and there was nothing I could do about it. It's almost as if he accepted the challenge, knowing he'd already had it won.

 

"Listen, I know who you are, Riley." That one sent a shock through me, and he knew as my eyes widened un surprise. Darland stared at me for a moment as I tried to put two and two together. "Surprised, are you?" He chuckled again. "You see, after your duel with Freed, the entire Duel Spirit World learned of you and your adventures. That said, I have a respect for you, you're quite the duelist. However, you're outmatched here, this is something you're truly safer staying out of. Simply leave now, keep your cards, and just let me do what I was asked." I had no idea what to say. Him knowing me actually made sense, and then again so did his proposal. I could leave now, and that would be the end of it. Why create enemies for myself that weren't necessary? On the contrary, every time I contemplated leaving, an image of Marshall, in tears and scared out of his mind flashed in my head. But he was right...no. No, he wasn't right. Regardless of how much sense it made, this was something I had to do.

 

"I'm sorry Darland, as much as what you're saying seems to make sense, I've got to continue this game!"

"As you wish." He laughed again. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

"The warning was mighty kind, but I'm afraid that's not going to be enough to convince me to quit this one!" I shouted, letting him know I wasn't going to back down. To be honest I wanted to, but something was keeping me from doing so. "If I'm correct, your Mistaken Sacrifice is going to hurt you a bit more than it hurt me! Since you can't make another move, Mistaken Sacrifice destroys your Dark Elemental, and on top of that, inflicts damage to you equal to its attack points!"

He said nothing as the butterfly exploded into pixels. Moments later, a dark jolt of energy struck him, and he stepped back to keep his balance.

 

[DLP: 4000 - 3000 = 1000

 

"I wouldn't get too excited if I were you," he spoke, amidst cheers of support from Marshall. "I wouldn't have played the card if I wasn't prepared to deal with the backlash. Now then," he placed a card into the first slot on his duel disk. "I play one card face-down. It's your move."

"Don't mind if I do!" I drew a card. Nice; it was exactly what I needed. Though I was sure he had a strategy, it didn't matter if I could just deal another thousand points of damage. "I'll start by activating one of my two face-down cards! Go, Power Draw!" Darland didn't seem at all concerned as the card flipped up, but that didn't matter. I wasn't focused on his reactions, simply the duel itself. "With this, I'm allowed to discard my Thunderfist Cyborg (2400/1650) to the Grave, and in exchange I get to draw two new cards!"

"Go ahead then." Still no sign of concern. Darland watched patiently.

"Let's see if I can't turn this around a bit! Summon forth Spear Dragon (1900/0) in Attack Mode!" Extremely bright, both Darland and I shielded our eyes as an emerald sphere formed on the field. Slowly, it began to disintegrate, and an emerald colored dragon, with two rough wings and a sharp beak emerged from it. It let out a piercing roar, making its presence known.

"I'm waiting for the intimidating part." He stared, holding the cards in his hand down at his side.

"For someone about to lose, let's see how well you handle this! Spear Dragon, attack with Emerald Blaze!" The dragon opened its beak, and a bright green flame shot from its mouth, headed straight for Darland. "It's over!"

"My apologies, but I'm still having fun. I'd hate to let the game end so early, wouldn't you?" He smiled as he extended his hand, activating his face-down card. "I activate my Trap Card, Dimensional Prison!" Suddenly, my dragon's attack was stopped and a multi-colored warp opened in the middle of the field, completely absorbing the attack. It began to pull my dragon with it, and despite its attempts to resist, there was nothing I could do to negate it, and the gate pulled it in.

"Spear Dragon!"

"Sorry Riley, but Dimensional Prison not only negates your attack, it removes your monster from play as well! You would've been better off giving up while you had the chance." He was right, there was no point in continuing.

 

"Riley, don't listen to him!" I turned around to see Marshall, who was now standing. Rather than a disappointed look, he had one of pride, confidence even. "Alright, so you're not winning now, but that doesn't mean you should just throw it away! My dad always told me to never stop fighting, always give it everything I had, and if I lost, then at least I'd go down fighting!" I continued to listen to Marshall, but I couldn't help overhear Darland grunting in the background. It was clear that Marshall's sudden confidence boost had already started to annoy him. "It's not just me you're fighting for, your cards, your duel disk, you put all of it on the line! If you had the courage, the heart to put your most valued possesions on the line to protect me, you've definitely got what it takes to beat this guy!" At that moment, I looked right into Marshall's eyes. It was as sincere as you could get, and he truly believed that I could save him from Darland's threats. How do you quit, back down after something like that? For the first time, it hit me. I'd spent my entire life concerned with only what I wanted, never satisfied with anything. I could've settled down as a professional duelist and lived a content lifestyle, but I wanted more than that. But I realized there are people who see that as a dream come true. Marshall, for example, he's got nothing, yet he still has faith, still believes, and refuses to give up hope. He smiled at me, and I did the same. I nodded, then turned back to face Darland.

 

"What a sweet story, hmm?" He grinned, proud of himself. "It's a shame I'm going to have to tear up this newfound friendship before it really has the chance to get going. You chose not to give up, and because of it, the both of you will suffer!"

"No! It's not going to happen like that! I chose not to give up, not for me, but for Marshall! My problems may be limited, my life easy, but there are plenty of people who spend every day of their lives in fear of what's going to happen next!" Darland seemed taken aback by the tone of my voice; I'd spent the duel performing the occasional trash talk and just playing cards, but now I was standing up for myself, and he didn't like it. "If Marshall believes I can win this game, then there's no reason for me to believe otherwise!" I glanced over my hand, then lowered it. "I've got one more move I can make, but I'm going to need another turn to pull it off. So come on then, if you're such a tough guy, lets see what you've got![/i]"

"I don't understand...that brat seems to have brought some courage to him, just when I had him prepared to give up!” Darland was quiet as he stared at me; I could see the anger in his eyes. He’d expected to be able to push me around, and before he had, but now, rather than being confident, I’d realized that I wasn’t going to allow myself to lose. I smiled at him, and it got to him. It was as if he wanted to respond, but didn’t know what to say. The fact that I’d started to stand up for myself – and for Marshall – changed the way he’d planned on playing this game, and there was nothing he could do about it. “I don’t care if you’ve had a boost in confidence. That brat thinks he’s going to be safe, and that he’s not going to pay for what they did, but I refuse to allow it!”

 

What they did? I glanced back at Marshall, finding it hard to read his emotions. I guess I knew there’d been a reason for Darland’s “boss” to issue an order like this, but I’d never bothered to question what it was. Though I’d lived here for a while, I wasn’t completely familiar with the way things worked; the Duel Spirit World was huge; every section had its own rules. “What they did? What are you talking about?” I watched him with curiosity, and I could tell he was contemplating whether or not he wanted to explain it to me.

 

“It’s none of your business, but since soon enough you’re going to be left with nothing but the clothes you’re wearing and that bottle of water you’ve got with you, I suppose you won’t be much of a threat, now will you?” He laughed. I wanted to say something, but I remained quiet, interested in hearing the story. The more I knew, the more I’d be able to help Marshall. I’d promised to help re-unite him with his father, and I wasn’t planning on going back on it. “The boy and his father, they’ve managed to gather quite a collection of cards, you see.” I still paid attention to Darland, though I made the occasional glance toward Marshall to see how he was reacting to all of this. “Two months ago, my boss himself challenged the boy’s father to a duel, with the stipulation being, should my boss win, he’d receive their entire collection of cards. However if he was to lose, he’d give them some rare cards to add to their collection. As I’m sure you’ve figured out, they’re not doing so well financially, and some rare cards would certainly help them to bring in some money.” He continued, speaking with much emotion in his voice. “Through some luck, the boy’s father managed to win the duel. When the game concluded, my boss realized the mistake he’d made; technically, they weren’t his cards and as such, he didn’t have permission to bet them. He tried to explain this to the boy’s father, but he wouldn’t have any of it.” I looked back at Marshall; his eyes were open wide, and there was a look of concern on his face. “We tried to rationalize, but when my boss attempted to leave, the boy’s father punched him to the ground, right before taking his cards. We left to re-group, but something like this will not go without consequence.”

 

“Hm, that’s a lot to take in.” Marshall stared at me, wondering how I was going to respond. “So if I’m understanding you, your boss not only lost the duel, but decided that instead of accepting the loss like a man, he’d try to take the cowardly path and run away, afraid of getting in trouble?” I wasn’t joking around, and Darland knew it. I looked right into his eyes, my own eyes full of intensity. “You’re a joke, and so is that boss of yours. Look at it this way, though. When I beat you, you can be just as much of a man as your boss and walk away embarrassed.”

 

“Yeah!” Marshall leapt out of his seat, smiling. “Riley, you can do this!” I turned to face him and nodded my head. He did the same.

 

“You’ll pay for that; no one insults me or my boss and gets away with it, especially not a punk kid like you. Now I believe it’s my turn.” There was no arrogant laugh this time, as Darland just drew his card. “I Summon Armageddon Knight (1400/1200) in Attack Mode.” He placed his card on the field, and a black circle, composed of shadows, appeared on the field. The shadows began to separate slowly, before shooting up toward the sky. Seconds later, they flew back down, and as they struck the field, a tall, armor-clad warrior took to the field. A red cape covered his back, occasionally being lifted by the wind. In its right hand was a sharp blade, complete with spikes on the handle. This wasn’t your red-cape wearing Superman, though. Far from it. “With my Armageddon Knight’s special ability, I can send any DARK monster from my Deck to the Graveyard!” The knight held its sword in the air, and a beam of shadows emerged from it, shooting toward the skies. Darland went through his Deck, selected a monster, and placed it in the Graveyard. “Ah, just what I was looking for. I’ll send another Battle Servant (0/0) to the grave. Don’t even think about getting back into this duel now, Riley, because any move you try to make will just be negated by my monster!”

 

He had a point. I wouldn’t be able to negate his next attack, because if I tried, he’d just remove that Battle Servant from play, and I’d just be wasting a card. “First, I’ll set a face-down.” He placed a card into his duel disk. “Now, Armageddon Knight, strike him directly with Dark Slash!” The knight leapt into the air, flying straight toward me. I stepped back as his sword made contact with my right shoulder. There was no pain, but it certainly shook me a bit. When a large warrior swings at you with a sword, you can’t help but feel somewhat nervous; had this been real he’d have sliced my arm off for sure.

 

[RLP: 2500 – 1400 = 1100]

 

“I hope you can do more than that.” I didn’t yell, I spoke quite calmly, and I did it with the intent of really getting my point across. He could hit me with anything he wanted to, but when all was said and done, I’d win. I looked back at Marshall; it seemed as though he was ready to cry, but he was trying to keep faith; that’s exactly what I needed. As long as he believed I could do it, I was going to believe the same thing. I didn’t know this kid from a hole in the wall, but I made him a promise, and I was going to keep it.

“It’s pitiful.” He snarled. “You don’t know this kid at all, and yet you’ve put everything on the line to try and protect him. And even after I explained—“

“Explained what?!” I interrupted, staring at him. “You explained to me that your “boss”, whoever he is, is a coward, and that even though he lost, he didn’t want to pay up. Let me explain something to you, I don’t care who he is, or what he wants, but I’m not going to let you take Marshall for such a ridiculous reason! Who is this guy, anyway?”

He looked at me for a moment, a lack of emotion in his face. Then, he started laughing. Just burst out laughing, almost uncontrollably, it seemed. He calmed down after a moment. “Who is he? You’ve much to learn, Riley. You see, you think because you saved this world, that you’ve got the right to belong here, but you don’t. You don’t fit in here, and you’ve done nothing but disrupt the way things were. My boss was once a powerful man, and he had almost reached an alliance with The Dark General himself, until you defeated him ten years ago.” I was stunned, and he could tell. I hadn’t heard anyone actually mention The Dark General since Exiro’d first brought me here. I was confused when this duel started and – though I didn’t think it was possible – I was even more confused at this point. “A bit surprised? See, by interfering in our business, you’ve put yourself in a situation you certainly don’t want to be in. But now, it’s too late, because I gave you the chance to surrender, to leave, and you chose not to. This boy is nothing but a meaningless fool, and you’ve thrown everything away to save him.” He laughed again.

“I don’t want to hear it.” I paused. “Regardless of who you work for, Darland, I’ve beaten The Dark General, and if your boss looked up to him in some way, then I’m sure I could beat him too. People like Marshall don't have everything handed to them! That’s why I want to make sure he’s safe, because he needs the opportunity to go out into the world and make something of himself. If he turns out to be a “meaningless fool” – as you called it – at least he’ll have the chance to find out on his own.”

“You think—“

“I’m done! The time to talk about this is over, Darland!” I drew a card. “I’m tired of your laugh, I’m tired of your arrogance, and most importantly, I’m tired of listening you to try to justify your actions! It’s time I put an end to this duel! I activate the Spell Card Static Burst!” Darland struggled to keep his balance as my Spell Card appeared on the field. A bolt of lightning struck the field, and a large black orb appeared in its place. “By discarding the Thunder Dragon (1600/1800) from my hand, I’m allowed to remove from play three Thunder-Type monsters from my Deck! I think I’ll take two more Thunder Dragons (1600/1800) and my Voltage Warrior (1000/1700)!” He continued to watch as I placed the cards in my back pocket. Then, three more bolts of lightning struck the black orb, which separated itself into three smaller orbs, all black, except bolts of lightning layered their exterior.

“What’s this? Three monsters?”

“When Static Burst is activated, I get to Summon one “Thunder Orb Token” for every Thunder-Type monster I removed from play! Since I removed three, I get three tokens!” He watched, concern in his eyes. “Not done yet, though! I activate Revival Recruit!” A small wizard, covered in dark silver armor and joined by a multitude of colors flew out of the card as it appeared on the field. In its hands was a monster card. “With this, I’m allowed to add one Monster Card in my Graveyard to my hand, and I’ve chosen my Thunderfist Cyborg (2400/1650)!” Marshall jumped out of his chair, and it fell over. Excitement lined his face as he watched the duel.

“All this talk for a mere monster? My face-down card will stop it with no problem.” He laughed.

“Best of luck, Darland. I’ll sacrifice one of my “Thunder Orb Tokens” to Summon Thunderfist Cyborg (2400/1650) in Attack Mode!” The orb on the far right hovered in the air, and soon became a ball of light. As I placed my Monster Card on the field, the ball of light remained in place. Darland’s Armageddon Knight cowered in fear – just like Darland himself – as my Cyborg emerged from the card, punching through the ball of light with its right fist. The light vaporized almost instantly as my Cyborg’s metal made contact with it. He landed on the field, his metal exterior towering over the Armageddon Knight as well as my remaining two “Thunder Orb Tokens”. Darland began to laugh again.

“Why waste time, I suppose? I’ll activate the Rising Energy Trap Card!” He discarded a card from his hand to the Graveyard, and a bright orange aura surrounded his knight. “With this, Armageddon Knight gains fifteen hundred Attack Points! [1400 + 1500 = 2900!” Now you can’t destroy my Knight, and next turn I’ll be able to finish you off!”

“Riley, don’t lose hope!” I turned back to face Marshall for a moment, and nodded again.

“Don’t worry about a thing, Marshall, this game’s over!”

“How do you figure, fool? You’ve already lost!” Darland watched me, trying to figure out my strategy.

“Or so you think, Darland! See while you just wasted your face-down card, I knew my strategy all along! Since I control two Thunder-Type monsters in addition to him, my Thunderfist Cyborg is allowed to attack you directly! You might’ve been able to bluff with the face-down, but now I’ve got no reason to be concerned!” He jumped back, consumed by fear. The two remaining “Thunder Orb Tokens” shot up into the sky, and a bolt of lightning shot down at my Cyborg’s hand. It raised its arm into the air, meeting the bolt, and a veil of lightning formed around its hand. “Finish this duel, attack with High Voltage Power Punch!” Not holding anything back, it struck Darland right in the chest, and he flew back a few feet from the impact, landing in the sand.

 

[DLP: 1000 – 2400 = 0]

 

“Riley, you did it! You won!” Marshall ran out of the house and hugged me, wrapping his arms around my chest. I glanced at Darland for a moment, who was staring at the ground. He said nothing; he knew he’d lost, and there was nothing he could do about it.

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you, Marshall.” He looked up at me, tears flowing from his eyes. I hadn’t just saved him, though. I’d realized what was really important, and that wasn’t money, or prizes, or a lifestyle that I considered fun. For the first time in a long time, I felt as if I’d actually done the right thing. It wasn’t going to be as simple as this duel, though. I promised him I’d help him find his father, and that’s exactly what I intended to do.

 

“You may have won the battle...” Darland stood slowly. I turned to face him. “Don’t think you’ve won the war.” He just stared for a moment, until he de-activated his duel disk and began to walk away. “You’ve made more than one enemy for yourself, Riley Storm. You don’t belong here. You say you’ve learned what’s important, but you haven’t learned anything yet. Trust me, this isn’t the last you’ve heard of me.”

 

TO BE CONTINUED

 

 

 

Author's Notes: Included in the spoiler below is a list of all of the custom cards used in the past two episodes, as well as their effects. I'll try to do this so that you, the readers, will have a better understanding of what's going on in the duel.

 

[spoiler=Cards from Episodes 2 & 3]

 

Ace Hunter

WIND

***

Warrior/Effect: When this card is Normal Summoned, send 1 Level 4 or lower monster from your Deck to the Graveyard. This card's Type is also treated as the Type of that monster until the End Phase. When this card destroys a monster by battle, you can remove from play 1 monster in your Graveyard of the same Type as the destroyed monster to draw 1 card.

1500/400

 

Battle Servant

DARK

*

Fiend/Effect: During either player's Battle Phase, you can remove from play this card in your Graveyard to negate the activation and effect of a(n) Spell, Trap, or Effect Monster card and destroy it.

0/0

 

Dark Elemental

DARK

***

Winged Beast/Effect: You can pay 500 Life Points to Normal Summon this card in face-up Defense Position. While in face-up Defense Position, When a DARK monster is Summoned, it gains 300 ATK. When this card is removed from the field, give control of 1 face-up DARK monster you control to your opponent.

(1000/400)

 

Thunderfist Cyborg

LIGHT

******

Machine/Effect: If you control 2 or more Thunder-Type monsters, this card can attack your opponent directly. Once per turn, during your Main Phase, you can place 1 Shield Counter on another face-up monster you control (max. 1). When a monster with a Shield Counter would be destroyed by battle, remove the counter instead.

2400/1650

Credit to Azrael for this card. Thanks again!

 

Mistaken Sacrifice

Normal Spell

Select 1 monster you control and discard up to 3 cards from your hand. The selected monster gains ATK equal to the number of monsters discarded x 1000. During the End Phase, the selected monster is destroyed and you take damage equal to its ATK. By removing from play this card in your Graveyard, you can add 1 "Mistaken Sacrifice" from your Deck to your hand.

 

Power Draw

Normal Spell

Discard 1 Level 3, 6, 9, or 12 monster. Draw cards from your Deck equal to the Level of the discard monster divided by 3.

 

Revival Recruit

Normal Spell

Add 1 Monster Card in your Graveyard to your hand.

 

Static Burst

Normal Spell

Discard 1 Thunder-Type monster from your hand. Select up to 3 Thunder-Type monsters from your Deck and remove them from play. For each monster removed in this way, Special Summon 1 "Thunder Orb Token" (Thunder-Type/LIGHT/Level 1/ATK 0/DEF 0) in Attack Position. The "Thunder Orb Tokens" cannot be used as a Tribute except for the Tribute Summon of a Thunder-Type monster.

 

[Parting Shot]

Excellent chapter! <3 my Thunderfist Cyborg being used :D

 

The only thing I would suggest is that you try not to repeat the same thing over and over. I know that the anime liked to say certain things over and over (like the heart of the cards, etc.) but in literature, even fan fics, the redundancy just gets boring. In this specific case, you mention the "learning not to only care for himself" lesson that Riley learned at least 4 times. I think you could have cut it down to just once or twice and it would have had more of an impact. Once when he realizes it and again when he wins the duel because of it would have been excellent places, imho.

 

Other than that, great work! ^_^

[Guest Star]

Excellent chapter! <3 my Thunderfist Cyborg being used :D

 

The only thing I would suggest is that you try not to repeat the same thing over and over. I know that the anime liked to say certain things over and over (like the heart of the cards' date=' etc.) but in literature, even fan fics, the redundancy just gets boring. In this specific case, you mention the "learning not to only care for himself" lesson that Riley learned at least 4 times. I think you could have cut it down to just once or twice and it would have had more of an impact. Once when he realizes it and again when he wins the duel because of it would have been excellent places, imho.

 

Other than that, great work! ^_^

[/quote']

 

Alright, I understand what you're saying there. I guess it was a matter of re-emphasizing it. Perhaps you could point out where you think it was unnecessary, and I'll go back and edit it.

[Twig]

I've only read Chapter 1 since that's all the time I have right now.

 

For some reason, I wasn't bored. Which is weird because I usually find intros boring.

 

There's not much else to say other than great job. ^^

[Guest Star]

I've only read Chapter 1 since that's all the time I have right now.

 

For some reason' date=' I wasn't bored. Which is weird because I usually find intros boring.

 

There's not much else to say other than great job. ^^

[/quote']

 

Awesome, thanks! I appreciate you taking the time to read it at all.

[Chaos Impact™]

again a great episode

 

you have brought a real sense of emotion and awareness when you write for the characters

 

the ending has left me wanting more, similar to me and chocolate! :)

interesting fact that this 'war' may be related to past events, e.g the spirit world?

 

that would overall entice the reader to read past seasons.

 

Well done

[Chaos Impact™]

again a great episode

 

you have brought a real sense of emotion and awareness when you write for the characters

 

the ending has left me wanting more, similar to me and chocolate! :)

interesting fact that this 'war' may be related to past events, e.g the spirit world?

 

that would overall entice the reader to read past seasons.

 

Well done

[Chaos Impact™]

again a great episode

 

you have brought a real sense of emotion and awareness when you write for the characters

 

the ending has left me wanting more, similar to me and chocolate! :)

interesting fact that this 'war' may be related to past events, e.g the spirit world?

 

that would overall entice the reader to read past seasons.

 

Well done

[Guest Supreme Gamesmaster]

Hm.

 

Very interesting, I'm sure, but the cheesy-dramatic parts were ruined by the formatting. Space things out a bit more and try to describe how the person changes during their monologue; their tone of voice changes, their body language changes, et cetera, and writing down how that happens can make a monologue much more digestible.

 

Try and double-space every time there's a new speaker/thinker. You're at least single-spacing, which is good, but you really are supposed to start a completely new paragraph when this happens.

 

Besides the indigestible text-blockiness, Thunder Orb Giant was cleverly balanced. The Duel was constructed better than most in the actual show, especially with that Chekhov's Gun in Thunder Orb Giant; it shows off less luck and more resourcefulness, even if it's still topdecking. Very good job.

[Guest Supreme Gamesmaster]

Hm.

 

Very interesting, I'm sure, but the cheesy-dramatic parts were ruined by the formatting. Space things out a bit more and try to describe how the person changes during their monologue; their tone of voice changes, their body language changes, et cetera, and writing down how that happens can make a monologue much more digestible.

 

Try and double-space every time there's a new speaker/thinker. You're at least single-spacing, which is good, but you really are supposed to start a completely new paragraph when this happens.

 

Besides the indigestible text-blockiness, Thunder Orb Giant was cleverly balanced. The Duel was constructed better than most in the actual show, especially with that Chekhov's Gun in Thunder Orb Giant; it shows off less luck and more resourcefulness, even if it's still topdecking. Very good job.

[Guest Supreme Gamesmaster]

Hm.

 

Very interesting, I'm sure, but the cheesy-dramatic parts were ruined by the formatting. Space things out a bit more and try to describe how the person changes during their monologue; their tone of voice changes, their body language changes, et cetera, and writing down how that happens can make a monologue much more digestible.

 

Try and double-space every time there's a new speaker/thinker. You're at least single-spacing, which is good, but you really are supposed to start a completely new paragraph when this happens.

 

Besides the indigestible text-blockiness, Thunder Orb Giant was cleverly balanced. The Duel was constructed better than most in the actual show, especially with that Chekhov's Gun in Thunder Orb Giant; it shows off less luck and more resourcefulness, even if it's still topdecking. Very good job.

[Guest Star]

Hm.

 

Very interesting' date=' I'm sure, but the cheesy-dramatic parts were ruined by the formatting. Space things out a bit more and try to describe how the person changes during their monologue; their tone of voice changes, their body language changes, et cetera, and writing down how that happens can make a monologue much more digestible.

 

[i']Well the reason I like the single spacing is because in duels, you change speakers so quickly, that it'll look out of place if you continue to double space each time someone's speaking. You know what I mean?[/i]

 

Try and double-space every time there's a new speaker/thinker. You're at least single-spacing, which is good, but you really are supposed to start a completely new paragraph when this happens.

 

See above.

 

Besides the indigestible text-blockiness, Thunder Orb Giant was cleverly balanced. The Duel was constructed better than most in the actual show, especially with that Chekhov's Gun in Thunder Orb Giant; it shows off less luck and more resourcefulness, even if it's still topdecking. Very good job.

 

Glad you liked the duel. Yeah, I mean it was a topdeck, which is going to happen when you're writing something like this, but I tried to make it a realistic duel (to an extent).

[Guest Star]

Hm.

 

Very interesting' date=' I'm sure, but the cheesy-dramatic parts were ruined by the formatting. Space things out a bit more and try to describe how the person changes during their monologue; their tone of voice changes, their body language changes, et cetera, and writing down how that happens can make a monologue much more digestible.

 

[i']Well the reason I like the single spacing is because in duels, you change speakers so quickly, that it'll look out of place if you continue to double space each time someone's speaking. You know what I mean?[/i]

 

Try and double-space every time there's a new speaker/thinker. You're at least single-spacing, which is good, but you really are supposed to start a completely new paragraph when this happens.

 

See above.

 

Besides the indigestible text-blockiness, Thunder Orb Giant was cleverly balanced. The Duel was constructed better than most in the actual show, especially with that Chekhov's Gun in Thunder Orb Giant; it shows off less luck and more resourcefulness, even if it's still topdecking. Very good job.

 

Glad you liked the duel. Yeah, I mean it was a topdeck, which is going to happen when you're writing something like this, but I tried to make it a realistic duel (to an extent).