C-4 Bomb Scan

[Kōsuke Ueki]

Wow...crab...is...epic!

No matter how much he attacked pichu in the past' date=' he shows that c4 is even worse...holy crap

[/quote']

 

No, Pichu is worse. If you can't understand that, don't post here again.

[Guest]

A negative number, even if it's not too negative, is still less than zero.

[Kōsuke Ueki]

You mean like your disrespect to others for trying something for the first time? Because that's is all I see. A selfish, disrespectful moderator who doesn't give a damn about the possible nature of one's story, waiting to be released.

 

When it comes to reviewers, you do worse. You make them feel like they have no use for life and just have their payless Fan Fic reviewing job that gives them a chance to express their opinion on stories that they think are either good or bad. You call yourself a good person? I just see a man/woman who thinks that people can never change their fate, so long as it is bad.

 

You are sure enough not to be the greatest reviewer that had ever lived, so long as people make bad things, you'll get feedback on things that will never be important to the ones you love. You make me sick. So long as you're still here in Yu-Gi-Oh Card Maker, you will be of no importance to me, Blazinghydra, or anyone else who can understand people, who make bad stories, can learn from their mistakes, whether minor or major, and change their fates forever.

 

If you believe that beating down on people is right for you, go on. I can't stop you. But let it be known that NOBODY, who made bad stories that you reviewed, might ever respect you, so long as you treat them as a lowlife as what you are. Learn from what I said. And if you believe that I'm wrong, there must be something wrong with you.

[Hydra of Ages]

A negative number' date=' even if it's not too negative, is still less than zero.

[/quote']

 

Point. In terms of helping prospective writers, I'll admit C4's review was more damaging than Pichu's incomprehensible mess, mainly due to the fact C4 actually gave advice.

 

But let's look on the bright side, he probably did better. Or at least didn't do any worse.

 

I'm not a reviewer, nor do I wish to be. But to illustrate my point, I'm going to run through C4's recent review and keep a tally of good advice to bad advice. Read blind, of course.

 

I'm going to ignore all humor value and instead focus solely on how his comments, if taken seriously, would affect the work. I'm not going to spend much time critiquing each line, and instead make a snap decision whether it's positive or negative advice; this isn't a riffing, it's an analysis. Plus, I'm generally rather positive in my critique, so let's see how this will run.

 

My comments in bold.

 

[spoiler=Avatar: The Last Air Bender - Leaves From the Vine - The Lu Ten Chronicles by Orza]

Leaves on the Vine

 

Strange. Because the title says "Leaves From the Vine". I guess it's different storywise and titlewise(I know that isn't a real word. It makes the most sense out of me).

 

A legitimate point, even if phrased incorrectly. +1

1

 

This book follows Lu Ten's life. The son of the great Iroh, during the invasion of the fire nation.

 

So, in retrospect, Lu Ten is the main protagonist? Let's hope the story is good.

 

This sentence is completely meaningless either way. +0.

1

 

It portraits Lu Ten as a vicious character who soon learns a true lesson in life.

 

So basically, he's suicidal, but soon understands that death will do nothing to help. Where have I heard this before? From the world around us!

 

This fair advice, avoiding stereotype. Unfortunately, it doesn't make sense in context, as the original phrase didn't mention a suicidal character. +0.

1

 

Reviewers will receive one positive reputation point. However, please review once more is released.

 

I would have to go with Rinne on this one. It's true that a form of compensation isn't allowed, but I believe there is a purpose to it. To show that people get something in return when they do something good for them. So, basically, certain forms of compensation should be allowed, including the one that is being used.

 

Is this allowed, offering reps for comments? I just checked the rules, and saw nothing mentioning it, so that's a +0. If someone else could clarify however, and this is not, in fact, allowed, he's encouraging rule breaking and thus that's a -1.

1

 

Chapter 1

Page 1

 

Lu Ten gazed out at the stars of the harsh ebony night. Rubbing the surface of his foot against the solid decking…it punished his feet.

 

Okay, this is a good start to a life story. Describing the background, the character's reaction to it. I'm already liking the storyteller. If you keep this pace, I might give you a good summary at the end.

 

He neglected to mention any of the problems in those sentences and seem to encourage that as a great example storytelling. -1, as by praising this portion and neglecting to mention the flaws, he basically tells the author that any kind of detail is sufficient, even if it's nonsensical.

0

 

His clothes were that of royals, long crimson fire nation robes, a crisp collar with gold lining on the outside, of which matched his eyes, the robe was buttoned up tightly in a traditional Wushu style. Lu Ten was a proud fire nation warrior and next in line to the thrown after his father Iroh; “The great dragon of the west”.

 

This is getting better with each paragraph. Keep going. I like what's going on.

 

This is essentially the same problem as above. +0, as this comment wouldn't cause any further damage if the author is already taking the above advice.

0

 

Lu Ten grazed his hand along the banister of the balcony and slowly walked down a few short steps. His hands clasped together, firmly behind his back, he carried on walking until he reached a small pond, in the middle of which rested a Bonsai tree. Looking at his reflection in the water it was an elusive gray, alike Lu Ten’s heart.

 

Hm. First you explained he was suicidal, and now you say he's has a blank mind. Nice transition, unless you weren't doing anything like that. You explain his feelings with ease. You are not bad of a writer.

 

The character having never been described as suicidal OR blank-minded, this section is entirely pointless. Nevertheless, I don't see it screwing up the original writer, as it doesn't really mean anything. +0.

0

 

“General Lu Ten, General Lu Ten!” Lu Ten pivoted his head toward the left, only to see a young soldier in red fire nation uniform sprinting towards him. “General Lu Ten, orders from General Wong.” Opening a fire nation scroll he read aloud “Dear General Lu Ten, a riot is forming down the east side of Ba Sing Sei, please report immediately, General Wong.”

 

Although you might not know exactly how to use letter format in your writing, I'll just ignore it, since it's covered up with such great vocabulary.

 

He seems to imply that proper letter format has to be followed even when it applies to military orders, and that flaws in writing can be masked by simply having a good vocabulary- which I didn't really see in the passage either. -1, as this teaches the writer that a fairly ordinary passage is exemplary and doesn't elaborate on 'how to use letter format in your writing'.

-1

 

“Very well” Lu Ten said, his eyes shut in lapse. “I will report as wished”

Lu Ten shortly arrived at the east. Men scattered all over with torches, pitchforks and anything of that matter.

 

That was a bit below average writing, but I still like how this is going.

 

Tells the author something was written badly, but doesn't say exactly how. Shoddy critique, but not outright damaging, as the author at least knows problems exist. +0.

-1

 

“What do you want?” Lu Ten said over the voices of the crowd. “We want our crops and families back” a burly man at the front said, wearing an old straw hat and chewing on a piece of wheat. “Do you know how many lives you’ve ruined?” another said. “Silence!” Lu Ten commanded, you will go back to your homes and you will obey the fire nation’s every command.

 

Now he sounds demanding. Who'd to think he had so many different things in his personality? I'm liking this a lot!

 

This is just getting ridiculous, implying that the limited detail thusfar implies a deep and detailed personality, not to mention implying that a character with an indecisive personality is in some way superior to a character who is consistent. -1.

-2

 

“Not until our demands are met…” this time, the voice was calm as a large tenacious man stepped forward, with a strong fat build and a long gray beard, age was not on his side.

 

Now we're introduced someone new. All of this in mere 7 paragraphs. That's a bit rushing, isn't it? It doesn't matter. The story's good so far.

 

Implies that adding new characters early in the story is a bad thing and 'rushing', when it is in fact possibly the first thing you want to do, establish main characters and their roles in relation to eachother. -1.

-3

 

 

“And just who do you think you are?” “I am Bo Dang, and just who are you, invading our homes!?” “I am General Lu Ten, prince of the fire nation and next in heir to the thrown” Lu Ten replied.

 

Well, that was a short conversation. Oh well. And this "Bo Dang" seems like a very interesting character. Let's continue.

 

Commentary had no relevance. +0.

-3

 

“Please meet our orders Prince Lu Ten, or we will be forced to take matters into are own hands” “And just what can you do?” Lu Ten questioned. Bo Dang took a secure fighting stance, his legs spread apart with his knees bent. He held his right fist in and he spread his left hand’s palm. “So…you’re an earth bender…hardly surprising” Lu Ten declared.

 

Who'd to think? In only 3 paragraphs, this "Bo Dang" intervened a direct demand, mentioned his name, and was left to use self-defense along with realization of being an Earth Bender. Impressive.

 

Commentary had no relevance, especially as it somehow showed surprised at three (relatively minor) things happening in the course of three paragraphs. Could be considered detrimental to the author in telling him to bog down paragraphs, but wasn't it wasn't forceful or made an issue of enough for me to count it.

-3

 

Bo Dang shot his right fist forwards, twisting his arm as he did. A shot of earth pummeled out of the ground knocking Lu Ten off of his feet. Lu Ten flipped himself up and swept his leg across his body, hurtling a blitz of fire towards Bo Dang, this not being Bo Dang’s first time fighting a fire nation soldier simply fended it off by forcing up some rock into a shield like form, then he slammed the shield forwards into Lu Ten, knocking him off his feet.

 

3 sentences. 3 sentences, the last consisted of being a run-on sentence. Didn't expect that. NOT! Am I stupid? Forget it. Moving on!

 

Seems to imply that a run-on sentence is "any long sentence" instead of "a sentence with multiple independent clauses without proper conjunction". The sentence was entirely valid as it was properly separated. A bit awkward, but valid. -1 for bad grammar advice.

-4

 

Fleeing his soldiers abandoned Lu Ten.

 

I can actually tell what it means. But without the comma, it makes no sense. And I can't believe this is how the chapter ends. But I do understand why. In fear of this, well short, battle, the soldiers run away, making sure not to get involved. Not bad.

 

Kind of a good point, and kind of a bad one at the same time. I'd say it evens out. +0.

-4

 

Overall Summary

 

Through very little spelling and punctuation errors, this is a good way to start out the story. The first chapter is always the chapter that explains the background and random situations in said area so they can begin the next chapter, giving clues to the main plot that goes through the chapters as they advance further and further.

 

This is the best chapter I have ever reviewed. I never expected someone had this kinda of writing talent and made it into such a short chapter. You deserve an 8 out of 10 for your outstanding performance of good use of vocabulary and literary terms. Good work for a starting chapter.

 

All in all, rather pointless. However, he falsely leads the author into thinking he is better at writing than he actual is, with misleading phrases such as "Best chapter I ever reviewed", when he has in fact only reviewed one other. -1 for implying the chapter is better than it actually is, and failing to provide criticism with the praise.

-5

 

 

 

 

So, what was the final score?

 

-5

 

...Well...

 

Uhm...

 

That's... not good...

 

..Geeze, I legitimately expected it to be lower. And I even fudged a couple of the numbers into 0s.

 

...Crab may have a point.

[Guest]

You mean like your disrespect to others for trying something for the first time?

 

My disrespect to others is not for trying something for the first time. It's for trying something' date=' epically failing at it, and then posting it on the internet for the world to see.

 

Because that's is all I see. A selfish, disrespectful moderator who doesn't give a damn about the possible nature of one's story, waiting to be released.

 

Wait, I'm overlooking the glorious potential of these stories that could be released? Is this like humanism for fanfics or something?

 

When it comes to reviewers' date=' you do worse.

[/quote']

 

 

You make them feel like they have no use for life

 

If you feel that sucking at reviewing is equivalent to having no use for life' date=' then that is your own problem, emo kid.

 

and just have their payless Fan Fic reviewing job that gives them a chance to express their opinion on stories that they think are either good or bad.

 

Let me get this straight: Your payless Fan Fic reviewing job is so good that criticizing it is a sin. My payless Fan Fic reviewing job is a crime against humanity. Is that correct?

 

You call yourself a good person? I just see a man/woman

 

Quality research here.

 

who thinks that people can never change their fate' date=' so long as it is bad.

[/quote']

 

Poor emo kid lives in a world where being a bad reviewer equals being trapped in a horrible fate for all eternity.

 

No, seriously, I have no idea where you're getting this "people can never change their fate" business. I mean, it's either blatantly true or blatantly false depending on what definition of "fate" one uses, but in any event, it has nothing to do with anything that has been said in relation to any of this.

 

Reading Blazinghydra's review of your second attempt at a review, you seem to have a knack for pulling absolute nonsense out of nowhere. Before the story proper even started, you read that a character was going to learn a valuable lesson about life and concluded from that that the character in question was suicidal. Maybe your method of logic makes sense on the moon, but down here on Earth, these English words do not mean what you've convinced yourself they mean.

 

I will tell you this, though: you definitely won't change your fate if you don't try. And assuming that "changing your fate" means "making better reviews", "trying" involves "listening to criticism people give you and improving based on their advice", not "whining that not everybody fell in love with your trash".

 

You are sure enough not to be the greatest reviewer that had ever lived' date='

[/quote']

 

But I am better than Hitler, so by your own argument, you have no right to be criticizing me.

 

What is it with you people who think that nothing can comment or be commented on unless it's THE BEST or THE WORSE? Does it make sense to you to say things like "You've no right to criticize that serial killer; after all, his body count isn't as high as Stalin's!" or "You've no right to praise Hugh Laurie because he's not Jesus!" and similar nonsense?

 

so long as people make bad things' date=' you'll get feedback on things that will never be important to the ones you love.

[/quote']

 

Your ability to go off on nonsensical non sequitur tangents is truly unparalleled.

 

You make me sick.

 

And your mistakes make me sic.

 

So long as you're still here in Yu-Gi-Oh Card Maker' date=' you will be of no importance to me,

[/quote']

 

For someone who doesn't care what I say, you've spent an awful lot of time responding to what I've said, whining about what I've said, shouting at people who agree with what I've said - that would be "pretty much everyone", for reference - and, based on the "changing fate" nonsense above, attempting to psychoanalyze what I've said.

 

Blazinghydra' date='

[/quote']

 

That's pretty much explicitly disproven even in this very topic.

 

or anyone else who can understand people' date=' who make bad stories, can learn from their mistakes, whether minor or major, and change their fates forever.

[/quote']

 

And the best way for them to find their mistakes and learn from them is obviously for me to not point them out, because mistakes are so much easier to learn from when you don't even know you're making them.

 

If you believe that beating down on people is right for you' date=' go on. I can't stop you.

[/quote']

 

Flashback time! Let's think back and remember how double_c4's first review ended...

 

WHAT?!? You mean to tell me that I went through an entire gay ass piece of crap of a story that had nearly no explanation whatsoever, and little descriptions on appearance, background, and location, now you decide that the story of Yu-Gi-Oh 5d's should only be about Mario and Luigi!?! F**K YOU!!! Self-Destruct Sequence in T-Minus 3...

 

2...

 

1...

 

BOOM!!!!

 

I cannot believe what's been done. Overall, this sucks, even though there are a few things I liked, it sucked more ass than anything I have ever read. Bottom line, you need to do a lot better than this!

 

2.5/10

 

I give the Ultimate EPIC FAIL Award for how bad this is.

 

Between the two of us, only one is swearing at the author of the reviewed story.

 

But let it be known that NOBODY' date=' who made bad stories that you reviewed, might ever respect you, so long as you treat them as a lowlife as what you are. Learn from what I said. And if you believe that I'm wrong, there must be something wrong with you.

[/quote']

 

Considering that a supermajority - easily over 80% - of those who received my reviews appreciated them and I actually have more requests from authors to review their own stories than I can keep up with, I'm pretty sure it's just you.

[Grunt Issun]

Wow that last line failed...alot...One guy was honered to be on foe fiction

she reviewed my fic, I still think shes awsome!

hundreds of people get there stories reviewed, and love crab for her sheer awsomness!!!!!

anyway, the whole thing failed really

[Kōsuke Ueki]

Mind your business, Wynn! This ain't your fight. Stay out of this. Anyway...

 

You mean like your disrespect to others for trying something for the first time?

 

My disrespect to others is not for trying something for the first time. It's for trying something' date=' epically failing at it, and then posting it on the internet for the world to see.

 

Because that's is all I see. A selfish, disrespectful moderator who doesn't give a damn about the possible nature of one's story, waiting to be released.

 

Wait, I'm overlooking the glorious potential of these stories that could be released? Is this like humanism for fanfics or something?

 

When it comes to reviewers' date=' you do worse.

[/quote']

 

 

You make them feel like they have no use for life

 

If you feel that sucking at reviewing is equivalent to having no use for life' date=' then that is your own problem, emo kid.

 

and just have their payless Fan Fic reviewing job that gives them a chance to express their opinion on stories that they think are either good or bad.

 

Let me get this straight: Your payless Fan Fic reviewing job is so good that criticizing it is a sin. My payless Fan Fic reviewing job is a crime against humanity. Is that correct?

 

You call yourself a good person? I just see a man/woman

 

Quality research here.

 

who thinks that people can never change their fate' date=' so long as it is bad.

[/quote']

 

Poor emo kid lives in a world where being a bad reviewer equals being trapped in a horrible fate for all eternity.

 

No, seriously, I have no idea where you're getting this "people can never change their fate" business. I mean, it's either blatantly true or blatantly false depending on what definition of "fate" one uses, but in any event, it has nothing to do with anything that has been said in relation to any of this.

 

Reading Blazinghydra's review of your second attempt at a review, you seem to have a knack for pulling absolute nonsense out of nowhere. Before the story proper even started, you read that a character was going to learn a valuable lesson about life and concluded from that that the character in question was suicidal. Maybe your method of logic makes sense on the moon, but down here on Earth, these English words do not mean what you've convinced yourself they mean.

 

I will tell you this, though: you definitely won't change your fate if you don't try. And assuming that "changing your fate" means "making better reviews", "trying" involves "listening to criticism people give you and improving based on their advice", not "whining that not everybody fell in love with your trash".

 

You are sure enough not to be the greatest reviewer that had ever lived' date='

[/quote']

 

But I am better than Hitler, so by your own argument, you have no right to be criticizing me.

 

What is it with you people who think that nothing can comment or be commented on unless it's THE BEST or THE WORSE? Does it make sense to you to say things like "You've no right to criticize that serial killer; after all, his body count isn't as high as Stalin's!" or "You've no right to praise Hugh Laurie because he's not Jesus!" and similar nonsense?

 

so long as people make bad things' date=' you'll get feedback on things that will never be important to the ones you love.

[/quote']

 

Your ability to go off on nonsensical non sequitur tangents is truly unparalleled.

 

You make me sick.

 

And your mistakes make me sic.

 

So long as you're still here in Yu-Gi-Oh Card Maker' date=' you will be of no importance to me,

[/quote']

 

For someone who doesn't care what I say, you've spent an awful lot of time responding to what I've said, whining about what I've said, shouting at people who agree with what I've said - that would be "pretty much everyone", for reference - and, based on the "changing fate" nonsense above, attempting to psychoanalyze what I've said.

 

Blazinghydra' date='

[/quote']

 

That's pretty much explicitly disproven even in this very topic.

 

or anyone else who can understand people' date=' who make bad stories, can learn from their mistakes, whether minor or major, and change their fates forever.

[/quote']

 

And the best way for them to find their mistakes and learn from them is obviously for me to not point them out, because mistakes are so much easier to learn from when you don't even know you're making them.

 

If you believe that beating down on people is right for you' date=' go on. I can't stop you.

[/quote']

 

Flashback time! Let's think back and remember how double_c4's first review ended...

 

WHAT?!? You mean to tell me that I went through an entire gay ass piece of crap of a story that had nearly no explanation whatsoever, and little descriptions on appearance, background, and location, now you decide that the story of Yu-Gi-Oh 5d's should only be about Mario and Luigi!?! F**K YOU!!! Self-Destruct Sequence in T-Minus 3...

 

2...

 

1...

 

BOOM!!!!

 

I cannot believe what's been done. Overall, this sucks, even though there are a few things I liked, it sucked more ass than anything I have ever read. Bottom line, you need to do a lot better than this!

 

2.5/10

 

I give the Ultimate EPIC FAIL Award for how bad this is.

 

Between the two of us, only one is swearing at the author of the reviewed story.

 

But let it be known that NOBODY' date=' who made bad stories that you reviewed, might ever respect you, so long as you treat them as a lowlife as what you are. Learn from what I said. And if you believe that I'm wrong, there must be something wrong with you.

[/quote']

 

Considering that a super majority - easily over 80% - of those who received my reviews appreciated them and I actually have more requests from authors to review their own stories than I can keep up with, I'm pretty sure it's just you.

 

And I'm pretty sure you're one of those overcritical women who at times go too far with their reviews and don't care whether or not others hate it. If you have never gave your thoughts on my work, this wouldn't be happening. And who are you to call me emo? I am not. Foe Fiction is meant for bad fics, NOT bad reviews. They are irrelevant to your job.

 

Bottom line, if you're going to rant me, tell me what can I do to improve. That's what a selfless reviewer would do, unlike you. You just said I was worse than Pichu's reviews. That's it. You didn't say why I was, you just said I was. In fact, you're no better than me!

[Womi]

You mean like your disrespect to others for trying something for the first time? Because that's is all I see. A selfish' date=' disrespectful moderator who doesn't give a damn about the possible nature of one's story, waiting to be released.

 

When it comes to reviewers, you do worse. You make them feel like they have no use for life and just have their payless Fan Fic reviewing job that gives them a chance to express their opinion on stories that they think are either good or bad. You call yourself a good person? I just see a man/woman who thinks that people can never change their fate, so long as it is bad.

 

You are sure enough not to be the greatest reviewer that had ever lived, so long as people make bad things, you'll get feedback on things that will never be important to the ones you love. You make me sick. So long as you're still here in Yu-Gi-Oh Card Maker, you will be of no importance to me, Blazinghydra, or anyone else who can understand people, who make bad stories, can learn from their mistakes, whether minor or major, and change their fates forever.

 

If you believe that beating down on people is right for you, go on. I can't stop you. But let it be known that NOBODY, who made bad stories that you reviewed, might ever respect you, so long as you treat them as a lowlife as what you are. Learn from what I said. And if you believe that I'm wrong, there must be something wrong with you.

[/quote']

[Guest]

Mind your business' date=' Wynn! This ain't your fight. Stay out of this. Anyway...

[/quote']

 

Actually, Wynn is highly relevant. After all, you constantly assert that I am all alone and that all of humanity will despise me and love your review. Wynn - just like everybody else involved in either of our topics - is a counterexample. It is you who is alone.

 

And I'm pretty sure you're one of those overcritical women who at times go too far with their reviews and don't care whether or not others hate it.

 

That;s completely right. I don't care if you hate it. If you're going to post something terrible on the internet and welcome comments and criticism' date=' then you have no right when someone explains why everything you did was wrong.

 

If you have never gave your thoughts on my work, this wouldn't be happening.

 

Yes, it would. You'd just be exploding at Twig instead of at me. Did you forget about Twig? I'm not the only person who has done a line-by-line review of your review; two others, Twig and Blazinghydra, have done likewise. And neither was any more positive than mine. And Blazinghydra was doing it to try to disprove my assertion that you were worse than Pichu, and even going in with that goal and fudging the numbers in your favour, he still wasn't able to do it.

 

And who are you to call me emo? I am not.

 

You seem awfully quick to jump to themes of hopelessness and suicide.

 

Foe Fiction is meant for bad fics' date=' NOT bad reviews. They are irrelevant to your job.

[/quote']

 

My job is whatever I say my job is, and I say my job is reviewing anything awful that's posted here that I feel like reviewing.

 

Bottom line' date=' if you're going to rant me, tell me what can I do to improve. That's what a selfless reviewer would do, unlike you. You just said I was worse than Pichu's reviews. That's it. You didn't say why I was, you just said I was. In fact, you're no better than me!

[/quote']

 

...no, seriously, did you actually read my review? I hate to just pull a handful of quotes from my review as evidence against your ridiculous claim, since just about everything in my review that isn't a Watchmen quote says what you're doing wrong, but since you insist, I suppose I have no choice. So without further ado: I Did It 35 Minutes Ago - The Abridged Review!

 

I found something horrible. It's your spelling of the word "past".

 

The C4 gimmick seems, well, unspeakably gimmicky and incredibly stupid,

double_c4 claims he didn't know because he didn't play all of the Mario games, but if you're going to whine about things like LUIGI SHOULDNT SPEAK EITHER, you can't have such huge gaping holes in your background as Super Mario Galaxy. If you aren't familiar with the canon, don't argue over the canon. Especially since little is less consistent than Mario canon.

 

You keep calling people out incorrectly on mainstream things you're clueless about.

That's not my mistake there; double_c4 suddenly changes format here for no reason and starts including spaces between his commentary and the original fic.

But more to the point, why are you whining about the author choosing one set of characters to star in the fanfic instead of another?

Yeah, because all great stories are filled with hyperlinks to information that the intended audience already knows. Why don't you go ask him to add a Chapter Characters before the story so we can find out who this "Waluigi" is while you're at it?

You're completely and utterly clueless about everything Mario-related, and yet you have the audacity to come in here and argue over canon and complain about the characters being too obscure and moaning over not being given enough information. Did you ever consider that maybe the target audience for a Mario fanfic might possibly be people who have played a Mario game at some point in their life!? I can't even come up with a Rorschach quote to properly express how terrible this is.

No, it is not even remotely reasonable to demand that fanfics recap all of canon

Indeed, it's extremely confusing that Luigi might be the person continuing to speak during a paragraph that began with him speaking and where the only other person in the room never speaks.

I'm pretty sure we've now confirmed that it's completely impossible for you to have ever played any Mario game in existence, with the possible exception of Super Mario 64, and yet you still feel the need to interject these complaints about not recognizing the characters. That's like me reviewing a Yu-Gi-Oh! GX fanfic and then getting upset when there's all these characters named Jaden and Syrus and stuff that I've never heard of.

Thanks for interrupting the story to say that you have nothing to say. That really contributed a lot.

We know he got the same letter because it just said so. What do you want him to do, write out its full text again? He didn't describe each character receiving exactly the same letter because that would be a tedious waste of time.

Is that all you're going to complain about now? Insufficient description? In Mario? Is that really the only problem you can see with all of this?

Yeah, that one line "off" description - DEY HAD CORSAGE K - was absolutely brilliant and solved all of this story's problems.

I'm glad you're doing better, but EXPLAIN HOW THEY GOT THE LETTERS! If you can't do that, then I don't see the point of going on! Got it?!?

 

Uh, they got the letters when Parakarry delivered them, as was explicitly stated earlier.

I take it all back, for now. Do better!

 

Here's constructive criticism for you: Do better! What a skillfully-written review this is.

Rather than pointing out the underlying problem that ZeroChill's work is and has been from the start a hideous pseudo-script, double_c4 merely waits until late in his review to point out one or two symptoms of that problem.

Indeed, this in-depth description is perfect in every way. And since, as far as double_c4 is concerned, a story's value is decided solely based on description of the background and inclusion of absurd recapping of things anyone actually interested in reading the story would already know, there's really nothing else that could possibly be criticized here.

there was nothing else you could think of to say beyond flaunting your cluelessness once again? Apparently, this section of the story was perfect. In every way. There was nothing to criticize there. Except it was also unspeakably awful, since there was nothing to compliment.

 

Bear in mind that we were promised "Comedy through and through" at the start of this review. So far, we've had exactly one joke: the mushrooms = drugs joke that we all know was so hilarious.

That's two jokes so far: LOLDRUGZ and LOLNAKEDPEEPLZ. Neither was relevant. Neither was funny.

I would guess that "gaining spirit" means they're getting more spirited. As for the aura... you strike me as the sort of person who looks at the first page of a mystery novel and becomes enraged that it doesn't say who the killer is.

You just got your explanation for the thing that you whined about being unexplained one sentence ago. Maybe you should stop throwing a tantrum every time an encyclopedia of exposition isn't dropped on your head whenever something vaguely interesting happens. And what sort of explanation are you expecting? It's the magic all-powerful Crimson Dragon of Deus Ex Machina; why shouldn't its power be available?

Indeed, how is the super-god-dragon with magical powers able to do magic stuff? Why would he want to oppose Yliaster, the villian with whom I think he's at war or something in the canon? Why would he choose the most powerful beings in the Marioverse to grant his power to? All of this is so incomprehensibly complex and confusing! I can't figure it out!

I can understand that you're just building up suspense, but you're building up so rarely and so slowly, that it's annoying.

 

This is slow? In five paragraphs or something similarly short, a party was interrupted by the host turning out to be a villain from another dimension trying to cardify everyone, all the heroes gained Crimson superpowers, a big battle ensured, and the villain embarked on his plan to capture everyone. This is slow!? What are you, six? Do you have ADD or ADHD or something?

I would guess he swooped into the wormhole by... um... swooping. Into it. These are things called "English words". You might find it useful to familiarize yourself with them.

I also really don't see why Mario and Luigi being the primary protagonists of a Mario fanfic should be such a problem,

Oh, and of course the rehashed whines about how it wasn't explained who Toadsworth was and such are as stupid now as they were originally.

 

 

This is just a selection; I actually had difficulty finding stuff to cut for length, since at times this basically just became the original review with your stuff and ZeroChill's stuff cut out and the occasional Watchmen quote dropped.

[Grunt Issun]

I would say whats hillarious about your first sentance, but Crabs entire review of your post was good enough

[Ghoulish]

C4, you might not know but any effort, even if it fails, should be rediculed constantly so the person never wants to post in the forum again that is the point of the Fan Fic forum, to bring people in, ridicule them, than have them leave.

 

What you're basically saying is you want people like Crab Helmet (one of the main moderators of this site by the way) to give constructive advice on where to improve so the person will intend to write again? Don't you understand the point of analysing something someone did is based on ridiculing any little thing that they may do or have done wrong rather than suggesting where to improve in the defected area, you should know that people like Crab Helmet have never ever done anything that wasn't perfect.

 

Crab Helmet is to awesome for mistakes, he/she/it is perfect in every way and doesn't have people sucking up to him/her/it at all.

[Ghoulish]

C4, you might not know but any effort, even if it fails, should be rediculed constantly so the person never wants to post in the forum again that is the point of the Fan Fic forum, to bring people in, ridicule them, than have them leave.

 

What you're basically saying is you want people like Crab Helmet (one of the main moderators of this site by the way) to give constructive advice on where to improve so the person will intend to write again? Don't you understand the point of analysing something someone did is based on ridiculing any little thing that they may do or have done wrong rather than suggesting where to improve in the defected area, you should know that people like Crab Helmet have never ever done anything that wasn't perfect.

 

Crab Helmet is to awesome for mistakes, he/she/it is perfect in every way and doesn't have people sucking up to him/her/it at all.

[Weather Report - Stand]

C4' date=' you might not know but any effort, even if it fails, should be rediculed constantly so the person never wants to post in the forum again that is the point of the Fan Fic forum, to bring people in, ridicule them, than have them leave.

 

What you're basically saying is you want people like Crab Helmet (one of the main moderators of this site by the way) to give constructive advice on where to improve so the person will intend to write again? Don't you understand the point of analysing something someone did is based on ridiculing any little thing that they may do or have done wrong rather than suggesting where to improve in the defected area, you should know that people like Crab Helmet have never ever done anything that wasn't perfect.

 

Crab Helmet is to awesome for mistakes, he/she/it is perfect in every way and doesn't have people sucking up to him/her/it at all.

[/quote']

 

Yeah, see? C4-kid or whoever you are or whatever you are, you are being a whiny jabroni. Please don't be such a whiny jabroni. You know how stupid it is when a reviewer is crying about being reviewed? Where's the logic?

 

Now, this person is very sarcastic, but I agree with them completely. I wish that you understood how reviews worked, I really do. Because they're not all just about saying that you don't like a story (as evidenced by the only review I bothered to look at), it's about constructive advice. You... don't like that, do you? And no, I don't exactly always like how Crab Helmet does her reviews, but they do what they were intended to: tell people how they should improve their writing.

 

Now, if there's anything else you want to say, please say it now and then focus on how reviews should be written. You need to stop making your 'funny' comments unless you can honestly find something to say; otherwise, just tell them (the reviewee) what they've done wrong or right in a detailed manner. Maybe then, people would be ale to stop attacking you. The most likely result is that they'll just stop posting suddenly, leaving no remarks on how well you did, but that's how you know you're good... like me... I gotta stop throwing my own struggles into my long, drawn-out speeches.

[Guest]

As far as I can tell, people like maadd1 and double_c4 generally define "constructive criticism" as "people telling me I'm awesome" and "people rewriting my story for me". I honestly can't think what other definitions disqualify Foe Fiction as constructive.

[Ghoulish]

umm how bout the fact that you basically say in your "reviews" "Don't ever write anything again." Are you seriously saying that all your comments are constructive and don't in any way attempt to ridicule? or do you just not see the difference

[Guest]

Do you read the whole reviews, or just jump to the last sentence? No, not every single sentence of my reviews are constructive. No review is constructive in every single sentence; in fact, any reviewer in history who gives grades out of ten points or a hundred points or five stars or any other scale like that isn't being constructive in simply stating that score, since the score alone doesn't tell the author what to improve. That's why you're supposed to read the review in its entirely; you can't just skip to the final conclusion and assume that there was no constructive content leading up to it.

 

But if you think my reviews are non-constructive, then how about we play a little game?

 

In the post before my last post, I included a very long list of quotes from my review of the C-4 Bomb Scan; in fact, it was just about my entire review minus the Watchmen quotes. If you think my reviews are so non-constructive, then prove it. Take those quotes and enlighten me as to how they do not qualify as constructive criticism. Go on, do it. After all, there are a lot of quotes there, and according to you, the only thing I do is say "THIS SUCKS" with nothing constructive added; if what you're actually saying is true, this should be like shooting fish in a barrel so full of fish that there isn't even room for water. Assuming that I really don't give any decent advice, this should be easy for you, right?

 

Of course, if you can't actually successfully accomplish this simple task, then perhaps that might indicate that my reviews could possibly be constructive and that you're just a crybaby who can't handle negative comments and who therefore chooses to stick his fingers in his ears in lieu of actually hearing any form of criticism and pretend that the criticism was just some ignorant bashing with no factual basis... but since you're so sure of yourself, that couldn't be the case, could it?

 

Naturally, since this is allegedly so easy and simple a task for you and since you've already spent so much time complaining about my reviews, there's really no way for you to refuse this challenge without admitting that it is impossible. In other words, your only options here are to show that your criticism of my reviews is valid or to admit to being a stupid crybaby.

 

Which will it be, maadd1?

[Ghoulish]

lol what makes you think you can even think about giving me a choice to do anything? Who the hell are you? But just on the basis of proving to you that you're reviews are blatent forms of humilation and ridicule I'll bring a list of quotes just for you, I'm guessingthere will be 100.

 

You cannot in anyway say that you honestly think your reviews actually help those who don't want their ficson your ridiculing forum, can you. Cause i know the first one you did on mine ramade me want to stop writing it, luckily i'm not a gimp who'll quit just because some arogant loser attempts to pay me out.

 

Look at C4, he wants to have a reviewing fic, what's wrong with that? If he wants to then back off and don't try to bring him down, you think just because people aren't able to comprehend appropriate or advanced phrases or aren't able to make no mistakes what so ever ( like you think you can ) then they should stop all together, I understand that you want to make your reviews interesting so people read them but if you do it at the cost ofridiculing others and telling them not to even try and redo their work, then your reviews can't even be thought of as "reviews".

 

100 Quotes, I'm going to go get credit for my phone then I'll post them, FYI I'm actually leaving my house today I'm guessing I can't say the same about you so you sit tight.

[legendhiro]

umm how bout the fact that you basically say in your "reviews" "Don't ever write anything again." Are you seriously saying that all your comments are constructive and don't in any way attempt to ridicule? or do you just not see the difference

 

of course crab ridicules. are you a moron? its a thread meant to be FUNNY! she wants to make people laugh' date=' and to make clear to the idiots too stupid to actually get better that they have no business posting things online for others to read, all at the same time and in a clever way. but anyone who is actually dedicated to improving should be challenged to do better by the things that crab says to them.

 

 

Look at C4, he wants to have a reviewing fic, what's wrong with that? If he wants to then back off and don't try to bring him down, you think just because people aren't able to comprehend appropriate or advanced phrases or aren't able to make no mistakes what so ever ( like you think you can ) then they should stop all together, I understand that you want to make your reviews interesting so people read them but if you do it at the cost ofridiculing others and telling them not to even try and redo their work, then your reviews can't even be thought of as "reviews".

 

C4 gives advice that is either non-advice or that actually hampers writers. how is this a good thing? explain please, and not in rant form. actually calmly post a list of real reasons why this is a good thing.

 

...i'm waiting.

 

to Crab Helmet: your reviews of other peoples' works have helped me improve. that is more than anyone will ever be able to say for anything that C4 has written so far. thank you.

 

to Double_C4: i hope you get better. i really do. but you won't until you acknowledge that you need to.

 

to maadd1: you sir (or madam?) are a disgrace and are not worthy of such awesomeness as a Kingdom Hearts avatar or siggy.

[Kaisu]

'C4 Bomb Scan' This sucks. BOOM!

'Foe Fiction' ... Punctuation... Boring... Covered, kthnxbai. (I wouldn't know tbh)

'Weather Report' Work on it, yo!

 

Let's see which seems better.

[Weather Report - Stand]

I think that this discussion has ascended the original purpose of this thread. I think that C-4 is laughing at all of us now.

 

But in order to clear up exactly what I think of Foe Fiction: It's honest. Really, really honest. It's funny, it's hilarious. It's analyzing everything that could be possibly analyzed, and it brings out every piece of criticism needed in order to fix a story. Her reviews are so thorough that they even catch things I never could have noticed.

 

And I'll admit that even I, with the 'gotta help everybody' attitude I carry around, I sometimes just give up on a story and go into an angry rant about it at the end of the post on how the author should give up on it and think of something else. Crab Helmet, I respect you, but you do that with every story I've glanced at you reviewing. Not everybody thinks it's so funny to get told 'You should never write again, just go play with your Yu-Gi-Oh cards and don't bother us anymore' (DRAMATIZATION), and some people get angry with that. Reviews are constructive criticism, and you've the criticism part down pat. Now can you give some helpful tips on how to make something work? I haven't seen that too often, thanks to all the picking-at I see. Once I tried going to the Serebii.net forums three years back, trying to write a Pokemon fic. Everybody said it was horrible. I asked why. They said that it was because it was horrible.

 

I never went back to Serebii, because who wants to be around a bunch of pompous bastards on a site aimed directly at the 6-12 age range (main range of the games)? See where I'm going with this? As a YGO forum, there's probably a lot of ten year olds around here. When a reviewer completely destroys a story, everybody then agrees with them and continues to attack repeatedly until the story is discontinued. Is it alright if the story IS complete crap? Well, some anvils need to be dropped. If it's okay, then tell them to work harder. If you see a nice concept tell them, ect.

 

So is C-4 a good reviewer? He's around average, not too good, I admit. Is Weather Report a good reviewer? Sometimes, but usually he can't pay enough attention to what he's looking at, and throws in too many references to his own work. He irks me when he does that. Is CrabHelmet a good reviewer? Yes, yes she is. Do I like her reviews? Sometimes, but they can sometimes make me feel irritated due to the fact that 5/10 of her reviews (or so) completely destroy a young kid's writing dreams, just because they gave into peer pressure.

 

That's pretty much all I have to say, I hope you enjoyed the ramblings of an idjit, and C-4, if you're still paying attention to your own topic, I'd suggest you watch a few hours of internet reviewer videos in order to learn what you need to point out and when it's stupid to make that remark or joke.

[legendhiro]

bravo, stand. i really, truly mean this, no sarcasm intended. but, of course, even if it would be good for any reviewer to describe ways for the writer to improve, he/she can't just re-write the fic for the writer. i think crab knows this and therefore simply does not offer any suggestions so as to not get swept away and suggest too much. this is why i never review fics, even though i write fairly well. i know that i would end up offering too many suggestions and invalidating my own supposedly impartial review.

---

is it just me, or is this becoming a debate topic?

[Weather Report - Stand]

Thank you, and you are right, I see where you're coming from and we have totally stolen this topic from double_C4. Well, folks? Do you think we should give this topic back to the original author and let him do his thing, no matter how... adequate... it truly is?

[legendhiro]

no, but i don't think we can keep it from him if he wants it. to bad...

 

^_^

[Twig]

This isn't over yet. ;D

 

[spoiler=@maaddd1]

lol what makes you think you can even think about giving me a choice to do anything?

 

So you don't want her to give you a choice to do something? Do you want her to give you a choice for you?

 

Who the hell are you? But just on the basis of proving to you that you're reviews are blatent forms of humilation and ridicule I'll bring a list of quotes just for you' date=' I'm guessingthere will be 100.

 

[b']Did you even read what Crab said?

No' date=' not every single sentence of my reviews are constructive. [/quote']

 

Since Crab has done 37 long reviews, she probably made a lot of non constructive sentences, but I still doubt there's a hundred quotes of humiliation and ridicule.

 

Okay, bring on the on list!

[/b]

 

You cannot in anyway say that you honestly think your reviews actually help those who don't want their ficson your ridiculing forum, can you.

 

90% of the people in the FoeFic thread thinks that her reviews actually help. So yes, Crab can say that.

 

Cause i know the first one you did on mine ramade me want to stop writing it, luckily i'm not a gimp who'll quit just because some arogant loser attempts to pay me out.

 

You just said that Crab's review made you quit. Then you go off to say that you're not someone who'll just quit because of large amounts of criticism.

 

Look at C4, he wants to have a reviewing fic, what's wrong with that?

 

You know what's wrong with it? He gives bad advice. That's what's bad about the review. There's nothing wrong with having reviews. If there was something wrong, it would be locked.

 

If he wants to then back off and don't try to bring him down, you think just because people aren't able to comprehend appropriate or advanced phrases or aren't able to make no mistakes what so ever ( like you think you can ) then they should stop all together,

 

Your horrible grammar makes it hard to understand this.

 

When did Crab ever say that? Do you have mind reading powers? I don't think so.

 

I understand that you want to make your reviews interesting so people read them but if you do it at the cost ofridiculing others and telling them not to even try and redo their work, then your reviews can't even be thought of as "reviews".

 

It's called criticism. It's everywhere. You have no idea of what you're talking about. You obviously haven't read many reviews. Just read a review of a horrible movie/game/book.

 

100 Quotes, I'm going to go get credit for my phone then I'll post them, FYI I'm actually leaving my house today I'm guessing I can't say the same about you so you sit tight.

 

What?

 

 

[spoiler=@Weather Report]

I think that this discussion has ascended the original purpose of this thread. I think that C-4 is laughing at all of us now.

 

Believe it or not' date=' double can actually learn from this.[/b']

 

But in order to clear up exactly what I think of Foe Fiction: It's honest. Really, really honest. It's funny, it's hilarious. It's analyzing everything that could be possibly analyzed, and it brings out every piece of criticism needed in order to fix a story. Her reviews are so thorough that they even catch things I never could have noticed.

 

And I'll admit that even I, with the 'gotta help everybody' attitude I carry around, I sometimes just give up on a story and go into an angry rant about it at the end of the post on how the author should give up on it and think of something else. Crab Helmet, I respect you, but you do that with every story I've glanced at you reviewing. Not everybody thinks it's so funny to get told 'You should never write again, just go play with your Yu-Gi-Oh cards and don't bother us anymore' (DRAMATIZATION), and some people get angry with that.

 

[spoiler=Let's actually see the end of some Foefics, and see if Crab tells them to never write again.]

1: On the whole, the plot is even less interesting than that of the GX pilot - not surprising, considering it essentially is the GX pilot but with several corners cut - the characters are uninspired, the exposition is clumsy, the dialogue is clumsy, the spelling needs work, the duel is filled with inconsistencies and made even more uninteresting by the fact that the duelists are idiots and no more information about many of the cards is presented in the text itself than their names, ATKs, and "the monster has blond hair", and there is an overarching lack of anything at all innovative or special about the entire fanfic, creating a cement ceiling of mediocrity that it could not possibly break even if it were not marred by the aforementioned problems.

 

2: On the whole, this fanfic is not good. It is typed with a flagrant disregard for such conventions as spelling and grammar, it opens with a section called "Plot" that is then ignored by the actual plot of the actual chapters, the chapters are all but a single paragraph long (though in a story of this quality that may be a mercy), the writing contradicts itself every sentence, the events of the story are random and rely on tropes that make no logical sense, and there are no positive qualities to make up for these deficits.

 

3: I don't know whether this is an adventure or a comedy or what, but it's terrible at whatever it's trying to do and has no redeeming qualities. The fact that two people together still couldn't make something better is just pathetic.

 

4: The story is poorly-thought-out, spends the whole chapter going nowhere, is riddled with the most awkward wording imaginable, consists primarily of filler that serves no actual purpose, cannot possibly have been proofread, is a single hideous wall of text with no paragraph breaks, and is generally lacking in redeeming qualities.

 

5: I began with positive expectations, but when I was finished I was left with nothing more than a mound of unbelievable exposition. As much as I'm sure this is going to draw hate from your fanbase clamoring for the next chapter, there is no doubt in my mind that this is a Foe Fiction.

 

I could keep going, but I think I proved my point. None of these said to never write again.

 

Reviews are constructive criticism, and you've the criticism part down pat. Now can you give some helpful tips on how to make something work? I haven't seen that too often, thanks to all the picking-at I see.

 

The authors are suppose to use common sense. Crab isn't going to say what to do to fix the problems. She just points out the problems.

 

For example:

 

It is fitting that the entrance exams to Duel Academy would be here.

Indeed' date=' how appropriate that the entrance exams to a school run by Kaiba Kaida-Corp centered around a card game produced by Kaida-Corp would take place at a building owned by Kaida-Corp. This is truly an elegance of the universe.[/quote']

 

Using common sense, the author can figure out that the sentence was obvious and completely unnecessary.

 

“Can I help you?” Grell asks politely with a slight smile on his face. He looks her up and down

 

Girl: "My eyes are up here!"

 

Using common sense' date=' the author can figure out that "looking at her up and down" isn't a normal way to look at someone. Thus, the author should learn that he needs to delete that part.

[/b']

 

Once I tried going to the Serebii.net forums three years back, trying to write a Pokemon fic. Everybody said it was horrible. I asked why. They said that it was because it was horrible.

 

Cool story bro.

 

I never went back to Serebii, because who wants to be around a bunch of pompous a******s on a site aimed directly at the 6-12 age range (main range of the games)?

 

I wouldn't. But before I would leave, I would have probably gave them a lesson about constructive criticism.

 

See where I'm going with this? As a YGO forum, there's probably a lot of ten year olds around here. When a reviewer completely destroys a story, everybody then agrees with them and continues to attack repeatedly until the story is discontinued.

 

As far as I know, Crab only reviews a fic once(Usually Prologue or Chapter 1 except Pichu's Ash's Proposal since he stole the first chapter). If you're talking about the people who jump the bandwagon and bash on the author with the poor story, that's probably because the author is being a whiny b*tch. *cough*

 

Is it alright if the story IS complete crap? Well, some anvils need to be dropped. If it's okay, then tell them to work harder. If you see a nice concept tell them, ect.

 

Crab does this, but a nice concept is hard to find around here. If I told you your FF was okay and you need to work harder, would that help you become a better writer? No. If I told you your FF was too fast paced and you need add more details, would that help you become a better writer? Probably.

 

So is C-4 a good reviewer? He's around average, not too good, I admit.

 

I think Crab, BlazingHydra, and I made it clear that he is horrible. He actually gives bad advice.

 

Is Weather Report a good reviewer? Sometimes, but usually he can't pay enough attention to what he's looking at, and throws in too many references to his own work. He irks me when he does that.

 

As Crab says in that one FoeFic, telling yourself what your problems are won't help fix it.

 

Is CrabHelmet a good reviewer? Yes, yes she is. Do I like her reviews? Sometimes, but they can sometimes make me feel irritated due to the fact that 5/10 of her reviews (or so) completely destroy a young kid's writing dreams, just because they gave into peer pressure.

 

If they even read Crab's review, they probably learned something. Some might even strive to become better.

 

That's pretty much all I have to say, I hope you enjoyed the ramblings of an idjit, and C-4, if you're still paying attention to your own topic, I'd suggest you watch a few hours of internet reviewer videos in order to learn what you need to point out and when it's stupid to make that remark or joke.

 

I'll add to this. Also, if you watch the AngryVideoGameNerd or the NostalgiaCritic, don't just copy the way they get angry or the way they swear.

 

 

 

 

I'm excited to see what Crab has to say.

[Weather Report - Stand]

Me too. I've actually been eagerly anticipating her response all day. Come on, everybody! Destroy my comment! I dare you; I double-DOG dare you!! Good job, Twig, I see your argument. Now your guys, add! Repeat! Explain! Do whatever it takes! Make me learn a lesson!!

 

Dammit, I can't tell if I'm sarcastic or not... let's treat it as not. Please.

 

But I see how some of my comments may not quite be realistic enough, since I myself haven't reviewed a fic without a plot in quite some time now. But, I digress, dig into the comment I made an hour after waking. I wanna see how important sleep is for a constructive comment to work.