Rock Creek's Light [Chapter 8 is Up!!!]

[LuffyLaxer]

I've decided to continue this. I shall be making regular updates.

 

 

[spoiler=Plot]

 

Tiberius was Your average Poor kid in high school. No one cares about him or what happened to him except for Celena Valentine and Andrew Rhodes. Tiberius was always getting beat up and tossed around at school and everywhere else, until one day where at a party Tiberius drink punch that has been spiked with not only liquor, but an experimental drug. Now Tiberius has gotten incredible powers. Will he use them for good? Or will he turn on the cruel world that has destroyed him and his family and kill everyone.

 

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Prologue]

 

Tiberius is running throughout the city. He's never run this far, this fast, in his life. Tiberius looks around as if he has lost something. Tiberius Keeps checking everywhere until he comes to cross street at 55th and Main. Tiberius stops to catch his breath, but while he is panting he hears a noise. He looks up to see a 5 year old version of himself. His five year old self was smiling and had a box of candy in his hand.

 

 

The 5 year old was walking with a 5'9" women who's face wasn't there. She looked at the 5 year old version of his self and from out of the blank face a smile appeared. Tiberius looked at the woman with no face an cried.

 

 

Then, from down the street, a Black SUV rode down the street. Tiberius, knowing what was going on, yelled, "Mom move!!!" But the Lady with no face didn't hear him as she stopped at the corner with 5 year old version of himself, who had stopped to tie his shoe. The black SUV window went down as it went pass the two and a Uzi popped out from within. Then the shots rang out.

 

 

The faceless lady went down. Blood spewed her body as she laid on the cold ground motionless. The 5 year old, who had just finished tying his shoe at the time the gun had fired, laid in the street, crying because he had gotten shot in the shoulder. Tiberius ran over towards the two and looked at the scene, crying the entire time. Then the SUV stopped and the door opened. A man in a black mask stepped out and said,"Do you want to join her?" in a cruel way. The he holds up the gun to Tiberius and pulls the trigger.

 

 

Tiberius wakes up from the nightmare with sweat drenching the bed in the abandoned apartment complex. 'Damn,' Tiberius thinks to himself. 'Not that dream again.'

 

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1: Tiberius In Trouble]

 

Tiberius looks at his watch. The time was 7:00. "Well i guess I should get ready for for school," Tiberius said groggily as he stood up. Tiberius then walks over to the bathroom and takes a quick shower. (If in case you didn't notice, the abandoned apartment complex water still works. It will be explained in a later chapter) Afterwards, Tiberius brushes his teeth with some toothpaste he bought.

 

 

Tiberius then sits on his bed. Still thinking on the dream, He puts his clothes on. 'Why can't I stop having that dream?' Tiberius thinks. 'And more importantly, why does my life have to be so crappy?'

 

 

You see, Tiberius father died at the age of one. After Tiberius' Mother died when he was five, he was sent into the foster care system. But, he did not find a happy home. Every foster family Tiberius ended up staying with was abusive and cruel. One family beat him to the point of death and then left him on the side of the road. Of course, No one ever did arrest these families or press charges. Then, 5 years ago, Tiberius thought it was enough and ran away from his last foster family. Then he stumbled on these apartments. It was here he made a home.

 

 

'Then again,' Tiberius thought while putting his shirt on.'I must have done something in a past-life in order for me to be suffering so. Why me?'

 

 

Tiberius huffs a sigh as he ties his raggedy Addidas goodyear shoes on. Then, picking up his school bag that he left by the door, He opens the door to the apartment and leaves the building.

 

 

Tiberius lives near the high school in which he goes to, Rock Creek High, which is a public school. So for Tiberius, it isn't so hard to get to school. Tiberius arrives at school at 8:00, 30 minutes early. Tiberius then sits on one of the school's green and blue benches and pulls out his history textbook, The Way Of The World! Tiberius goes back to chapter 2 to re-read his homework.

 

 

Then, shadowed version of three people form over Tiberius as he reads. Tiberius then looks up and sees his rival. 'Oh crap,' Tiberius thinks in his head. 'I'm done for.'

 

 

Talvance Raine was a Football Player and a huge Jock at the school. He was also named Best-looking in the school by mostly all of the women. This, however, did not change the way he acts towards Tiberius. In fact, this only made it worse. Talvance has always picked on Tiberius ever since they were in 5th grade together. Even though they are seniors now, that doesn't stop Talvance from beating the crap out of Tiberius any chance he got.

 

 

"Hey look at this fool,"Talvance said with a grin on his face. "Hey guys he didn't say his greeting towards us. Nathan? What do you think we should do to him?"

 

 

Nathan just smiles and says," Well I think we should give him a beat-down the likes of which he has never scene."

 

 

Talvance smirks at his comrade. "Yes, that's just what I was thinking. Get him guys." Talvance said lounging for him.

 

 

And for the next 2 minutes, Tiberius was punched stomped on and beaten on by the group of boys. Tiberius tried to fight back, but it was of no use. 'Great,' Tiberius thinks to himself as he is being pummeled. 'School hasn't even started yet, and I'm already getting beat up.'

 

 

Talvance smile as he raises his fist high in the air. But before it even comes down to hit, it gets caught by another hand. Talvance turns and sees...

 

 

Haha cliffhanger for Chapter 2

 

Please Rate and review.

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 2:Thank You God!]

 

Talvance turns and sees Tiberius best friend, Andrew Rhodes.

 

 

Andrew smirks. "I know your not picking on my best friend. It's a bad decision for all of you." Andrew says. Talvance looked at this newcomer with hate in his eyes. Although Talvance was very well built himself, He knew that Andrew would beat the ever-living stuffing out of him. Slowly, he backs-off of Tiberius. Following his lead, Nathan and the other crony, who name was Jack, backed-off as well. Andrew then let go of Talvance's hand and walked over to see if Tiberius was okay.

 

 

Talvance shrugged. "You lucky Tiberius. Without Andrew, you would be a bloody pulp right now. Come on guys, Let's head in." The other bullies shrugged and followed their leader into the school building.

 

 

Meanwhile, Andrew sat his buddy up on the school's benches near the front entrance. 'Tiberius was lucky,' Andrew thought to himself. 'They could have did much worse.' "Tiberius are you ok?" Andrew says. "Does anything feel broken?"

 

 

"Just my pride," Tiberius says in a joking way, but then winces when he tries to laugh. "Ow. My face feels like someone mashed it together like mashed potatoes."

 

 

"Isn't that what happened to it in the first place?" says a new voice. "Erus, That enough," says the other feminine voice. Andrew and Tiberius looked up and saw their friend Celena Valentine with her friend and her cousin Erus Ghiaccio. "You can't say that about Tiberius. You barely know him." Celena says." You know you should try and be less rude to him."

 

 

"Yeah I'll do that," Erus says. "When Tiberius gets a better face to match my new adititude, sparkling personality, and my S*** starts sparkling like diamonds. I'm going inside the school. Better in there than looking at Tiberius ugly mug." And with that last comment, Erus walked right in the school.

 

 

"Gee tell me how you really feel," Tiberius says sarcastically. "What an insensitive prick! Here I am, all beat up, Then, he gonna say all that! I should beat the living crud outta him."

 

 

"Don't mind him Tiberius," Celena says as she sits next to Tiberius. Tiberius starts bushing, but only Andrew can see it, which makes him smile. "He's always been cold to others. That's how he lives." Celena opened her mouth to continue but the bell rang. "The warning bell. We have to get to class. Come on." Celena says. "Are you gonna be okay?"

 

 

"Yeah, I'm okay," Tiberius says not wanting her to worry. "Go ahead, Me and Andrew will catch up." Celena looks at his black eye and sighs then turns toward the school.

 

 

Tiberius then looks at Andrew. Andrew's had that 'I know you like her look' on his face. "Before you say it Andrew," Tiberius said cutting of Andrew. "No I haven't told her yet. And no, I can't tell her that I like her in that way. It might mess up the friendship we already have."

 

 

Andrew shook his head. "You know it might make your friendship stronger. Give a try. You'll never know." Andrew then looks at his watch. They had 5 minutes to get to class. "Come on Tiberius, we gotta make it to class. Can you walk?"

 

 

Tiberius looks at Andrew like he's stupid. "Of course I can walk. I just can feel my left eye. I'll be fine. Let's Go."

 

And with that, Both students rush off to class.

 

 

Chapter 3 should be up in about 3 to 4 days. Thanks for reading!!!

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 3: Party!!]

 

 

At last, The final bell rang, and Tiberius, Celena, and Andrew walked out of their history class to their lockers. They finally reach the lockers after about a minute of walking. Tiberius, who doesn't ever place anything in his locker, stood by the lockers waiting for the two to finish.

 

 

"Well that class was fun," Tiberius said.

 

 

"Yeah, it was as fun as watching Nascar." Andrew says sarcastically. "Seriously, that man is soooo boring. I feel like cutting my eyes out every time I hear the man speak."

 

 

Celena looks at Andrew like he grew two heads. "I don't know about you Andrew, But I happen to like the class. It's invigorating, it's fact filled, it's..."

 

 

"Boring." Andrew finishes laughing. "Please, That man could make my grandpa sound exciting."

 

 

"Okay guys," Tiberius intervened. "I guess everyone has a difference of a opinion. I personally like the class itself. Mister Rupert teaching it however is a bit on the dull side. But I manage to ace the test, so I should be fine."

 

 

"I still don't know how you do it man," Andrew looks at his friend with a confused look on his face. "How do you ace Mr. Rupert's tests? Those things are super hard. Even if I studied every night for them, I'd still get a C. How in the world do you get an A?"

 

 

"I study," Tiberius begins. "And it also helps not to fall sleep in class." Tiberius finishes looking over at Andrew.

 

 

"I do no-" Andrew begins, But then he remembers just the last class he finished he fell asleep. "Okay. Never mind. I do. but you gotta admit his class is boring." Andrew finishes while shutting his locker.

 

 

"Yes, The man can be boring," Tiberius says. "But I find that focusing on the work helps me out." Celena then shuts her locker and the three walk towards the front door of the school. But, as they exited someone shouted, "Hey wait up!" The three turned to the sound.

 

 

"Oh look," Celena says pointing to the boy running up. "It's James Finkle."

 

 

James Finkle was a science whiz and a all around A student. But like Tiberius, had a bully problem. Not just with Talvance mind. Most of the school has beaten him up for some odd reason. James was a rich kid, but he barely had any friends except for Tiberius, who treated him well. He has been stressed out from the bullying, But after a while, he mellowed out.

 

 

"I'm *huffs* Glad I caught you guys," James said. "Here you guys go." Tiberius, Celena and Andrew picked up the pieces of paper, which turned out to be an invitation. "It's for a party that I'm hosting," James said. "I got a DJ and everything. Oh guess what's the best news of all?"

 

 

Andrew looked up thoughtfully and said," You got Hookers?" Tiberius and Celena looked at each other before slapping Andrew upside the head. "Ow geez, what was that for?"

 

 

Celena said, "For being a dunce. Hmmm. It's a disco party?"

 

 

"Nope that's wrong too." James said.

 

 

"Oh I got it," Tiberius says. "You got a live band to play."

 

 

'And that's strike three," James says in gleefulness. "Talvance isn't coming to the party. I'm safe for another day!!"

 

 

"Well wait," Tiberius says thinking of something that James might have overlooked. "Wouldn't Talvance just crash the party anyway? He is known to be a party crasher."

 

 

"No," James says. "I know he is not coming because Talvance and his frineds are going to Scottsdale for the weekend with Talvance's father and mine. They had a Business meeting to go to and Talvance wanted to go to Scottsdale for the fun of it."

 

 

"Wow," Tiberius says suddenly enthusiastic about the party. "That's makes me want to go."

 

 

"Well, I'm sold," Andrew says. "I have nothing to do this weekend and a party this Saturday would liven things up a bit."

 

 

"I'll go," Celena said. At this Tiberius smiled brightly but hid it from everyone else. "What type of music will play?"

 

 

"Hip-Hop, R&B, Alternative, and Electronic music," James said with glee. Then he looked at his watch. "Oh my look at the time. I must see my father off. Uhh, remember, that the party starts at eight. See you guys."

 

 

"Bye," the three chorus back. Celena then turns to Tiberius.

 

 

"Tiberius," Celena said, making Tiberius look at her. "Do you want a ride? To the party I mean."

 

 

"Like I let a thing like him get in my car," Erus says from behind the three. "Please. I wouldn't let him within an inch of my car."

 

 

"Gee," Tiberius says sarcastically. "An I thought you loved me."

 

 

"Erus," Celena said to her cousin warningly. "Not right now."

 

 

"No it's okay," Tiberius says. "I don't want to cause trouble with between you and your cousin. I'll just walk there. It's only a 3 mile walk from my apartment. Look I'll see you guys later." And with that, Tiberius turns and runs away from the small group, hopping over a school fence and disappearing behind a building.

 

 

"Tiberius!!" Celena calls after him but it is too late. "Gee Erus, thanks a lot. Oh I hope he will be okay."

 

 

Andrew looks at Celena. "He'll be fine. Tiberius is made of stronger stuff than anybody can throw at him."

 

 

"Yeah right," Erus says smugly. Andrew turns around only to see Celena stand in between the two.

 

 

"No," Celena says. "This will not happen. Andrew, Not everything needs to be solved by throwing fists. And Erus, I'm ashamed of you. Grandma doesn't want you to diss my friends like that." After hearing that Erus walks over to his car.

 

 

"I'll see you at the party Andrew," Celena says. "Bye."

 

 

"Bye Celena," Andrew says as Celena turns towards her cousin's car. After saying bye, Andrew then turns to the opposite parking lot of the school and walks towards his car.

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 4:Well...Damn]

 

Saturday Afternoon. 5:00 pm

 

 

In a Big 4 story House a figure moves silently in the house. He gets ready for the event, putting out chairs, food, and other necessities. When it comes out with the punch, However, he adds a unknown substance to the Punch.

 

 

"Now," The figure says hopping out of the shadows to reveal James. "Everyone will know what it is like to be hurt every single day of their lives. My own formula of Poison is strong enough to kill a elephant. Luckily, this poison has a 2-3 day delay in activation. Once this activates, everyone will die. Justice will have been served."

 

 

Then James hears the door bell ring. "Oh must be the DJ here to set-up." James lets the man enter and helps him set up.

 

 

Time: 7:58

 

Tiberius walks up towards James's drive-way. Tiberius was in his most fashionable attire. By fashionabe attire, I mean the clothes of his that were the less rattiest of them all. Tiberius had gotten an early start and it took him an hour to get here on foot, but he got here.

 

 

Tiberius walked up the long drive way and went onto the Front porch. Tiberius was about to knock on the door when a car drove up. *Hey it's Andrew's Car.* Tiberius thinks as he waves at his friend. Andrew turns off his car, gets out and walks over to Tiberius.

 

 

Grabbing Tiberius's hand, he gives a firm shake and says, "What up man?"

 

 

Tiberius says," Nothing much. Time to go inside." Tiberius rang the bell and in 3 seconds, James opened the door.

 

 

"Hey Tiberius," James says as he let them come in. "Hey Andrew. Welcome to my house."

 

 

Tiberius looked around and was amazed at how big James' house is. The party room was next to the front door, so Tiberius saw the DJ spinning the songs. The Current song was Whatever You Like.

 

 

"Yo James," Andrew said to James. "This is ballin man. Cool."

 

 

"Umm," James said. "Thanks."

 

 

Tiberius then hears another car and it turns out that the car was Celena's car. Tiberius looked through the window and saw that she brought Erus. Andrew moved next to Tiberius and said," Well you can't wish for everything right?"

 

 

"I guess not," Tiberius said as Celena and Erus walked into the door. In order to be polite, Tiberius said "Hi Celena, Erus."

 

 

"Hi Tiberius how are you doing," Celena says. "I was worried about you. You ran off before I could say bye." At the end of that sentence, Celena hugs Tiberius. In Tiberius ear, Celena whispers in his right ear, "I've told Erus to behave. I'm sorry for what he did. Oh, and there is something I wanted to talk to you about. Come find me when your ready." Celena then walked over to her cousin and they both walked to the chairs in the dance hall and sat down.

 

 

Tiberius had a feeling that tonight was going to be great. Andrew looked at his smiling friend like he was finally happy. "Come on Tiberius," Andrew said. "Let's break it out."

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 5: Party Central]

 

The back of James house... (Time 9:50)

 

 

Three figures move as silently as they can and open the back door of James' House. When light shines from the hallway on them it turns out to be Talvance, Nathan and Jack.

 

 

Jack whispers to Talvance," Dude what are we doing here? Why didn't we go to the conferance with your dad? We could have been having fun."

 

 

Talvance looks at Jack like he was stupid. "The reason we came was to screw up this party, Numbnuts" Talvance whispers. "Especially since we got this." Talvance pulls out a bottle of Hennessey from his inner jacket pocket. "We make everyone at this party wasted.

 

 

"Good Idea," Nathan whispers. "I know for a fact that James hates alcohol. Tiberius does also as a matter of fact. We shall be killing to birds with one stone."

 

 

"This is why I am the boss," Talvance says as they enter the kitchen quietly. They see 4 bowls of punch in the Dance room that haven't been touched yet. Talvance hurries and puts in A equal quantity of Hennessey into each bowl. Then he rushes quietly back to his friends. "Now all We have to do is wait for the right moment and Surprise James. He will never know what hit him.

 

 

(10:20 PM)

 

 

Tiberius listens to the beat of the music and sits with Andrew. For some reason even unknown to him, Any type of music has always soothed his soul. From this Hip-Hop Music, to Classical, Any type of music made him feel at peace. Tiberius begins to smile a mysterious smile. Andrew noticed the look on Tiberius' face. Andrew rarely sees Tiberius smile so this was a once in a lifetime treat.

 

 

"Hey Yo!" Andrew says breaking Tiberius out of his trance. "Want something to drink? You've been dancing up a storm all night." Tiberius had been dancing since the party began, so he had been sweaty.

 

 

"Yeah but I'll get it," Tiberius said as he got up. "You want me to bring you yours?"

 

 

"Nah I'm fine," Andrew says but motions for Tiberius to come closer. "You haven't talked to Celena yet. You should. The party is half way over."

 

 

"I am going to talk with her," Tiberius says looking in the direction of Celena, who was dancing on the dance floor. "Just working up my nerve is all."

 

 

"Man, By the time you do that we'll have a Chinese president," Andrew quips at Tiberius. "How about after you drink something, you go out and talk to her? She isn't going to bite, much."

 

 

"Oh quit it," Tiberius says. "I was going to do that anyway." Tiberius then ends the conversation by walking over to get some punch. He was genuinely surprised when none of the punch was gone. *Well I guess no one was thirsty,* Tiberius thought to himself as he got some punch. After pouring it into a cup, Tiberius turned and watch Celena dance some more.

 

 

(10:30)

 

Celena had been dancing for about half in hour now. She was having lots of fun and didn't want to stop. But something then caught attention in the corner of her eye. It was Tiberius. It seemed that he was watching her dance. Celena surprised at first but remembered that she liked him to so Celena went over to him. By the outer expression on his face, Tiberius looked nervous about something.

 

 

"Hey Tiberius," Celena said as stood by him. "Let's dance to this song. It a Slow jam."

 

 

"Ummm... Sure," Tiberius says as R Kelly's song came on. Celena dragged Tiberius over to the dance floor they began to slowly dance while the music played.

 

 

I'm going to Step in the name of love

 

Step in the name of Love, and I'm going ta

 

Clap in the name of love

 

Clap in the name of love.

 

 

"This one of my favorite R. Kelly Songs," Celena says a she lays her head on Tiberius' shoulders. Tiberius was blushing as red as a fire hydrant, but kept on dancing with her. *I should tell her now,* Tiberius thought as the song kept playing.

 

 

"Celena," Tiberius began unsure of himself.

 

 

"Yes Tiberius?" Celena looks up at him with her sapphire eyes. Tiberius almost loses his nerve, but continues. There was something about this girl that made him feel so weak in the knees.

 

 

"I have something to tell you," Tiberius starts again, afraid of losing his nerve. "I... uhh... I like you a lot. no wait that's not it. I Like you a bunch? No that's not it either..."

 

 

Celena chuckles at Tiberius' attempts to thinks of the right thing to say. "Here how bout I try?" Celena pulls Tiberius' neck down and Kisses him with passion. Tiberius, surprised at first, Settles into the kiss and kisses back. *Hooray,*Tiberius says in his mind. *This was all I wanted.*

 

 

(10:45)

 

Erus sits down next to Andrew, who was watching Celena and Tiberius dance. Erus drank some punch and looked over at Andrew.

 

 

"Andrew," Erus said getting the attention of the teen in question. "What in the world are you staring at? Some girl that your interested in? Because I highly doubt anyone would date you."

 

 

Andrew turns towards Erus. "What is up with you man? Besides," Andrew pauses to point out what was happening on the dance floor. "I'm not looking at any specific girl. I'm looking at your cousin making out with my best friend Go Tiberius!!" The last part Andrew says over to Tiberius who blushes and breaks away the kiss.

 

 

Erus looks up infuriated. He begins to walk over, but Andrew pulls him back to his seat. "You crazy man? Either I'm going to beat you up or Celena will beat you up. Let them be at peace together. They deserve each other, Tiberius especially."

 

 

Erus looks over to the two and realizes what he was about to do. He sits down and goes into a posture of deep thought. Andrew looks at Erus and slowly nods his head. "While you think on that, I'm going to grab some punch. All this cheering has made me thirsty." Andrew walks over to the punch bowl and gets a glass full of punch.

 

 

I'm ending the Chapter here. Chapter six should be up within a week or two. Thanks for Reading.

 

 

 

[LuffyLaxer]

[spoiler=Chapter 6:The Monday After]

(Monday After the party. 6:45. Tiberius Abandoned Apartment complex)

Tiberius wakes up after only 2 hours of sleep. Tiberius rubs the side of his head and sighs. Damn Nightmares Tiberius thinks as he gets out of bed and goes to take a shower. Five minutes later, he returns from his shower and gently sits on his bed. He checks his bag for everything and gets dressed for school. I think I'll take my time going to school Tiberius thinks as he leaves the abandoned apartment.

 

Tiberius begins the stroll down the lane. He walks by the flower shop, where the roses are blooming into beautiful works of art. Maybe i should get some for Celena. Tiberius thought as he turned the corner. As soon as he turned the corner, Tiberius felt pain in his lower abdomen. Tiberius stops moving and holds his stomach. but just as soon as Tiberius feels the pain, it goes away. Must have been a stomach ache. But mine usually don't come and go that quickly. Tiberius thought as he makes his way towards the school. I wonder what's wrong with me? Tiberius Asks himself while hopping the fence that surrounds the school. Tiberius looks at his watch. 7:28. Good Right on time. Tiberius thinks heading towards the school's main Entrance.

 

Andrew and Celena sit on the benches in front of the main entrance. While waiting for Tiberius, They start discussing Celena's relastionship with Tiberius.

 

"Well it looks as if you were right Andrew," Celena says as she looks up at her best friend. " It looks like Tiberius and I were made for each other. But how did you know that?"

 

"Hey when it comes to you two I got the both of you pegged," Andrew says with a smile. Then Andrew smile turns into a serious look and says, "Look Tiberius life must be harder than the both of us could even imagine. You dating him is probably the best thing to ever happen to him."

 

"You think so?" Celena asks with curiousity.

 

"I know so." Andrew says. Then, hearing a noise Andrew looks up and sees Tiberius walking over to them, just as the bell rings. "Hey Tiberius, What's up?"

 

Tiberius smiles as he greets his two friends. "Nothing much. How about you guys?"

 

Celena blushes at Tiberius and says "I'm fine." Then Celena notices the baggy eyelids and the sweat on the top of Tiberius' Forehead. What is that from? Celena wonders as she grabs Tiberius' hand and makes her way towards the school, with Andrew right behind them.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 7:Pain]

 

Lunch Time. 12:45pm.

 

Tiberius sits down to hold a table for Celena and Andrew while they go get there food from the Cafeteria. I'll never know why people eat in a cafeteria. A school Cafeteria at that, Tiberius thinks as he looks at the clock. The current time was 12:46, a minute passed since the last time he looked. Tiberius looks around the Cafeteria, noticing the cliques that had formed in the Cafe. There was the Jocks, Untouchables, Thugs, Geeks, Class Clowns and many other different types of people who went to the school. Tiberius looked at another table where the so called, 'Thugs' hung out. There he saw Talvance and his group with some other guys talking. Talvance, as if he had felt Tiberius looking, turned toward him and made the motion of pointing at him, then slitting his throat. Tiberius turned around, hoping that wouldn't happen to him.

 

Just as the thought exited his mind, Andrew sat down next to him. Andrew was worried about his friend. He was looking especially sick today. If the baggy eyes weren't the clue, it was the constant sweat that Tiberius had on his forehead. He had yet to see Tiberius hold his stomach yet, as Tiberius had kept that hidden. "Yo man, are you sure your okay?" Andrew asked him with concern. "You should really talk to the school nurse."

 

"I'm fine," Tiberius says with a look that said drop it and move on. Andrew looked at his friend and sighed. Then Celena sat down on the other side of Tiberius. She smiled at him.

 

"So Tiberius looking forward to History?" Celena asked

 

"Yeah, sort of," Tiberius said, all of a sudden sounding tired. "After all, today is the day we begin the history of the Civil War. That war was...was..." Oh no Not now Tiberius thought as pain shot up through his Abdomen. It feels like my body is melting. Tiberius grabs his stomach and holds it. Andrew and Celena shocked by what happening, that they got up to try and help. But once again, as soon as it had came, the pain went away. Tiberius stopped holding his stomach and looked up at Andrew and Celena. Celena noticed the sweat beginning again to form on his forehead, but now it began forming on his face. Celena gets a napkin and wipes of Tiberius' face.

 

"Tiberius what was that about?" Celena asked as the first bell for 4th period rang. Tiberius stood up and grabbed his bookbag.

 

"Not now, I'll tell you after Class," Tiberius says as he grabs Celena's hand and rushes to fourth period. Andrew, knowing something is wrong walked behind them. I'm going to figure out what is wrong with him. Andrew thinks as he walks into the fourth period class.

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 8:Poor Tiberius]

Tiberius sits in his 3rd period class, listening to Mr. Sloan teach about the War of 1812. Man, Andrew is right, Tiberius thinks as he continues to jot down notes. Mr. Sloan is rather boring. Well, at the very least he knows his stuff. Tiberius then stops writing and looks outside the window. It was a sunny day out. Tiberius then picks up his pencil and begins to write more important things about the war.

 

Celena looks over at Tiberius from his left with a worried look in her eye. Tiberius had been acting weird all day. Tiberius had been grabbing his stomach all day. Tiberius was still sweating, which was odd because it wasn't really warm inside the classroom. What is wrong with him? Celena asked herself. Is Tiberius sick? I need to figure out what's wrong. Celena continued to listen to Mr. Sloan, but, kept a eye on Tiberius for anything out of the ordinary.

 

Andrew was sitting behind Tiberius in the class. Andrew was also worried about his friend. He has be acting odd since this morning. Andrew thought ignoring the teachers lecture. I know of a couple of diseases that cause abdominal pain, but nothing like this. what is going on with him?

 

Suddenly, Tiberius eyes widen as he experience another shot of pain. He dropped the pen he had in his hand and clutched his stomach. Damn Tiberius thought as he held on to his stomach. It feel like my body is about to implode. Celena, who was watching him, looked over in shock as Tiberius clutched his body in pain. Celena raised her hand and said,"Mr. Sloan." The teacher turned to her. "Tiberius is feeling sick. Can I take him to the Nurse's office?"

 

"Naw, let the nerd die in the classroom," Talvance said from the other side of the room. His friends chuckled as he continued," I've never seen a dead person before."

 

"Talvance, Your really asking for it," Andrew says getting up from his seat. It was then that Mr. Sloan raised up his hands.

 

"Silence!!" Mr. Sloan said, effectively freezing everybody in the classroom. "Celena, hurry and take him to the nurses office. Here is a pass." Mr. Sloan hands her a pass. Celena then helps Tiberius up and together they walk towards the Nurses office. Tiberius could barely walk with so much pain, so Celena had to support both of them. "

 

"Don't worry Tiberius," Celena said as she looked at Tiberius' face. "The nurse will know what to do. She fix you up."

 

Tiberius could barely hear her. Tiberius was to focused on the pain. Then, Tiberius dropped to the floor clutching his stomach. Tiberius then started to cough and on the last cough, blood came out. Celena ran into the closest classroom she could find and asked a teacher to call an Ambulance.

 

Meanwhile, Tiberius was grasping his sides and coughing up more blood. Suddenly the pain became to much for him. He screamed out in pain. Celena rushed back to him. Tiberius was shaking, sweat now left his body in small rivers. Celena held Tiberius, whispering hopeful comments in his ear. Tiberius couldn't make out what she was saying, but knew I need to stay alive for her. I can't die until I tell her how I really feel.

 

Five minutes later, The EMT's entered the building and put Tiberius on a stretcher. High school students all came out of there classrooms to watch as if Tiberius was a spectacle. Talvance and his cronies cheered and laughed. Andrew was currently being held back by Erus, so he wouldn't make a scene. Celena went with the EMTs to go to the Hospital with Tiberius. After the excitement, The students went back into the classroom and continued with their school work.

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 9:What The ?]

Tiberius slowly begins to wake up. The world slowly revolves around him as he opens his eyes. Tiberius begins to sit up, but lays back down as his head begins to pound. Man, what in the world hit me? Tiberius thinks as he tries to sit up again. This time, he is able to sit up. Tiberius looks at the sheets. White Sheets? Where am..Oh! I remember. Tiberius looks around the room, until his eyes fell upon Celena, who was sleeping peacefully in the chair to the left of him. Tiberius smiled at the sight of her. She is like a angel. Tiberius thinks.

 

Tiberius then takes a look at his body, thinking that the people who work at the hospital did something to him when he was asleep. To his comfort, nothing feels missing. Tiberius then hears movement to his left. Tiberius turns his head to see Celena stirring out of her sleep. Celena stretches out the kinks out of her back and looks over towards the hospital bed to see Tiberius looking over at her. Celena smiles and walks to over his bed. Celena then begins to kiss Tiberius passionately. After about a minute they come up for air and Tiberius ends up having a silly grin on his face.

 

"Tiberius, I am so thankful you're alright." Celena says as she looks Tiberius in his eyes. "The doctors didn't know what happened to you." At Tiberius confused look, Celena expanded. "The doctor who scanned your body saw you win in pain, but couldn't do anything about. All pain relieving medication didn't work. Then you passed out from the pain. The doctor examined you body and said that you body was changing." "Changing?" Tiberius asked "I wonder in what way?" "Well, in whatever way, the doctor says he wants to keep you in here for a week for testing." Tiberius looks up at that.

 

"What's wrong Tiberius?" Celena asks noticing that Tiberius was looking for a avenue of escape. "You act like you don't like the Hospital."

 

"I have to leave," Tiberius said, looking around for his clothes. Finding them on the table to his right, he begins to put them on. Celena turns away while Tiberius dresses.

 

"But why do we have to leave?" Celena asks.

 

"Because I have no way of paying for Hospital treatment," Tiberius says as he finishes putting his pants on.

 

"But surely your foster parents could pay for the treatment," Celena says. Tiberius stops in the middle of tying his sneakers. Tiberius remembered that he had not told his friends about the situation. Tiberius finished putting his shoes on and throws on his shirt.

 

"No they can't and won't," Tiberius says as he puts on his gloves and hat. Celena gives him a 'You better explain' look and Tiberius retorts with, "I will tell you all about it later, but first, we have to sneak out of here."

 

Celena nods her head and follows Tiberius out the door. Tiberius, a expert at sneaking in and out of places, carefully lead them past the offices and the main door. Once they cleared the front door, Tiberius grabbed Celena's hand and bolted. But to the surprise of Celena, Tiberius ran at lightspeed, stopping at the park that Tiberius used to play at when he was younger.

 

Celena looked up at Tiberius in awe and said, "Tiberius, how did you do that?"

 

Tiberius looked at his surroundings and said, "I don't know."

 

 

[LuffyLaxer]

Bump for somebody to read please.

[legendhiro]

interesting. i've not read it all yet, but it shows some interesting promise. your chapters are pretty short and you have a bad habit of switching between tenses. i think i remember some spelling issues, but i might be wrong. overall it is a little lacking description, changes tenses and isn't quite perfect in terms of spelling/grammar, but nothing that is deadly to the fic. if you continue to write, i'm sure you will improve.

 

i've never done a proper review, but if you would like one, i will give it a shot.

[LuffyLaxer]

Kinda fuuny actually. I like reading long chapters and long stories, but I write short chapters.

 

I'll probably re-do this when I'm done.

[LuffyLaxer]

Bump

 

Can Someone read this please?

[LuffyLaxer]

Bump it up!

 

Chapter 8 is up!

[Weather Report - Stand]

Thanks for inviting me over here, Mr. LuffyLaxer who probably has as much love for One Piece as I do if not more, and I shall look over your entire story so far. Weeeeell, first things first…

 

PROLOGUE: Bad grammar! Bad capitalization! You spell/don’t spell numbers inconsistently! Pacing is odd! Your tenses are all over the place!

 

CHAPTER ONE: More bad capitalization! We didn’t know the abandoned apartment complex was abandoned in the first place! Your tenses are all over the place again! Can’t capitalize well(lookin’ at you, He)! Tiberius father died at the age of one. The way you say that it’s hilarious! Also grammar is bad in there as well! Adidas has 2 D’s! The fight seems really, really dull because the part leading up to it didn’t fit with the tone! The main character is OVERLY sucky, making it pretty dumb how he’s a cosmic plaything! In addition, he ran away in 7th grade! Why did he know this guy since 5th grade?!

 

CHAPTER TWO: MORE bad grammar! More ‘He’s! If we didn’t know who Jack was before, we didn’t NEED to know! 'They could have did much worse.' … Yeesh! All the dialogue feels flat! Erus sounds like a weird name! I don’t know if there ARE people named that (did a non-thorough google sweep, tell me if I’m wrong and that I should go suck something disgusting)! "Gee tell me how you really feel," Tiberius says sarcastically. ALSO: "What an insensitive prick! Here I am, all beat up, Then, he gonna say all that! I should beat the living crud outta him." Tell me what’s wrong with this sentence!

 

CHAPTER THREE: More grammar errors, but less wide-spread! Still stupid capitalization, though! Why doesn’t everybody gang up on that bully-kid, anyways, I wonder? Otherwise, it’s okay!

 

CHAPTER FOUR: In a Big 4 story House I think that most of your problems can be pointed out right here. Why does James have to jump out of the shadows like some sort of evil clown? You could have said it was him instead of ‘a figure’, it works in literature! And how does this kid get off on poisoning his friends?! What a prick! And why is he announcing everything out loud? Shouldn’t he just think all that!

 

Then James hears the door bell ring. "Oh must be the DJ here to set-up." James lets the man enter and helps him set up. Don’t ever have a line like that again!

 

"Yo James," Andrew said to James. "This is ballin man. Cool." Andrew’s new name should be Jaden Yuki! I don’t know anybody who would say all that at once, and I go to school near Atlanta, with all ‘da hip, cool lingo! No, we don’t speak like that, either!

 

CHAPTER FIVE: Bad grammar right off the bat! There’s no explanation for how the three stooges found out about the party when only five or six people know about it! Weird! Also the beer had nothing to do with the plot up to this point! Pacing is also lackluster here! Still, James is a freaking retard for leaving all that poison for his friends! Explain why please!

 

CHAPTER SIX: Somehow the only thing wrong at first glance here is just the tenses and pacing! And capitalization!

 

CHAPTER SEVEN: The chapters get WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too short at this point! There’s nothing to criticize except for the usual things!

 

But now, it’s time for the COLBERT REPORT!! No… well, you know what I mean. WR GOOOOOOO!!

 

[spoiler=Chapter 8:Poor Tiberius] Tiberius sits in his 3rd period class, listening to Mr. Sloan teach about the War of 1812. Man, Andrew is right, Tiberius thinks as he continues to jot down notes. Mr. Sloan is rather boring. Well, at the very least he knows his stuff. Tiberius then stops writing and looks outside the window. It was a sunny day out. Tiberius then picks up his pencil and begins to write more important things about the war.

 

Okay, so we see that you’ve improved so far, since this paragraph is rather… alright. Nothing’s wrong here.

 

Celena looks over at Tiberius from his left with a worried look in her eye. Tiberius had been acting weird all day. Tiberius had been grabbing his stomach all day. Tiberius was still sweating, which was odd because it wasn't really warm inside the classroom. What is wrong with him? Celena asked herself. Is Tiberius sick? I need to figure out what's wrong. Celena continued to listen to Mr. Sloan, but, kept a eye on Tiberius for anything out of the ordinary.

 

Kept a eye? Erm yes check that out again okay thanks bye.

 

Andrew was sitting behind Tiberius in the class. Andrew was also worried about his friend. He has be acting odd since this morning. Andrew thought ignoring the teachers lecture. I know of a couple of diseases that cause abdominal pain, but nothing like this. what is going on with him?

 

He has be acting odd? Erm yes check that out again okay thanks bye. Also capitalize that ‘what’.

 

Suddenly, Tiberius eyes widen as he experience another shot of pain. He dropped the pen he had in his hand and clutched his stomach. Damn Tiberius thought as he held on to his stomach. It feel like my body is about to implode. Celena, who was watching him, looked over in shock as Tiberius clutched his body in pain. Celena raised her hand and said,"Mr. Sloan." The teacher turned to her. "Tiberius is feeling sick. Can I take him to the Nurse's office?"

 

Well, a couple of errors around here, but it’s okay.

 

"Naw, let the nerd die in the classroom," Talvance said from the other side of the room. His friends chuckled as he continued," I've never seen a dead person before."

 

"Talvance, Your really asking for it," Andrew says getting up from his seat. It was then that Mr. Sloan raised up his hands.

Because bastards hate life.

 

"Silence!!" Mr. Sloan said, effectively freezing everybody in the classroom. "Celena, hurry and take him to the nurses office. Here is a pass." Mr. Sloan hands her a pass. Celena then helps Tiberius up and together they walk towards the Nurses office. Tiberius could barely walk with so much pain, so Celena had to support both of them. "

 

Daah! What’s with this guy? Is he… is he… dramatic?! Woah, I’ve never seen that happen from just one rude comment and a remark! But there’s one thing I don’t understand… who was saying all of this? The paragraph ends with a quotation mark, so I must assume… THAT MR. SLOAN WAS NARRATING THIS WHOLE TIME?!

 

"Don't worry Tiberius," Celena said as she looked at Tiberius' face. "The nurse will know what to do. She fix you up."

 

She fix you up? …

 

Tiberius could barely hear her. Tiberius was to focused on the pain. Then, Tiberius dropped to the floor clutching his stomach. Tiberius then started to cough and on the last cough, blood came out. Celena ran into the closest classroom she could find and asked a teacher to call an Ambulance.

 

Don’t forget! Three forms of ‘too’! And the storytelling around here seems more like a summary, rather than a story…

 

Meanwhile, Tiberius was grasping his sides and coughing up more blood. Suddenly the pain became to much for him. He screamed out in pain. Celena rushed back to him. Tiberius was shaking, sweat now left his body in small rivers. Celena held Tiberius, whispering hopeful comments in his ear. Tiberius couldn't make out what she was saying, but knew I need to stay alive for her. I can't die until I tell her how I really feel.

 

Remember! Three forms of ‘too’, even in summaries!

 

Five minutes later, The EMT's entered the building and put Tiberius on a stretcher. High school students all came out of there classrooms to watch as if Tiberius was a spectacle. Talvance and his cronies cheered and laughed. Andrew was currently being held back by Erus, so he wouldn't make a scene. Celena went with the EMTs to go to the Hospital with Tiberius. After the excitement, The students went back into the classroom and continued with their school work.

 

Bad grammar and capitalization a few times here again, but I don’t doubt that a few people would laugh while others die like that in school. Did you know that when I was in first grade, I heard that a classmate in another grade got his head smashed by a teeter-totter y older boys?

 

 

 

 

Sooooo… the plot of this story is that the unluckiest boy in any and all universes has a love interest, they go to a party with a traumatized nerd who wants to kill off his friends, garnering you a Wallbanger, he drinks the punch everybody else ignored, and he gets sick.

 

I don’t exactly see the point, since it’s all too situational! I mean, well, the nerd kid! Who DOES that?! If you’re gonna do that, then AT LEAST invite some RANDOM BYSTANDERS! I can’t quite get with this plot. All of the other problems here have been outlined, and outlined and outlined and outlined. So you see the problems now. For a grade, I’d give it a C+.

[LuffyLaxer]

Thanks for the review Weather. I'll keep It so I when i edit it I can look at it with a more critical eye.

[Weather Report - Stand]

Okay, and thanks to you for enjoying the fact that I reviewed you at your request.

[LuffyLaxer]

No Problem. I need to get reviews like this so I can be a better writer.

[LuffyLaxer]

Bump this

 

New Chapter coming either today or tomorrow.

[LuffyLaxer]

Chapter nine is ready to be read by the public.

[LuffyLaxer]

bump for people too read please!!

[Weather Report - Stand]

Well, I looked over chapter 9, and I thought it was... okay...?

 

It was short like the others, but not too much happened in it. He woke up, he talked to the romantic interest about his situation, and then they bolted to a park.I'm not so sure that I liked how you already described his ability as running at lightspeed, since that takes away ALL mystery surrounding him.

 

Also, you said 'win in pain' when Tiberius was being told about what happened to him, you forgot to space out a lot of dialogue (Ex. "Whubba-HUH?!" Guy A gasped. "Nuh-UH!" Guy B disagreed. "Woah," Guy A gasped.), and you forgot all about tenses again. Remember: Stories are always told in the third-person. Keep that idea close!!

[LuffyLaxer]

Thanks Weather. As always, I can Rely On your Constructive Criticism.

 

Chapter 10 should be up sometime before the end of the month.