galeguy45 Posted August 12, 2010 Report Share Posted August 12, 2010 Yu Gi Oh: The dark riders Chapter 1: A new hero It was late at night in the town of domino city and 4 years had past since Yugi moto parted souls with the pharaoh, none of which evil had occurred in the previous four years but that was all about to change later that night.... The darkness emerged it was mister than ever before and all you could see in the sky was shadows. My name is Blaine Raiken i have the dream of one day becoming Duel monsters champion in other words the King of games, but I’m far off my dream, but who knows maybe my life is about to change forever? Person: AHHHHH, NO, I CANT TAKE NO MORE! I instantly awoke from my bed, the noise sounded like it was happening out on the front of my streets, I looked at my alarm clock it was only 11pm, To be honest i don’t often get to sleep early anyways so i thought I’d check it out. I quickly changed my clothes but i don’t brush my bed hair as there was no time for that, once I was ready I jumped out my bedroom window and ran down the streets in a dark alleyway was a duelist dressed in a black cape wearing a mask duelling an amateur duelist, in what appeared to be a dangerous duel. Duelist: No please, I’ll duel anything to stop, Don’t hurt me Mystery duelist: Please, just quit your whining the darkness is waiting for your soul, It’s my move and I Sacrifice my Dark Grepher to bring out a stronger monster...Behold my Dark NephthysDark Nephthys attk 2400/ def 1600 The normal beginner duelist looked terrified i thought i should step in but it was too late i couldn’t stop this guy in the middle of his move. Mystery duelist: And that’s not all thanks to my spell card Dark Ritual it gives my Dark Nephthys an added 500 attack points, giving it a total of 2900! I was shocked when i saw that Dark Ritual card in play, i didn’t know alot about duel monsters but i’d learnt in class it was a forbidden card only to be used by the “dark ones” Mystery duelist: Now my beast destroy his pathetic Elemental Hero Clayman! Boom! Duelist: Now please, i beg of you stop now, I’ll do anything to be free Mystery Duelist: 4000 Random Duelist:300 I thought it was time i stepped in, although i didn’t have much of a good deck i was certain it was greater enough to stop this bad guy. I ran onto the duelling field. Mystery Duelist: What do you think your doing I’m about to finish him off you little twerp The man in the cape was frustrated but it was for the best i stood up strong and demanded him to stop the duel at once. He smirked Mystery Duelist: Ok i sense a greater duelist, i’ll quit the duel on one request you have to duel me I thought to myself for a minute, what if i losed the game would be soul get taken? Well it was a risk i was willing to take Blaine: Fine i’ll do it! I quickly confronted the terrified amateur Blaine: You need to go quickly now! Run He responded back to me Duelist: what about you? Blaine: I’ll be fine now go before it’s to late! He ran off, Now i was the worried one, but it was for the best and i wasn’t letting this maniac take my soul Mystery duelist: Lets duel! I began to shake as i drew my cards in my hand i held, Horn of Light, Poison Mummy, Dian Keto the Cure Master, Ring of Destruction and Change of Heart, Since Poison Mummy was the only monster card in my hand i had no coice but to play it, i also thought it would be wise if i put Ring of Destruction and Change of Heart both face down Blaine: Ok looks like I'm starting, I’ll show you no good dark duelist how it’s down, i summon Poison Mummy in defence mode and throw down two cards face down Poison Mummy atk 1000/ def 1800 Mystery duelist: That all you got, my god the darkness won’t have to ait long tonight, i’m summoning Rampaging Rhynos to the field put he won’t be around much long though because I’m tributing him to summon a greater creature my Dark Ruler Has Des! Dark ruler Has des atk 2450/ def 1600 I was stunned his creature was much greater than mine put i had a few tricks up my sleeve later to use in the match Mystery duelist: And next I’m using Dark Ruler has des special ability, if i have another dark monster in my graveyard which i do i can summon another one, so witness my second Dark Ruler Has des! Now my first one destroy his Poison Mummy, and the second attack this punk directly Blaine: Ahhh! Blaine:1550 Mystery duelist:4000 The evil man started to laugh but i wasn’t giving up so easily, i draw a card from my deck as my turn was now in play, It was the monster Uraby, cool it has four stars which means i can easily summon it and since he has no face down cards i think it’s time i did some damage Blaine:I sent out my Uraby in to the fieldI slammed the card down onto my duel disk as if it was the last card i would ever play, The hologram monster instantly rose into the air roaring at my opponent Uraby attk 1500/ def 1000 Blaine: Next i activate my face down Change of Heart which means we swap monsters so i take control of your Dark Ruler Has des and then i’ll equip it with Horn of Light making it’s attack even stronger, so it now has 3150 attack points. Finally destroy his Uraby KLANG! Blaine:1550 Mystery duelist:1650 Blaine: And then i put down one face down card to end my turnMystery duelist: Foolish mortal havn’t you realised this isn’t a proper darkness game yet, so your duelling like this all for nothing? I was suddenly relieved Blaine: It isn’t? Mystery duelist: Well no it isn’t put it will be after this i play my spellcard Dark Ritual! Suddenly the alley way became nothing put pitch black, shadows emerged, and ghosts appeared calling my name, it was like hell Mystery duelist: Welcome to a darkness duel! This is essentially now where if you lose your soul will be taken to the dark ones, the ones who need it! Ha Ha Now i was terrified, i began to shiver and i felt a cold rush run down my neck Blaine: I’m tired with your tricks, make your move Mystery Duelist: Very well, since my dark ritual is in play it gives all monsters on my side of the field who are dark attributes an bonus 500 attack points so that means my Dark Ruler Has des now has 2950 attack points, and to finish i’ll use this card, De-Spell and i think I’ll use it on your Dark Ruler Has des decreasing his attack to only his original 2450 so now my monster destroy him Blaine: AHHHHH Blaine:1050 Mystery duelist:1650 Was my time up? Did i really need to go to the darkness? No i only just began duelling this is a test, if i can win this i know my duelling adventure will continue from here. I drew my next card, Ha ha perfect, Brain Control Now all i gotta do is use it on his creature and attack and i win the duel. Easy as that!Blaine: My turn i play Brain Control! By giving up 800 of my life points i can control one of your monsters for one turn, so i think i’ll possess your Dark Ruler Has Des from you. Blaine:250 Mystery duelist: 1650 Blaine: Now destroy him! Mystery duelist: Ha ha ha ha !!!! I was puzzled, how can he be laughing he’s got no trap cards face down on the field to save him apart from that spell card Dark Ritual unless... Mystery duelist: You really think i can lose that easily, i have my Dark Ritual card to save me Blaine: but how? That’s impossible? Mystery Duelist: What use what dark ritual be to me if it could only be used to make this game a darkness game and only increase my monsters attack by 500 points? No no no it’s much more powerful than that. It has over 10 abilitys, and you’ve activated one of them Blaine: Get to the point? Mystery duelist: When i have no monsters on the field to protect me and I’m about to get a direct attack Dark Ritual negates to attack I almost dropped my hand in shock, i was speechless, how can a card be that powerful Mystery duelist: And that’s not all i use my Dark ritual’s other ability when i have no monsters on the field to proctect me i can special summon a level 8 monster to the field so say Guten Tag to The Dark Creator The Dark Creator atk 2300/ def 3000 Mystery duelist: and i believe it’s the end of your turn so i retrieve back my old monster to my side Dark Ruler Has Des, Ha ha your doomed! I was afraid that his evil words were true, how was i going to get back from this? I drew yet again, it was the card Swords of Revealing Light, maybe this could help me for timeBlaine: i play the spell card Swords of Revealing Light so you can’t attack me for three turns Mystery duelist: Well played but you better make the most of those three turns because i bet you don’t have a single card in your deck that can beat any of my monsters or my dark Ritual The cloaked man passed on his current turn as he couldn’t do anything so it was my turn yet again, the next card i drew was Black hole, brilliant this would definitely destroy all his monsters Blaine: i play my trap card Dark Hole so say bye bye to your precious monsters Mysery duelist: Not so fast i use another one of my Dark Ritual’s powers, in the duel only once can i destroy a trap card and so it looks like your black hole is no more, my monsters are saved I grinned, i guess ill have to end my turn Mystery duelist: i would you look at that your Swords of Revealing Light only has one turn left before i can attack but it won’t essentially matter anyway because either way your going to lose because i play Dark Snake! Which inflicts 200 damage to your life points at the end of every one of my turns Blaine: grrrr Mystery duelist: Looks like i’m ending my turn ohh that’s 200 damage gone Blaine:50 Dark Duelist:1650 Oh no my Swords of Revealing Light have now gone and that dark snake will get on his next turn again, and either way his monsters will still directly attack me! How do i save myself? I closed my eyes and stopped panicking this card had to be my lucky card otherwise i was finished. I looked at it..it was Pot of Greed allowing me to draw two fresh cards, i drew them one was scapegoat and the other was Remove Trap, these were the cards i needed to win this duel Blaine: OK, first i use Dian Keto the Cure Master to increase my life points by 1000 Blaine:1050 Dark Duelist:1650 Blaine: next i play scapegoat giving me an entire defence wall of four scapegoat tokens, and finally i’ll play Remove Trap to get rid of your dark snake trap card It was a pity his dark ritual wasn’t a trap, who knows what other powers it has? I still gotta remember i put Ring of Destruction facedown like twenty turns ago so when i have enough life points maybe i can use it?first he’s guna have to get through my wall of defence Dark duelist: Your little defence of puny sheeps entertains me, you really think your going to win? I’m a member of the Dark riders and we never lose! I’ll play another monster Silent Magician LV4 Silent magician lv 4 atk1000/ def 1700 Dark duelist: and now all three monsters wipe out three of his four scapegoats! It was now my turn yet again, and the following card i had drawn this time was gift of the magical elf, perfect now i’ll be able to use my Ring of Destruction card and win the duelBlaine: i use gift of the magical elf which gives me 300 added lifepoints for each monster on the field and since there is four i gain 1200 life points Blaine:2250 Dark duelist:1650 Blaine: Next i’ll use my face down trap card I’ve been keeping from you for a long time, reveal face down, Ring of Destruction Dark duelist: You idiot! You can’t use that it will wipe out both our lifepoints to 0 and it wil be a draw Blaine: That’s where your wrong, it wont be a draw because it will go down to who had the most lifepoints before we each hit zero and because i have 2250 and you have 1650 i believe i will winDark duelist: No you can’t do this, i promised master a soul tonight!The darkness got stronger, i got colder, the game got harderBlaine: Now Ring of Destruction i use it on The Dark Creator to bring each of our life points to zero! Go Dark duelist: NOOOO Blaine:0 (blaine wins because he finished with more lifepoints before it became a draw) Dark duelist:0 I was impressed with myself i wasn’t bad for a loser, maybe this was the start of something new? Dark duelist: No way? I lost it was impossible, i have all these rare cards and you had rubbish ones! It can’t be? Boss won’t be impressed It stood still in the alleyway all the darkness had gone, That Dark Ritual card is nearly impossible and i was lucky not to be a goner Mysterious Voice: Good Duel! A mysterious voice suddenly began to speak to me Blaine: um hello? He walked into the alley way wearing a black vest with his golden duel disk strapped to his arm, his hair was long and spiky it was.... Blaine: Your...your... Mysterious voice: yes i’m Yugi Moto I couldn’t believe it, i was astonished, Yugi moto was talking to me, the king of games himself Blaine: How much of that duel did you see? Yugi: all of it Blaine: so why didn’t you save me? Yugi: i know a hero, when i see one, trust me you’ve got a long way to go from here young lad Blaine: wow thanks, what do you know about them? Yugi: well not alot apart from it’s a new clan set up by all the evil duelists across the world, going out at night duelling randomer duelists and taken there souls using the forbidden card Dark ritual. I believe there called the Dark Riders Blaine: But why though? What’s the point to it? Yugi: That’s what I’m trying to find out, and I’m hoping you can help me too Blaine: Yeah sure, i mean it’s better than going to duel school every day, and if it means saving the world then yeah sure Yugi: good i need a hero like you on my side Blaine: But where’s joey? Tristian? Tea? Duke? What happened to them i haven’t heard anything of them in years Yugi: oh i don’t see why i can’t tell you. Joey works for industrial illusions now. Blaine: Pegasus? Yugi: yes..Tristian is a duel monsters journalist who travels round the world studying duel monsters cards, Tea has become a profession dancer, and duke owns his very on Island where every couple of months he invites some duelists to come duel him Blaine: wow they have great jobs..there just one more thing i want to ask you? Yugi: what’s that? I took a huge gulp and a deep breathe and popped the question Blaine: Wanna duel? Yugi: i don’t have time to be wasting, why not another time when your ready, your adventure has only just started Blaine: well i need to see if i’m prepared don’t i? Cmon? Yugi: Very well...Duel! Each duelists took 20 steps back and launched there deck in their duel disks To be continued..... Chapter 2: The King of Games Vs the Determined Duelist I looked at my opponent Yugi Yugi: I don't have time for this Blaine Blaine: Cmon i need a bit of practice i laughed but yugi looked frustrated i picked up the top five cards from my deck, they were: Mirror force, Pot of Greed, Featherman, Overdrive and Vorse Raider, wasn't a bad hand but I'm sure Yugi's was ten times better after all he was the king of games for a reason Yugi: guess i'll be going first..Firstly I'll play wall of revealing light which means by however many lifepoints i pay a monster with equal or lower attack points on your side of the field cannot attack and i pay 2000, next i'll use super dian keto the cure master, it's similar to dian keto the cure master except instead of increasing your life points by 1000 it increases them by 2000 Yugi:4000Blaine:4000 Yugi: Next I'll use sparks which does 200 damage to your lifepoints Yugi:4000Blaine:3800 Yugi: and if that isn't enough I'll end by summoning Alpha the magnet warrior in attack mode Alpha the magnet warrior atk 1400/ def 1700 i was once again amazed that many moves in one turn, ok so what have i got here...I can't attack with any of my monsters because there attack points are all below 2000 and thanks to his wall of revealing light looks like I'm never going to attack, well i've still got to defend myself Blaine: I'll play Vorse Raider in attack mode Vorse raider attk 1900/ def 1200 Blaine: and I'll end my turn by playing pot of greed allowing me to draw 2 fresh cards The cards i picked up were polymerization and Axe raider, perfect next turn i can fusion summon! But for now i gotta see what Yugi's got on his mind Yugi: I draw, hmm, first i use infinite cards which allows my hand size to be at 7 cards max. next I'll use the last remaining card in my hand, card denial, which allows me to discard my current hand which is only this card and draw a fresh new hand and since infinite cards is in the field i can draw 7 new cards, next i'll play Beta the magnet warrior in attack mode Beta the maget warrior atk 1500/ def 1400 Yugi: and to finish off i'll play one face down ok my move had finally came, god this is going to be hard if i'm going to defeat yugi, but it's only a friendly so the outcome isn't major, but yugi has faith in my dueling skills so i have to prove a point, so what can i do here oh YESSS! blaine: i use polymerization to fuse my vorse raider and my axe raider together to fusion summon My Knight Raider Knight raider atk 2300/ def 1600 Blaine: and since my knight raider has over 2000 attack points your wall of revealing light can't stop it, so knight raider attack! yugi:activate my trap! negate attack, you should have spotted that one Blaine no way how could i have been so foolish, oh well i still have my Knight raider on the field, i think i'll end my putting De-fusion and mirror force face down Blaine:i throw two face downs and my turn is done Yugi: now for the real deal, i use polymerization the fuse my two magnet warriors on the field and Gammar the one in my hand to create Valkyrion the Magnet warrior Valkyrion the magnet warrior atk 3500/ def 2000 no way! how do you stop a monster so powerful? Yugi: now valkyrion attack his beast! Blaine: not so fast i activated de fusion which means instead you'll be attack vorse raider still leaving me with one monster on the field Kabannng Blaine:2200Yugi:4000 i can't make a fool of myself infront of the king of games, i'm trying to hard Blaine: my move, i swift axe raider to defence mode and summon Featherman along with him in defence mode Featherman atk 1000/def1000 Yugi: you'll never get an attack in i'm afriad blaine thanks to my wall of revealing light, but for now i use the spell multiply giving me three valkyrions, so i think this game is decided valkyrion 1 attack featherman Blaine: Not so fast yugi, you forgot about my trap, mirror force, so now essentially all your monsters on the field are crushed leaving you defenseless Yugi: OH no now it was my time i could inflict major damage now and i'd just drawn the card to do so...De spell Blaine: I use de spell to erase your wall of revealing light from the field giving my monsters the ability to attack again so now i summon Overdrive aswell to the field Overdrive atk 1000/ def 1000 Blaine: firstly axe raider attack yugi directly, then featherman take out his lifepoints, and lastly overdrive attack yugi Yugi: Ahhhhh Blaine:2200Yugi:300 Yugi:that was a very wise counter attack blaine i'm impressed, but that dosn't mean i'm giving up i had yugi on the floor, i was in domination, who would have thought I blaine would be destroying the king of games at duel monsters? yugi hadn't lost a duel in nearly five years, i was so pleased with myself from what i could see yugi lifted himself back onto his feet Yugi:its not over yet, I summon Turtle island in defence mode instantly a massive green shell appear and covered the streets Turtle Island atk 0/ def 2000 yugi:next I'll play call of the haunted allowing me to revive a monster and i choose valkyrion, so now valkyrion attack his axe raider! Blaine:400Yugi:300 Yugi: a champion always fights back! it was now my turn, what did i have in my hand, not alot to be honest, Brain control which i didn't have enough life points to use and ring of destruction which wasn't much help either Blaine: i switch Overdrive and Featherman to defence mode and end my turn it was a close game and both of us had a 50/50 chance of winning Yugi: I'll summon Gemini elf in attack mode Gemini elf atk 1900/ def 0 Yugi: now valkyrion and gemini elf destroy his two monsters! i was now defenseless, but luckily i drew the right card, It was my only hope Blaine: i play swords of revealing light which prevents you from attacking me for 3 turns, that will be all yugi: wise move Blaine, but I'm afraid it's the end but how he can't touch my swords Yugi:because i have this in my hand! i sacrifice valkyrion, gemini elf and turtle island to summon MY EYPTIAN GOD CARD...OBELISK THE TORMENTOR! No way it was an eyptian god... i can't believe i'm witnessing this.. Yugi: and because obelisk is unaffected by all trap,spell, and magic cards you've lost! obelisk erase the last of blaine's lifepoints Blaine: AHHHHHHH i put up a good fight, but the best duelist won Yugi: there are we you happy? you put up a good fight blaine, your an excellent duelist and there were parts of this duel where i thought you could beat me, it's getting late but here is my mobile number call me tomorrow if you need my help or if you encounter any more of the dark riders Blaine: i got it yugi i returned home in the cloudy fog, at the door was my mum Blaine: mum? mum: blaine its 2 am where have you been? your 16 years old, your way to young to be out at this time as usual my mum was being over protective and annoying Blaine: look sorry mum, but it was important dueling tonight i ran up to my room and went to bed boy was i tired...i could hear mum downstairs moaning Mum: that boy spends way to much time dueling! to be continued.... 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CrabHelmet Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 And now it's time for Bum Reviews with Crabby H. Bum. Tonight's review: Yu Gi Oh: The Dark Riders. OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST FANFIC I'VE EVER READ IN MY LIFE THERE'S THIS GUY NAMED BLAINE RAIKEN WHO WANTS TO BE A WORLD CHAMPION OF CARD GAMES I WAS A WORLD CHAMPION ONCE But it wasn't of card games It was of being a cocaine-fueled bum I WAS VERY GOOD AT THAT SO THIS GUY WAKES UP AND SEES THIS BAD GUY OUTSIDE AND THIS BAD GUY IS ALL LIKE My darkness will eat your soul I THOUGHT ONLY SCIENTOLOGISTS COULD DO THAT SO THE BAD GUY BEATS THIS OTHER RANDOM GUY WHO WAS PROBABLY A BUM BUT DECIDES TO FIGHT BLAINE INSTEAD Because he follows a very strict quota of only defeating one person each day Just like how I never get any change from more than one person each day SO THE BAD GUY IS LIKE You must fight me AND BLAINE IS LIKE Okay AND THE BAD GUY IS LIKE Seal of Orichalcos AND BLAINE IS LIKE That's cheating BUT THEN HE WINS ANYWAY Mainly by cheating through making up some nonsense rule about Life Points that doesn't exist EVERYBODY HERE IS CHEATING IT'S JUST LIKE THOSE GAMES OF POKER I USED TO PLAY WITH MY BUM FRIENDS We all wagered lots of money even though we never had any change WHY WON'T ANYONE GIVE ME CHANGE AND THEN THIS GUY NAMED YUGI APPEARS AND IT WAS REALLY AWESOME HE WAS WATCHING BLAINE THE WHOLE TIME Which is kind of creepy really It's like he's a stalker or something And he certainly didn't bother to try to save Blaine or that other guy And what was he doing out so late anyhow instead of being at home MAYBE HIS HOME IS A CARDBOARD BOX IN THE STREET AND HE SAYS SOME STUFF ABOUT SOME OTHER GUYS THAT BLAINE'S NEVER HEARD OF I was a guy Blaine's never heard of once In fact I still am BUT AT LEAST I EXIST AND THEN THEY DUEL FOR NO REASON AND THEN YUGI PULLS OUT THE MOST AWESOME CARD EVER AND THERE'S THIS HUGE TRUMPET FANFARE I think there was a trumpet fanfare anyhow Does this fanfic have sound BECAUSE IT SHOULD It should also be played in a nice warm building so I don't need to read it from my box out in the street SO YUGI ATTACKS ILLEGALLY AND WINS BY CHEATING It's like this is a crossover with Liar Game or something Except with just one card game instead of musical chairs They should have played musical chairs here THEN TRUMPET FANFARES COULD HAVE BEEN THE MUSIC SO THEN BLAINE GOES HOME AND THAT'S IT I wish I had a home to go back to But I probably wouldn't be playing card games They seem to be too dangerous This is Crabby H. Bum saying... CHANGE!!!! YA GOT CHANGE!?!? OH COME ON, HELP A GAL OUT, WILL YA!!!! C'MON, CHANGE!!!! Bum Reviews is hosted by That Chick With The Helmet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted August 13, 2010 Report Share Posted August 13, 2010 Ok, Galeguy, before writing an Fan Fiction, read the rules, how about I'll give you a few advice. I have to admit that you're a terrible writer, like how 79 % of New Members start terrible but then improve. Crab, I see you have a point in insulting this Fan Fic but, do you ever have a good side ? [spoiler=Advice]Firstly, you need to be creative with the title, like something amazing that will attract Readers. Dark Riders is just like Shadow Riders replaced with Dark what makes the Readers think you've given little effort. Secondly, an important Rule in Fan Fiction is that Script Format is Banned.....Wait a minute, was Script Format Banned ? I wonder because more and more happen from time to time. Thirdly, it would be more easier and organised if you put your Chapters in Spoilers, well I don't need to lexture it. However, it makes your 1st Post look pathetic without Spoilers. Fourthly, do you know the Anime made up the fact that the Gods need 3 Tributes, when all Lv 7 or Higher Monsters need 2 Tributes . Finaly, having characters who are from the Anime also makes the Readers think you have shown little effort. 1 or 2 is ok, so don't have every single Character from the Anime. Could someone tell me if I've made any mistakes with my advice and could you Galeguy read this and work on your Fan Fiction with this Basic Advice... EDIT: also heres the effect of Change Of Hearts "Select and control 1 opposing monster (regardless of position) on the field until the end of your turn." what pretty much ruins the First Chapter, aka The Dark Rider should of won. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted August 14, 2010 Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 i had yugi on the floor, i was in domination,I'm going to try not to read into this too much. I think just about every rule was broken at some point. I'm going to assume you're just a troll. Either way, this deserves a good solid neg. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Des ＨＥＲＯ Posted August 14, 2010 Report Share Posted August 14, 2010 The New Member has broken more rules in this Fan Fiction than his last. I've seen many people break the rules on Scripting. However, I have never seen anyone copy another guys work, he possible won't be making a third. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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