Possessed, The Conflicts of Heaven vs Earth vs Hell | Small Introduction added | ~Soulciety~ |

[Ghoulish]

What is "Possessed"?

Possessed is soon to be the story of an average teenage 17 year old boy, Kai who lives with his very religiouse family, after an incidence with an Ouiji board Kai becomes stalked by the demon spirit of Reician, one of 8 of lucifer's sons. He was brought to Kai's sight through the opening of the barrier that seperated the limitations of demon spirits in the living world. Normally spirits can't be seen, touched, felt, smelled or heard however due to the opening of the barrier by Kai he could then see Reician or "Rei" as he calls him.

Upon the use of the Ouiji board, 2 Demon spirits are released, Torment and Reician, both of whom make up 2 of Lucifer's 8 sons. The demon spirit Reician appeared to ber more controlled then the sadistic Torment, who slayed Kai's parents in front of his own eyes, then left for the depths of hell. Reician for an unknown reason stalked the boy after the incidence, however in secrecy.

After an occurrence in which Kai is attacked by a loose demon spirit that was freed due to the gate of hell being opened by the Ouiji board, Recian is struck by new feelings and possesses the boy to allow him to overcome the demon spirit, Reician claims he was simply following orders from Lucifer himself and the two begin their journey as a high school student possessed by a demon spirit, throughout their journey the 2 learn to understand one another and others and the pain that comes in both life and death.

Along the way they face many powerful enemies from all different known sectors of life, even on earth they face the powerful organization known as "Unlimited". Kai also searches for the demon spirit Torment to avenge the death of his parents. They also make many allies who help the possessed Kai in his quest.

Anyway that is the basic run down of what the story will be about if you have any questions or comments please let me know, if you need more information on the story then please also let me know and please try not to be too harsh constructive criticism is welcomed.

[Ghoulish]

there's 2 paragraphs...no one can comment onz what they think of the basic plot

[Ghoulish]

and still no comments? its 2 paragraphs no one can give any kind of feedback on the basic plot?

[Catterjune]

Does Torment ever show up again? It feels like you kind of just name dropped it in, and then completely forgot about it.

If demons can't normally be seen, touched, heard etc etc, how did Torment kill his parents?

... Also, is killing his parents really necessary? I mean, yeah yeah, orphans are cool, and no one wants to actually think of a believable line for grownups to say or whatever buuut... it seems highly unnecessary IMO. You'd have to make it a major source of conflict. As if being possessed by a demon wasn't bad enough, you'd have to be content with the knowledge that a demon slaughtered your parents. I mean, it's not that I doubt your skill, it's just that I can't think of a good way of ending this sentence.

In short, if his parents die at a demon's hand, it has to be a MAJOR source of conflict between the two. If you don't think you're up to it, you should just make them have died from something unrelated, or make him not know who or what killed them.

[Ghoulish]

lol of course he will be seen again, that's where the journey starts from, when the barrier was brought down the 2 could do as they wish to people however due to the fact that the parents weren't using the Ouija board they couldn't see the demon spirits. Of course he went down to the depths of hell, later on he would come back or kai would go down to hell and they'd fight, lol i know obviousely that he wouldn't just do it and never be seen again, what kind of a villain would he be? Anyway thx for reading and the critique

also the demon possesses him so that he can overcome the demon spirit that was freed, it is revealed why he did this later on

[Catterjune]

You didn't even touch upon my critiques of his parents dying.

Namely, why should they die?

[Ghoulish]

sorry, the parents should die as a fuse or a statring point for Kai's journey, his will to live is based off his hatred of the demon spirit and the revenge he plans to bestow upon it. Also because the dad is a priest and the family is religiouse, it kind of allows the contrast of "powers" to take place, in other words Torment would have the whole persona of "religion is worthless" and you can't stop him. What else do you want me to say? I need them to die as a motivator for the main character to search for the demon spirit

[Catterjune]

[quote name='~Soulciety~' timestamp='1287866642' post='4729574']
I need them to die as a motivator for the main character to search for the demon spirit
[/quote]
No you really don't.

Not only is the "search for the demon spirit" really vague and not at all interesting sounding, but the fact that there's demons messing things up and Rei and him are the only two that can stop it should be the biggest motivator imaginable.

[Ghoulish]

and in your opinion the parents shouldn't die because? All it does is add fuel to the fire, what is your main point of argument against the parents dieing exactly, like i'm happy that you are giving critique on the idea but i'd like to know the negatives that come out of it.

[Catterjune]

As I stated before:

1) It's a pointless and senseless death that contributes nothing to the story.

2) Not to be insulting, but I have doubts you'd be able to accurately and convincingly express the deep emotion a child should feel at seeing the death of their parents, and the intense struggle that should occur between him choosing to join with one of the things that killed his parents and ruined his life. Again, I am not being insulting or playing the 'holier-than-thou' card as I don't think I could give a premise like that justice either.

I imagine it would be like writing a story where two burglars enter into a kids house, kill his parents, then come back years later and ask him if he wants to join them. It's exceedingly offensive.

If you have to write it, I'd make it:

a) Kai's parents are dead before the story begins, presumably of something unrelated like a car crash. Some time later, a demon shows up and befriends Kai.
b) Kai's parents died at the hands of demons, but Kai does not know there was demon involvement in this. Some time later, a demon shows up and befriends Kai.
c) Kai's parents are killed by a demon in front of Kai. Some time later, a second demon that has nothing to do with the first shows up and befriends Kai.
d) Kai's parents are still alive. Some time later, a demon shows up and befriends Kai.

[Ghoulish]

ahh yea i can see what you mean, kind of being excessive in terms of damage to the main character, with the ( B ) scenario you'd later expect kai to find out that demons killed his parents yea?

[Catterjune]

[quote name='~Soulciety~' timestamp='1287868113' post='4729664']
ahh yea i can see what you mean, kind of being excessive in terms of damage to the main character, with the ( B ) scenario you'd later expect kai to find out that demons killed his parents yea?
[/quote]
I assume so. I think, the way I figure it, Kai would be the absolute last person on earth who would trust a demon. You just saw a group of thugs murder your parents, and then some years later you see one of them and he says he needs your help. Do you listen? Of course not.

If he finds out later on, after the demon has already proved his worth, it might make him more inclined to accept it.

[Ghoulish]

I see what you mean now, and the demon that slaughtered his parents could come forth after a few chapters where kai has defeated several demons. It could then reveal it to him, sound moderately interesting? His show of strength would come from kicking the enraged Kai's ass?