I bet you can't find a card with a longer effect than this

[Azphreal]

This is my super-epic ultra long effect for my card that crashed the generator and takes fifteen plus minutes to read and least fourty-five to understand half of it. Because it crashes it, I will not even try to put the whole effect in there, just the first part. EVERYTHING except its sub-Type, name and general card info depends on what Type it is.
Need a better pic, though. I realise that.
It's probably massively OP'd as well, so that's why its in AoC... besides its effect.
This took me 1 hour and 35 minutes LOL.

I do warn you, though, OCG fixes for this card - or even reading it - are not for the weak-willed or weak-sighted.

[img]http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/6344/206849l.jpg[/img]

[spoiler=LORE - ONLY THOSE WHO ARE READY SHALL OPEN THIS][spoiler=Are you sure?][spoiler=Are you really sure?][spoiler=This will mean you will never be able to see again!][spoiler=You mind will not be able to comprehend this.][spoiler=Are you absilutely sure you want to do this?][spoiler=This is your final warning. Back out now, ot prepare to die.][spoiler=Okay, you asked for it...][spoiler=Don't say I didn't warn you.]This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by discarding your entire hand and removing 5 monsters in your Graveyard from play. Negate any Spell, Trap or Monster Card effect that targets this card and destroy it. When this card is designated as an attack target by a monster with 2500 or more original ATK, destroy this card. Once per turn, you can declare 1 Type. Apply the following effect to this card corresponding to the declared Type: - Aqua: This card's Attribute becomes WATER and its Type becomes Aqua-Type. This card’s original ATK is equal to your Life Points -2500. This card’s original DEF is equal to the amount of cards in your hand x800. Once per turn, you can discard 1 card to destroy 1 Set Spell or Trap Card. - Beast: This card's Attribute becomes EARTH and its Type becomes Beast-Type. This card’s original ATK is equal to the amount of cards in your Graveyard x400. This card gains 2500 DEF. Once per turn, you can remove from play 1 card in your Graveyard or hand to increase this card's ATK equal to the removed monster's Level x200. - Beast-Warrior: This card's Attribute becomes EARTH and its Type becomes Beast-Warrior-Type. This card’s original ATK is equal to the amount of monsters destroyed by battle x500. This card’s original DEF becomes equal to the amount of turns this card has been face-up on your side of the field x700. Once per turn, this card destroys a monster by battle, you can pay 1000 Life Points to increase this card's ATK by 500 and attack once more. - Dinosaur: This card's Attribute becomes EARTH and its Type becomes Dinosaur-Type. This card’s original ATK becomes equal to the amount of EARTH monsters in either player's Graveyard or on the field x400. This card’s original DEF becomes equal to half its ATK. Once per turn, you can half this card's ATK and DEF until the End Phase to Special Summon 1 Level 6 or lower Dinosaur-Type monster from your hand or Deck. - Dragon: This card's Attribute becomes WIND and its Type becomes Dragon-Type. This card’s original ATK becomes 3400. This card’s original DEF becomes equal to the number of Dragon-Type monsters in your hand x500. Once per turn, you can Tribute this card to Special Summon 1 Dragon-Type monster from your hand, Deck or Graveyard with ATK equal to or less than this card’s DEF. If this card is destroyed by its own effect, Special Summon it during the End Phase. - Fairy: This card's Attribute becomes LIGHT and its Type becomes Fairy-Type. This card’s original ATK and DEF become equal to your Life Points -1500. Once per turn, you can activate one of the following effects: - Pay 1000 Life Points. You take no damage from card effects or battles involving your monsters this turn. - Half this card’s ATK and DEF. Increase your Life Points by 1000. - Fiend: This card's Attribute becomes DARK and its Type becomes Fiend-Type. This card’s original ATK becomes equal to the amount of monsters removed from play x750. This card’s original DEF becomes equal to the amount of non-monster cards removed from play x800. Once per turn, you can pay 2000 Life Points to Special Summon as many “Fiend-Shift Tokens” (Fiend-Type/DARK/Level 3/ATK ?/DEF ?) to both player’s side of the field as possible. Increase the ATK and DEF of all “Fiend-Shift Tokens” you control equal to the amount of “Fiend-Shift Tokens” on the field x200. - Fish: This card's Attribute becomes WATER and its Type becomes Fish-Type. This card’s original ATK and DEF become equal to the number of Fish-Type monsters you control x1000. If you control 2 or more Fish-Type monsters, this card can attack twice per turn. - Insect: This card's Attribute becomes EARTH and its Type becomes Insect-Type. This card’s original ATK becomes equal to the amount of Insect-Type and Plant-Type monsters you control x900. This card’s original DEF becomes 0. Once per turn, you can Special Summon 1 Level 4 or lower Insect-Type monster from your hand. This card cannot declare an attack or change its Battle Position the turn you activate this effect. - Machine: This card's Attribute becomes DARK and its Type becomes Machine-Type. This card’s original ATK and DEF become equal to the number of face-up Continuous Spell Cards on the field x1000. Once per turn, you can remove this face-up Attack Position card to double the ATK and DEF of all face-up Machine-Type monsters you control until the End Phase. If this card is removed from play by its own effect, Special Summon it during your opponent’s second End Phase after its activation. - Plant: This card's Attribute becomes WATER and its Type becomes Plant-Type. This card’s original ATK becomes 3000. This card’s original DEF becomes equal to the number of face-up Plant-Type monsters x800. When this card declares an attack, Special Summon 2 “Plant-Shift Tokens” (Plant-Type/WATER/Level 4/ATK 1500/DEF 1500) to your opponent’s side of the field. “Plant-Shift Tokens” cannot declare an attack or be used as Material Monsters for the Summon of a Synchro Monster. - Psychic: This card's Attribute becomes LIGHT and its Type becomes Psychic-Type. This card’s original ATK and DEF become equal to half the combined total of both players’ Life Points. Once per turn, you can play 1500 Life Points to remove 2 cards on the field or in either player’s hand from play. If you activate this effect, gain Life Points equal to the Level of this card minus the combined Levels of the removed monster(s) x300. - Pyro: This card's Attribute becomes FIRE and its Type becomes Pyro-Type. This card’s original ATK and DEF become equal to the difference in yours and your opponent’s Life Points. Once per turn, inflict 500 damage to your opponent for each Pyro-Type monster in your hand. - Reptile: This card's Attribute becomes WATER and its Type becomes Reptile-Type. This card’s original ATK and DEF are equal to the number of Reptile-Shift Counters on the field x800. When this card battles with an opponent’s monster, place 1 Reptile-Shift Counter on an opponent’s monster. When this card declares an attack against an opponent’s monster with 1 or more Reptile-Shift Counters, all face-up monsters your opponent controls lose 500 ATK and DEF for each Reptile-Shift Counter on the targeted monster until the end of the Battle Phase. - Rock: This card’s Attribute becomes EARTH, and its Type becomes Rock-Type. This card’s original ATK becomes 0. This card’s original DEF becomes 4000. Once per turn, you can flip this card face-down. When this card is Flip Summoned successfully, you can switch the ATK and DEF of this card and change it to face-up Attack Position. If you do not activate this effect, change this card to face-up Defense Position. - Sea Serpent: This card’s Attribute becomes WATER, and its Type becomes Sea Serpent. This card’s original ATK becomes equal to the number of face-up WATER monsters on the field x700. This card’s original DEF becomes equal to half its ATK. Once per turn, you can discard cards equal to the number of WATER monsters in your Graveyard (max 5) to activate 1 of the following effects: - Increase this card’s ATK by 200 for each card discarded. - Special Summon 1 monster whose Level is equal to or less than the number of discarded cards. - Destroy 1 monster whose Level is equal to or less than the number of discarded cards. - Spellcaster: This card’s Attribute becomes DARK, and this card’s Type becomes Spellcaster-Type. This card’s original ATK becomes 3500. This card’s original DEF becomes equal to the number of Spell-Shift Counters on this card x500. Once per turn, you can pay any number of Life Points to place 1 Spell-Shift Counter on this card for each 1000 Life Points paid (max 10). You can remove any number of Spell-Shift Counters from this card to activate the corresponding effect: - 5: Increase this card’s ATK and DEF by 1500 until the End Phase. - 7: This card gains the following effect: Whenever this card battles with an opponent’s monster, place 1 Spell-Shift Counter on this card. - 10: Destroy all non-Spellcaster-Type monsters on the field, and destroy all Set Spell and Trap Cards. - Thunder: This card’s Attribute becomes LIGHT, and this card’s Type becomes Thunder-Type. This card’s original ATK and DEF become equal to the number of monsters that have been Special Summoned this duel x1000. - Warrior: This card’s Attribute becomes EARTH, and its Type becomes Warrior-Type. This card’s original ATK becomes 4000. This card’s original DEF becomes 2500. Once per turn, when your opponent activates a Spell or Trap Card in response to this card’s declared attack, you can halve this card’s ATK until the End Phase to negate and destroy the activated card and end the Battle Phase. - Winged Beast: This card’s Attribute becomes WIND and its Type becomes Winged Beast-Type. This card’s original ATK and DEF become equal to the number of Spell and Trap cards in your hand and on your side of the field x600. Once per turn, you can discard any number of cards to destroy Spell or Trap cards equal to or less than the number of discarded cards. - Zombie: This card’s Attribute becomes DARK and its Type becomes Zombie-Type. This card’s original ATK becomes equal to the number of monsters in your Graveyard x300. This card’s original DEF becomes equal to the number of monsters in your opponent’s Graveyard x300. When this monster destroys an opponent’s monster by battle, gain Life Points equal to half the destroyed monster’s ATK or DEF, whichever is higher.[/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler]


I warned you.

[KindredTether]

Holy S************************t!!!! How f*****g long is that! Aaaaahhhhh my eyes!!

[Azphreal]

HAHAHAHAHA!!!
That's EXACTLY the kind of response I expected. Oh, and just for curiosity's sake, it was 1,619 words long.

[monty1394]

AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! D: this would SUCK to read in a duel- you would need a magnifying glass!!! im also pretty sure that any duel disk would explode fron trying to comprehend this effect XD

[Azphreal]

You couldn't see it with a SUPER magnifying glass. Molecular microscope, maybe, but never a magnifying glass.

And the question is not the DUEL DISK, my friend, it's whether or not YOU can understand it

[Sorin Markov]

All i can say is that is one long effect and HOLY S***!!!! i only saw one that was bout 1/4 of that, good card got tiered readin bout 1/4 way through it and it gave me a head ache cause it so freakin long

[Azphreal]

Effecto bumpo.

[Teh ZWOOTS]

Dear god... This is the longest effect I have ever seen. When I get bored enough, I'll take the time to read. After doing so, I can actually decipher how spectacular this piece is. The length itself is pretty impressive, but it would more impressive if it was all coherent and intertwined.

[Azphreal]

I think it is... but I can sum it up. Basically...
[spoiler=Do you want to know?]
The Type and Attribte change depending on the Type declared. The ATK and DEF change depending on different things. Then I gave each Type a different effect based on what they normally do.[/spoiler]

[Lewk]

[b]Guy 1[/b] [i]"I summon Ultimate Shapeshift Being!"[/i]
[b]Guy 2[/b] [i]"Huh? Bro, let me read his effect"[/i]
[b]Guy 1[/b] [i]"Uhh, you really wanna read his effect?"[/i]
[b]Guy 2[/b] [i]"Yeah"[/i]
[b]Guy 1[/b] [i]"But there's only 25 minutes left on the round"[/i]
[b]Guy 2[/b] [i]"So?"[/i]
[b]Guy 1[/b] [i]*sigh*[/i]

[Azphreal]

[quote name='Lewk' timestamp='1295093064' post='4935634']
[b]Guy 1[/b] [i]"I summon Ultimate Shapeshift Being!"[/i]
[b]Guy 2[/b] [i]"Huh? Bro, let me read his effect"[/i]
[b]Guy 1[/b] [i]"Uhh, you really wanna read his effect?"[/i]
[b]Guy 2[/b] [i]"Yeah"[/i]
[b]Guy 1[/b] [i]"But there's only 25 minutes left on the round"[/i]
[b]Guy 2[/b] [i]"So?"[/i]
[b]Guy 1[/b] [i]*sigh*[/i]
[/quote]

Epic.

[.Ash]

Right then. I'm bored, and I'm going to have me a good look at this card. I'll just point out things as I go along while reading the card.

- Summoning conditions can be manipulated quite easily, grave control is hardly a problem, and there are decks that may thrive off the discarding ot RFP.
- Targeting immunity may be a tad much, but it can still be nuked by the usual suspects.
- [i]"When this card is designated as an attack target by a monster with 2500 or more original ATK, destroy this card."[/i]
This may be easier to beat than I first suspected.
- Aqua effect seems unusual when based on others of the type. Basic 1-4-1 S/T removal looks fairly basic but playable. ATK can be pretty high early on I suppose. Nothing too special here.
- Beast effect would not be used unless for a fairly bad stall. Considering you'll probably have removed most of your Grave from play to actually play this card, it's left quite weak.
- Beast-Warrior effect looks pretty strong late-game. That is, if you'll remember to count how many monsters are actually destroyed by battle. Continued attacking looks fine, cost is fair enough IMO.
- Dinosaur effect, power gain is likely to be low, due to it's own SS requirements and the low chance of the field being heavy on EARTH monsters. However, with the RFP'd monsters around, searching Tyranno Infinity looks pro.
- Dragon effect makes a Beatstick. Nothing else, as it's own SS requirements means Original DEF will always be 0. I'm not sure if it would revive itself when attacked by a monster with 2500 ATK...
- Fairy effect is LP based, which is a pity. However, it is usable, and you'll likely have a huge beatstick to show for it. Halving ATK for LP sounds daft, but I suppose it's ATK will increase again to justify it.
- Fiend effect spawns Beatstick Tokens? Your monster will also likely have large ATK as well, so just pure brawn here. Mix Token Feastevil for lulz.
- Fish effect is reliant on Swarming, something that might be difficult eith this cards SS requirements. If it can be pulled off though, OTK potential is there.
- Insect effect is weak by looks. ATK gain is low unless you're mixing in plants too. For obvious reasons, you won't be able to SS an Insect the turn you play this card either.
- Machine effect = Limiter Removal. 'Nuff said.
- Plant effect should summon tokens to your side of the field if anything. Would provide Lonefire Blossom targets and Synchro Fodder. As-is, just clogs opponents field, but can still be tribute fodder. Also, foils you own attempts at a direct attack. :/
- Psychic effect, should you somehow play Dark Hole then this as early as possible, you're almost guaranteed an OTK. Not likely I imagine, but it could happen. Removal effect seems random, but you could still probably increase your LP from it.
- Pyro effect is generic (and fairly useless) Burn. Early in Duel, this has no use and no Pyro monsters in-hand to boost attack and burn when monster is played.
- Reptile effect is weak. 800 ATK when first used, and it is unlikely to make any more afterwards.
- Rock effect is almost a carbon copy of Great Spirit. You do realize that monsters are Flip Summoned into face-up Attack Position anyway right? Makes 4000 ATK Beatstick and keeps to the Flip Summon theme Rock monsters have.
- Sea Serpent effect is reliant again on Swarming to build up it's ATK. Discarding effect would be handy if you could actually discard cards in the first place. Also, you're lacking where the SS'd monster would be summoned from.
- Spellcaster effect - DEF gain is pointless for the reason that ATK is more likely to be used. Only worth getting 10, but it would most likely need protection from cards like Dark Hole for it to actually Nuke.
- Thunder effect basically boosts itself for every SS'd Batteryman. Turns itself into a huge Beatstick, nothing much else.
- Warrior effect would be better if it didn't end the Battle Phase too. Not much else here.
- Winged Beast effect is weakened due to the SS requirements. You'd have to play/Set a fair few S/T's for this card to have a decent ATK, but then you're in danger of overextending. Again, discarding to activate effect is not too likely to happen.
- Zombie effect is harmed by the removal for the card's SS requirements and would only be decent attack gain late in the game. Sorta random LP gain, but handy for switching Types.

All in all, a lot of effects are very similar. Some produce huge beatsticks, some fairly low ATK gain. Not much removal to protect the card itself, and is vulnerable should your opponent drop Dark Hole or attack with anything with 2500 or more ATK, regardless of it's ATK at the time. Also noticed a lot of Grave and hand focus for some effects, which were rendered pointless by the fact you'd already discarded your hand and RFP'd from the grave to play this card in the first place.

[War Chess]

I can't believe .:Snowy:. looked at this. I won't.
Just don't do things like this if you want rates.
Sorry.

[.Ash]

[quote name='War Chess' timestamp='1295098414' post='4935722']
I can't believe .:Snowy:. looked at this. I won't.
Just don't do things like this if you want rates.
Sorry.
[/quote]

I was extremely bored. It seemed like a challenge.

I may even try for the OCG fix at some point....

[<}Alpha Frogodile{>]

This card's Attribute becomes WATER and it[s]s Type[/s] becomes Aqua-Type.

That's for all 21 types.

[The Dark Knight]

It took 8 minutes to speed-read it.

[Azphreal]

Yes, but did you UNDERSTAND it?
And thank you.

[Dearg Doom]

Woah woah, that is a LONG effect! how the heck did you come up with all that?!

[Azphreal]

With my brain. And War Chess, I wasn't looking for rates.

[The Dark Knight]

Well there's no way anyone can remember all the different effects by reading it once, but I understand that you can select a type of monster, it then becomes that type (and a corresponding attribute) until the End Phase. It also gains varied effects, all of which in some way involve ATK and DEF.

[<}Alpha Frogodile{>]

You owe me 3 repz [b]amirite?[/b]

[Azphreal]

I suppose so.. but when I said OCG fix I meant the entire thing... did you read the entire way through?

[pyrowiz23]

this card is entirely OPED!! can use it as someones ace card in my fanfic?

[Monkeymadman]

AHEMMMMM..
[b]This card cannot be Summoned, except by [/b]discarding your entire hand and removing 5 monsters in your Graveyard from play. Negate any Spell, Trap or Monster Card effect that targets this card and destroy it.

I give up.
I get the gist of the effect, and its a fairly decent card.
9.7/10

[Azphreal]

[quote name='Monkeymadman' timestamp='1295205095' post='4938804']
[b]This card cannot be Summoned, except by [/b][/quote]

Why do people always say that? -.- "This card can only be Special Summoned by" is perfectly legal OCG as well.