Liamj-85 Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 Hey guys i am new here and basically just wanted to jump straight in so here is my first card, i am going to make a deck of 40 playing of this card if all goes well but please don't hold back on the comments I want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth Oh and the reason I put the creator as KAZUKI TAKAHASHI is because I want the card to look as real as possible Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skythief Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 The truth you want? The truth is that attachments/thumbnails are neither appreciated nor allowed. Also, please post the effects of the cards as they are rather small written, although I can still read them. Dark Necromancer: For the way how easy he is to summon, he is quite powerful, especially late game. Not only that, but also does his effect support lightsworns, and you would actually help them by milling cards from your deck. This monster probably requires some kind of drawback, like tributing 1 or 2 monsters to summon him. Mother of All: The second effect is fine, but I might want to point out some more things about the 1st effect. You can search for PSZ (Plaguespreader Zombie) or Krebons and have an instant level 8 synchro. Dark Resonator or Black Salvo are instant level 9 synchro, etc. Very powerful, but probably not as OP as the first monster. OCG: If you don't know yet, this means Official Card Grammar. It's how the original cards are written. Another use of the lore, if you had a lore, I could givve you the correct OCG, but for now I can only point things out. You missed quite many capitalizations, most notably Normal/Special Summoned, Set, Deck, Graveyard and Main Phase. Also, Attributes like DARK are written all capitalized. You don't write attack and defense when reffering to the combat values of a card, but ATK and DEF. Finally, I want to give you the most important tip for OCG ever: Search for whatever you want to say in existing cards. If you don't possess any cards that say what you want to say, go to yugioh.wikia If you write Kazuki Takahashi, then the year should be 1996. Effects are good but need ironing out, OCG needs improvement, but that will come over time, pics are okay, originality is okay, overall 7/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ss2phil Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 Dark necromancer : honestly broken Mother of all: a tad op'ed but good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liamj-85 Posted March 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 sorry about the thumbnails like I said i am new I was thinking about the effect of Dark necromancer and will probably make it more challenging to summon or include some other drawback, i may play of "exodius the ultimate forbidden lord's" effect, also while making these cards I want them to have the ability of being used as support cards in other decks and visa versa so yes on the lightsworrn comment. as for mother of all it was intentional to make "her" a possible syncro material with her effect but I see where your coming from on the power issue i will have a rethink about that about the OCG (Thanks for the heads up) and the capitalizations etc.. i will deal with this when I have sorted out the more key issues of the cards *am i right in assuming OP means over powered?* if there is anything I have missed out just say, and thanks for the honesty[img]http://img41.imageshack.us/img41/2844/82642.jpg[/img] [b]"This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card cannot be Special Summoned except by returning all monsters from your Graveyard to your Deck. Once per turn during your Main Phase, you can pay 800 Life Points to send the top 3 cards of your Deck to the Graveyard. This card has 500 ATK and DEF for each Monster in your Graveyard." [/b] okay hopefully this is an improvement, I have made sure to use caps where needed and have uses existing cards to get the text right. and well just once again be honest better, worse, "You changed it?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow-Master Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 "This card has 500 ATK and DEF for each Monster in your Graveyard." I think it should be "This card's ATK and DEF becomes the number of monsters in your Graveyard x 500." or something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liamj-85 Posted March 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 [quote name='Shadow-Master' timestamp='1300031330' post='5071054'] "This card has 500 ATK and DEF for each Monster in your Graveyard." I think it should be "This card's ATK and DEF becomes the number of monsters in your Graveyard x 500." or something like that. [/quote] It depends some cards say it like that e.g. gren maju de eiza but the card I used exodus the ultimate...... says it the way I wrote it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MoldOfWarriors Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 [size="7"]YOU TOTALLY STOLE MY NECROMANCER IDEA!!![/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liamj-85 Posted March 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 huh stole your idea, as in you've already posted it, in which case I haven't seen it or you have yet to post it in which case I posted first so I hardly stole itoh right you've already posted one, sorry didn't see it, well I haven't really stole it Ive just come up with a different angle on the concept yours are mainly based on elements and besides I doubt i will have more than 2-3 cards with necromancer in the name anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefman Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 [quote name='MoldOfWarriors' timestamp='1300031716' post='5071083'] [size="7"]YOU TOTALLY STOLE MY NECROMANCER IDEA!!![/size] [/quote] You're lucky I'm out of negs To the cards, OCG is kinda off, but I like the improved version better. 7/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skythief Posted March 13, 2011 Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 [quote name='MoldOfWarriors' timestamp='1300031716' post='5071083'] [size="7"]YOU TOTALLY STOLE MY NECROMANCER IDEA!!![/size] [/quote] Chill out. Look at the new version. It's different, and better than yours to be honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liamj-85 Posted March 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 Thank you anyway moving on I've made a few more cards so ill put them up, oh 1 thing though these are the power cards if you will, meaning these are some of the best monsters in the deck so sorry if you think i have gone ott anyway...........oh and ive changed them from spellcasters to fiends I thought it made more sense [img]http://img858.imageshack.us/img858/2844/82642.jpg[/img] [b]FLIP: Both players discard their hands, then draw 3 cards[/b] [img]http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/6601/82642i.jpg[/img] [b]Once per turn, you can discard 1 card to Special Summon 1 Level 4 or lower DARK monster from your Graveyard[/b] [img]http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/2844/82642.jpg[/img] [b]When this card is sent to the Graveyard as a result of battle, Draw 2 cards[/b] [img]http://img858.imageshack.us/img858/1627/82642l.jpg[/img] [b]When this card is sent to the Graveyard as a result of battle, Destroy 2 Spell or Trap cards your opponents side of the Field[/b] [img]http://img858.imageshack.us/img858/7127/82642n.jpg[/img] [b]As long as this card remains face-up on the field, increase the ATK of all DARK monsters by 500 and decrease the ATK of all LIGHT monsters by 400[/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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