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Criminal Element [Chapter 4 Up!][PG][Reviews Welcome!]


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Hello, I'm not the Nostalgia Critic. I can't remember it, so someone else will have to. This is an original story that I posted a while back, and was 9 chapters in when I realizes that there was a gaping plothole. So I redid the whole thing, and I like how it came out. I hope you enjoy it. If anyone could review this, I would me most thankful.

[spoiler=Chapter 1: Ace the Assassin]Simply stated, my life's pretty exciting.

Oftentimes I'd come back from an assignment with a black eye and a bullet in my left kneecap, cheerfully asking my boss to call an ambulance.

I've been there, done that, had my share of enemies, betrayals, but only 2 years ago did I make it completely to the top.

This is the story of my most intense assignment yet. Considering what I've been through, that's saying a lot.

At this point I bet you're wondering who I am.

The name's Ace Riverstone, first class assassin.

Let's just get to the exciting part.

It happened one day roughly 2 years ago, when I was still a 2nd class. I was talking to my boss about my next assignment, and he gave me a shocking detail about my next assignment.

"...Me?! First Class Assassin? Who do I gotta kill?"

"Well, you remember all those guys you hunted down before? Remember how they all mentioned 'the boss'? Turns out they're all part of a criminal group called the Blackwood Movement. Your next assignment will be to track down thier leader."

I remembered every single one of those guys. And lemme tell ya, they ain't no lovable rogues.

He threw a couple of files on the table. I browsed the files, looking carefully at the photo. My target had black hair, wore a red bandana over it, I guess he was wearing a leather jacket (The picture was only of his head, but I saw some leather in there) and had an eyepatch over his left eye.

His name was Cecil Blackwood.

"Our informants say that he's incredibly ruthless", the boss added. "At least, that's what they said when they texted me. The fact that they never came back adds to that theory."

"Where is he?"

"I haven't a clue."

The place I call home is Mesa River City. It's in the middle of a desert, but a canyon runs right by it and a river flows through that. (Remember that, it'll be important later on.)

We assassins fight crime, but we also tend to fight the law, just not as much. We don't really care, we just want justice served.

I just drove off wondering what to do next when Oliver MacKarren entered my life.

I grabbed a Coke and as I laid back in my car wiping my greasy black hair out of my face, I saw 2 people riding by on motorcycles.

Curious, I followed them.

Next thing I knew, I had arrived at the Mesa River City bank. There was a big hole in the side and cops all over. Not a trace of those motorcycle guys.

Except for the motorcycles parked by the alley.

I went into said alley, I saw one of the thieves walk into a big hole in the wall. I guessed that it was one of those "plotholes" that've become so popular lately, so that's probably why the police haven't checked in here yet even with the motorcycles there.

I walked in and was shocked to see the two people cornering a red-haired kid about 12 years old. In case you're wondering, yes, that was Oliver. One of the motorcyclists had long black hair, and when I looked him in the eye later on, his eyes were disturbingly colorless.

The other one was a woman about my age. She had brown hair, and blue eyes.

"What the heck are you doing?" I said.

Just after I asked the question, I noticed Oliver was holding a camera.

"He caught us on tape!" the black hair guy explained. "We can't let this go reported!"

"He's right", the woman added. "We've gone 4 years without being caught once, except by this kid, and by you."

"Which reminds me." He pulled out a whip from his backpack. "Neither of you are going to live."

The first instinct I had was to kick the guy in the crotch.

I grabbed Oliver and dragged him into my car, and drove off. I looked back to make sure they weren't following us, but, unfortunately, they were.

I didn't consider for a second that this wasn't the most life-threatening thing that would happen to me today.

Eventually, both vehicles were in the desert. I rammed the car into the motorcycle, and drove off road to throw them off.

It was at that point that I realized I was out of gas.

[i]Why didn't I get gas while I was at the convenience store[/i], I thought as me and Oliver scrambled out of the car.

I looked back and saw that the cycle people caught up with the car

In a nearby cliff face, I noticed a cavelike hole in the side that might be a cave. I dragged Oliver into it and, as soon as I was confident that nobody was following us anymore, I caught my breath.

I leaned against a wall. It took me about 2 seconds that the wall was falling in. No, scratch that, precision of language; It was opening. Like a door.[/spoiler][spoiler=Chapter 2: Crossing the Line]Oliver handed the camera to me and crouched behind me. We both entered cautiously. I don't know what I was thinking, I just wanted to get away from those two guys.

But wouldn't you know it, the cave was their hideout. Oops.

The walls were made of concrete, and to be honest, the whole place looked kinda like a prison.

Suddenly the "door" closed behind us. We both whipped around to see who had done it.

It was Cecil.

"Nice of you to show up! Care for a cigarette?" He asked as he pulled out a pack.

"No thanks. Smoking's bad for your health."

"So are guns. And it looks like you forgot to bring one!"

I realized that I left my gun in the car. Oops.

"Name's Cecil", he said. "Now, hand over the camera."

"I'd prefer not to."

"Let me rephrase." Moving with suprising agility, he pulled Oliver by the hair and pulled out his own gun. "Hand over the camera or I'll put a bullet in his head and call it macaroni!"

Well, child abuse isn't my favorite thing to look at (I'm not Willy Wonka, ya know) so I tossed the camera onto the floor.

"That's better", he said. Then he cocked the gun and held the barrel to Oliver's head. "...Sucker!"

I picked up the camera and chucked it at Cecil's hand, knocking the pistol out of his hand. Oliver ranback behind me. I had half a mind to give Cecil a piece of the rest of my mind about breaking his vow. In retrospect, I should've known better that to trust a freakin' CRIME LORD.

Cecil seemed to know what I was thinking. "Where would the fun be if I didn't get to kill a child every once in a while? It's been at least a month since last time, after all."

I ran towards the gun on the floor and picked it up. I should've noticed that Cecil didn't make any visible effort to stop me. I shot at him, but another bullet came out of the shadows and knocked my bullet out of the air.

A tall man with blonde hair, brown eyes, and a blue jacket with blue jeans emerged from the shadows, carrying a machine gun.

"Allow me to introduce you to my right hand man/bodyguard/butler, Lector." He paused, then added "Not that I need a bodyguard, I just like Mexican standoffs."

I didn't have time for Mexican standoffs. "Look, if you don't mind, we'll be going now."

"To quote HAL", Cecil said with a smirk on his face, "I'm afraid I can't let you do that."

I did the first thing that popped into my head.

"Hey look! A distraction!"

Suprisingly, it worked.

"A distraction? Where? I don't see it!"

By that point I had already escaped.

I made sure Oliver was safe, I started out.

Then something hit me on the back of my head really hard. I fell onto the ground, and a brown liquid covered me.

"What the-" I said, before suddenly realizing that Cecil had thrown the object.

"It's rum", he explained, "So nobody'll believe your story!"

He turned and left before I could get a shot at him. I heard the door lock, so going back in wasn't an option.

Then I realized the camera was still in there. Oops.[/spoiler][spoiler=Chapter 3: Bad Guys and Backstory]Well, I was in a pickle; Not only did Cecil elude me, but since the plumbing in my house was broken (unfortunate plot device, eh?) I couldn't wash off the beer he dumped on me. Well, I thought, I'll get back to that. I had another matter to take care of: The kid.

"So, kid", I said, "What's your name?"

"I'm Oliver", he said.

"I should take ya home", I said. "Where do ya live?"

"Oh, that. Well, I'm an orphan."

As luck would have it, there was a red light here to give me an excuse to have a screeching tire sound effect.

"So... shouldn't you be in an orphanage?"

"Well yeah, but if they're anything like the ones on TV, I figured, count me out."

"So what happened to yer parents?"

"Cecil killed 'em."

Now I was genuinely interested.

Oliver's story was, predictably, a downer.

"It all started roughly 4 years ago. I don't know exactly what happened, but I do know that my parents owed him a lot of money, so he just went Joker on them and that was that."

Not much of a backstory, but hey; This is in the fanfic section. Fanfics aren't supposed to be good.

"Well, if you want you could live with me. My apartment has empty room now that my brother Carlos moved."

"That sounds good."

Little did I know, however, that someone was watching us.

A couple of minutes on the road, we hit a flat tire.

As I went to get the spare, I heard a thud where Oliver was. As I checked on him, I felt a hard thud on the back of my head.

When I came to, I was in an alleyway with those two biker people from Chapter 1. I swear, the black-haired guy is turned on by alleys.

"I was wondering when you would show up. I was beginning to think that nail was reflecting the sun on you."

The woman grabbed the kid and tied him up, and chucked him in the dumpster.

The very next second, the black hair guy pulled out his whip... and whipped me right across the chest.

The pain seemed to last a full hour, and when it wore off... he did it again. Friggin' sadist.

This went on for at leats 20 times. I swear, he was getting turned on by it.

"I think he's had enough", the woman said.

The man looked over at her. "Don't you remember what we learned in karate class?! No mercy. No weakness."

Before he could get me again, however, the woman threw a ninja star at him, slicing clear through the whip.

"I've had enough of this, Shadow!" she said. (Interesting name, Shadow... Maybe it was because of his eyes' lack of color...?) In any case, she threw another one at him. "You're sick. I've had it with this idiotic organization! I'm DONE!"

Shadow clearly knew that he was defenseless know, so he just bolted.

"Hey... Are you two all right?" she asked.

"Yeah, nothing a blood pack won't cure", I replied.

"My name's Alexis. Now that I've officially crossed Cecil, that probably shortened my lifespan a considerable amount. Can I hide out at your place for a while?"

"Yeah. Sure."

So we all got back to my place, and she told me about the last thing she heard from Cecil.[/spoiler][spoiler=Chapter 4: Cecil's Plan]“All right, so before we left, Cecil held a staff meeting at his headquarters.” Alexis then described, in detail, what happened.

Cecil had called his men together and hopped on the conference table, for effect. “So, as you know, two wise guys have found or hideout and lived to tell about it. Not that the booze I spilled on them didn’t work, but the smell won’t last long.”

He paused, holding his gun, and said, “Anybody want to volunteer to kill the older one and bring the kid to me alive?”

“With all due respect, sir”, one of Cecil’s minions said, “But I think that personally killing children is a bit much, don’t you think? I can understand the other guy, but a 12-year-old kid? Sorry, but I’m out.”

Cecil cocked the gun. “Well, if that’s how you want it…” Then he shot the guy in the head.”

“So, as I was saying… Any volunteers?”

Then Shadow stood up. “Me and Alexis will go ahead and do this. I’ve got a score to settle with those two, anyway.”

“Excellent!” Cecil said. “So now, onto our other thing.”

He paused, letting the other people stop whispering to each other. When they still didn’t stop, he fired a couple of shots at the ceiling. Then he went on.

“Shadow and Alexis have already gotten a few million dollars from the bank, and I am here today to explain what the money is for.”

He turned on a slide projector. It projected a diagram of what looked like a missile.

“We are developing an extremely deadly biohazard that kills on contact. This is the key to world domination. If we simply employ this weapon on every country until they all surrender, then I, Cecil Blackwood, will be SUPREME OVERLORD OF EARTH!”


“Sorry, but as the main antagonist of this fanfic, I have to get hammy sometimes.”

“Anyways, like I was saying, this weapon should be ready in just a few days. Which brings me to explain why that first issue was so important. If those meddling idiots decide to take matters into their own hands, then it is vital that we get them out of the way as soon as possible.”

“And that was the last thing he said before me and Shadow left", Alexis finished.

I looked over at Oliver. He knew what I was thinking, I could tell.

“All right, Alexis”, I said. “Tomorrow, we’re going to stop Cecil once and for all.”[/spoiler]
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You definitely give the character depth with the use of first-person and quirky narration, which is something hard to come by. I give you props for that already, and the plot looks like it can be promising if you can turn it into something more than the cliched "guns and glory" stereotype. Don't worry, though - I'll be tuning in~
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