(W.I.M.M) Posted April 3, 2011 Report Share Posted April 3, 2011 [size="5"]My First real cards please review and give me pointers (i was a bit lazy with some OCG)[/size] Devils Gamble [img]http://img402.imageshack.us/img402/4725/213730b.jpg[/img] Lore: Tribute one DARK monster on your side of the field to attempt to summon Death the Final Horseman of the Apocalypse, flip a coin if it lands on heads you are able to summon Death the Final Horseman of the Apocalypse as soon as all other conditions of his summoning are met.If it lands on tails the tributed monster becomes a LIGHT monster and is special summoned to your opponents side of the field. You may attempt this summon every 2nd turn. Chaos [img]http://img402.imageshack.us/img402/9230/213730k.jpg[/img] Lore: This card is used to summon War the Third Horseman of the Apocalypse. When you activate this spell card all monster cards on the field are exchanged for your opponents monsters, all monsters are changed to attack position (FLIP effects are not activated this time). This cards effect is negated at the end phase of your third turn after activation. Tribute two monsters and summon War the Third Horseman of the Apocalypse at the end phase of your third turn. Death the Final Horseman of the Apocalypse [img]http://img402.imageshack.us/img402/4183/213730.jpg[/img] Lore:(Sorry something weird happened to the effect its only showing 1/3rd of info) Pestilence + Famine + War + Devils Gamble + Hideous Combination + up to 3 other monster cards from the Graveyard. This card gains the ATK and DEF of all monsters used in fusion This monster can only attack after 3 turns, in those three turns if he is destroyed special summon one Seed of Death Token (ATK? DEF? Lv 3) on the opponents side of the field. this card cannot deal any damage to your opponents lifepoints unless there are no other monsters on the field. You can attack your own monsters with death to damage the opponents lifepoints equal to half the attack of the destroyed monster, OR to remove a spell or trap card from play from the field or the Graveyard OR pick a card at random from the opponents hand and if it is a monster card destroy it. You cannot attack your opponent or his monsters on the same turn you activate this cards effect. You do not recieve battle damage from battles involving this card. Epoch, Harbinger of the Apocalypse [img]http://img696.imageshack.us/img696/2968/213730r.jpg[/img] Lore: When this card is Tribute Summonedor Set, Set 1 Gates of Hell from your Deck or Hand. If Pheron Father of Doubt or Yaram Betrayer of Light are on the field tribute them to Increase Epoch's ATK and DEF by 300 each. Famine the Second Horseman of the Apocalypse [img]http://img696.imageshack.us/img696/4183/213730.jpg[/img] Lore: This card can only be summoned when the Spell card(s) Gates of Hell/Starvation is activated. Famine is Face up on the field in each of your opponents Standby Phases reduce the ATK and DEF of your opponents monsters by 200. Every 2nd of your opponents Draw Phases are skipped.This card can only be destroyed in the turns your opponent draws a card Gates of Hell [img]http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/9609/213730z.jpg[/img] Lore: Increase the ATK and DEF of all Monsters with Apocalypse in their name by 500. When Epoch Harbinger of The Apocolypse is on your side of the field in your End Phase discard any amount of cards from your hand to send the same amount of the opponents cards that are on the field to the Graveyard. The effects of any of your opponents effect monsters is negated. Hellish Fusion [img]http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/4183/213730.jpg[/img] Lore: Remove from play a LIGHT monster and a DARK monster to assist in the summon of Death the Final Horseman of the Apocalypse. If Death the Final Horseman of the Apocalypse isn't summoned in the next three turns remove this card from play. Pestilence the First Horseman of the Apocalypse [img]http://img715.imageshack.us/img715/4183/213730.jpg[/img] Lore: This card can only be summoned when the Spell card(s) Gates of Hell/Plague is active/activated. When Pestilence is on the field in face-up defense position your opponent cannot set or activate trap and spell cards this card cannot be destroyed while in defense mode. Pheron Father of Doubt [img]http://img848.imageshack.us/img848/390/213730n.jpg[/img] Lore: When sent to the Graveyard as a result of battle any monster that has battled against Pheron Father of Doubt in any of the previous turns is unable to attack for the next 3 turns. This card can be Special Summoned after one of the monsters that previously attacked Pheron Father of Doubt. After being Special Summoned by the effect of Pheron Father of Doubt this card is removed from play.No battle damage from battles involving this card.This card cannot be destroyed by battle when attacking. Plague [img]http://img848.imageshack.us/img848/4183/213730.jpg[/img] Lore: This card allows you to Ritual Summon Pestilence the First Horseman by removing 3 of your cards from the graveyard and tributing 2 of your face up monster cards. For the next two turns you must discard one card from your hand otherwise the effect of this card is negated Pestilence the First Horseman is summoned at the end of those turns that is also when the monsters are tributed. Shaman of the Apocalypse [img]http://img860.imageshack.us/img860/4784/213730t.jpg[/img] Lore: Every second time a monster is sent to the Graveyard Special Summon a DARK monster of six levels or under from your Graveyard the Special summoned DARK monster(s) of six levels or under effect(s) are negated. Each of your standby phases reduce the Summoned monster(s) level, ATK and DEF by 200 Starvation [img]http://img860.imageshack.us/img860/4183/213730.jpg[/img] Lore: To Ritual Summon Famine the Third Horseman discard all cards in your hand and tribute 2 monsters for the next two turns you skip your draw phase at the end of those two turns Famine the Third Horseman is summoned and the monsters tributed. War the Third Horseman Of The Apocalypse [img]http://img651.imageshack.us/img651/4183/213730.jpg[/img] Lore: When this monster is on the field all monsters are changed to attack mode and they must attack during each of their owners battle phases or they are sent to the Graveyard. This monster can attack twice per turn, in each of your battle phases this card gains 500 attack points this monster cannot be destroyed by battle while in attack mode Yaram Betrayer of Light [img]http://img842.imageshack.us/img842/4183/213730.jpg[/img] Lore: When Tributed for the activation of an effect or Ritual or Synchro Summons does 500 Direct Damage to your opponents Life Points. When on the field or Graveyard this monster is counted as having Apocalypse in its name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MystirMeme Posted April 3, 2011 Report Share Posted April 3, 2011 OMFG YOU STOLE MY IDEA!!!! I WAS GONNA DO THAT!!!! lol probably my fault for limiting myself to men riding horses. Anyways, the cards have potential, although im seeing alot of OCG errors here. Also, the horsement must be Ritual Monsters for those Ritual Spell Cards to be so. 4/10. They have potential. Just fix em up and bam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starareo Posted April 3, 2011 Report Share Posted April 3, 2011 That death is uber-unstoppable Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cody Frost Posted April 3, 2011 Report Share Posted April 3, 2011 *face palm* OMG...you have 2 threads?! Dude...WTH?! I'll post the same comment I gave you on your last thread, but really...1 of the 2 threads has to go... Since you are enraged by “Spoilers” (even though you seem to have used them yourself), I will not be using them but I will still give you my epic comment (now that I’m fully rested and 93% functional. [quote name='(W.I.M.M)' timestamp='1301812591' post='5110219'] [u][b]Perstilence the First Horseman of the Apocalypse[/b][/u] [i] This card can only be summoned when the Spell card(s) Gates of Hell/Plague is active/activated. When Pestilence is on the field in face-up defense position your opponent cannot set or activate trap and spell cards this card cannot be destroyed while in defense mode.[/i] Ridiculously BROKEN!! First off, what do you mean by Summoned? Normal Summoned, Special Summoned? Most likely you mean Special Summoned because this card is confusing to summon. Then there is the negation and anti-destruction effect. You want him in face-up defense position and then you give him a whooping 4000 DEF that is relatively difficult to get over, and then an Anti-Destruction effect while he’s in this state?! Way too strong. Way too good. You shut down almost all of your opponent’s effects and only some cards will be able to get over this monster. Here’s a better effect: [i] This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned from your hand while “Gates of Hell” is face-up on the field. While this card is in face-up Defense Position, Fiend-Type monsters you control are unaffected by your opponent’s Trap Cards. While this card is in face-up Attack Position, Fiend-Type monsters you control are unaffected by your opponent’s Spell Cards. This card cannot be destroyed by battle while you control another Fiend-Type monster on your side of the field.[/i] ATK/DEF: 2500/2500 Still pretty strong, but not as BROKEN now. With the ATK and DEF equal at 2500, you can adjust it’s effects to fit the situations it needs. Not being able to Normal Summon or set this card makes it incredibly dependent on “Gates of Hell”, or “Plague” (you will see what plague will do in a moment). A much more balanced card, that can still be played and would be recommended playing in a Fiend-Type Deck. NEXT!! [u][b]Famine the Second Horseman of the Apocalyps[/b][/u] [i]This card can only be summoned when the Spell card(s) Gates of Hell/Starvation is activated. Famine is Face up on the field in each of your opponents Standby Phases reduce the ATK and DEF of your opponents monsters by 200. Every 2nd of your opponents Draw Phases are skipped.This card can only be destroyed in the turns your opponent draws a card[/i] I think this card is seriously UNDERPOWERED! That was quite odd of you to make this card almost completely useless. It’s just going to be destroyed the turn your opponent draws a card and the 200 ATK/DEF decrease isn’t helping it either. Try something along these lines: [i]This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned from your hand while “Gates of Hell” is face-up on the field. While this card is face-up on the field, decrease the ATK and DEF of all of your opponent’s monsters equal to the number of Fiend-Type monsters on the field x 100 and your opponent skips his Draw Phase during their next 2 turns. ATK/DEF: 2300/2300 Now it’s much more playable and pretty strict to get it out. There is still the dependence on “Gates of Hell” making it a key card in this archtype and so it will be hard getting these monsters out unless you run that spell at 3 cards in a deck, and even so, the opponent can find ways of destroying it. This card is not as broken as Yata Garasu, making it much more playable, but the stall effect won’t be as devastating because people can find ways around not drawing during the Draw Phase. I boosted it’s ATK and DEF by 300 points to make it RAM-able by Monarchs and weak enough so that if this is the only monster, Stadust can still go over it without much difficulty. [u][b]War the Third Horseman of the Apocalypse[/b][/u] [i]When this monster is on the field all monsters are changed to attack mode and they must attack during each of their owners battle phases or they are sent to the Graveyard. This monster can attack twice per turn, in each of your battle phases this card gains 500 attack points this monster cannot be destroyed by battle while in attack mode[/i] You have BROKEN this card immensely. You put a form of “All Out Attacks” + “Ancient Forest” + “Mist Body” effect + a weaker effect version of “Sword Hunter” + the effect of “Twin Swords - Tryce” on this 1 single monster. No, no no no no no no no no no! That makes this card BROKEN as hell! Try this: [i]This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned from your hand while “Gates of Hell” is face-up on the field. When this card is Summoned, change the Battle Positions of all monsters on the field to Attack Position (Flip Effects are not activated). You can pay 2000 life points to have this card attack twice this turn. Once per turn, this card cannot be destroyed by battle. If this card destroys a monster(s) by battle this turn, it gains 300 ATK at the end of the Battle Phase. ATK/DEF: 3000/2500 Slower in getting it’s power, will take double the effort to get rid of this card, has a decent cost making it’s attack twice effect a luxury effect that you won’t be able to perform many times, and it negates the current flip effect cards on the field when summoned. That sounds like a much better card especially given it’s 3000 ATK. Again, there is a dependence on “Gates of Hell” and by making that 1 card incredibly important, it will be possible to stop this Deck or at least slow it down significantly if that 1 card is taken down. [b][u]Death the Final Horseman of the Apocalypse[/b][/u] [i]Pestilence + Famine + War + Devils Gamble + Hideous Combination + up to 3 other monster cards from the Graveyard. This card gains the ATK and DEF of all monsters used in fusion This monster can only attack after 3 turns, in those three turns if he is destroyed Special Summon one Seed of Death on the opponents side of the field. this card cannot deal any damage to your opponents lifepoints unless there are no other monsters on the field. You can attack your own monsters with death to damage the opponents lifepoints equal to half the attack of the destroyed monster, OR to remove a spell or trap card from play from the field or the Graveyard OR pick a card at random from the opponents hand and if it is a monster card destroy it. You cannot attack your opponent or his monsters on the same turn you activate this cards effect. You do not recieve battle damage from battles involving this card.[/i] Odd…effects are just weird…and even so it’s still broken. You basically get a +5000 ATK, +8500 DEF monster that can’t attack for three turns, a “Seed of Death” (I assume it’s a token) that you still control except it’s on your opponent’s side of the field, taking up their space, death can attack your monsters at your own will causing the opponent (I believe), to lose both the battle damage and the effect damage from that 1 attack, and then some mumbo jumbo card effects that makes this card do way too much! Try this: [i]”Perstilence the First Horseman of the Apocalypse” + “Famine the Second Horseman of the Apocalypse” + “War the Third Horseman of the Apocalypse” This card can only be Fusion Summoned with the above Fusion Material Monsters. Once per turn, you can Special Summon 1 “Seed of Death Token” (Fiend-Type/DARK/Level 6/ATK 2400/DEF 2400) on your opponent’s side of the field in Defense Position. If your opponent controls no Fiend-Type monsters other than the “Seed of Death“ Tokens, “Seed of Death” Tokens on your opponent’s side of the field cannot be used for the Summon of a monster. During each of your opponent’s End Phases, inflict damage to your opponent equal to the number of “Seed of Death” Tokens on their side of the field x 500. If a “Seed of Death” Token is destroyed by battle, randomly discard 1 card from your opponent’s hand. ATK/DEF: 4000/4000 Now the main concept of the card is to deal burn damage and clog up the opponent’s Monster Zones. Add to the fact that they can’t used these monsters for Synchro or Exceed Summons unless they control Fiend-Type monsters makes this effect quite powerful against most non-Fiend Decks. Much more balanced, and just might be worth bringing out with Future Fusion or something. [b][u]Epoch, Harbinger of the Apocalypse[/b][/u] [I]When this card is Tribute Summoned or Set, Set 1 “Gates of Hell” from your Deck or Hand. If “Pheron Father of Doubt” or “Yaram Betrayer of Light” are on the field, [b]you can[/b] tribute them to increase [/b]this card’s[/b] ATK and DEF by 300 each.[/I] Decent card, decent attack, decent effect. Nothing wrong here. [b][u]Pheron Father of Doubt[/b][/u] [I]When sent to the Graveyard as a result of battle any monster that has battled against Pheron Father of Doubt in any of the previous turns is unable to attack for the next 3 turns. This card can be Special Summoned after one of the monsters that previously attacked Pheron Father of Doubt. After being Special Summoned by the effect of Pheron Father of Doubt this card is removed from play.No battle damage from battles involving this card.This card cannot be destroyed by battle when attacking.[I] This card’s wording is weird. Try this: [I]This card cannot be destroyed by battle. When this card is sent to the Graveyard, any monster(s) that battled against this card cannot attack during your opponent’s next 3 End Phases. You can send 1 Fiend-Type monster from your hand to the Graveyard to Special Summon this card. If this card is Special Summoned by this effect, it is removed from play when it is removed from the field. Any Battle Damage done from battles involving this card is reduced to 0.[/I] Much better. [b][u]Shaman of the Apocalypse[/b][/u] [I]Every second time a monster is sent to the Graveyard Special Summon a DARK monster of six levels or under from your Graveyard the Special summoned DARK monster(s) of six levels or under effect(s) are negated. Each of your standby phases reduce the Summoned monster(s) level, ATK and DEF by 200[/I] The effect sounds weird. Reworded: [/I]Each time a monster is sent to the Graveyard, Special Summon 1 level 6 or lower DARK Fiend-Type monster from your Graveyard. Monsters Special Summoned by this card’s effect have their effects negated, have their levels reduced by 1 during your End Phases and lose 500 ATK and DEF during your Standby Phases.[/I] The reason I did 500 ATK and DEF is because you are able to Summon level 6 or lower monsters pretty easily. They can easily be used as Tribute Fodder or something. [b][u]Yaram Betrayer of Light[/b][/u] [I]When Tributed for the activation of an effect or Ritual or Synchro Summon 500 Direct Damage is inflicted to your opponents Life Points. When on the field or Graveyard this monster is counted as having Apocalypse in its name.[/I] Effect Reworded: [I]If this card is used for the activation of an effect or for the Ritual or Synchro Summon of a monster, inflict 500 damage to your opponent’s life points. While this card is face-up on the field, this card is treated as having “Apocalypse” in its name.[/I] Much better, pretty decent and not BROKEN at all. [u][b]Gates of Hell[/b][/u] [I]Increase the ATK and DEF of all Monsters with Apocalypse in their name by 500. When Epoch Harbinger of The Apocolypse is on your side of the field in your End Phase discard any amount of cards from your hand to send the same amount of the opponents cards that are on the field to the Graveyard. The effects of any of your opponents effect monsters is negated.[/I] Decent card, but it’s WAY too specific with Harbinger. Why not: [I]Increase the ATK and DEF of all Fiend-Type monsters on the field by 500 points. While you control an “Apocalypse” monster on your side of the field, during you End Phase you can discard up to 2 cards from your hand to send the same number of cards on your opponent’s side of the field to the Graveyard.[/I] The last two effects of Gates of Hell were kinda BROKEN, so a limit is required. This limit’s the amount of cards in you can send to the Grave and makes it more general that you can use this effect with ANY “Apocalypse” monster. [b][u]Plague[/u][/b] This card allows you to Ritual Summon Pestilence the First Horseman by removing 3 of your cards from the graveyard and tributing 2 of your face up monster cards. For the next two turns you must discard one card from your hand otherwise the effect of this card is negated Pestilence the First Horseman is summoned at the end of those turns that is also when the monsters are tributed. This makes no sense…a ritual card for an effect monster? That doesn’t sound right. Try this: [I]Send 3 Fiend-Type monsters from your Deck to the Graveyard to Special Summon 1 “Pestilence the First Horseman of the Apocalypse” from your hand or Graveyard ignoring the Summoning Conditions. You can remove this card in your Graveyard from play to Special Summon 1 level 4 or lower Fiend-Type monster from your Graveyard.[/I] This effect makes things work well pretty easy. You summon 2 monsters in 1 turn. This could also set up for “Pestilence’s” effects in Trap and Spell negation as well as his cannot be destroyed by battle effect. [b][u]Starvation[/b][/u] [I]To Ritual Summon Famine the Third Horseman discard all cards in your hand and tribute 2 monsters for the next two turns you skip your draw phase at the end of those two turns Famine the Third Horseman is summoned and the monsters tributed.[/I] Same reasoning as Plague… Try this: [I]Remove from play 3 Fiend-Type monsters from your Graveyard to Special Summon 1 “Famine the Second Horseman of the Apocalypse” from your hand. You can remove from this card in your Graveyard from play to Special Summon 1 removed from play level 4 or lower Fiend-Type monster.[/I] Sets up a good effect, adds a little bit of swarm effect and can be played as a follow up to “Plague” setting up a really good power brigade. [b][u]Chaos[/b][/u] [I]This card is used to summon War the Third Horseman of the Apocalypse. When you activate this spell card all monster cards on the field are exchanged for your opponents monsters, all monsters are changed to attack position (FLIP effects are not activated this time). This cards effect is negated at the end phase of your third turn after activation. Tribute two monsters and summon War the Third Horseman of the Apocalypse at the end phase of your third turn.[/I] Most of this card’s effects are already fulfilled by the monster itself, so it would be kind of tedious to have this card repeat everything again. Also the ritual thing was explained before. Try this: [I]Send 3 Fiend-Type monsters on the field to the Graveyard to Special Summon 1 “War the Third Horseman of the Apocalypse” from your hand. You can remove this card in your Graveyard from play to Special Summon 1 level 4 or lower Fiend-Type monster from your Deck. If you have all the right cards in your hand, (only IF) then you can have a chance at an epic swarm tactic that will (most likely) not happen. But if it does, you can Summon all 3 Horsemen of the Apocalypse from your hand and go in for some crazy pownage. [b][u]Hellish Fusion[/b][/u] [I]Remove from play a LIGHT monster and a DARK monster to assist in the summon of Death the Final Horseman of the Apocalypse. If Death the Final Horseman of the Apocalypse isn't summoned in the next three turns remove this card from play.[/I] Huh??? This card makes no sense with this archtype since all the monsters are nothing but DARK monsters. And sadly, I can’t think of anything to fix this card…unless maybe you treat it like a Fusion Card where you remove the monsters from your Graveyard from play in order to Summon “Death, the Final Horseman of the Apocalypse”. Something along these lines: [I]Remove from play monsters in your Graveyard listed on a Fusion Monster and Special Summon it. This is treated as a Fusion Summon.[/I] I don’t know if there is a card like that already though, but if there is then you can probably pull off 2 “Death the Final Horseman of the Apocalypse”. Future Fusion the 3 Horsemen, then use this card to Special Summon 1 Death. In 2 turns, another Death will appear and things can get crazy from there. [b][u]Devil’s Gamble[/b][/u] [I]Tribute one DARK monster on your side of the field to attempt to summon Death the Final Horseman of the Apocalypse, flip a coin if it lands on heads you are able to summon Death the Final Horseman of the Apocalypse as soon as all other conditions of his summoning are met.If it lands on tails the tributed monster becomes a LIGHT monster and is special summoned to your opponents side of the field. You may attempt this summon every 2nd turn.[/I] I have no idea on this card at all….make it something completely different? [/quote] The original theme seems to be completely off on so many levels. The OCG is horrid, the effects were everywhere, and suddenly you have these good cards that are in between. Try and see if any of these changes I’ve made help you sort out this theme. Rating: I had too do a lot of work on this set….will reframe from rating until I see what you do after you read this post. It took me from 8:07 A.M. to 10:41 A.M. to review this set (with minor breaks in between)... Dude the effects were long.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(W.I.M.M) Posted April 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 [quote name='Starareo' timestamp='1301848309' post='5111171'] That death is uber-unstoppable [/quote] ya and thats y hes so difficult to summonthanks so much im a real noob to this when i posted them I wasnt sure about the wording or the effects thnx very very much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cody Frost Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 [quote name='(W.I.M.M)' timestamp='1301881352' post='5112849'] thanks so much im a real noob to this when i posted them I wasnt sure about the wording or the effects thnx very very much [/quote] Ur welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xzMasteRzx Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 Some of the effects are either errors or either worded wrong. Good ideas and great pic though. Not bad at the least. Score: 8.5/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MystirMeme Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 @Cody Frost Now THAT is a review. *claps* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cody Frost Posted April 4, 2011 Report Share Posted April 4, 2011 [quote name='Dragon Master Zero' timestamp='1301886720' post='5113126'] @Cody Frost Now THAT is a review. *claps* [/quote] "Everyone's a crititc". Mainly me It's amazing as to how these types of reviews have decreased in "population" over the course of a few months. Members don't often do this and when I saw the set (thank you for redirecting me btw W.I.M.M.) I saw that it did have alot of potetilal, but most of that potential was (no offense W.I.M.M.) cluttered up severely and horridly over the OCG, wording, etc. that it eiher made it too hard to read or to understand for most people. I had to read some of these cards twice to fully grasp what they mean and even so I think I only got about 91% of them close to what you might have been thinking. Still, I do like to see good sets and this set has some ubber potential. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(W.I.M.M) Posted April 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2011 thnx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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