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my first five cards


SRL

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[img]http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img220.imageshack.us/img220/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img51.imageshack.us/img51/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img830.imageshack.us/img830/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img6.imageshack.us/img6/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

these are my first five cards pls rate i wanna know what you think

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[quote name='SRL' timestamp='1320937437' post='5630693']
[img]http://img37.imageshack.us/img37/2743/511808.jpg[/img]
You need to Fix this Card's OCG. Also, this card needs a cost. This card has like no limitations.


[img]http://img220.imageshack.us/img220/2743/511808.jpg[/img]
First of all, this card is a vanilla. Even though it states that it has an effect, it is a vanilla, so it doesn't have an effect. this card is supposed to be a Ritual monster. Also, there is no such monster in the actual card game with infinite ATK and DEF. Give it a type, effect type is not a type (types are Fiend, Warrior etc.) The effect is under-powered. To destroy 1 monster you have to skip a turn? That is so bad.




[img]http://img51.imageshack.us/img51/2743/511808.jpg[/img]
Look At The Grim The Reaper for comment. Also, Add the effects the Toon monsters would have. Also, There is no such thing as Infinite ATK and DEF.


[img]http://img830.imageshack.us/img830/2743/511808.jpg[/img]
this is supposed to be a ritual spell card. And please make this like any other ritual spell card you would find.


[img]http://img6.imageshack.us/img6/2743/511808.jpg[/img]
Again, make a cost for this.note; Why do you have to shuffle your deck when your deck isn't even involved with this card.


these are my first five cards pls rate i wanna know what you think
[/quote]

All these cards need Card Grammar fixes, tweaks to their effects, and finally, get rid of those infinite ATK and DEF points please...

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As nicely as I can put this, these cards are no more than mediocre.
I guess you need some help though, so... <sigh> time to spend an hour fixing these cards.
[spoiler=Field Remote]The first thing to notice is that there's no such thing as a Field Trap card, and even if there were, that's not the proper effect for a Field Spell card. A Field Spell affects all cards on the field in one way or another, and your card specifically targets one card. Change the Trap type to Normal. The picture really isn't too good; white backgrounds are boring and... there aren't any real Yu-Gi-Oh cards whose backgrounds are just white. Also, the effect... it's really overpowered. Any other card you see will have some sort of drawback for taking control of a card, such as Snatch Steal, which requires you to pay LP, and most cards at least return control of the card at the end of the turn. Also, being able to take control of Spells and Traps too can completely ruin a player in just one turn. The OCG (Official Card Grammar) isn't perfect, but it should be written like this:
Take control of one card on your opponent's side of the field.
However, to create a balance in power, you need to add some drawbacks. It's your choice on which drawbacks they would be, but make sure that the card is balanced. Otherwise, the effect is nothing too special.
2/10.[/spoiler][spoiler=Grim the Reaper]I really don't know where to start with this card. The picture is okay, but a white background again! ARGH! The level is unusually high for a Normal Monster, and speaking of which, it shouldn't BE a Normal Monster. It needs to be a Ritual Monster, since a Ritual Spell is required to summon it (so never mind, I guess the level isn't TOO high. Maybe just lower it to 10). Also, "Inf" is not a proper stat number. Make it... let's say... 3000, possibly more (but not like 4000 or something). Now, on to the effect. It is really not very good, and maybe you didn't think of this, but skipping a whole turn (that's 6 phases!) is an incredibly large drawback. Not to mention if you send 3 cards to the Graveyard you skip 3 turns. The OCG is also pretty bad on this one. The effect should say:
This card can only be Ritual Summoned with the Ritual Spell Card "The Book of the Dead". You can send card(s) from your opponent's field to the Graveyard and skip a turn for each card sent to the Graveyard by this effect.
But, like I said, it needs a better effect. Another mistake here is the type. "Effect type" is not a type. "Zombie" or "Fiend" is a type. Consider using types that actually exist.
1/10.[/spoiler][spoiler=Grim the Reaper (Toon)]First, for toons, I believe the name should be "Grim the Toon Reaper" or "Toon Grim the Reaper". Also, the picture is kinda... silly, almost. I mean, it's a character from a TV show. Yeah, I get that it's a "Toon" and all, but seriously. A TV show character. The effect on this is also pretty messed up, and the OCG is just awful. Everything I said for Grim the Reaper's effect applies here, but also a little more. The effect should be written like so:
This card can not be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Ritual Summoned with the Ritual Spell Card "The Book of the Dead" while you control "Toon World". When "Toon World" is destroyed, destroy this card. If your opponent controls no "Toon" monsters this card can attack your opponent directly. You can send card(s) from your opponent's field to the Graveyard and skip a turn for each card sent to the Graveyard by this effect.
The type must also be changed with this card, and the level is also a bit too high. Again, "Inf" is not a stat number. Most mistakes you made in "Grim the Reaper" are applied here, so check both cards over.
1/10.[/spoiler][spoiler=The Book of the Dead]<sigh> You can't summon Ritual Monsters with a Ritual Monster. Make this card a Ritual Spell card which follows this effect:
This card is used to Ritual Summon "Grim the Reaper" or "Grim the Reaper (Toon)". You must also Tribute monsters whose levels equal 12 or more from the field or your hand.
I guess there's really not much else to say except for anything about the picture. Simply, it's not bad, but then again, it's not good. You may want to consider finding a better picture, but I think it's okay.
0.5/10.[/spoiler][spoiler=Wings of the Divine]Again with the white background for the picture. You will need to find a new picture for this card. Also, I don't understand why you'd need to shuffle your Deck if you don't even do anything to your Deck. More about the effect is that again, OCG is pretty off. Here's the correct OCG:
Select one card on your opponent's field and add it to your hand. Then shuffle your Deck.
With that effect, may I ask why it's an Equip Spell card? Yes I may. and may I also point out that Equip Spell cards are supposed to be Equipped to monsters on the field? This card's effect does not equip to any cards or affect any monsters once it is equipped, so change the Spell Type to Normal. Otherwise, there's not much else to say, except for that this card really needs work.
1/10.[/spoiler]Well, there's my opinion on these cards, and your overall rating is 1.1/10. That is really bad. I know these are your first cards but they require a lot of work.

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[quote name='sonic fan 1' timestamp='1320977487' post='5631940']
cool
[/quote]

How?

I'd have to go with Case_closed and Jazz on this: Please look at some real Yugioh cards first, then check out some of the threads on proper Official Card Grammar, then a few threads or sites on proper English grammar, and finally some other card-maker's threads. Then, if you feel up to the criticism, rework your cards, then post.

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[quote name='Blue-Eyes493' timestamp='1321152803' post='5636537']
These cards would do much better in the official joke cards thread. So I say either move them there or edit basically everything on almost all of the cards.
[/quote]The thing is, sometimes, many poor cards that people make are suggested to go to the joke card thread, but there, they are ridiculed for not being funny. So in this case, he has no choice but to edit them.
But it seems like he's abandoned his thread so maybe he's not coming back...

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[img]http://img580.imageshack.us/img580/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img440.imageshack.us/img440/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

I fixed 3 of the cards tell me what you think

[indent=1]sorry[/indent]

[indent=1][img]http://img341.imageshack.us/img341/2743/511808.jpg[/img][/indent]

My cumputers not posting the right cards lets try again

[img]http://img94.imageshack.us/img94/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img819.imageshack.us/img819/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img254.imageshack.us/img254/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

heres the other one hopefully

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[spoiler=The quote was so big i had to put it in this spoiler][quote name='SRL' timestamp='1321181709' post='5637045']
[img]http://img580.imageshack.us/img580/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img440.imageshack.us/img440/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

I fixed 3 of the cards tell me what you think

[indent=1]sorry[/indent]

[indent=1][img]http://img341.imageshack.us/img341/2743/511808.jpg[/img][/indent]

My cumputers not posting the right cards lets try again

[img]http://img94.imageshack.us/img94/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img819.imageshack.us/img819/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img254.imageshack.us/img254/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img507.imageshack.us/img507/2743/511808.jpg[/img]

heres the other one hopefully
[/quote][/spoiler]
It's good to see you've paid attention to the comments and tried to fix them. I admire your perseverance. :D
Now, on the topic of the new cards, yeah, a lot of them were posted twice (actually like 5 times), so you should delete the duplicates. Also, at the bottom of your first post you'll find a button labeled "edit", and you can exchange the old cards with the new ones.
Until then, I'm sorry, but I don't have time to re-rate them. If you put them in the first post though it will be easier. K? Thanks.

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