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PLEASE READcustom story feedback wanted


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This is my story strongly influenced by anime and manga you can jsut skim it i want some feedback i want to try to put it in comic/manga form




Hi I’m Hiroki and I just started my first year of community college, ok so I, only taking two classes but it’s better than nothing right? Well, there’s something pretty strange about me you should know, I'm adopted well that’s not the weird part, the weird part is that my adoptive parents found me in the middle of a desert, but the only thing is I was ice cold to the touch. I always dismissed this as an odd luck out. That was until a few weeks ago, I’ve had the feeling that I was being watched, and odd things kept happing to me....don’t believe me well let me give you some examples well first of all when I was cleaning the grill at my job, yeah I work at a fast food place whatever its a job and it gets me by, anyways I was cleaning the grill and I buddy Akiro asked me to help him out with the fryer, so I went over and he accidently split some water into too deep fryer that was just turned off and grease went everywhere he only got a small amount on him but I got a face-full only thing is I got no burns, none, zero, zilch. That’s not the only thing that has happened to me it seems that no matter how hot it gets outside I feel fine, even now that last week we've broken almost every heat record has been broken, over one hundred degrees every day, but I haven’t even broken a sweat, that’s another weird thing I can’t remember ever sweating, not once, not even the time I went to a sauna. Oh sorry I have to help this customer, Ring...Ring, The door to the restraint Hiroki works in opened and the strangest look dude he ever saw strolled up to the counter, "May I speak to Hiroki" he said in a business like tone that also suggested that he had little time to talk. "Yes I am him" Hiroki responded nervously, "Come with me" the stranger replied almost before Hiroki even finished talking. “Who are you?" he asked. "We don’t have time, just follow me and I'll answer any question I can on our way". "Where are we going?" Hiroki asked in the middle of putting on his hoodie. "You’re training of course".





Chapter 1

You've heard of dragons right, yeah giant mythical fire-breathing beasts, one thing they’re not a myth, and two they don't breath fire, at least not all of them . Time for a history lesson you see thousands of years ago when dragons were everywhere the different elements fought each other the reason people only know about the fire is because they fought with each other to the brink of extinction. You see there where many kinds of dragons such as the well-known fire, then there’s the ice, earth, and wind. There is also a couple of dozen other "versions" you know when two different kinds "breed'. Second they weren’t giant beasts, in fact they were about the size of you and me, actually they looked like you and me you would never know the difference unless they told you what they were. Anyway they fought each other until only one group was left standing the fire, and that’s why people only talk about fire. Now here’s something history doesn’t know there is still many dragons out there besides for fire their just in hiding. At least that what the stranger told me he also told me his name...SNAP! "What was that Master Ugoku?" Hiroki asked. "Probably just an animal and please call be uncle after all I am your Uncle" Ugoku said in a friendly way. "How did you find me? I mean I’ve never even met my parents" Hiroki asked nervously. "I've been keeping an eye on you awhile now, I needed to know for sure you were the right person" Ugoku responded. "The right person?" Hiroki asked, "Yes and I’m happy to tell you, you've passed the first test" "Test?" Hiroki questioned. "Yes if you were not who you are then you could have never passed the barrier". At that point Hiroki and Ugoku rounded a bend in the wood in which they had been walking. They emerged into a small camp ground all that was there was two tents and a makeshift fire pit. The first tent was small one person tent, dingy orange with about three patches badly stitched, the second tent was slightly smaller, slightly new that the fist, at least it didn’t have any patches. As for the "fire pit" it wasn’t more that an assortment of stones arranged into a circle. There was already a decent amount of ash and cinder in the center suggesting that someone had been living here for a while. The ground was also littered with a small amount a trash. The moon was out by the time they got there and they had a perfect view of it from camp...SNAP! "Was that another ani...oh how did you start that fire so quickly?" Hiroki asked in amazement. “So tell me again I thought all the other dragons had died of how can I be a decedent of the ice dragons?”Hiroki questioned. Ugoku stared into the fire for a few moments and then he began “Well you know that the fire dragons won the war right, well here’s some more of what happened. Before the first assault on Ice dragons the Fire dragons made pacts with the other ruling elements wind and earth. While most of the wind and earth dragons went with the Fire dragons only a few remained the Fire Emperor made sure that they taken care of. It just occurred to me I never told you when the war took place, it took place 65 million years ago”. Wait 65 million years ago isn’t that when the dinosaurs went extinct because of a meteor or something like that which there so much fall out into the atmosphere it caused the ice age” Hiroki said. “Yes, that is what you have been taught am I correct” Ugoku replied but like a lot of history it is incorrect the real reason the dinosaurs are extinct are due to the Ice dragons. It was about 3 days into the assault on the Ice dragons, they were losing badly so they used there last resort attack, As a group the remaining Ice dragons summoned the remaining power and launched a massive ball of energy into the atmosphere there result was what you know as the Ice Age, but it is known to us dragons as Valde Gelidus”. “Valdee Geeledus what is that Latin”. Val-De Gel-I-Us, Valde Gelidus and yes it is Latin, at least it wasn’t always known as Latin, it was once known as Arrona”. “Wait a second what does all this have to do with me?” Hiroki asked. “The Ncendiaia Mperatoria, that his the Fire Emperor’s correct title , and I’m afraid out about you and your friend Akrio”, “Wait Akrio involved to how does he fit in all of this?” Hiroki burst out. “Your friend Akrio also happens to be a dragon only he is of the Wind dragons they were once called Entusva” Ugoku started to explain. “Then why didn’t he come with us I mean couldn’t he help?” Hiroki asked outraged. “Yes he could, but I’ll leave telling him about the dragons up to you” Hiroki started almost blankly into the fire thinking that there was no way Akrio was going to believe him when he told him that he was a dragon. “Ok when do we begin?” Hirkio asked. “Now”.

Over the next 2 weeks Hiroki would meet Ugoku at his campsite where they would train. Ugoku started with basic ice maneuvers like chilling a drink and he had moved all the way upto creating small misshapen balls ice. “Hey dude where are we going?” Akrio asked. Hiroki had told him that he wanted to show him something after work that day in the woods; the truth was he was bringing him to talk to Ugoku.

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Guest Dante v. Nero

All chapters must be at least 2 pages in MS Word with single spacing, standard margins, and size 11 Arial font. This applies to all fics, regardless of being serial or one-off.


Let's try and read the rules, shall we?

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