NONFICTION: You Owe Me

[Stan Alda]

(For proper effect, imagine Bob Saget is narrating this story.)

You probably don't remember or care, but about three weeks ago, I mentioned this in the status feed:
[i][color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]My buddy Cliff is wanted for 5 counts of aggravated assault after going to a yaoi fan club meeting in Osaka. From what his girlfriend's told me, he decided to bring a baseball bat instead of a paddle. If any readers happen to live in Osaka and see a guy that looks like a young Ringo Starr walking around, call the cops.[/background][/font][/color][/i]
Well, last Sunday (June 10, for the sake of posterity) I got a letter from him. All its said was "You owe me." It took me a whole week to realize what he meant. You see, it is Cliff, more than anyone else, that made me who I am today.

Kids, it started back in 2005. I had just received my bachelor's degree in geology from Kent State, and I was ready to hit the job market. I quickly headed off to the oil shale mines of North Dakota, hoping to make a big money working with the rocks and minerals that I knew and loved. There was a lingering doubt in my mind about the ethics of the job, though; oil shale is much like nuclear fusion in that it requires a lot of energy to recover any crude at all, and any break-even would still be a rather small gain. But that was the company's problem, I thought, so I signed up. It worked out pretty well early on; my pay was good, and with frugal living I managed to get by and even turn a decent profit.

One day, about a year and a half later, I noticed a gaggle of scruffy-looking environmental protesters picketing near my mine. I've never been the picketing type--just vote for people you like, no need to start that silly marching--but I was curious, so I walked on over to them and asked them who/what/where/why they were protesting. One of them, who I'll call Hanoi Jane--hey, she looked like Jane Fonda--screamed "Do you know the environmental rape you're committing?! You're ravaging the very body of Mother Earth in order to fuel your greed for money!" (It's hard to forget a melodramatic line like that. No wonder people like Dan Green.) I argued that I was just a lower-rung guy and tried to direct them toward my boss. But suffice it to say I wasn't very well received, and after some more verbal abuse and a couple of thrown rocks, I decided to get out of the line of fire.

I'll be blunt and say that I felt like suicide. (Remember, it was 2006; everyone was at least a little bit emo back then.) The eco-hippies started showing up at the mine every day, repeating their usual disturbing-rape-allegory-and-rock-throwing spiel, and a lot of that was directed at me because I naively tried to talk them out of it. Arguing with them was like a painfully unfunny version of Monty Python's "Piranha Brothers" sketch; ask them not to nail your head to the floor, and they'll screw your pelvis to a cake stand instead. I couldn't handle the abuse, and I soon fell into a four-month-long depression.

I was still earning good money, but I wasn't quite sure why I kept working at the mine when I obviously couldn't take the heat. Things suddenly changed for the better in January of 2007, when I received a package from a mysterious "Qui T. Whi Nyng". I figured out the package's purpose pretty quickly, but I was still paranoid about the nasty protesters, so I opened the box very carefully, listening for any ticking or beeping noises. Fortunately, there was no bomb.

The care package contained the entire Boston discography on CD--Boston, Third Stage, all of 'em--a bottle of scrumpy, a Yu-Gi-Oh deck, and the address of a bar in Bismarck (I'm not telling you where, thank you very much). Scribbled beneath the address was "Bring the cards." That weekend, I hopped in my old Buick, popped Third Stage in the player, and jammed to the tune of "Cool the Engines" as I drove to the state capital. It was at that bar in Bismarck that I met Cliff. With his brown bowl haircut and wan smile, he looked like a young Ringo Starr. "Mr. Whi Nyng, I presume?" I asked him.

"Got the package, eh? I hope you liked it," he responded. "Did you bring the cards?" And so, at that bar, Cliff taught me how to play Yu-Gi-Oh. As we dueled, we kibbitzed about Boston (he's a fan too), about old Buicks (he prefers Pontiacs), about scrumpy (he had no idea what I drank, but he took an educated guess), about Cartesian dualism (not a fan), and about the game of course. He used an E-Hero deck as I recall, while I had the "Zombie Madness" structure deck. I managed to get a few wins, but when I lost, Cliff told me what I did wrong and how to avoid those mistakes. Neither of us ordered anything stronger than water; we were too focused on the game.

After 9 duels, Cliff said to me "Stan, I can tell you're a thinking man. That's why, when you get home tonight, I want you to listen to that Boston, drink that scrumpy, and think. If you're looking for advice, don't bother looking for me later; I'll find you." Sure enough, when I got back to my apartment, I grabbed an album, popped the bottle, and pondered my situation. My pay was good, the job itself wasn't that tough, and I lived in a pretty good part of town--but at what cost? I went to bed with a heavy heart and an irritated liver.

By February, my contract was just about up. I went to work with a slight hangover (never a good idea), and--surprise surprise--Hanoi Jane and her hippie hordes were back in my face again. My morning breath put a few of them off, but Jane was not only immune, but pressed onward to . I just shrugged my shoulders and walked away, but I heard a distinct female "Ow!", and then felt a sharp pain in the small of my back. As I turned back, I noticed a familiar bowl cut in the crowd. It was Cliff. Jane shot him amurderous glare and stomped off, but I had gotten his point. The next week, I declined to renew my contract, and left North Dakota. As I walked out of the office and got in my car, I noticed a "Monster Reborn" taped to my steering wheel. Symbolism much, Cliff?

I then moved to Titusville, Pennsylvania--the cradle of the American oil industry--looking for a decent, hippie-free job, with little success. I still hadn't found what I was looking for, and I always felt that pain in the small of my back. Cliff and I kept in touch though, and in 2009, I finally gave up on oil and returned home to Toledo. Now I work at Imagination Station, a kid's science museum on the Lake Erie waterfront. (Don't expect to actually see me there, though; I work behind the scenes.) I've never been happier: I'm still working with science, I'm back home where I ought to be, and I can finally eat Tony Packo's chili dogs again.

Last Friday, I finally realized just what I owed Cliff. He had gotten me out of getting my ass handed to me by hippies, inspired me to give up a job I had come to dread but couldn't get the guts to quit, and taught me how to play Yu-Gi-Oh. He saved my ass (and sanity), so now I had to save his. As I said at the beginning, Cliff had gone to a yaoi (you can Google it, but it's NSFW) fan club meeting while he was supposed to be on a date with his girlfriend. (HINT: He's bisexual.) She knew he was arrested for something weird but didn't know why, so I called her on Sunday and told her the truth. She took it remarkably well; apparently she "really likes bad boys". Creepy. Last I heard, she'll pay the bail, and they'll be heading back to Toledo; about damn time, I'd say.

So you're probably asking "Stan, what the hell is the point of all this?" Here's my point:[list]
[*]When you're looking for a job, don't just look at the job itself, or your motivations. Ask yourself "What will I do if things go south?" My main problem back when the trouble started was that I didn't have a backup plan; I just assumed I would stay at that same oil shale mine in North Dakota for the rest of my life, like those stereotypical old factory workers that have worked at the same plant for X years until so-and-so shut it down. Obviously, that didn't pan out. Don't work yourself into a nervous wreck about your backup plan, but always keep it in mind.
[*]When a friend says you owe them, help them out. It's likely for something you did years ago but couldn't remember. You might as well do them a favor, even if you don't know what for (unless it's something really stupid). By the same token, remember your friends' debts to you so you have some leverage when you call on them for help.
[*]If you've got the blues, turn on some Boston and challenge a friend to a DUEL!
[/list]

[Catterjune]

I don't understand how much the narrator is earning.

It's apparently "good money" but the only way to earn a profit is "with frugal living".

I dunno why, but I assumed the story took place in Japan despite the story saying it takes place in North Dakota. The hippie is dubbed "Hanoi Jane" which sound distinctly not-American. Also the fact that the guy was arrested in a yaoi club and used the name Qui T. Whi Nyng. Lastly the fact that he was wanted in Osaka made me think "this story takes place in Japan" so when I got to to North Dakota I was just like "... what?"

The fact that you start with a letter from Cliff saying "You owe me" made me think he was calling in a favour or about to murder you. Even after finishing the story I have no idea just what he was aiming for.

Overall, it was an alright story. I liked the style of it, but not so much the individual details because they seemed to either serve no point or contradict each other.

7.5/10

[Stan Alda]

[quote name='Hatcher' timestamp='1340471535' post='5961473']
I don't understand how much the narrator is earning.

It's apparently "good money" but the only way to earn a profit is "with frugal living".

I dunno why, but I assumed the story took place in Japan despite the story saying it takes place in North Dakota. The hippie is dubbed "Hanoi Jane" which sound distinctly not-American. Also the fact that the guy was arrested in a yaoi club and used the name Qui T. Whi Nyng. Lastly the fact that he was wanted in Osaka made me think "this story takes place in Japan" so when I got to to North Dakota I was just like "... what?"

The fact that you start with a letter from Cliff saying "You owe me" made me think he was calling in a favour or about to murder you. Even after finishing the story I have no idea just what he was aiming for.

Overall, it was an alright story. I liked the style of it, but not so much the individual details because they seemed to either serve no point or contradict each other.

7.5/10
[/quote]

First off, I do live frugally, but that's an irrelevant detail. "Hanoi Jane" was my derogatory name for that hippie. (Jane Fonda became known as "Hanoi Jane" for her almost fanatical opposition to the Vietnam War.) I have no fricking idea what her real name was. Second, the yaoi fan club thing happened about a month ago, but the main body of the story takes place in North Dakota about 7 years ago. And I owed him to help him get out of jail; I guess I should have mentioned that. Qui T. Wy Nyng was one of Cliff's dreadful puns ("Quit Whining", geddit?).

In other words: Maybe I didn't get the message across clearly enough, but there were a couple of critical details that you missed.

[Catterjune]

[quote]First off, I do live frugally, but that's an irrelevant detail.[/quote]
Well you mention it's good money but also mention that it's only good money if you're living frugally.

You get paid a lot: "The money is good"
You do not get paid a lot: "with frugal living I managed to get by and even turn a decent profit."

It's a minor nitpick, but it detracts from the story.

[quote]"Hanoi Jane" was my derogatory name for that hippie.[/quote]
[quote]the yaoi fan club thing happened about a month ago[/quote]

I know. Things like Hanoi Jane, Qui T Wy Nyng, a yaoi fan club and being wanted in Osaka make it sound like this does not take place in America.

[quote]Qui T. Wy Nyng was one of Cliff's dreadful puns ("Quit Whining", geddit?).[/quote]
... Now I do. Though I'm not familiar with the language it is attempting to emulate and would have probably pronounced it more like "Cutie Why Nyeg."

[quote]And I owed him to help him get out of jail; I guess I should have mentioned that. [/quote]
... What? You helped him out of jail which made you owe him? I don't think you guys understand how favours work.

[quote]In other words: Maybe I didn't get the message across clearly enough, but there were a couple of critical details that you missed.[/quote]
More like a couple critical details that you didn't include.

[Stan Alda]

[quote]
[I know. Things like Hanoi Jane, Qui T Wy Nyng, a yaoi fan club and being wanted in Osaka make it sound like this does not take place in America.]
Let me break it down for you:
[i]2007:[/i] I went to the North Dakota shale mine, met hippies, including one I called "Hanoi Jane" as a derogatory Jane Fonda reference.
[i]2006:[/i] Received package from "Qui T. Why Ning", AKA Cliff, while still in North Dakota.
[i]2005:[/i] I left the mine in North Dakota, moved to Pennsylvania, then again to Toledo. Cliff went to parts unknown.
[i]Present day:[/i] I was still in Toledo when I heard [i]Cliff[/i] got in trouble during [i]his[/i] Japanese vacation. When [i]he[/i] was at that yaoi fan club, [i]I [/i]was in Ohio.
So yeah, my phrasing was a bit clunky. The above was the timeline I intended.

[... Now I do. Though I'm not familiar with the language it is attempting to emulate and would have probably pronounced it more like "Cutie Why Nyeg."]
I don't know what language he was ripping off either. He just wanted it to sounded stereotypically Asian, I guess. Whatever the case, I got the point.

[... What? You helped him out of jail which made you owe him? I don't think you guys understand how favours work.]
No. I owed him because he helped me to get out of my depressive funk. I had to help him with his problem. Again, poor phrasing on my part.
[/quote]

I hope that clears it up.

[Catterjune]

[quote]Let me break it down for you:[/quote]
I don't need it broken down for me. It takes place in America, point blank. I'm not an invalid who can not read.

There are many context clues however that indicate this does not take place in America.

It'd be like if I wrote:

"So there I was in New York City with my brother Satoshi, eating some ramen when suddenly a ninja appears and challenges us to a game of Dance Dance Revolution at one of New York City's many arcades. I bought some some school girl panties from a vending machine, put away my manga, and accepted. Stereotypes."

Like, sure I mentioned it was New York at the very beginning but plenty of the context clues seem to indicate that is not the case.

[quote]I went to the North Dakota shale mine, met hippies, including one I called "Hanoi Jane" as a derogatory Jane Fonda reference.[/quote]
*googles*

A Vietnam War reference? I mean... if you served or if you're that old, congrats. But an overwhelming majority of YCM is in the 13-18 year old range. That reference or that joke or whatever would completely fly over their heads (as it did mine). All some people would see is "Foreign sounding name" and think "This must not take place in America or Europe" as opposed to digging into it further. I thought it meant "She looks like the Japanese/Chinese/Asian version of Jane Fonda, because this guy is an American working in Japan/China/Asia" before I re-read that the narrator was in North Dakota

Again, I'm not confused (like you seem so adamant on insisting), I'm saying your story is confusing. I understand it fine. Others may not. You should fix that.


LASTLY: You'd probably be best served by calling it fiction and then changing things around. Or not. IDC.

[Stan Alda]

[quote]I don't need it broken down for me. It takes place in America, point blank. I'm not an invalid who can not read.[/quote]
I'm sorry if I sounded patronizing. Still, if you got it, then why wouldn't anyone else?

[quote]There are many context clues however that indicate this does not take place in America. It'd be like if I wrote: "So there I was in New York City with my brother Satoshi, eating some ramen when suddenly a ninja appears and challenges us to a game of Dance Dance Revolution at one of New York City's many arcades. I bought some some school girl panties from a vending machine, put away my manga, and accepted. Stereotypes." Like, sure I mentioned it was New York at the very beginning but plenty of the context clues seem to indicate that is not the case.
[/quote]
This is just my perception, but I think you're reading too much into it. I repeatedly said it takes place in America; I think the average reader can get that, even if the cultural references aren't explicitly "American". It's quite likely [i]I'm[/i] assuming too much about the readers, but you're the only person to comment thus far, so we'll see.

[quote]A Vietnam War reference? I mean... if you served or if you're that old, congrats. But an overwhelming majority of YCM is in the 13-18 year old range. That reference or that joke or whatever would completely fly over their heads (as it did mine). All some people would see is "Foreign sounding name" and think "This must not take place in America or Europe" as opposed to digging into it further. I thought it meant "She looks like the Japanese/Chinese/Asian version of Jane Fonda, because this guy is an American working in Japan/China/Asia" before I re-read that the narrator was in North Dakota.[/quote]
OK, I'll grant you that. I am a fair bit older than majority age group, so I guess it made more sense to me. If/when I edit it, I'll explain that reference.

[quote]Again, I'm not confused (like you seem so adamant on insisting), I'm saying your story is confusing. I understand it fine. Others may not. You should fix that.[/quote]
Fair enough. My train of thought was wandering a bit anyway; you know how it is with reminiscing. Or maybe you don't. If you don't, that's fine.

[quote]LASTLY: You'd probably be best served by calling it fiction and then changing things around. Or not.[/quote]
Except that it happened to me in real life, so no, it's not fiction.

[b][i]TL,DR:[/i][/b] I respectfully disagree, but I'd like to see more comments from other people before I make a big edit.