InSaNiTyVoid Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Ok, this will be my first post here. Pre-set notes: I am new here, so the cards may not be balanced. But I am posting here because I would like them to eventually be balanced. So CONSTRUCTIVE review is greatly appreciated. i.e. Please do not say "It's bad" and not elaborate on that. I have more cards finished, but I would like to see what you all think of them bit by bit, so I will upload them in small amounts as each is balanced. I am not very good with today's meta, but from what I have been reading, a lot of it is fast-paced decks that allow Xyz or Synchro cards to get on the field quickly. So I found an image databse (in this case from the video game Hyperdimmension Neptunia) and proceeded to make cards. [Spoiler=Changelog] 7/25: Modified Sharon, Lucy, Echo, Eve, Luna, and Noise. 7/25: Added Blanc. [/spoiler] [Spoiler=Monsters] [img]http://i1156.photobucket.com/albums/p572/InsanityVoid/Sharon-1.jpg[/img] [img]http://i1156.photobucket.com/albums/p572/InsanityVoid/Eve-1.jpg[/img] [img]http://i1156.photobucket.com/albums/p572/InsanityVoid/Noize-2.jpg[/img] [img]http://i1156.photobucket.com/albums/p572/InsanityVoid/Luna-1.jpg[/img] [img]http://i1156.photobucket.com/albums/p572/InsanityVoid/Blanc.jpg[/img] [IMG]http://i1156.photobucket.com/albums/p572/InsanityVoid/Jira.jpg[/IMG] [IMG]http://i1156.photobucket.com/albums/p572/InsanityVoid/Holly.jpg[/IMG] [/spoiler] [Spoiler=Spells and Traps(coming soon)] [/spoiler] [Spoiler=Xyz] [img]http://i1156.photobucket.com/albums/p572/InsanityVoid/Lucy-1.jpg[/img] [img]http://i1156.photobucket.com/albums/p572/InsanityVoid/Echo-1.jpg[/img] [IMG]http://i1156.photobucket.com/albums/p572/InsanityVoid/Heimi.jpg[/IMG][/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 First thing. WELCOME. Now thats out of the way, onto your cards. Abyss is already an archetype... If you change everything to abyssal, then things will be better. That way normal abyss can't spam Xyz from Sharon like it was rescue rabbit. Or use any of the Xyz.. They are actually pretty good for the first cards. Sharon, slightly OP. but, if you you change it to be only the 1 card that gets special summoned, it prevent Pearl spam for example. On Luna, you need to add where it gets special summoned from in the brackets, but the effect is fine otherwise. Noise is fine again. Lucy is under powered, since, she costs you one card advantage, without doing anything harmful to your opponent, and she is quite weak attack wise. I would suggest increasing her to 2500, and have you can discard one of the cards you see as well. that way, its more beinifical. Echo, is quite awesome, but i would only have it as Abyss/abyssal cards dont get negated. Otherwise... its horrible. Stats wise she's fine. And the special summoning, have her so she can''t attack the turn you do. Still, a good start, look forwards to seeing how you expand it. And if anyone rages at you for seemingly no reason, just ignore them. They obviously just like making people feel bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InSaNiTyVoid Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Ok, first, thank you for the review. Well... I have some cards to fix then x.x (This is why I need to pay more attention to new cards.) So Sharon should just be 1 Special Summon? And yes, from what I've read we do not want another rescue rabbit. Ok, I'll buff Lucy then. Oh, it was supposed to say that, I just left it out. My fault. And alright I'll add that. Thank you again, and I'll keep that in mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Making just the one summon keeps it from being recue rabbit, because you would need a different monster on the field to get the Xyz. At least, until you add any other level 3's in. No one wants another rabbit... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InSaNiTyVoid Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Ok, then the change is coming, and yes. No one with sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AGATHODAIMON BANGTAIL COW Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 *Pulls out weapon.* > :D Oooook... Um... Heeeere we goooooo. Sharon: So, grabbing two Lv4- monsters from the Deck isn't exactly balanced, and the reason is that this turns her Special Summoning into grabbing many Rank 2-4 Xyz monsters in the game. She has conditions that make it harder than Tour Guide (just to make sure you know, Tour Guide is broken, as are few of the other cards in the top-tier Decks), but her Xyz potential is a bit too much. If you're aiming for this archetype to swarm, then you should add a restriction that prevents them from being used as Xyz Material Monsters (at least during this turn) and Sharon should be fine. Skimming over your other cards, there doesn't seem to be that many effects that can Special Summon Sharon, but if there are, then you'll have to make sure that you can't just Special Summon Sharon and have a ton of your archetype monsters pulled out of your Deck. Eve: The current meta likes to bring out monsters and use them for Xyz Summoning, so she won't reach high ATK values unless you're planning out a "swarm-but-can't-Xyz" kind of archetype, and even then, it will take some effort for her to reach high values. If anything, she might be just a tech (term for card ran @1 or 2 or something like that) to be able to inflict a bit more damage. Luna: She Special Summons Sharon, which will, in turn, Special Summon any 2 of your archetype monsters. This means you've caused a loop, as in "Summon Luna, fetch Sharon, Special Summon Luna and someone else, get another Sharon with the new Luna, get the third Luna and someone else, and then have Luna fetch Eve as you have 5 monsters now." Loops are really broken parts of the game, which leads to insane combos that require little or no thought. To fix this, you're going to need to prevent Sharon from getting Luna, or have Luna negate the effects of the monster you Special Summon. It's a shame that she only has two cards to target though. If she could fetch any of the Lv4- archetype monsters (except another Luna), then she would be much better as she can grab Noize and whoever else you're hiding from us. Well, maybe except another Level 2 monster or else she'd be an instant Rank 2 Xyz monster, and then we'd have a bunch of Gachi Gachis (an Xyz monster) to deal with. Noize: Interesting enough. Given how the archetype is supposed to swarm, he could go and make Gem Knight Pearl become a 3000 ATK monster (or 3400), and otherwise boost any other Rank 4. Lucy: The insight is ok, but the discard cost makes this much worse than it could be. Discard costs are expensive, even though it's just a card. Though she can have better ATK. Echo: Well, I was on a roll, then I got ninja'd. D: Her effect helps the swarming ability of this Deck a lot, but her and Sharon together... yikes. I'm not exactly clear on how she could loop and end up bringing up 2 more Echos, but I'm just throwing a warning and saying "Make sure it can't happen." Weeeeell, I was slow to the punch. But I wanted to make sure I was elaborate. I didn't contradict myself, right? Also, what Abyss archetype? The only Abyss monsters that are out there are Abyss Flower, Soldier, and Warrior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted July 25, 2012 Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 [quote name='A Background Character' timestamp='1343245681' post='5988829'] Also, what Abyss archetype? The only Abyss monsters that are out there are Abyss Flower, Soldier, and Warrior. [/quote] All the Mermails are part of the Abyss archetype. Mermails do not need any more swarming opportunities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InSaNiTyVoid Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 Sharon: Ok, actually that will work and give Eve a little more viability. So I will not allow them to be used as Xyz Material for the first turn. Eve: Yea, she's not entirely that important but you can still get a decent bit of damage out of her especially with the edit Sharon is getting. Luna: Hmmm to fix this....I will simply add to Sharon that she cannot summon herself or Luna. There that should fix it. EDIT: Wait. Luna is not technically an "Abyss" moster (I knew I had thought of that) so she does not have the ability to be summoned by Sharon. Lucy: I am modifying her effect so that she will discard one of the two cards you reveal. Hopefully it is enough with the ATK boost. Echo: Well, the reason you do not see how she can loop with Sharon, is that there is a card missing in their combo. But with Sharons limitations it is not a loop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InSaNiTyVoid Posted July 25, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2012 I have updated all of the cards. This is now the Abyssal Archetype. Please comment and review. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InSaNiTyVoid Posted July 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 Updated with Blanc, Abyssal Seals Master. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpakha Posted July 26, 2012 Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 I don't see any problems other than it needs OCG fine tuning. Also, for Blanc, i think you mean "That card cannot be activated in response to this card's effect. Also, you might want to change the name as "Abyss" is already an archetype. Most of them are called mermails though, it's not important you can leave it if you want. In the effects the monsters support abyssAL and not abyss, so you should be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InSaNiTyVoid Posted July 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 Yeah, I know my OCG isn't the greatest. Thank you for the compliment, and I'll fix Blanc later, I have a few I'm going to upload shortly. Also, I have already changed the name, because it was an "Abyss" archetype (I don't pay much attention to new cards) and so I made them "Abyssal" so I wouldn't have to change very much about their names. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpakha Posted July 26, 2012 Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 [quote name='InSaNiTyVoid' timestamp='1343296386' post='5989227'] Yeah, I know my OCG isn't the greatest. Thank you for the compliment, and I'll fix Blanc later, I have a few I'm going to upload shortly. Also, I have already changed the name, because it was an "Abyss" archetype (I don't pay much attention to new cards) and so I made them "Abyssal" so I wouldn't have to change very much about their names. [/quote] Ur ocg is great, just not consistent. As you said Graveyard in one and graveyard in another =P. Anyways,= you can use this for reference: [url="http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/273595-good-places-to-find-pics-for-your-card-needs/"]http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/273595-good-places-to-find-pics-for-your-card-needs/[/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InSaNiTyVoid Posted July 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 Oh, *facepalms* that's what I get for hasty remakes. And thank you for the refernce. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted July 26, 2012 Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 Blanc is intresting... The flaw i think i've found, is your opponent could chain the target to the effect, meaning you lost 500 ATK and DEF for no benifit. Which, would defeat the purpose. Add the targeted card can't be activated in response would make it better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InSaNiTyVoid Posted July 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 Alright, thank you for pointing that out, when I do today's update I'll fix that. (in a hour or two) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InSaNiTyVoid Posted July 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 Updated with new cards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aerion Brightflame Posted July 26, 2012 Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 So, zee new cards. Jira, is fine becuase of the clause you added about no Sharron. We no want loops here. Holly, again is fine. Its lose a card to gain a card, though i seem to notice a lot of discarding happening in this. Probably going to want to add some kind of draw card in. Like, activate if you control 2 or more abyssal monsters, draw two cards. Heimi... I kind of want to say put the freeze counters only on monsters. I kinda don't. I just think having them only on monsters makes it less of a toolbox in one card. I would also say, no attacking the turn you use that effect. Since, even though it happens in the end phase, it's still two monsters gone, including one that could be huge. Intresting. I think theres a patern emmerging, which is a very good thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InSaNiTyVoid Posted July 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 Hello again. and thank you for the comments. Yes, no Sharon loops. There are more cards, dont worry. There is a draw effect card, I'll add that to the next update. As for Heimi, I...don't know. I would like to keep the Freeze counters how they are, to add to her diversity, but no attacking is fine. I'll fix that. That's good, I hoped the cards seemed like they came together well, and if you see a pattern that's wonderful news for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrunkenSage69 Posted July 27, 2012 Report Share Posted July 27, 2012 I really like this archetype. OCG errors (I will have the corrections in [b]BOLD[/b]), but still nice archetype. I will evaluate each card individually as well as give some more up-to-date card lore. I am sorry if I am an @$$, please tell me if I am.[list=1] [*][b][u][i]Sharon:[/i][/u][/b] This card is not as broken as it "was" (only saying that because I read other posts about it lol.) It's a different Rescue Rabbit. I like that it can get your other Abyssals while keeping itself on the field but that you can't Xyz with them that turn. Nice effect and good restriction in my opinion. Here is my suggestion for card lore:[quote]When this card is Special [b]Summoned: You[/b] can Special Summon 2 level 4 or lower "Abyssal" [b]monsters from your Deck other than[/b] "Sharon, Courier of the Abyssal Ones". [b]Monsters Summoned by this effect[/b] cannot be used as Xyz Materials during the turn this effect was activated.[/quote] [*][b][u][i]Eve:[/i][/u][/b] OCG on this card is good. Adds a beater to the archetype (and it can get pretty big with Sharon going off). [*][b][u][i]Noise:[/i][/u][/b] I am a little confused of how this card works. Does the effect work while it is still a material or if it is just used for an Xyz Material to Summon an Xyz? I will give the lores for both situations: For it working while still attached: [quote]While this card is attached to an Xyz Monster as an Xyz Material: Increase the ATK of the monster by 400.[/quote] If it is just used for the Xyz Summon: [quote]When this card is used as an Xyz Material for an Xyz Summon: Increase the ATK of the Xyz Monster by 400.[/quote] [*][b][u][i]Luna:[/i][/u][/b] This card seems to be both OPed and UPed. I would suggest allowing to summon any Abyssal and only allow it to gain its effect when it is either Normal Summoned OR Special Summoned. Also, you did not specify where the Special Summoned monsters would be coming from (grave/hand/banish zone/deck???)In my opinion, I would suggest summoning it from your hand. In any case, here is the current improved card lore: [quote]When this card is [b]Summoned: You can send this card to the Graveyard; Special Summon[/b] 1 "Sharon, Courier of the Abyssal Ones" or "Eve, the Abyssal Soldier" [b](from your Deck/hand/Graveyard/banished zone)[/b].[/quote] [*][b][u][i]Blanc:[/i][/u][/b] I really like the idea and effect behind this card. Lowering this card's stats to prevent a card from being used is a great effect in my opinion. Here is the improved card lore: [quote]Once per [b]turn: You can decrease this card's ATK and DEF by 500 (permanently) and target 1 Spell or Trap card your opponent controls; until the End Phase, that card cannot be activated or activate its effect(s)[/b].[/quote] [*][b][u][i]Jira:[/i][/u][/b] This card in my opinion is broken because of the possibilities of a continuous swarm just during your Battle Phase. I would restrict the Summoned cards somehow (maybe preventing them from attacking?) or restrict the amount of times you can use Jira's effect (only being able to use its effect once per turn like Rescue Rabbit?). Either way, here is the card lore: [quote]When this card [b]battles an opponent's monster: You can send this card to the Graveyard after damage calculation; Special Summon 2 "Abyssal" monsters from your Deck other than [/b]"Sharon, Courier of the Abyssal Ones."[/quote] [*][b][u][i]Holly:[/i][/u][/b] Good attempt on the more current OCG for cards. Balanced card, here is the card lore: [quote]Once per turn: [b]You can discard 1 card and target 1 "Abyssal" monster in your Graveyard; [/b][b]Special Summon it[/b].[/quote] [*][b][u][i]Lucy:[/i][/u][/b] I like that you are using an effect idea similar to some Gishki (I think Gustrake?). Possibly too much ATK but nothing major. Card lore fixes: [quote]Once per turn: You [b]can detach[/b] 1 Xyz Material from this card [b]to target 2 cards in your opponent's hand; look at both targets[/b] and discard 1 of them.[/quote] [*][b][u][i]Echo:[/i][/u][/b] I really like the potential of protecting your other Abyssal monsters' effects, which is critical for Xyz Summoning when you use Sharon. Here is the up-to-date card lore: [quote][b]While you control another face-up "Abyssal" monster other than "Echo, Abyssal Guardian": "Abyssal" monsters you control cannot have their effects negated[/b]. Once per turn: You [b]can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card to target 1 "Abyssal" monster in your Graveyard; Special Summon that target[/b]. This card cannot attack during the turn you activate this effect.[/quote] [*][b][u][i]Heimi:[/i][/u][/b] Ahh the boss monster (for now since you said you will update this set). I think the first effect it gets when it hits the field is a cost version of Caius basically, which is good because you can spam this card multiple times in the same turn. I like the idea of the counter, however maybe you could name the counter after the card (ex: Prank counter) just so it is more individualistic. Also, I would only have the counter to be placed on monsters just because it is more broken if it was just any card. Here are the card lore improvements: [quote]When this card is Xyz Summoned: [b]You can discard 1 card and target 1 card your opponent controls; banish it. [/b]Once per turn: You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card to target 1 card your opponent controls; place 1 Freeze counter on that target. During the End Phase when this effect is activated: Pay 500 Life points and banish the card with a Freeze counter on it.[/quote] [/list] I am sorry that this is a long post, but I really wanted to dig deep into the archetype for OCG errors as well as some ideas for improving your cards. I hope you update this set soon, I really REALLY like it a lot . [color=#ff0000][size=5][i][u][b]Overall: 8/10.[/b][/u][/i][/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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