The joke thread.

[Quicksilver]

Since South Park apologized to Jesse Jackson.

[Fh-Fh]

Politically incorrect jokes:

 

Why did Hitler commit suicide - He got the gas bill.

 

Long one:

A teacher was teaching her students the meaning of the word "contagious". She asks kids around the room to use the word in a sentence. One girl stands up and says, "last week I had the measles and it is contagious." The teacher congratulates the child and anther boy stand up and says, "My grandma says there is a bug going around and it is contagious." Once again, the teacher applauds the kid and calls on another kid. He stands up and says, "My nieghbor is painting his hous with a two-inch brush and my daddy says it will take the contagious."

[tonisanoob]

for jesus of chaos +2 reps for the funnyest jokes EVER

 

and mddw for also a very fine joke +1 rep

 

^_^

[JesusofChaos™]

oh i havent even started yet... lets have some more

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them

 

Whats blue and flys around the room?

A baby with a punctured lung?

 

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

 

Whats great about having sex with 28 year olds?

Theres 20 of them

 

What did Helen Keller's parents do when she was bad?

They left the plunger in the toilet

 

What do Princess Diana and Ferrero Rocher have in common?

They both came out of France in a Fancy box

 

More to come

[Glorious eXcess]

lolzzz.......I like the helen keller one

[Fh-Fh]

Hey kids! It's time for: Mddw's Tee-hee toilet humor!!!

 

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? - Wiped his butt.

 

Why don't they have toilet paper at KFC? - Cuz it's finger lickin' good.

 

And now for something copletly different

 

Nike Condoms - Just do it

 

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Oooh! That's gotta hurt!"

[tonisanoob]

wow theese jokes have that amazing joke quality you can only get from amazing jokes

 

^_^

[cyberdude]

A couple of jokes a friend sent me one time

[spoiler=Redneck Drivers Test]

 

Last name: ________________

First name (check appropriate box):

 

 

[_] Billy-Bob

[_] Bobby-Sue

[_] Billy-Joe

[_] Bobby-Jo

[_] Billy-Ray

[_] Bobby-Ann

[_] Billy-Sue

[_] Bobby-Lee

[_] Billy-Mae

[_] Bobby-Ellen

[_] Billy-Jack

[_] Bobby-Beth-Ann

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)

Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure

 

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

 

Occupation:

 

[_] Farmer

[_] Mechanic

[_] Hair Dresser

[_] Waitress

[_] Unemployed

[_] Dirty Politician

Spouse's Name: __________________________

2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________

3rd Spouse's Name: _________________________

Lover's Name: ____________________________

2nd Lover's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:

 

[_] Sister [_] Aunt

[_] Brother

[_] Uncle

[_] Mother

[_] Son

[_] Father

[_] Daughter

[_] Cousin

[_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___

Number of children living in shed: ___

Number of children that are yours: ___

Mother's Name: _______________________

Father's Name: _______________________

(If not sure, leave blank)

 

 

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

 

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?

 

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:

 

___ Total number of vehicles you own

___ Number of vehicles that still crank

___ Number of vehicles in front yard

___ Number of vehicles in back yard

___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:

 

____ truck

____ kitchen

____ bedroom

____ bathroom

____ shed

Model of your pickup: _____________

Year pickup produced: 194____

 

Do you have a gun rack?

 

 

[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:_________________________

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:

 

[_] The National Enquirer

[_] The Globe

[_] MAXIM

[_] TV Guide

[_] Soap World

[_] Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO

___ Number of times you've seen Elvis

___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

 

How often do you bathe:

 

 

[_] Weekly

[_] Monthly

[_] Not Applicable

 

How many teeth? ___

Color of teeth:

 

[_] Yellow

[_] Brownish-Yellow

[_] Brown

[_] Black

[_] N/A

 

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:

 

 

[_] Red-Man

 

How far is your home from a paved road?

 

[_] 1 mile

[_] 2 miles

[_] don't know

 

 

[spoiler=bishop and his *daylights*]

 

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.

 

The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.