First card post - Black Luster Zephylon Soldier - Envoy of Dawn

[Vip123]

Lore:

Archlord Kristya + Black Luster Soldier - Envoy of the Beginning

Cannot be summoned except by Fusion summon. This card can be Special summoned while Archlord Kristya is on the field. Once per turn, during either players turn; you can banish 1 Fairy monster from your graveyard, then target one monster your opponent controls; banish that target. If this card destroys a monster by battle this card can attack again. This card cannot attack your opponent directly the turn this effect is activated

[coolspy74]

This card is O.P, no doubt. It's awesome in design and all of that, but at that last sentence just ended it all.

[lce]

Using images from existing cards is frowned upon, I think.

 

The effect is confusing. Does it say you can add the opponent's banished card? For an effect like that, you need to be really specific. Also, The Light-Hex Sealed Fusion is a card. You might want to look out for that as well. Put some more restrictions to its summon, it's a very dangerous thing to abuse.

[Vip123]

I was thinking of a way to word that, but I can't find a good way to do that. :(

Because if I said add the card you banished, then it would still be confusing

Using images from existing cards is frowned upon, I think.

 

The effect is confusing. Does it say you can add the opponent's banished card? For an effect like that, you need to be really specific. Also, The Light-Hex Sealed Fusion is a card. You might want to look out for that as well. Put some more restrictions to its summon, it's a very dangerous thing to abuse.

Oh, and what card is the picture from

I thought it looked like a card pic, but I can't find which one

[Vip123]

I've fixed some things

[Norbi2001]

Add a bigger restriction like skip your next draw phase or something on those lines

[Kwisatz-Haderach]

the picture is from a Darklord card, and the eff is very excessive, also i think it's not legit to add oppo's card to your hand

[Mugendramon]

That Superpoly restriction is a bit much. Especially with a fusion like this one, that's not as generic as to allow you to profit from Superpoly. Requiring normal fusion cards is enough really.

 

I was thinking of a way to word that, but I can't find a good way to do that. :(

Because if I said add the card you banished, then it would still be confusing

Oh, and what card is the picture from

I thought it looked like a card pic, but I can't find which one

 

This is the art of Darklord Desire.

 

Now as for the text:

 

Archlord Kristya + Black Luster Soldier - Envoy of the Beginning

Must be Fusion Summoned with "Super Polymerization", and cannot be Summoned in other ways. Can be Fusion Summoned while "Archlord Kristya" is on the field. Once per turn, during either player's turn: you can banish 1 Fairy monster from your Graveyard and target 1 card your opponent controls; banish that target. If this card destroys a monster by battle: it can make a second attack in a row. This card cannot attack your opponent directly the turn you activate this effect.

 

Always remember,

 

Timing: cost+targeting; effect.

[Vip123]

I see my card kinda sucks

[legendhiro]

I see my card kinda sucks

I don't think anyone is saying that. The pic you chose, even if it does come from another card, is appropriate, and card art can be changed. You've also done a good job of accepting constructive criticism and learning from it to develope your concept. I actually like the card as it is now, and it clearly has its uses. If it has any problem it is that, as a fusion, it is slower than simply summoning BLS-E, a monster which is already quite powerful and comes with an array of uses. Either way, you show more promise than many new members simply because you listen so well to critiques.

[Vip123]

I don't think anyone is saying that. The pic you chose, even if it does come from another card, is appropriate, and card art can be changed. You've also done a good job of accepting constructive criticism and learning from it to develope your concept. I actually like the card as it is now, and it clearly has its uses. If it has any problem it is that, as a fusion, it is slower than simply summoning BLS-E, a monster which is already quite powerful and comes with an array of uses. Either way, you show more promise than many new members simply because you listen so well to critiques.

Thnx man :)