Cursed Devil

[Kurua Tenma]

Hello! I'm new here, and I'm not sure how to even post a card so I hope this works! This is the first (and only) card I made and I want to know how to improve it, so please, tell me what you think and help me get better at this. Thank you

 

[attachment=41971:Cursed Devil-Akauma.jpg]

 

This Card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. It cannot be Special Summoned except by discarding 2 DARK Fiend-Type monsters from your hand to the Graveyard. Decrease your opponents monsters ATK by 200 for every Fiend-Type monster on your side of the field. By paying 1000 Life Points; when this Card is destroyed, it will take a monser of your choice, from your opponents side to the Graveyard as well. 

[Dramatic Crossroad]

There are slight OCG (Original Card Grammer) misleads. Since Zexal and maybe even before that there were newer things added and replaced, such as the way summoning conditions are written,same goes with card effects. 

 

This would be the trigger/conditions to activate an effect : this is the cost you pay ; and after the semicolon follows the effect.

 

I will try and link the OCG guide topic or you can find it yourself if you wanna improve your Realistic card making skills :) .

 

So your lore would sound like something like that: (in bold)

 

Cannot be Normal Summoned or Set.

 

Must first be Special Summoned (from your hand) by discarding 2 DARK Fiend-Type monsters.  (if it's a Semi-Nomi)

OR

Must be Special Summoned (from your hand) by discarding 2 DARK Fiend-Type monsters and cannot be Summoned by other ways (if it's a Nomi)

Monsters your opponent control lose 200 ATK for each Fiend-Type monster you control. (These type of effects can be structured in various ways).

When this card on the field is destroyed: you can pay 1000 Life Points and target 1 monster your opponent controls; send the target to the Graveyard.

 

There you go. :) 

[Kurua Tenma]

There are slight OCG (Original Card Grammer) misleads. Since Zexal and maybe even before that there were newer things added and replaced, such as the way summoning conditions are written,same goes with card effects. 

 

This would be the trigger/conditions to activate an effect : this is the cost you pay ; and after the semicolon follows the effect.

 

I will try and link the OCG guide topic or you can find it yourself if you wanna improve your Realistic card making skills :) .

 

So your lore would sound like something like that: (in bold)

 

Cannot be Normal Summoned or Set.

 

Must first be Special Summoned (from your hand) by discarding 2 DARK Fiend-Type monsters.  (if it's a Semi-Nomi)

OR

Must be Special Summoned (from your hand) by discarding 2 DARK Fiend-Type monsters and cannot be Summoned by other ways (if it's a Nomi)

Monsters your opponent control lose 200 ATK for each Fiend-Type monster you control. (These type of effects can be structured in various ways).

When this card on the field is destroyed: you can pay 1000 Life Points and target 1 monster your opponent controls; send the target to the Graveyard.

 

There you go. :)

 

Thank you very much <3 This really helps, since even though I read the OCG guide I didn't quite know how to reform the sentences.  Again, thank you very much for helping me :)

[Zauls]

Hi and welcome to YCM! 

 

Its your first attempt at a card so obviously it won't be perfect, but the card is extremely underpowered and underwhelming. To realize this, you need to understand one of the most important aspects of card design: card advantage. If a card's effect will end up with you having more cards than you did previously, chances are it will be useful in some way. If a card activates and ends up with you having less cards than previously (after comparing it to how many cards your opponent has lost) then it won't be as useful. For example, Madolche Hootcake is an incredibly powerful card because its effect gets you a +1 in card advantage, whereas Magic Cylinder isn't a good card because you end up with one less card and your opponent loses no cards. There are some exceptions to this rule, like Book of Moon and Thunder Dragon, but the idea is still very important.

 

If we look at your card, its summoning condition is to discard 2 DARK Fiend-Type monsters from your hand to the Graveyard. This is an awful summoning condition because it leaves you with 2 less cards than you had before, so by summoning this card you are immediately putting yourself at a disadvantage. It also requires you fill your deck specifically with DARK Fiends, so it requires deck dedication for something that isn't worth it. Then you actually have to draw the cards to discard, and if you don't, the card will be complete dead weight. 

 

Then when you look at the card when you actually get it on the field, there are even more problems. It doesn't really do anything as such. It just sits there as a general beatstick and not much else. The last effect is nice since it is non-destruction removal to get round cards like Beelze and Stardust Dragon, but it is nowhere near enough to make up for the huge weaknesses.

 

As a member of the YCM Welcoming/Tutoring brigade, its my job basically to help new members get better at card making, so we could talk by PM if you want any further help or help with card making in general.