Official Character Review Thread

LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow · December 29, 2015

Been hesitant to submit anything for review, but seeing as it doesn't appear that Duskfall is going anywhere for the time-being and Heron was a bit late to the party...

Character App: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/344536-duskfall-oocacceptingns/page-2?do=findComment&comment=6767684

RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/344536-duskfall-oocacceptingns/

[spoiler=Heron]
[headshot]
*checks reflection in spoon when he thinks no one is looking*
Name: Heron Rothbarat
Epithet: Lucky
Age: 24 l 5 Storming
Sex and Orientation: Male l "Heterosexual"
[spoiler=Appearance]
[image]

It's the eyes. Always the eyes that the writer has to comment on. What is it about them? I suppose that is my job to tell you. So, yes, it is the eyes that are often first remarked on about Heron and later remembered about him. A luminous shade of fiery amber, they often catch the light and dance with dangerous mirth. Shaven close to his head around the sides and back, Heron allows his hair to grow out on top. Though he would never admit it, he wakes up early every morning to make sure his hair looks perfectly disheveled so that he looks good, but not like he cares too much about his appearance. It's the perfect dose of manufactured pretension.

Very proud of his body, Heron keeps in peak physical condition. Hardly hosting an ounce of body fat, he is well muscled and toned; however, he is not overly built. Knowing only a one-handed fighting style that requires quick, lithe movements: Heron can't allow himself to build up too much muscle...as much as he might want to. His height is a bit of sore spot with him, a bit under the average at 5'6". He wears some padding in his boots however that get him up just above 5'7". Still, he yearns to be taller. This, obviously, isn't something he can easily fix, however, and just settles with snapping at anyone taller than him that comments on his height.

Not wearing too much protective gear, the only real pieces of "armor" that Heron dons are the steel plated guards that are lashed up to his knees and the metal plate that is worn across his chest to protect his heart. Underneath that, he simply wears a sleeveless, leather tunic and hunting breeches. Of course, a warrior would not be complete without some sort of stylish, fingerless glove and wrapping on their forearm (Heron is no exception). Likewise, Heron is never seen far from his sword which boasts a very unusual blade type.

[spoiler=Personality]
Can you say daddy issues? Personally, I can't. Not without getting a cold shiver down my spine because of the weird connotation that now surrounds the word daddy, but I digress. Anything and everything that this guy does can be traced back to some horrible influence that his father had on him as a child. Essentially, Heron has been acting out for...*checks watch*...his entire life to get attention because being reprimanded is better than being forgotten. Classic story of father failing to live up to son's expectations of being a parent, right? As an adult, these behaviors have manifested to more destructive habits. Excessive drinking. Excessive gambling. Excessive fighting. Excessive excessiveness. I mean the guy is just begging for someone to give him a good lashing. Oh wait, I promised I wouldn't talk about his sex life. Moving on.

Needing to feel in control ( "Daddy, look at me I am the toughest kid on the playground!" ), Heron doesn't take to subordination well. If he didn't lose a job because he was caught drinking or fighting with a customer, he lost it because he couldn't follow the orders of his superiors. Of course, not really the kind of guy you'd want aboard a ship. Right? I mean, if he can't take orders then what good is he? Fortunately, despite his pride and need to feel in control, Heron is loyal to those that have proven to be good friends or to those that he owes. Gaius falls somewhere in there. So he'll do as he asks. He may b**** and moan, but he'll do as he asks.

Impossibly vain, Heron is obsessed with his own self-image but is much to proud to admit to that fact. He often to checks his own appearance in mirrors, or any reflective surface really, but if he is called out on it he immediately denies it. The king of melodrama, if things become too dull Heron will overreact to anything to start to liven things.

He has a hidden passion to be an actor, but knows his father wouldn't approve so never mentions it. Some nights you can hear him practicing classic plays in his cabin. He's not bad.

[spoiler=History]
Heron was born to one of the oldest Houses of Dunhaven, the House of Rothbarat. Known for a very traditional upbringing, those with the Rothbarat name are expected to follow a certain path in life. Go to church. Succeed in the church. Train in the local militia. Succeed in the militia. Return to the church. Meet your wife at the church. Have kids, expect them to do the same. To be quite honest, Heron wanted to live up to that. He really did. Despite his best efforts, however, he just couldn't live up to those expectations. This, of course, caused great contention with his father. Heron was the eldest son and thus had the most pressure to live up to the family name. This led Valon Rothbarat, his father, to result to more unorthodox parenting styles to try and whip Heron into shape. Whatever standard the Rothbarat men were supposed to meet, he just didn't.

Except for one. When in combat training in the local militia, an armed force in the town of Hortenshire, an offshoot of the capital, Heron excelled at all things. Perhaps too much. Beating all his sparring opponents to a pulp, Heron was feared by his fellow trainees as an unpredictable brawler. There were several times that Heron had to be removed from training so that the others would feel safe and continue with their practice. Despite his excellence in combat and weapon arts, Heron didn't exactly impress those in the local militia. His unruliness, tendency for violence, and insubordination were all of great concern to them. Earning him many disapproving visits from his father. But, hey, at least he was visiting.

As Heron got older, he tried to continue to be a part of the family. However, it was clear that he just didn't belong. He didn't get along with those in Hortenshire like his siblings. He didn't demonstrate leadership like his younger brothers or the same religious zeal that his older sister. Most of all, he couldn't handle the constant disapproval that he got from the eyes of his father on a daily basis. So Heron left Hortenshire for the big city.

He bounced around from job to job, making honest money where he could. Doing whatever it took to feed himself when he couldn't. Sorrelhale was a big place. Crime could be easily forgotten if you ran fast and hit hard. Eventually, Heron fell in with an old captain of an older seafaring vessel. That's right. Seafaring. He taught Heron a lot about sailing, of which, Heron retained little. What Heron does remember is the guns that the old man had on that boat. Heron listened to the tales of sea battles with rapt attention and cared for those cannons as if they were living things.

It became a project for him to update the ship, bit by bit, of course starting with the weaponry. So what Heron knows of large weaponry he knows from the mind of an old man and black market dealings. Still, he considers it a pretty good education. It's quite unfortunate that he had just finished the weapon's deck of the old ship when his lifestyle caught up with him. Apparently it doesn't matter how fast you are or how hard you hit. The past eventually catches up.

Thrown in jail for stealing to get by. Heron was imprisoned for several months before a wealthy aristocrat came to visit. He thought it might be his father when he heard who was visiting. No such luck. That was the day he became indebted to Gaius for bailing him out. When offered a job on HRS Midnight, Heron turned it down originally. Claiming he already had a job. Of course, as all tragedies go, while in jail the old captain that he had grown close to had died. The sea ship impounded.

Heron returned to Gaius asking if the spot was still open. There was nothing left in Sorrelhale for him now.

Zodiac Sign: Leo

Occupation: Master Gunner
Weaponry:
Custom Falchion: Fitted with a one-and-a-half-handed hilt to allow for a versatile one-handed to two-handed switching fighting style, this sword boasts a peculiar shaped blade that Heron keeps in pristine condition.
Short-barrel Pistol: Holstered at his hip, Heron carries a pistol, of which he is a good shot. Unfortunately, it does not boast great accuracy at far ranges.
Inventory:
Gunpowder & Matches: Heron always has a nice amount of gunpowder and matches on hand. You can fix just about anything with a few explosions.
The tools that Heron would need to maintain the heavy weaponry on the ship is far too large to carry on, thus he keeps the majority of his tools stored on the weapons decks.
Aptitudes:
Weapon Aficionado: Highly knowledgeable about the firepower that just about any airship is packing, Heron's interests don't stop there. His ears tend to perk up at the mention of swords, pistols, or even the measly knife.
Combat Prowess: A highly capable fighter, Heron is a skilled swordsman, brawler, and shooter. Beyond that he has the spirit of a fighter, something that can't be taught. Unfortunately, this makes unpredictable and sometimes overzealous, to the point of being dangerous.
Acting: Little known fact, Heron is actually a really good actor.
Skype Name: marcusscrabbler

[spoiler=review]First of all that name is eye-catching. Now I imagine him as a fish. Gotta love that hidden text in the orientation, that’s a fun little trait to have, so good.

I gotta say the appearance was written kinda awkwardly, and it felt...unneeded at times and just a bunch of filler words. Course there’s an image so that’s not like a big deal, but I found it clunky so I wanted to mention it. Especially as it wasn’t clear that he actually does care about appearance, but is just denying it.

Again awkward description is awkward in personality. I see where you were going with it but it kinda made it strange at times. Especially as you didn’t say much about who he is. A guy who is acting out to compensate and get attention and is just plain abrasive.

However despite that, he does seem a fun character. Not anything too unexpected or unique but overall he has good traits that make him an entertaining person to read/write about. His flaws are legit, if nothing super major. I’m glad you didn’t totally overshadow not wanting to follow orders with the loyal thing. Cause I hate when a character is absolutely abrasive and difficult yet will follow orders still no matter what.

He reminds me of Inigo in a way, with the actor thing. Idk if you know what that means but trust me it’s a good thing.

I like that he actually tried to live up to the expectations at first, that’s pretty interesting...and damn that much abuse, idk if that’s reflected correctly in personality honestly buuut perhaps. It’s not terrible though.

Hmm, it’s a bit strange to think that such a wild fighting style made him “excel” honestly, not gonna lie. But I do like how we get to see how his personality was formed.

Also wonder what exactly caused him to act out, before he decided he couldn’t live up to the expectations, but other than that so far it’s decent.

Huh, so he values honest work, that’d been nice to have expanded upon in the personality but it’s good to see...Also I wonder what it was about cannons that captured his attention. Possibly the aggressive attitude?

Wait wait wait when did the stealing come from? That seemed out of nowhere so it felt wrong...hmm well it’s a decent way to introduce him to the cast.

Also I don’t see where Gaius earned his trust and his loyalty which is a big problem.

Decent overall, pretty good description and explanation, just a few minor issues.

The weapons, inventory, and aptitude are fine, custom weapon would also be nice to know where he got it but that’s small stuff.

Overall...he’s a really fun character. There’s a few deeper things, though not a ton of super unique and such qualities, but it’s a solid character and pretty much no contradictions. Slight issues with the history that aren’t really too important, and so we’re left with a good character written well, just without a ton of wow factor.

82/100 Very good job indeed.

LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow · January 3, 2016

Cause...the other Titans did it...

The RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/338716-teen-titans-twilight-of-the-gods-oocpg-16nastarted/

The Character: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/338716-teen-titans-twilight-of-the-gods-oocpg-16nastarted/?p=6720528

I'm prepared for what may come....

[spoiler=Benjamin "Ben" O'Hara ~ Arachnid]
"Outta the way! The Tale of the Arachnid is starting a new chapter!"

Name: Benjamin "Ben" O'Hara
Super Hero Alias: Arachnid
Age: 19
Gender: Male
[spoiler=Appearance]
Casual
Ben stands at 5'9" and weighs in at 140 lbs.

Arachnid

Personality
Benjamin is a writer and usually spends most of his time writing away at his desk, and he is always constantly searching for inspiration for his own stories. Because of this, he is prone to asking a lot of questions to someone new he meets, hoping that the answers will spark new ideas in his head. Besides his writer tendencies, Benjamin is a kind-hearted and loyal individual who is always there to lend a hand. Along with this, he has a habit of being quite sarcastic and loves to make jokes, if only to lighten the mood or even to poke fun at the baddies.

The sarcastic and joking nature also shows when he fights crime as Arachnid. His reasoning is that "it makes the bad guys talk more...ya know, monologue". But even in battle, Benjamin takes his opponents seriously and fights them with everything he has.

Also...a word to the wise for the ladies...best keep your window blinds shut. He's found some good reasons to use his adhesion ability: peeping.

Biography
"Like all great stories...it's best to start from the beginning!"

Benjamin O'Hara was born in off the coast of Star City to a strange family. His father, Miles O'Hara, was an archaeologist whilst his mother, Felicia O'Hara, was a famous writer. They would travel the world together in search of new archaeological dig sites and even where there was great inspiration for stories. Though because of this, he didn't have any solid friends due to the fact that his family was always moving from site to site. Of course he did have friends from around the world, but he always felt alone.

However, by the time Benjamin turned fifteen, his family was called out to the plains of Ghana. From what they were informed, there was a stone slab that was brought to a nearby village that depicted a strange spider like creature, though standing like a man. When the family began to ask questions and research the inscriptions on the stone slab, they could only get one word: Anansi. Benjamin, a bookworm, realized that this was referring to the African folklore spider who captured three creatures in order to bring forth stories to the world from Nyame, who made him the god of stories. The pure fact that this would refer to the spider intrigued Benjamin.

The family was stumped on this Anansi slab that Benjamin and his mother finally returned to Star City, whilst his father remained. It wasn't long before his father returned with the picture of the slab. It was given to Benjamin as a gift by Miles, telling him that he could use it as inspiration for his writings and he would soon find out...how much of a gift it truly was. While researching what this slab truly said and even trying to find out how he could tie this into a story. Benjamin finally deciphered the slab: Awaken from the slumber and pass your stories to the next generation...Anansi. Once he read this aloud, it seemed like spiders all began to appear in his room. Beyond freaked out, Benjamin tried to dispose of them, but he saw that they began to take the form of a man...before him stood an embodiment of sorts of Anansi. "Storyteller..." it spoke in a ghostly manner. "Are you the one who freed me of my prison?" Benjamin could only nod in response to this. He heard the storyteller god speak and found interesting things out. One of which being that after he caught the hornet, snake, and leopard for Nyame...he was betrayed. He was given the stories, of course as the legends went, but once he gave the stories to the world, Nyame cast him into the a deep slumber to only be brought back by reading the inscription, saying that he couldn't be trusted.

It was strange that this would be the case, but Benjamin knew that in all stories, there were different perspectives. Apparently in this, the people who were given the tale of Anansi only got one end of the story. "That is my story, however, I'm afraid that my time here is at an end. However, you...you are to be an influential storyteller." he spoke before extending a hand to Benjamin. "I want to give you a gift to help you...it will change your life, but if your willing to accept it from this humble storyteller". Without hesitation, Benjamin shook his hand, in which the spiders began to crawl upon him...before disappearing. "You shall be our home...our hive...storyteller", the ghostly voice faded as it seemed that Anansi was finally able to return to the world he belonged. But now, Benjamin had within him these spiders given to him by Anansi...so what to do now?

The answer was obvious: become a superhero. He donned the strange outfit of his own design and became the young hero known as "Arachnid", he began to, in a sense, create his own story - "The Tale of the Arachnid". However, his actions caught the attention of some interesting people...one of which being a warrior known as Jaden Kudo, an ex-Teen Titan called "Liberator". Upon meeting this hero, Benjamin was told about the Teen Titans, a group who could definitely be using a guy like him. Benjamin accepted the offer graciously as he begins making his way to the next chapter of his tale.

Powers & Abilities
Living Hive
The ability to turn one's body into a living hive in order to house creatures in a symbiotic nature. Benjamin was given the ability by Anansi to house a various assortment of spiders. With this ability, the spiders have found a way to burrow into his bones, making them hollow inside, whilst still being strong enough to support Benjamin. Because of this, they imbue him with enhanced speed and strength when they aren't being called upon.

Arachnid Manipulation
The ability to control different types of arachnids, however this only applies to the spiders that Benjamin has been housing within him. This way he can have them do what he needs done (reconnaissance, forging a giant web, etc.).

Adhesion
The ability for one to be able to stick upon any surface with ease. Benjamin was able to inherit this ability to the many spiders housed within him. However, if the surface is slick (rainy surfaces or icy surfaces), he will fall off.
Languages
Due to him traveling all over the world with his family, he has learned quite a number of languages (mainly in order to read their stories to get inspiration for his own). Because of this, he can speak other Earthly languages (English, Spanish, French, etc.) if the need arises.

*Venom Strike
This will allow Ben to do is having it where his body (more specific his hands) will be able to secrete a neuron-toxin which will have in short being a paralyzing venom. This will make Ben/Arachnid a bit deadly in melee-combat. Once it hits directly enough, the opponent will either be completely paralyzed or get sent into a coma (unless he's trying to put them down like this, it'll only be a temporary paralysis). This will only work on organic-matter (specifically exposed skin). He can only synthesize and secrete a small amount in his hands though, so he tries to make all his hits count.

* - Upgrades/New Abilities

Standard Equipment & Weapons
N/A

Other:
Benjamin's Theme (Alternate Theme) | Battle Theme
Benjamin's name is derived from two separate Marvel "Spider-men": Benjamin/Ben - His first name is based off of the clone of Peter Parker, "Ben Reilly", the Scarlet Spider. O'Hara - The last name is from the geneticist known as "Miguel O'Hara", the Spider-Man of the year 2099.
Benjamin's parents names are also derived from Marvel characters associated with Spider-Man: Miles O'Hara - His name is actually based upon the new Spider-Man in the Ultimate universe "Miles Morales". Felicia O'Hara - Her name is based upon the ally that Spider-Man has, "Felicia Hardy", otherwise known as Black Cat.
The mutual friend who told him about the Teen Titans, Jaden Kudo/Liberator, was a stab at the old Teen Titan/Young Justice character I used in previous carnations of this RP.
His other nickname/alias are as follows: "Wall-Crawler", "Grunge Spider", "Spider Perv" (for some of the females that know his secret), "Spider of Star City", and "Arachna-Boy".
The fact that Shino of Naruto and Benjamin use Living Hives as an ability and both were hoods, goggles, and cover their mouths was NOT intentional...but it is funny xD

[spoiler=Unintentionally Short Review]

“Ben” “Arachnid” You didn’t! XD

And the appearance of the costume, wow, just wow. XD

Anyway to the bulk of the review, personality first.

Hmm his personality seems pretty generic, not bad, just generic. There’s not a lot to say. There aren’t any big issues but nothing stands out. He also doesn’t seem to have any flaws really. Which is kinda a problem when combined with generic.

The peeping thing was amusing, that was an interesting touch I suppose.

I...can’t really say anything more, sorry.

Anansi! Awesome reference is awesome. Seems he had a pretty good life early on at least, it’s surprising to see and a little refreshing honestly. But then...how did he decipher it when his professional parents couldn’t? That is way too unrealistic in my opinion, and I wish you had figured out a different way of it happening.

Though it’s intriguing thinking about how this is what gave him powers, freeing a god basically, pretty cool. And also fitting with what I know of Anansi.

I feel like I should be saying more but I can’t for the life of me figure out more to say. The backstory isn’t terrible, it explains things, it’s nice to see a non-tragic backstory, but it’s also a little lacking and has a very unrealistic part to it.

Powers now. Already? Sheesh O.o

The living hive ability utterly disturbs me but that’s another matter. I have to assume these are supernatural spiders otherwise...yeah. No.

The manipulation feels a bit underexplained and easily manipulated (heh get it?) to be whatever is needed.

Hmmm also the languages thing is too vague too. It implies he learned all the languages himself and it’s not to do with his powers, that’s a big no no, no way he did that.

Everything else looks alright from what I can say... 0/100 theme isn’t the 90s Spiderman cartoon song.

XD

Hmm...He’s got a nice personality, if nothing too special. His backstory is refreshing but also lacking and a little bit unrealistic. And his powers seem a bit too vague. However he’s not a bad character, and I do like what I can see... 77/100

Cherz · January 3, 2016

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/345805-ooc-thread-rwby-a-fangs-mark/

^ The rp

[spoiler= App]

"Wake me when the fun starts."
Personal Information:
Name: Ariana Bradford

Gender: Female
Race: Human
Age: 15
Reference: Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)
Team:
Appearance: [spoiler=show]
((Credit to Sakimichan for the amazing art, check her out on DA!))
Ariana stands at a height of 5'4. She has long blonde hair that she puts in a high ponytail. She has a pair of sunglasses resting on the top of her hair, and puts them down only when sleeping in classes. She also has a pair of headphones on most of the time. Her eyes are a striking blue, and her skin is a soft white. Moving further down the line, she has a nice figure. She sports a c cup, and despite being well toned, she isn't overly muscled. Her skin is flawless, no birthmarks or scars anywhere to to be found.

When in her combat attire, Ariana wears a form fitting light blue jumpsuit. She has light grey armor covering her bosom and some around her waist area. She also has finger-less gloves and a pair of black combat boots. She still wears her headphones, but they function more as earmuffs while in combat. They do a great job keeping sound out, which is important because her sniper rifle is incredibly loud. She also totes around her Sniper Rifle.

Her casual wear consists of a simple tee-shirt, with a grey hoodie, black jeans, and sneakers.

Personality: [spoiler=show]
There are many words used to describe Ariana, the few most common being 'lazy,' 'egotistical,' and 'catty.' Renowned for her ability to sleep during any class, even while seeming awake, Ariana has made quite the name for herself. When times get boring, she bails. She gets plenty of sleep every night, yet she takes cat naps throughout the day. Her reasoning for this leads into the next part of her character. She is full of herself and her abilities, to the point where she believes teachers are wasting their time trying to teach her things that she 'already knows.' If called out on doing something wrong, she will play it off every time, never admitting she was wrong. She is also not known for playing nicely with others. If she doesn't like someone, she knows, they know, and the whole school does. She doesn't hesitate to resolve her issues, and looks for every opportunity to fight someone she doesn't like. Yet, whats probably the most irritable part of her character is she can back it up.

Ariana's demeanor on the battle field isn't much different, except she becomes cunning and conniving. She plays up the 'dumb blonde' stereotype against human opponents, flirting with them and acting stupid, before her big reveal. If she gains the upper hand in combat, her 'flirting' becomes taunting and demoralizing. After landing shots on her opponents, she will blow them kisses, wink, or some other rude and disrespectful gesture. However, against the creatures of Grimm, she takes combat more seriously. Against those beasts, she becomes a ruthless killing machine. She doesn't joke around when they are involved, or when civilians are involved.

She is no leader, nor is she the best teammate. She will follow directions, but if she disagrees with the leader, she will whine about it complain, then finally comply after some grumbling. She isn't insubordinate, but she still has her own ideas. Her pride is also her greatest undoing, and any attack on it id a deceleration of war. However, she is ruthlessly efficient in combat, and despite her poor attitude, she is a valuable asset and has her own noble reasons for wishing to be a huntress.

Biography: [spoiler=Show]

Ariana was born to a wealthy business man. Her mother taught her proper etiquette, and her father taught her how to act around guests. She was the youngest of 3 children, two of them older brothers. She was the princess of the house, but rules were so strict for her. Since she was young, she was never free. She had no real friends, other than her brothers. She spent mot of her childhood reading fairy tales and stories of hunters. Her whole youth, she had wanted nothing more than to be one of those heroes in the story. She dreamed of her true love coming into her locked castle, fighting the dragon (her parents) and rescuing her from this prison. Of course, she never told her parents how much she hated her life, for they would shoot her down.

One day, she had had it. Ariana couldn't stand living her entire life predetermined. She wanted freedom, so she sought it out. Her oldest brother was a hunter in training, and she had made him teach her all he knew. Together, they unlocked her aura, and she discovered her semblance. Her semblance, camouflage, allowed her to become transparent. Using this trick, she staged a getaway. She tied together her blankets, making a rope, then shattered her window. She then hid in the corner of her room, and activated her semblance. She remained in the corner, invisible to her parents. The 2 freaked out, thinking that she had run off. They immediately called the authorities, and during their panicked chaos, she sneaked out the door.

She had made her way to Mirage Academy, using her semblance to steal food along the way. However, on the way she learned stuff about her own semblance. If she hit something, or ran into something, her camo would instantly end. She also couldn't hold it for more than 30 minutes at a time, and had to wait 3 minutes between each cloak. Making her way to Mirage Academy proved a challenge on its own, but she was successful at it. Upon her arrival, she immediately asked for her brother. Although he was shocked to see her and hear her story, he agreed with her course of action, and they together convinced the head master to allow her to attend.

Ariana's parents were not as happy. That day, she became dead to them. Nothing she did caught their attention. They would talk about how proud they were of their favorite boys, but not a word of Ariana. At first, the young girl was a well behaved, eager to learn hopeful huntress. She tried her hardest to impress her parents, but she never succeeded. Over her years at Mirage Academy, she went through a metamorphosis. Gone was the young, well mannered princess. In her place, a rebellious, cocky woman took her place. She often got in trouble with her teachers because of her mouth and work ethic. Despite all this, her parents still paid her no attention or care. Eventually, Ariana gave up on them too. Keeping this new-found attitude, she got a recommendation to Shade Academy, despite her poor attitude.

Combat Information

Weapon Name: Maleficent Somno

Weapon Description: [spoiler=show]

Maleficent Somno is a large sniper rifle with 4 different dust rounds to fit any occasion. The typical rounds are regular 50. Cal dust bullets. They suit almost any occasion. It holds 5 shots before she must reload it. However, that's just the standard round. The next chamber holds her taser rounds, dust infused rounds that deal significantly less damage, but generate jolts of electricity in impact. Third, she has her explosive rounds, infused with fire dust. On impact, they explode. They are her primary diversion/grimm clearing rounds, as the explosion kicks up enough dirt to allow her to sneak off into cover. Lastly, she has her Goliath rounds. Although she has never encountered a Goliath, Maleficent Somno has a round just for the occasion. An impressive .950 caliber round, these bullets pack a serious punch, with a wicked recoil. Although its her most powerful round, its her least used.

The rifle itself is designed in a desert camo. It has a 24 inch barrel, with 2 scopes on it. The different rounds are decided by a revolver system. Pulling a lever on the side switched the round. Despite her weapon being an effective sniper, that's all it is. Unlike many weapons, this one does not transform into a different weapon.

Semblance: [spoiler=show]

Ariana's semblance is Camouflage. She becomes transparent upon activating it, making her invisible while she stands still. However, if she moves during it, it becomes easier to detect her. This works very similar to halo's Active Camouflage, as her moving causes a distorted shimmer in the area she is moving. The faster she moves, the more obvious. The only true time she is invisible is when she is standing perfectly still. However, the stealth doesn't last. Once she fires a round from her rifle, her stealth will break. Similarly, if her aura takes any form of damage, her camouflage is immediately removed. Lastly, she can't hold her stealth for more than 30 minutes. She has to wait 3 minutes between her breaking stealth before she can re-enter it.

Despite the many shortcomings, Camouflage is still very effective. For those who don't expect it, it gives her a huge advantage. It allows her to effectivly spy, and she can use it to find herself cover and remain cloaked until she takes a lethal shot.

Miscellaneous Information

Theme song

She is still trying to get attention from her parents, even if she pretends she isn't.

Her father's company was a motorcycle manufacturer.

She has a pair of earbuds for her team, and her headphones have a mic on them so she can still communicate with her teammates despite wearing earmuffs.

She can not hold her own in 1 on 1 hand to hand combat.

I was actually about to field the Ben app, but you did it better than I could have x3.

But yeah this is a thing. Constructive Criticism pls <3

LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow · January 9, 2016

I wanna try too, this time with my favourite character i've created!

RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/341666-pokemon-gijinka-the-fallen-god-oocpg-16not-accepting/

Character App: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/341666-pokemon-gijinka-the-fallen-god-oocpg-16not-accepting/?p=6724068

[spoiler=The Gijinka Priestess]
"I will become the best priestess ever! Now get ready, as your soul will be purified!"
Name: Himiko
Species: Chimecho
Gender: Female
Age: 17
Favored Legend: Himiko is seeking to pacify Landorus, Tornadus, Thundurus and Reshiram and Zekrom. Although, she will bring prayers to any legendary she encounters, after all, the more spirits are calmed down, the better.
[spoiler=Appearance]
(Credit goes to Niaro from Deviantart) Himiko stands at 1.57 metres of height and is very light, in fact she weighs only about 16 kg.

[spoiler=Personality]
Himiko is extremely cheerful, and when i say extremely, i mean EXTREMELY cheerful. She's very optimistic and is determined to finish her mission no matter what! Well, other than her mission, there's another thing she's very passionate about, and that's food! She LOVES food, and often gets distracted just thinking about it. Despite being a Psychic-type, she isn't the most brilliant of her typing, she obviously has above the norm intelligence, but lower than the rest of her family. But, what she lacks in the intelligence department, is gained in the "sacred" department, at the age of 5, she already knew perfectly how to purify a soul, and at the age of 10 she knew how to sanctify areas, making her one of the youngest priestesses ever! Himiko is also quite clumsy (especially because of her shoes, which, despite her ability to levitate, still get often in the way). Himiko is very often seen around autumnal and sakura forests.

Himiko is very kind, and she always helps people, after all, that's sort of her job.

[spoiler=Biography]
Himiko was born in a family from Hoenn, but always lived in Johto. All the female members of her family were priestesses, their job being pacifying the legendaries' souls, so prosperity will come to the land; and freeing areas and people from evil spirits. Himiko's town, in Johto, was suffering from a period of despair, a lot of people were sick and the ground wasn't as fertile as before, that's when her mother, a very high level priestess, decided it was time for her initiation ritual. To officially become priestess in Himiko's family, the candidate, once reached about 20 years of age, had to travel to Adarid, a faraway region, to bring the people's prayers directly to the legendaries. That's when Himiko's journey started, her mission to bring peace and prosperity back to her village. Her pilgrimage has just begun and she hopes to receive help along the way, as this surely will not be an easy journey. The longest part of her journey probably was getting to Adarid, infact, this pilgrimage has only one major rule and that is: "Until you bring the prayers to the legendaries, no man-made transportation can be used, except if that transportation was made by the pilgrim herself". Since Himiko had no idea how to build a boat, she sticked with floating on the sea, which actually turned out to be faster, since her determination to help her village made her travel very quickly across what would be, using a boat, an immense distance.

Level: 18
Ability: Levitation: Himiko instead of walking is always levitating about 25 cm above the ground, so all Ground-type moves don't affect her at all.
[spoiler=Moves]
Himiko, instead of physical energy, uses spiritual energy (all her moves use it, with the only exception being Psywave and Wish (Wish regenerates it a bit)) making it so she won't be able to spam her abilities. To restore spiritual energy, she must either pray or use wish.

Prayer: Himiko prays, not long after, the prayer will be realized and she will heal the target. This move restores some of her spiritual energy. If this move is used at night-time, the time between the wish and the realization of it will be halved. If used during a shooting star shower, the realization will be instant. (Wish)

Kouzeon: Himiko shines of a bright immense sacred light formed of all the prayers she's carrying, dealing damage to all opponent's near her with a huge flash of light. This move is stronger against those impure of heart. this move uses some of her spiritual energy. (Dazzling Gleam)

Kaguya's Gift: a move of varying intensity, depending on the user's level. Himiko release a strong wave of moon energy shaped like crescent moons, dealing varying damage. This move doesn't use any spiritual energy. (Psywave)

Heal Bell: Himiko shakes one of her ritual bells, the pace-filled sound heals all her allies souls (status effects). This move requires quite a bit of spiritual energy.

-Unique Move-

Senbonzakura ~ Prayer of the Innocent Sinners
Himiko performs one of her ritual dances, either pacifying a soul (This means that if someone is angry/worried/any negative thing, she can dance to calm that someone down. Or the use on legendaries would be to pacify their Ara Mitama to make prominent the other 3.), or purifying an area (For example, if an area is haunted by ghosts, she can use this ability to safely return them to the afterlife ( NO, THIS ISN'T A GHOST-TYPE INSTA-KILL, THEY'RE DIFFERENT GHOSTS (like the spooky ghost girl from X/Y) I'M TALKING ABOUT). This move uses a huge amount of spiritual energy.

Items:
500 Pokè, 3 Super Potions, 1 Pure Incense, 1 Amulet Coin (Both the incense and the amulet coin are aesthetic)
[spoiler=Miscellaneous]
[spoiler=Themes]
[spoiler=Theme]

[spoiler=Battle Theme]

Ideal Voice Actress: Erin Fitzgerald
[spoiler=Facts/Trivia]
Himiko was the name of a legendary Queen of China and Japan.
The character was inspired by Final Fantasy X and Okami.
Himiko's favourite food is moon cakes

[spoiler=Review]Well first I do like the pacify the legends thing, as opposed to most others. It’s a bit different while not being too out there.

Now on to the appearance. Obviously Gijinka just need to resemble a Pokemon and not be overly ridiculous which this works for.

The weight would usually be a huge issue, however being as these are Gijinka and Chimecho are really really light, it’s not so big an issue.

I don’t know about repeating the cheerful thing like that, makes it look like unnecessary padding. The way you wrote this is a bit strange, what with the repetition and capital letters. It’s a little jarring. Basically the character is cheerful, helpful, and slightly airheaded. Not a bad combo, but one that’s been seen a lot. Nonetheless it goes together just fine, except one part. “she isn't the most brilliant of her typing, she obviously has above the norm intelligence, but lower than the rest of her family. But, what she lacks in the intelligence department”

That part is a bit strange, cause it claims she has above average intelligence and “makes up for it” with a different thing she’s good at. Which means she makes up for her flaw, of being smarter than average. Which is an issue.

The only real problem here is that, and that she seems not to have much in the ways of flaws.

Bio time. First I’d have liked more into how her being from a different region changes how she acts/what she feels about the place she’s in now. In fact yeah that’d been great, now that I think of it, knowing what she thinks of this new region compared to her own.

Anyway.

The bio doesn’t say much, really. It says enough, but nothing past that. Explains the priestess thing and why she’s in the new region. I basically know nothing about what her life has been like, really. And that’s a bit of a downer. Also I don’t get how her determination made this makeshift raft faster than a boat would be.

The moves are fine, I remember going over these. They’re pretty varied and explained well enough. The special move though, don’t really need all those parenthesis and all caps. Just a note at the end would’ve sufficed.

“favorite food is moon cakes” was pretty cute.

Overall a cute character, and doesn’t have any major issues. Just a wee bit generic, and a couple things that were a bit weird and off. I would have to say, overall, 72/100. Not bad at all, just not all too amazing. Though to be honest simpler characters are kinda nice to see sometimes.

King K. Azo · January 9, 2016

This is the last character I really have I want reviewed...

Sooooo...

The RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/341666-pokemon-gijinka-the-fallen-god-oocpg-16not-accepting/?p=6723118

The character: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/341666-pokemon-gijinka-the-fallen-god-oocpg-16not-accepting/?p=6724282

LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow · January 9, 2016

While I'm in here....

The RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/337399-demon-blood-from-russia-with-love-oocpg-16startednot-accepting/

The Character: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/337399-demon-blood-from-russia-with-love-oocpg-16startednot-accepting/?p=6665659

Reminder that the part in the parenthesis at the end of Bio is meant to be filled by whoever Yui told me to fill it with, which never happened.

Also it's Kira I want reviewed for now.

Cherz · January 9, 2016

While I'm in here....

The RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/337399-demon-blood-from-russia-with-love-oocpg-16startednot-accepting/
The Character: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/337399-demon-blood-from-russia-with-love-oocpg-16startednot-accepting/?p=6665659
Reminder that the part in the parenthesis at the end of Bio is meant to be filled by whoever Yui told me to fill it with, which never happened.
Also it's Kira I want reviewed for now.

Working on this one, I'll edit this post when I finish.

[spoiler=My Review]

Well, the character on first glance covers all the bases, but she is kind of...bland. Her appearance, as intended, is the epitome of average. Other than her red eyes, and ridiculously long hair, there isn't much here. It is not necessarily bad, and normal is nice every once in a while.

Personality: Her personality, as stated prior, is also relatively plain. For the setting, its good to have a brutally honest character, and that can constitute as an advantage, as well as providing a flaw. Jack of trade characters are lame, so its good this one has ups and downs. Settling issues with violence, but not out of rage? That tidbit kind of confused me. If someone says something she doesn't know how to react to, she will punch them or something? I mean, its kinda random, but Violence does solve everything. The last bit feels just kinda, out of place. Tacked on to the end for more character development, but still out of the blue.

Bio: A recurring theme, and probably intentional, the bio is simple. There is not much happening here, aside from the demon stalker. I don;t understand why she randomly got PO'd and killed the Demon, but I suppose if one was stalking me I wouldn't be too happy. For her recovery time, you say they explained everything, how did she take it? Was she shocked at first? Confused? Intrigued? Not much is given here, and it makes the character feel monotone. I wouldn't just accept the role of Demon Hunter if it was given to me all in one setting.

Also, her parents were A-Ok with her just leaving for Russia to search for him? Hell, they put up no argument? Do they know she is a Demon Hunter, as is he? Did they even try to resist? It just seems a little peculiar that 2 strict parents would suddenly let their daughter go to Russia.

However, I commend you for not making a cliche "oh my home life sucked everyone I loved died I was scarred for life parents hit me friends back-stabbed me omg" kind of back story. Those are so simple, and such an easy way out. So, good job making the only death in it the driver's.

Powers: Her abilities seem alright. The weapon is a cool choice, and the brute force seems fitting for this character. A simple power fits a simple character. Not much to comment on here.

Over all, your character is plain, and not much going on, but a pleasant break from the cliche back stories, and overloaded characters. She isn't too special it hurts, but she could stand to be a bit more unique. The back story could use some polishing with a bit more details added, and a few things clarified. over all, I rate it a ~~5/7~~ 70/100.

LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow · January 10, 2016

Working on this one, I'll edit this post when I finish.

[spoiler=My Review]
Well, the character on first glance covers all the bases, but she is kind of...bland. Her appearance, as intended, is the epitome of average. Other than her red eyes, and ridiculously long hair, there isn't much here. It is not necessarily bad, and normal is nice every once in a while.

Personality: Her personality, as stated prior, is also relatively plain. For the setting, its good to have a brutally honest character, and that can constitute as an advantage, as well as providing a flaw. Jack of trade characters are lame, so its good this one has ups and downs. Settling issues with violence, but not out of rage? That tidbit kind of confused me. If someone says something she doesn't know how to react to, she will punch them or something? I mean, its kinda random, but Violence does solve everything. The last bit feels just kinda, out of place. Tacked on to the end for more character development, but still out of the blue.

Bio: A recurring theme, and probably intentional, the bio is simple. There is not much happening here, aside from the demon stalker. I don;t understand why she randomly got PO'd and killed the Demon, but I suppose if one was stalking me I wouldn't be too happy. For her recovery time, you say they explained everything, how did she take it? Was she shocked at first? Confused? Intrigued? Not much is given here, and it makes the character feel monotone. I wouldn't just accept the role of Demon Hunter if it was given to me all in one setting.

Also, her parents were A-Ok with her just leaving for Russia to search for him? Hell, they put up no argument? Do they know she is a Demon Hunter, as is he? Did they even try to resist? It just seems a little peculiar that 2 strict parents would suddenly let their daughter go to Russia.

However, I commend you for not making a cliche "oh my home life sucked everyone I loved died I was scarred for life parents hit me friends back-stabbed me omg" kind of back story. Those are so simple, and such an easy way out. So, good job making the only death in it the driver's.

Powers: Her abilities seem alright. The weapon is a cool choice, and the brute force seems fitting for this character. A simple power fits a simple character. Not much to comment on here.

Over all, your character is plain, and not much going on, but a pleasant break from the cliche back stories, and overloaded characters. She isn't too special it hurts, but she could stand to be a bit more unique. The back story could use some polishing with a bit more details added, and a few things clarified. over all, I rate it a ~~5/7~~ 70/100.

Yeah basically she doesn't deal with people very well and reacts with violence for simplicity sake. For instance if a guy keeps hitting on her.

And it literally is tacked on to summarize how she changed a bit from DB V1 and 2 XD (I should've mentioned this DB is the second, after the first one died, and it a short time after, hence why she had a slight change in character) but yeah could've been kept or not kept.

She got randomly PO'd because of the tainted demon blood and it's influence.

She's like 20 something her parents can't exactly say she can't go XD

Nah thanks for the review, I know she's bland seeming and it's good to see another person's perspective. ^^ Just wanted to explain a couple things for the sake of explaining.

Merci · January 10, 2016

Mostly out of curiousity...

RP: Fate/Infinity Compendium

Character: Glauce Argus

Super Chaos Sonic · January 15, 2016

[spoiler=Unintentionally Short Review]
“Ben” “Arachnid” You didn’t! XD
And the appearance of the costume, wow, just wow. XD
Anyway to the bulk of the review, personality first.
Hmm his personality seems pretty generic, not bad, just generic. There’s not a lot to say. There aren’t any big issues but nothing stands out. He also doesn’t seem to have any flaws really. Which is kinda a problem when combined with generic.
The peeping thing was amusing, that was an interesting touch I suppose.
I...can’t really say anything more, sorry.
Anansi! Awesome reference is awesome. Seems he had a pretty good life early on at least, it’s surprising to see and a little refreshing honestly. But then...how did he decipher it when his professional parents couldn’t? That is way too unrealistic in my opinion, and I wish you had figured out a different way of it happening.
Though it’s intriguing thinking about how this is what gave him powers, freeing a god basically, pretty cool. And also fitting with what I know of Anansi.
I feel like I should be saying more but I can’t for the life of me figure out more to say. The backstory isn’t terrible, it explains things, it’s nice to see a non-tragic backstory, but it’s also a little lacking and has a very unrealistic part to it.
Powers now. Already? Sheesh O.o
The living hive ability utterly disturbs me but that’s another matter. I have to assume these are supernatural spiders otherwise...yeah. No.
The manipulation feels a bit underexplained and easily manipulated (heh get it?) to be whatever is needed.
Hmmm also the languages thing is too vague too. It implies he learned all the languages himself and it’s not to do with his powers, that’s a big no no, no way he did that.
Everything else looks alright from what I can say... 0/100 theme isn’t the 90s Spiderman cartoon song.
XD
Hmm...He’s got a nice personality, if nothing too special. His backstory is refreshing but also lacking and a little bit unrealistic. And his powers seem a bit too vague. However he’s not a bad character, and I do like what I can see... 77/100

77/100...didn't think to get that xD

Nevertheless, I understand what ya meant. Probably should've cleared things up with his app, will probably fix that one day. Annnnd I thought about the Spiderman theme....but they did say not to make him too much like Spidey, so I decided against it xD

Either way, thanks for the review!

LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow · January 23, 2016

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/345805-ooc-thread-rwby-a-fangs-mark/

^ The rp

I was actually about to field the Ben app, but you did it better than I could have x3.

But yeah this is a thing. Constructive Criticism pls

[spoiler= App]

"Wake me when the fun starts."
Personal Information:
Name: Ariana Bradford

Gender: Female
Race: Human
Age: 15
Reference: Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty)
Team: FARE (Fairy tale themed, pronounced as spelled.)
Appearance: [spoiler=show]
((Credit to Sakimichan for the amazing art, check her out on DA!))
Ariana stands at a height of 5'4. She has long blonde hair that she puts in a high ponytail. She has a pair of sunglasses resting on the top of her hair, and puts them down only when sleeping in classes. She also has a pair of headphones on most of the time. Her eyes are a striking blue, and her skin is a soft white. Moving further down the line, she has a nice figure. She sports a c cup, and despite being well toned, she isn't overly muscled. Her skin is flawless, no birthmarks or scars anywhere to to be found.

When in her combat attire, Ariana wears a form fitting light blue jumpsuit. She has light grey armor covering her bosom and some around her waist area. She also has finger-less gloves and a pair of black combat boots. She still wears her headphones, but they function more as earmuffs while in combat. They do a great job keeping sound out, which is important because her sniper rifle is incredibly loud. She also totes around her Sniper Rifle.

Her casual wear consists of a simple tee-shirt, with a grey hoodie, black jeans, and sneakers.

Personality: [spoiler=show]
There are many words used to describe Ariana, the few most common being 'lazy,' 'egotistical,' and 'catty.' Renowned for her ability to sleep during any class, even while seeming awake, Ariana has made quite the name for herself. When times get boring, she bails. She gets plenty of sleep every night, yet she takes cat naps throughout the day. Her reasoning for this leads into the next part of her character. She is full of herself and her abilities, to the point where she believes teachers are wasting their time trying to teach her things that she 'already knows.' If called out on doing something wrong, she will play it off every time, never admitting she was wrong. She is also not known for playing nicely with others. If she doesn't like someone, she knows, they know, and the whole school does. She doesn't hesitate to resolve her issues, and looks for every opportunity to fight someone she doesn't like. Yet, whats probably the most irritable part of her character is she can back it up.

Ariana's demeanor on the battle field isn't much different, except she becomes cunning and conniving. She plays up the 'dumb blonde' stereotype against human opponents, flirting with them and acting stupid, before her big reveal. If she gains the upper hand in combat, her 'flirting' becomes taunting and demoralizing. After landing shots on her opponents, she will blow them kisses, wink, or some other rude and disrespectful gesture. However, against the creatures of Grimm, she takes combat more seriously. Against those beasts, she becomes a ruthless killing machine. She doesn't joke around when they are involved, or when civilians are involved.

She is no leader, nor is she the best teammate. She will follow directions, but if she disagrees with the leader, she will whine about it complain, then finally comply after some grumbling. She isn't insubordinate, but she still has her own ideas. Her pride is also her greatest undoing, and any attack on it id a deceleration of war. However, she is ruthlessly efficient in combat, and despite her poor attitude, she is a valuable asset and has her own noble reasons for wishing to be a huntress.

Biography: [spoiler=Show]
Ariana was born to a wealthy business man. Her mother taught her proper etiquette, and her father taught her how to act around guests. She was the youngest of 3 children, two of them older brothers. She was the princess of the house, but rules were so strict for her. Since she was young, she was never free. She had no real friends, other than her brothers. She spent mot of her childhood reading fairy tales and stories of hunters. Her whole youth, she had wanted nothing more than to be one of those heroes in the story. She dreamed of her true love coming into her locked castle, fighting the dragon (her parents) and rescuing her from this prison. Of course, she never told her parents how much she hated her life, for they would shoot her down.

One day, she had had it. Ariana couldn't stand living her entire life predetermined. She wanted freedom, so she sought it out. Her oldest brother was a hunter in training, and she had made him teach her all he knew. Together, they unlocked her aura, and she discovered her semblance. Her semblance, camouflage, allowed her to become transparent. Using this trick, she staged a getaway. She tied together her blankets, making a rope, then shattered her window. She then hid in the corner of her room, and activated her semblance. She remained in the corner, invisible to her parents. The 2 freaked out, thinking that she had run off. They immediately called the authorities, and during their panicked chaos, she sneaked out the door.

She had made her way to Mirage Academy, using her semblance to steal food along the way. However, on the way she learned stuff about her own semblance. If she hit something, or ran into something, her camo would instantly end. She also couldn't hold it for more than 30 minutes at a time, and had to wait 3 minutes between each cloak. Making her way to Mirage Academy proved a challenge on its own, but she was successful at it. Upon her arrival, she immediately asked for her brother. Although he was shocked to see her and hear her story, he agreed with her course of action, and they together convinced the head master to allow her to attend.

Ariana's parents were not as happy. That day, she became dead to them. Nothing she did caught their attention. They would talk about how proud they were of their favorite boys, but not a word of Ariana. At first, the young girl was a well behaved, eager to learn hopeful huntress. She tried her hardest to impress her parents, but she never succeeded. Over her years at Mirage Academy, she went through a metamorphosis. Gone was the young, well mannered princess. In her place, a rebellious, cocky woman took her place. She often got in trouble with her teachers because of her mouth and work ethic. Despite all this, her parents still paid her no attention or care. Eventually, Ariana gave up on them too. Keeping this new-found attitude, she got a recommendation to Shade Academy, despite her poor attitude.

Combat Information
Weapon Name: Maleficent Somno

Weapon Description: [spoiler=show]
Maleficent Somno is a large sniper rifle with 4 different dust rounds to fit any occasion. The typical rounds are regular .50 Cal dust bullets. They suit almost any occasion. It holds 5 shots before she must reload it. However, that's just the standard round. The next chamber holds her taser rounds, dust infused rounds that deal significantly less damage, but generate jolts of electricity in impact. Third, she has her explosive rounds, infused with fire dust. On impact, they explode. They are her primary diversion/grimm clearing rounds, as the explosion kicks up enough dirt to allow her to sneak off into cover. Lastly, she has her Goliath rounds. Although she has never encountered a Goliath, Maleficent Somno has a round just for the occasion. An impressive .950 caliber round, these bullets pack a serious punch, with a wicked recoil. Although its her most powerful round, its her least used.

The rifle itself is designed in a desert camo. It has a 24 inch barrel, with 2 scopes on it. The different rounds are decided by a revolver system. Pulling a lever on the side switched the round. Despite her weapon being an effective sniper, that's all it is. Unlike many weapons, this one does not transform into a different weapon.

Semblance: [spoiler=show]
Ariana's semblance is Camouflage. She becomes transparent upon activating it, making her invisible while she stands still. However, if she moves during it, it becomes easier to detect her. This works very similar to halo's Active Camouflage, as her moving causes a distorted shimmer in the area she is moving. The faster she moves, the more obvious. The only true time she is invisible is when she is standing perfectly still. However, the stealth doesn't last. Once she fires a round from her rifle, her stealth will break. Similarly, if her aura takes any form of damage, her camouflage is immediately removed. Lastly, she can't hold her stealth for more than 30 minutes. She has to wait 3 minutes between her breaking stealth before she can re-enter it.

Despite the many shortcomings, Camouflage is still very effective. For those who don't expect it, it gives her a huge advantage. It allows her to effectivly spy, and she can use it to find herself cover and remain cloaked until she takes a lethal shot.

Miscellaneous Information
Theme song

She is still trying to get attention from her parents, even if she pretends she isn't.

Her father's company was a motorcycle manufacturer.

She has a pair of earbuds for her team, and her headphones have a mic on them so she can still communicate with her teammates despite wearing earmuffs.

She can not hold her own in 1 on 1 hand to hand combat.

You can still review whoever you want ya know X3

[spoiler=Review]She ah...she doesn’t look 15 at all, to be honest. ^^; It kinda bugs me. Though she does look Sleeping Beauty-ish. Well described the appearance well enough, though I always find specifying things about bust size a bit odd. The height surprised me, and no weight?

Personality. Well you’ve made her very un-likable from the get-go...which isn’t a bad thing! Having a character like that is a very good thing sometimes. I appreciate the sleeping thing, it’s kinda amusing and you managed to give a reason for it really well. I hope you explain how she is able to back it up despite being so lazy, though.

Hmmm flirting with the opponent. That does feel a bit weird, if she’s usually so confident she’d not really worry about flirting to get the upper hand I’d think. Also isn’t she a sniper? Can she really do such things?

Glad you didn’t make her a good teammate or anything like that, that was good for sure. Though I do wonder about the “doing it with grumbling” thing. Just cause that feels as if she’s letting her pride be wounded, but it’s not a big thing.

Overall it’s pretty good, frustrating character but only for the people in the story. A good character for the reader to either dislike or like to watch.

Bio now. Well she’s a princess I see XD Of a sort. Which is fine as a start at least. But then it gets...eh. You claim she wanted to be a hero like in those stories but she dreamed for some person to come and rescue her, that just doesn’t fit right to me.

I’m glad she finally got fed up and it looks like she’s taking things in her own hands here. I do like that she did that, it kinda makes up for the “true love rescuing” thing. Strange that the brother was so okay with training and that she was able to get away with getting trained though, honestly. Felt a bit hand-wavy.

Explaining the limitations of the power in the bio was a bit awkward to read.

So she changed her attitude to get attention from her parents. Ehhh that just kinda feels boring I guess. It’s slightly disappointing not gonna lie.

The weaponry I’m...not sure how a sniper can deliver anything but lethal damage to be honest. Those taser rounds seem ridiculously unrealistic even for such a setting. And I’d imagine something that can fire those kind of rounds would have some immense kickback. I won’t focus too much on this though.

The Camo thing is pretty well balanced which is cool.

I wonder why she decided sniper.

Also if she can’t hold her own 1 v 1 and has a sniper and camo...yeah I’m kinda wondering why she does the taunting thing, it feels really iffy.

Overall. I like the personality, it’s nice having a character who’s kinda just frustrating XD The bio was decent and nothing special but I really didn’t like the over-used wanting parents attention motivation for her. And the weapon and fighting style feels weird. But overall I’d say 72/100. Not bad, but not great.

LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow · January 29, 2016

This is the last character I really have I want reviewed...

Sooooo...

The RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/341666-pokemon-gijinka-the-fallen-god-oocpg-16not-accepting/?p=6723118

The character: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/341666-pokemon-gijinka-the-fallen-god-oocpg-16not-accepting/?p=6724282

[spoiler=The speedy one]Name: Kazo
Species: Gabite
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Favored Legend: Latios
[spoiler=Appearance:] He is six foot two inches tall and weighs 196 pounds.

[spoiler=Personality:] There are humble people in this world... however, if going by outer appearances alone, no one would say that about Kazo. How he looks and how he acts though are two different stories. He is scared of what people may think about him and as such, he is a pushover, doing anything anyone asks of him. Even gijinka much younger and smaller than him can get away with it. He can barely muster up the courage to talk to anyone, especially a pretty girl.
It's easy to tell he is a bit of a coward to, seeing how he slouches over to try to make himself look smaller and hopefully less noticeable. He flinches when people yell at him, no matter the reason, and he is easily intimidated. Don't make him angry though... Because... Well, no one knows what happens when he gets angry. He's never shown anyone that side of himself before, and usually fear will overpower his anger anyways. Under no circumstances does he want to be in the spotlight, and he always thinks less of himself, his low self esteem not helping in any way.

[spoiler=Biography:] Kazo always had an issue growing up. He was abnormally tall for his age, especially unusual because he was a Dragon Type. This made him stand out and look intimidating. but his gentle nature made it so he spent a good portion of his life bullied by fairy types. Most people found it amusing a tall boy was being abused by smaller fairies, so no one helped him. His parents also were uncaring, as they figured their boy could take care of himself. After realizing no one would help him, he simply stopped asking and took the abuse if they caught him. As a result, he is very timid and a bit of a coward.
The only good thing to come out of it was that he learned how to run really fast, developed by running away from his bullies. He spent years honing his running technique, soon becoming slightly confident in it. He then heard the story of the legend Latios, a pokemon rumored to be the fastest one alive. An crazy idea came to him. Perhaps if he could beat Latios in a race, people would respect him, or at the very least leave him alone. Armed with this new goal in life, he travelled the region in hopes of finding the elusive legend.
Although he is goal oriented, more than likely, he will run into other people... If he does... he will help anyone that asks (force) him to come along with them.

[spoiler=Level:] 24

[spoiler=Ability:] Sand Veil- When a sandstorm picks up, he can see clearly, despite the winds and sand. He can also move faster within them, allowing him to be much sneakier in one.

[spoiler=Moves/Powers:] Sandstorm: He makes a super catchy song that mixes well with other songs. Or he just summons winds that kick up dirt. Probably that. The sand will last for about six minutes, spanning a 100 foot radius from the point of origin.
Ground Dragon's Roar: He takes a deep breath and fires an energy breath thingy like Godzilla. (Dragon Breath)
Nanomachines, son!: His head hardens and he headbutts stuff. (Iron head)
Dig: He... digs. Ya know, moving dirt, going underground. Digging.
The Special Move
Gotta go faaaaaaaaaaaast: He takes off at super speed, running as fast as he can. At this point, the friction can spark fire on his body, which he is trying to weaponize. Failing for the moment. His mind also can't completely process everything with how fast he is moving, so the odds of him tripping, or running into something are much higher. Also, he gets winded easily, only able to go fast for about five minutes before he has to stop and take a break.

[spoiler=Money/Items:] The starting 500 pokes, a Ground Gem, a Oran Berry, 2 Potions, and a Dark Sunglasses (What he's wearing)

[spoiler=Misc:] [spoiler=Theme Song]

He has a habit of talking really fast when he's nervous, and has a phobia of Ice types and Fairy Types. He also doesn't like to fight, preferring to run away, as his moves reflect. Unless he's pissed. Never piss him off.

Like most people from Juyu, he has a slight interest in music and has a decent singing voice. Nothing to write home about, but not bad either. He also can play an instrument, specifically an acoustic guitar. Don't expect him to sing or play for anyone any time soon though.

[spoiler=Skype:] burningreno

Ahhhh Kazo. Alright then.

This is a pretty short review honestly, but you'll see why.

[spoiler=Review]The appearance, seeing as it’s Gijinka, is a tricky thing to talk about given limited options. But I gotta say that he looks badass, which is funny cause he’s not, which is probably the point, which I like. He’s a gangly dragon. I like that, though it’s still a bit odd a not fully evolved guy is so tall. Though it’s considered abnormal so it can be chalked up to a quirk.

He’s adorable honestly. And given his size, appearance, and the Pokemon he’s based on, that’s quite unusual but in a good way. Being a total push-over is a wee bit tricky of a trait to pull off and still let the character shine through. The pretty girl thing is a little cliche but it can lead to fun times.

The thing with this character is that it’s a decent idea, and in practice has its moments, but there’s really not a lot of depth to him, which is saddening. Going just from this and not the IC it seems like a one-trick-Ponyta honestly.

Which is why I can’t say too much about it.

Probably should’ve explained the “Tall for Dragon type” thing a bit cause it sounds weird as is. The bio certainly explains his timid nature, and it’s quite sad honestly. Because of how he looks he was allowed to be picked on. Shows a lot of unjustness which could certainly lead to things later down the line. It’s interesting this helped with speed, and it’s nice to see how his fighting was developed.

The issue I do find is...Latios isn’t the fastest legend. There are several faster. However he IS the fastest Dragon Legend so it could still work.

Sandstorm made me laugh again. Anyway. The moves are solid, not too strong, fits the character, good work all around there.

The Misc stuff was interesting, nothing special but it’s nice addition.

Overall not a ton to say, but also not a ton bad to say. It’s a solid character. Nothing super special but it does its job. And all the sections tie each other together very neatly. Overall I’d say... 73/100. Good work. Simple characters can be good.

Cherz · February 2, 2016

thanks for the review Cow Cow! I agree with all your points 100% Just wanted to clarify a few things.

The sniper is supposed to be lethal. Its primary use is to kill Grimm. Humans have aura to protect them in battle simulations, and sparring, but the Sniper still takes a large chunk out of it.

And I plan l on clearing some confusion with her brother since ill probably make him a character when I'm feeling better.

LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow · February 4, 2016

Mostly out of curiousity...

RP: Fate/Infinity Compendium
Character: Glauce Argus

I'll just leave this right here. It seems like there's still room for one more Master, and I'm guessing my old app will be sufficient~

[spoiler=app]

"My life...is in my own hands now."

Name: Glauce Euphemus Argus

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Servant:

Gender: Female

Age: 20

[spoiler=Appearance:]

[spoiler=Personality:]

While appearing robotic and intelligent on the outside, within Glauce is a cauldron of chaotic emotions, such as frustration, fear, despair. And regret.

In the past, all she had ever wanted was to be the true heir, having been filled to the brim with hatred and jealousy - however, when the true heir Jaselyn had actually died and her wish to replace her, to be acknowledged by her masters as a daughter, and to become the heir of Argus came true, those feelings changed entirely. All of a sudden, she felt disgust for having ever wanted such selfish things, guilt that her prayers were what was responsible for causing Jaselyn's death, and her hatred was no longer directed towards the family she served all her life, but to herself.

Having been granted absolute freedom so long as she seizes victory as a Master, Glauce has only just begun to familiarize herself with the ways of 'acting independently', only recently coming to terms with the fact that she can do whatever she wants without being punished, which includes showing interest in things. While she hasn't experienced much of the world at all, the one thing she knows she has a definite interest in is antiques, old machinery, especially when it comes to things like automobiles - fiddling around with them. New technology such as computers make her panic since she can't understand them.

Overall, with her only wish already granted, the main reason she is fighting in the Holy Grail War is to prove herself to her family as a true Argus...to her, this is not about glory, but about self-discovery. With her newfound independence, she is intent on finding on just what sort of person she should be.

As a result, despite seeming logically-minded due to her robotic exterior, she is brash, impulsive, and in many ways self-destructive, knowing more about taking care of others than taking care of herself. A broken, confused puppet maid.

[spoiler=Biography:]

[spoiler=Family History]

Renowned though they may be, the Arguses have always been the most eccentric of the Three Great Families, less concerned about the sacred rules of magi than others, caring more about their own creations, and in the past they actually used to do the unthinkable, contributing to science every now and then rather than shunning it like the rest of magical society, particularly when it came to the rise of mechanical vehicles such as cars and planes. Over time, even as they could no longer keep up with science and were reduced to antique dealers who occasionally dabbled in alchemy, these past efforts ended up making them very rich.

As a result, the previous head of the family, Odysseus Argus had been quite the pompous fellow, having been born into high privilege, believing he could do whatever he want. Thus, even though he'd been married to another family of magi as per tradition, so that their eventual successor can inherit a superior range of magic prowess, he simply did not care to keep his pants in check. Now, all magi, especially those whom belong to great families, are expected to follow the laws of the world in order to achieve great heights, and this applies even to the laws of matrimony. Defiance of the law only ever causes unnecessary problems that would drag them down in the future.

One may be able to imagine the amount of panic that Odysseus had when it turned out that lady at the antigue store he had a fling with had gotten pregnant. At first he denied it, but genetic tests proved otherwise. Upon finding out, his very pissed-off wife began pressuring him into arranging her murder. After all, while inferior to their own child, the bastard would still have the capacity for magic. Still, unable to go through with such a horrid act, he decided to take in the baby girl instead - to act as a maid and bodyguard for the true successor.

Henceforth, she was raised alongside them as Glauce Smith, to act as both as a maid and as a bodyguard for the true successor...

Serve the Argus heir. Support the Argus heir. Protect the Argus heir. Those were the sole duties relegated to her.

Glauce was never intended to be the heir, nor a legitimate magus, nor anything at all. Raised to be a servant to be a servant and nothing more, showing any emotion resulted in immediate punishment. She was the bastard girl, the one who was not supposed to be there, the one whose very existence scarred the legacy of an otherwise spectacular family. Oh, they tried to keep it a secret from the Mage's Association and everywhere else, but at home her 'father' never once spoke to her, whereas his wife had for countless years drilled into her just how worthless she was - at least when compared to their darling precious daughter, Jaselyn Argus.

While she was indeed taught some magic, possessing the capacity due to the Argus Magic Circuits that she shouldn't have, it was only so that she could act as foil for Jaselyn. Whenever Jaselyn accomplished something, her parents were overjoyed, but whenever Glauce accomplished something, they would be annoyed, as if the achievement were something she'd stolen. Jaselyn treated her nicely, and yet always seemed to be under the impression that she was some kind of realistic golem, never once recognizing her as human. She was meant to help Jaselyn improve, but at the same time it was forbidden for her to surpass Jaselyn's skills in any way, forcing her to hold back, honing her own skills in private. Her sole pleasure in life was tinkering with the old machinery and antiques the Argus Family owned in her free time, experimenting in ways by combining them with her magic.

Then, her entire life was flipped upside-down when the heir, Jaselyn Argus, was killed by an improperly-contained magical artifact, the preserved mana exploding right in her face. The stupidest, most dishonourable thing ever. Odysseus and his wife were shocked and depressed by it, most certainly, but more than that, they were annoyed because this presented a problem.

The ultimate goal, the Holy Grail War, was impending, and they did not have a heir to participate. The couple themselves were far too unprepared for combat, having never expected that the duty may fall upon either of them, are was not enough time to make and raise a replacement for Jaselyn, so it seemed probable that they may very well miss the chance at a miracle until---

"You'll do."

Those were the very first words her father, Odysseus Argus, said to her, acknowledging her for the first time since taking her in.

Just like that, Glauce had been moved out of the storeroom, given Jaselyn's room and things, had her name legalized to Argus to make her officially the daughter of Odysseus Argus and a member of the great family, was allowed access to all the family secrets, granted total freedom to go wherever she wanted in the city when she had never before set foot outside their manor - and to top it all off, Command Seals had appeared on her arm, confirming her status as a participant in the war.

It was ironic in a way. The war itself had already granted her wish, albeit in a twisted manner, so there wasn't much of a point in fighting, and yet - lost and confused amidst the world, something like the Holy Grail War was a good opportunity for her to discover herself.

When the time came for her to do the summoning, her only thought was that she wanted to summon a hero who could helpher in finding a meaning in life...

[spoiler=Abilities:]

#Item Construction - The manufacturing of magical artifacts of varying quality. While a normal magus would have to go about painstakingly gathering all sorts of ingredients and materials in order to create even unremarkable ones, Glauce is talented enough in that she can utilize her transmutation to meet the requirements for the item without ever leaving the room, though this still takes time. In the event that there is no time for alchemy, she is capable of a very low-grade skill called 'Flash Air' which quickly draws in supplementary elements from the surrounding area, and more often than not her blood is required too - even though the process for this can be very quick, the resultant magical artifact is small and pales exponentially to a properly-created one.

Among the simpler items she can create are those with normal but practical properties contained within them. For example, an amulet that glows in the dark, a stick that interferes with nearby electrical appliances, a hat that increases the focus of the wearer, a compass that traces the location of other items made by Glauce and homes in on them. These are the kinds of simple things that she can make within a few hours.

Apart from that, she can also make unique magical potions, composed of coffee (caffeine being an excellent receptor to mana for whatever reason) with dense amounts of mana concentrated within that can be used either to replenish a magus's mana supply, or to heal a hurt Servant. A side effect of taking the potions seems to be temporary hyperactivity. It takes four days overall to brew one with the same effectiveness as the ones Glauce have.

#Transmutation - An alchemic skill that involves channeling mana into any sort of object, effectively manipulating the flow of matter. This is the main key that allows the Arguses to operate. Could hypothetically be used to repair broken objects, but it is most effective when used to modify the configuration of noble metals, and given a few months, Glauce can even synthesize the rare magic metal mythril, which her family has in abundance. It can also be used in a different manner, converting simple objects into objects with magical properties. Normally, this is more of a workshop ability that cannot be utilized practically in the thick of combat...

#Mechanical Transmutation - ...however, this is where the Argus Family shines, by utilizing machinery that would ordinarily be considered impractical, and then covering the flaws with magic to go beyond both other magi and other scientists, creating their very own Mystic Codes (magical weapons). It isn't nearly as easy as it sounds, as the machines need to be simple enough to be transmutated effectively, thereby discounting most modern machinery, and they also need to be specially-constructed for the receiving of mana. Hence, a lot of the weapons that take advantage of this ability may seem rather steampunk-y.

Glauce herself uses the Mystic Code "Talos", originally granted to her in order to protect the since-deceased Jaselyn. While disguised as a very large, unusually light bronze-looking suitcase, it can be readily prepared by Glauce for combat within five to ten seconds. It is meant to be attached to her back, and has two extending controls she's meant to hold onto, in order to control the gigantic mythril-reinforced automaton hand attached to it, specifically meant for combat against others. Despite its size, it is very light and responds very fast, being effective as both an offense and as a defense, comparable to Rank B Servant strength at its peak. Powered by Glauce's mana supply, it only ceases to function when she has fully exhausted herself. Its only real flaw is that it remains dependent upon her own, far more inexperienced physical reflexes.

[spoiler=Other]
Normal Theme - The Iron Rose (Clockwork Dolls)
Battle Theme - Arrival of the Guards / Armaros (Drakengard 3)

>Glauce is educated in a lot of fields, but fails terribly at basic social activities due to having only been a maid trapped in the house her whole life.

>She owns and is able to legally drive around a retrofitted '66 Shelby AC Cobra 427. Of course, as soon as she'd been legally able, the Argus Family she served had wasted no time in making her their permanent driver (she has only ever had the opportunity to see the rest of the city on these drives). She loves her precious car and will automatically hate anyone who so much as thinks about touching it.

>For all her knowledge and items, Glauce is merely average on the field, almost completely reliant upon her own stockpiled things and her Servant to do the work. Her recklessness could be either a strength or a weakness depending on the situation.

>On the other hand, attacking her at her home base, the Argus Manor, is a different story. Her parents have moved to be safe away from the war, but regardless, it has an automated system and is surrounded by countless magical defenses that dampen the strength of any intruder, as well as bombarding them with deadly mana-based bullets. Not only that, but even should they breach into the residency, the manor contains pretty much the whole history of top-grade Argus magical artifacts for Glauce to fall back on, and in the worst case scenario she can blow the whole place up. The Argus Family have, er, never really been known for their friendliness.

[spoiler=review]Well first no appearance description at all was a bit strange, not used to that. Not gonna harp on it much though. General size might’ve been good to know, however.

Hmm, cold outside, emotional wreck inside. Well, it can be interesting. I’ve seen it a lot though, and it can also be boring if done wrong. Though that kind of character is very, very, very personal with how you get character across. Luckily in this medium you can express their thoughts but otherwise that’d be a problem.

Okay so the intense hate and jealousy...idk that sounds a bit ridiculous given how she instantly felt guilt. Like, the implication was she knew nothing but deep hatred which just doesn’t feel right to flip flop so quickly, even with such a dramatic event.

Being afraid of computers but interested in things like cars feels off too. I can sorta see why, but, still off. It’s not too bad, and it’s kinda neat.

Broken and confused is right. That’s what I get from the personality. It just feels confusing and scattered. Bits and pieces that sorta mesh together and form something interesting, but looking at it a bit deeper just feels out of place. Her personality feels almost like...that the personality is she doesn’t have much personality, idk.

Loootta Bio. Interesting family history. Got a little confused by the magic thing given the families prior history but guess it’s just cause of the current head being power hungry.

And yeesh that’s a depressing start. Though honestly, kinda impractical to try and make the bodyguard of the daughter have so much reason to hate her. Really while that could be a mistake on the obviously not totally bright father...It feels like almost too much. Like why give your precious daughter a guard and breed into that guard hatred for her. Cause it feels to me pretty clearly what would happen. Again, could be a fault of the father, just feels too extreme.

Other than that, it does feel like an interesting bio, and I like it. Just...Wanting to find a purpose is kinda a dull reason. Though, that’s kinda the person she is...not dull I mean, just someone who wouldn’t have strong goals and desires.

The abilities are interesting, can’t say too much about them cause I’d have to check power levels and not gonna go through that.

However. Talos takes 5-10 minutes to activate and was given to her to protect someone? That doesn’t seem right. That’s a really shitty defense mechanism XD

Overall she’s interesting, her history is detailed, there’s not too many flaws there. But the personality just kinda is there. It feels scattered and vapid at times.

74/100. Pretty good stuffs :3

And suddenly no reviews in the backlog. :o Will likely put another character for review later.

Note to all reviewers. You can still review characters that have been reviewed, at your leisure.

Kexotero · February 21, 2016

Don't know how to do the App thing, so I'll just post this by itself.

Name: Alvair Skuldon
Age: 21 (15 when I have to be a kid in a Yugioh RP)
Gender: Male

Race: Human
Appearance: A human male in the Ra Yellow outfit, with blonde hair, red eyes, and he has a bow and quiver when I'm doing a non-Yugioh RP, and a Duel Disk when I am doing one.
Personality: Alvair usually has a different personality per forum, since I will be using him for multiple forums, but usually he is pretty smart.
Biography: Usually changes to fit with the RP, but the fact that he was orphaned and raised by his aunt usually stays the same. In the Yugioh RPs. he carries a Phantom Knights Deck, and his Duel Spirit is The Phantom Knights of Ancient Cloak.
Abilities: Considering he is a human, he would probably at most be able to at the learn karate in a Yugioh World for self-defense, and in non-Yugioh worlds, he is a pretty good archer, being able to shoot as good as William Tell.
Miscellaneous: This is my first RP character, and thus this will probably be mediocre at best. I will, though, try to use him in a RP, though.

LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow · February 21, 2016

Don't know how to do the App thing, so I'll just post this by itself.

Name: Alvair Skuldon
Age: 21 (15 when I have to be a kid in a Yugioh RP)
Gender: Male

Race: Human
Appearance: A human male in the Ra Yellow outfit, with blonde hair, red eyes, and he has a bow and quiver when I'm doing a non-Yugioh RP, and a Duel Disk when I am doing one.
Personality: Alvair usually has a different personality per forum, since I will be using him for multiple forums, but usually he is pretty smart.
Biography: Usually changes to fit with the RP, but the fact that he was orphaned and raised by his aunt usually stays the same. In the Yugioh RPs. he carries a Phantom Knights Deck, and his Duel Spirit is The Phantom Knights of Ancient Cloak.
Abilities: Considering he is a human, he would probably at most be able to at the learn karate in a Yugioh World for self-defense, and in non-Yugioh worlds, he is a pretty good archer, being able to shoot as good as William Tell.
Miscellaneous: This is my first RP character, and thus this will probably be mediocre at best. I will, though, try to use him in a RP, though.

Okay first you're not supposed to post in an RP IC (Like I saw you did) without having an app in the RPs OOC that is accepted.

As for making an app, what is it you need to know?

Honestly, I don't wanna be rude, but this character is extremely bland and literally doesn't even have a solid description in any part of it, it kinda isn't even a character. This isn't exactly the kinda thing we usually do here.

Look at the other apps around different RPs, and here too, they usually put a lot more info, and the characters don't change personality that much, though sometimes they're reused and things are fixed to fit within the RP.

If you want any help, I can probably explain things more.

Kexotero · February 21, 2016

You know what, from now on, I'll view RPs instead of participating in them.

Cherz · February 21, 2016

You know what, from now on, I'll view RPs instead of participating in them.

By all means, participate! We love new member's! There is just a few rules you neee before you can get going .

If an RP interests you, join its ooc, and if you can, make an app. Tons of members here would be overjoyed to help you, myself included.

King K. Azo · February 25, 2016

*pokes head in*

The RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/345805-ooc-thread-rwby-a-fangs-mark-not-startedalways-accepting/

The app: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/345805-ooc-thread-rwby-a-fangs-mark-not-startedalways-accepting/?p=6812461

Cherz · February 26, 2016

*pokes head in*

The RP: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/345805-ooc-thread-rwby-a-fangs-mark-not-startedalways-accepting/

The app: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/345805-ooc-thread-rwby-a-fangs-mark-not-startedalways-accepting/?p=6812461

[spoiler=Review]

Lets start with the reference. 'Dragons' is kinda vague. It would have been a bit better had you picked a specific one, there is tone of them in fairy tales. It also seems like they are usually the villain, whereas Rohin is supposed to be a hero, but there are times when that can be overlooked, so this is just a little nit-pick.

Appearance is kinda, bland. It covers all the essentials, but it doesn't talk about choice of clothing, attire, and some other juicy details, which generally are there to enhance it. It is kinda lacking, and without the picture it wouldn't suffice. Also, you left out what feature of an animal he has. That's kinda a big deal for a faunus. It is implied in the tongue, but it should be here, that I assure you is a must and should be edited in at any given time.

The appearance starts off nice, covering some basics, then kinda falls off in terms of description. After that, it seems to get just a tad bit bland. Use of adjectives is generally helpful and helps to add more content and flavor. It feels like some of these paragraphs could have been easily grouped together to make it less...blocky. A minor nitpick too, why hasn't he made his own weapon to use over Scarlight Calamity if it isn't his? I mention that here since it's mentioned, so that.

Starting with the bio, I get that they lived in total isolation, but its kinda hard to fight off Grimm with no weapons. I mean, Yang and Mercury both have gun weapons equipped to their main martial arts weapons, and Neo has a blade in her Parasol. It seems more like they had to rely on their father for protection, which begs what happens if he's out? Grimm are pretty difficult to kill without weapons. But, moving on from that now. The tidbit on their semblance being hereditary is good writing, especially since it helps tie the bio together. However, the next part of the bio, the core, leaves many questions. To start, what happened to the entire family? It's assumed they die, but if they all knew how to use their aura, then maybe even one of them could have escaped from the killing spree. It is also rather odd that he was sent to get firewood, alone, against a Grimm infested forest with no means to defend himself. But back to the bio, a bleeding scar would be quite the shock, but the power of Aura makes it survivable and all. Next off, why did he drop his weapon? Like, after immediately splitting a deathstalker, what prompted him to release his weapon? Seems like the power of plot came through for him there. Even then, what prompted him to take the weapon? I'm sure his father will arise later, as an important character to Rohin's plot development, but still worthy of noting. Sadly, the last paragraph of the bio feels rushed. Just a bunch of events tied themselves together. It would be kind nice to see more development on this end, since it feels like it all happens so abrupt. How long did he stay in Mirage, how long did he travel? More details would really help tie this part together, since it has so much potential.

Scarlight Calamity is a cool weapon. It really is. The name is unique, having a flame thrower whip sword reminds me Ivy but cooler. It even has its own image that fits perfectly with the world of RWBY. Sadly, despite it being such a cool weapon it seems impractical for him to even have it, seeing as he does everything with his bare hands, only fighting with it uncomfortably. Sure it differentiates him, but that part just feels like a nerf to his combat prowess.

The semblance feels a bit cliche, especially for a komodo dragon, but in terms of balance its alright. A great amount of power, but in term becoming a blood lusting battle craving adrenaline junky has been done in this RP (Not quite the same, but very similar, as seen from Reiner and Yubaba respectively). But I mean, it contributes to bio, so I can't be too hard on it. It also gives the team a tank, which it seemed to be lacking. Tanky fighters are always nice. Speaking of that, it should be noted he has a lot of Aura (Like Jaune). More Aura=better tank.

For the misc, the enhanced smell, you must have misunderstood what I was trying to say about Komodo Dragons, so I'll clear that up here. Komodo Dragons don't smell with their tongue, but they use it to take scent particles out of the air and bring it to their nose, giving them an accurate idea of where to hunt. The bad dreams and keeping silent feels so cliche, I don't really like it.

Over all, your app covers the necessities, and allows you access to the RP(Where I feel you sine brightest), but lacks in depth and detail. The character feels kinda contradictory, but is balanced well and unique to this current cast. Over all I give it a 70/100. It isn't bad, but there is a lot to improve upon.

This place needs some more action, so

[spoiler=Ghost]
"You know when you get the feeling someones watching you? That's 'cuz someone is."
Full Name: Courtney Burke
Age: 22
Gender: Female
City of Origin: Montpelier, Vermont
[spoiler=Appearance:]
Courtney stands at 5'5, and weighs 117 lbs. She has short brown hair, that frames a soft, round face. Her eyes are a light brown, but are usually covered by shades. Her complexion is a soft white, and usually devoid of make-up. Moving further down, she has a very lithe and slender build, with not much meat on her bones. It is that of a pear shape stature. Her upper torso is rather small, whereas her legs are long in comparison. She has a defined taste in fashion, as all her clothes match her natural colors. She is usually seen wearing a black beret, a black chic scarf. She usually wears a mocha colored shirt, with a black corset over it. She also wears black cargo pants, and a golden chic belt. She matches these with her black motorcycle gloves. Finally, she tops the look off with black cargo pants, leading down to black combat boots.
[spoiler=Personality:]If Courtney were to be summed up in a few words, the first would most defiantly be smart, cool, and tomboyish. She is a highly intelligent woman, especially given how young she is. She also knows that she is smart, and although she has a bit of an ego, she uses it to help rather than put down. She is also notorious for being a cool, level-headed person, especially when hunting criminals/spying. She always keeps her composure, and is a valuable asset to a team. Her personality, off the job, is rather tomboyish. Her attitude is that of a 'bro.' She is a champ of the game Baseball, tackle football, and her favorite, Beer Pong . She is riot at gatherings, and fits in perfectly with guy crowds.

When hunting criminals, or doing something similar, Courtney changes demeanor a bit. She becomes a cool and confident leader. She is an expert at tracking her opposition. She will often times toy with her opponent, taunting them from the veil of invisibility, and instilling fear before she goes to apprehend them. However, unless necessary, she won't kill. In each fight, she doesn't hesitate to taunt her opposition, often weaving curses in-between her nationalist monologues. Despite her many good traits, she wont fight a battle she knows she can't win. She will use her power to escape if the situation gets dire. Self preservation and her own intelligence are her greatest flaws. She would have very little regrets about letting a teammate take a bullet for her.

[spoiler=Overview:]Courtney was born to an average household in Montpelier, Vermont. However, she was not so average. From a young age, she displayed the ability to regenerate wounds relatively quickly. Unfortunately, she figured it out too. The young girl had quite the temper, constantly getting into fights with other elementary school kids, fights she would usually win. For some reason, this young girl had monstrous strength. It was joked about that she spent more time in the principal's office than in her classes. However, transitioning through puberty, Courtney changed a lot.

It started when she had woken up one morning, and didn't see herself in a mirror. Her parents had had their suspicions, but had never truly been able to confirm she was a 'meta-human' until this day. She got up, out of bed, to turn off her alarm. She went to the restroom to get a shower, and thats when she had the first sign. She looked down to remove her clothes, and she couldn't see them. She looked into the mirror, and couldn't see her own reflection. After the initial 'is this a dream' sequence, she realized this was the real world. She made her way into her parents room, after awkwardly punching the door, as a result of being unable to see her hands, before she finally located them and the doorknob. After opening it, she woke them up with a start. They believed it to be a ghost until they heard her talking, rapidly explaining her panic. It was quite the predicament at first, them being unable to see her, so she had to put her back to a wall, and her father spray painted it until some of it caught on her, temporarily revealing her.

They submitted her information and explained the predicament, and within a few hours, the entirely red girl was on her way to becoming a hero, unbeknownst to her. While training under the BMA, she learned how to activate her invisibility at will, as well as deactivate it. It took her an entire month to perfect it though, and she was constantly under video thermal surveillance to prevent her from trying anything. The physical training and conditioning, however, helped shape her personality. Gone was the aggressive, self centered brat. Spending time away, with people similar to her, helped shape her into a much better person. Once her training was finished, the BMA took notice of her power, and the practical use that came with it. They offered, and she accepted in the bat of an eyelash.

Courtney resumed her time in school for a bit, occasionally being called to do some espionage, or gather information on supposed commies, since her powers had developed enough for her to become an expert on infiltration. This little side job gave her advanced learning in school. She was doing Calculus in 7th grade, and was an expert with coding. She could even break encryption, making the school very irritated when she overrode the password to listen to some of her music in class. However, she was never revealed to be a hero, nor did she do the jobs she started to crave, such as fighting and apprehending criminals.

That was sure to change by college. Following up her young success, she was given a full ride scholarship to University of San Francisco. Her parents were thrilled. However, Courtney knew what it was. It was like her dreams had come true, she was finally recognized enough to be relocated to San Francisco, to hunt the big game, and given a scholarship under the guise of that. When she arrived, she was no doubt transported to none other than the BMA headquarters. A few years passed, and Courtney had become a national figure. Criminals began to fear the shadows, and the unseen. 'Ghost,' as she was now called had taken to the streets.

Alias: Ghost

[spoiler=Costume:][spoiler=Mask:]

Her costume is a simple jump suit, fit to her form. It is a charcoal black, with black stripes as accents. It is designed for covert ops, and anti-chaffing material. It is also equipped with hidden pockets, in case the need to conceal something in it arises. A simple design, but very practical. She also wears a black mask to help conceal her identity, since there will be times she is caught on camera, despite being able to fade from the visible spectrum.

Powers: Courtney possesses the ability to turn invisible to the naked eye. By bending the photons around her, she slowly fades, until becoming impossible to detect. Because the nature of her power, anything she is wearing/holding turns invisible with her. However, she can not make anyone but herself invisible, and the power isn't complete stealth. Objects that sense body heat can still detect her, and she can still make noise, and an aroma. Those with enhanced senses can still detect her, at the very least. She can't hold stealth for too long though, as once she takes damage, it shimmers. When she takes too much, it breaks.

She can also Phase, becoming intangible. She can only hold her Phase form for a maximum of 5 minutes, and has to wait another 5 for it to recharge, if she chooses to use it all at once. However, this power allows her to remain invisible, giving her a true ghost feeling. While Phasing, she becomes immune to all physical attacks, and she can disregard gravity slightly, as well as walk through solid objects. This power complments her invisibility nicely.

Fighting Style: Ghost fights ambush tactics, sneaking up on her opponents, and bringing them down before they knew what hit them. In her tote bag (which is made of Kevlar), she has a variety of different tools to aid her. She has a bunch of USB flash drives that look like pens, perfume that sprays Tear Gas, a lipstick tube that has a concealed Taser, and a napkin with chloroform. She is also proficient in martial arts, namely Savate. She can also use her tote bag as a weapon, due to its material, and weight. It is a whopping 10 pounds without content, and bedazzled with golden studs.

^ Character

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/348208-both-sides-now-oocnsa/

^ RP

Super Chaos Sonic · February 26, 2016

Character: Eton Shepherd

RP: RWBY: A Fang's Mark

Since Ben/Arachnid of Teen Titans did pretty good...let's see how Eton does!

LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow · February 26, 2016

I would review but I kinda want to have my other reviewers do some more reviews, as opposed to doing most of them myself, so I'll wait a bit :3

Cherz · February 26, 2016

I shall review it later then. Be on the look out Chaos Sonic

Super Chaos Sonic · February 26, 2016

I shall review it later then. Be on the look out Chaos Sonic

I shall be waiting ^^

Cherz · February 27, 2016

Character: Eton Shepherd
RP: RWBY: A Fang's Mark

Since Ben/Arachnid of Teen Titans did pretty good...let's see how Eton does!

[spoiler=review]

Well, I see no issues in the start of this app, so thats cool and stuff. The name is clever, and the reference too. The age confuses me, since he is pretty young and from what I've read, has no real super talent/isn't annoying/isn't a faunus, so the early acceptance is kinda ya know, odd. Moving forward, the appearance covers the essentials but stops at that. It is kinda bland, and I would like more description here. Maybe an explanation on attire choices at the very least?

The personality is kinda, peculiar. It fits his theme, but its still a bit of mess. I get that he is a compulsive liar, but now it gets a bit, odd, to someone who hasn't already talked with you about it. It seems like he is honest now, but its too late. My biggest complaint here is that he has no traits that would make him an early acceptance student. From what it seems, no one likes him, no one trusts him, and he is really passive. I mean, I like how its written like that, it is fitting given that he is based off the boy who cried wolf, so it is thematic, but its a bit confusing to read through.

The bio is short, sweet and to the point. It mirrors its reference well, replacing wolf with a Grimm heard, which I like, but thats pretty much all there is to it. It covers the essence of his character, and the emotional scarring is always a way to help, but you would think after an incident like that he would have defiantly learned his lesson, and not lie. It seems like he is doing that, but he has been shown to sew seeds of mistrust in allies/people. But thats a minor nitpick. Again, his bio doesn't tell me why he is going to Shade at such a young age.

Howling Wolves are a unique weapon, and I like them. They are thematic. But, I feel like it should be noted how he fights. The weapon says he wants to be a close range fighter who uses scratches, but it would be nice to see. The pistol feature is much needed in terms of balance, since he would be weak without it. Maybe explain what kind of caliber it is? It it like the Dual Beretta's, or is it like an executioner.

His semblance, call the pack, seems kinda, odd, in terms of balance. The wolves are cool, I like that touch. Its like a summoning. However, my complain lies in what should be his trump card, the summoning of...a Beowolf. That is reaaaaaaaaally underwhelming. Beowolves are the weakest Grimm unit, and sacraficing the summoning of a wolf pack for 1 Beowolf seems so...bad. It would be pointless to sacrifice the wolf summons. If you want it to be a better option at the cost of less numbers, maybe make it an alpha beowolf? Also it breaking his control and going rouge seems unneeded, unless it IS strong. Maybe an enhanced alpha beowolf? It needs more oomph. Beowolves are the slime of RWBY.

Over all, your app is good. It is thematic, unique, but there is not much detail. It begs the question of why was he accepted so early into Shade? There is also the issue of Semblance power imbalance, as his ace-in-the-hole is so underwhelming compared to the much superior wolf pack. I give the app a 77/100, needs some more description, reasons, and power balance to make it better.

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