Buffer Posted May 8, 2008 Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 yea I bet you never thought I was trying to make a book or that my rp had some backround story feel free to give oppions ~Dawn of the new age~Chapter 1, page 1 It all started one night, when I was out with my friends enjoying life, even though I had just got out of a bad relationship with my girlfriend. After we hit the bar, we headed towards the store in a blood red car to pick up some things for the weekend. Everyone went inside, but I had passed out because I drank too much. Thinking back, that’s were the problem started. When I woke up I instantly realized where I was, considering I’ve been to this place over a thousand times, but what I didn’t recognize was the blue jeep sitting at the end of the parking lot. It was filled with beautiful Goth girls, well at least I thought they were Goth. They had pale skin, but not much makeup. I was still drunk, so I decided to go over there to talk to them. So unsteadily I walked but, as soon as I got close, I was attacked from all sides by sharp fanged vampires dressed in black coats that reached to the ground. I looked around to try to find a weapon, meanwhile the vampires were surrounding me. I soon spotted a piece of black iron, it was lying on the floor of the parking lot. I quickly ran towards the iron, dodging a vampire trying to kill me. When I picked it up I realized how heavy it was, it wasn’t sharp, and rather flat, but it would have to do. The vampires were rushing towards me, I swung the piece of iron wildly, trying my best to control the iron. I soon found myself surrounded by vampires again, it seemed I only knocked out one or two of those fanged beasts. I figured I was about to die anyway, so I ran towards the vampires, holding the iron as if it were a sword. I must have caught them off guard, because I some how managed to put iron right thru the sharp fanged vampire belly. It only laughed as it pulled the bloody iron bar out of his stomach. I was defeated there was no way I could win. The next thing I know, those vampires were drinking my blood, and every thing went black…. The next thing I know, I wake up in the same blood red car I was in before. Had I dreamt the whole thing? Was it all some drunken illusion? ……………………. ~it’s a work in progress but still I think it could end up being good~By the way when ever you see “…………………….” that’s where I stopped typing for some reason or another(Hurray page 1 is almost finished) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EliminateHRN Posted May 8, 2008 Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 Like I said I really like it tho is that the whole episdoe 1? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffer Posted May 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 umm no it's the Unfinished first page Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bfmvrocks Posted May 8, 2008 Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 Lol @ no comma's. yea I bet you never thought I was trying to make a book or that my rp had some backround story feel free to give oppions ~Dawn of the new age~ Chapter 1' date=' page 1 It all started one night when I was out with my friends enjoying life, even though I had just got out of a bad relationship with my girlfriend. After we hit the bar, we headed towards the store to pick up some things for the weekend. Everyone went inside, but I passed out because I drank to much. Thinking back, that’s were the problem started. When I woke up I instantly realized where I was, considering I’ve been to this place over a thousand times, but what I didn’t recognize was the jeep sitting at the end of the parking lot it was filled with beautiful Goth girls. Well at least I thought they were Goth. They had pale skin but not much makeup. I was still drunk so I decided to go over there to talk to them. As soon as I got close, I was attacked from all sides by vampires. I looked around to try to find a weapon, meanwhile the vampires were surrounding me. I soon spot a piece of iron lying in the parking lot…………………….[/quote']Fixed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffer Posted May 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 yea......grammer has never my strong point Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atomix Posted May 8, 2008 Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 I'm making a story too, called Yugioh The Darkness Friend But I can breath while reading mine because I have commas Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bfmvrocks Posted May 8, 2008 Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 yea......grammer has never my strong pointI fixed my post, you can use it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffer Posted May 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 again I've never been good at grammerEdit: thanks Bfmvrocks I'll yuse it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bfmvrocks Posted May 8, 2008 Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 It's understandable, sometimes grammar is difficult, but you have to know where to stop sometimes or it just seems like you're rambling. Seems like a good story though, if you need any grammar help, feel free to PM me. =] 2.5/5 No problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffer Posted May 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 It's understandable' date=' sometimes grammar is difficult, but you have to know where to stop sometimes or it just seems like you're rambling. Seems like a good story though, if you need any grammar help, feel free to PM me. ='] 2.5/5 No problem. I know my spelling was perfect cuz I was useing micro soft wordI will be sure pm you with editions to my book (further chapters and pages)and I didn't actuly want a rating but thanks I guess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JesusofChaos™ Posted May 8, 2008 Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 You need to pad it out more. And more decription of your surrondings, i.e. the senses, what you have is a good framework but needs to be expanded as it is jumping between scenes much to quickly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffer Posted May 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 You need to pad it out more. And more decription of your surrondings' date=' i.e. the senses, what you have is a good framework but needs to be expanded as it is jumping between scenes much to quickly[/quote'] yes I know but when I get descritive I get really descritive and I never liked really descritive books so I try to keep it simple Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proffesser Yugi Posted May 8, 2008 Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 were is the book Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bfmvrocks Posted May 8, 2008 Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 were is the bookLol. Learn2read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atomix Posted May 8, 2008 Report Share Posted May 8, 2008 were is the book Epic XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffer Posted May 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2008 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proffesser Yugi Posted May 9, 2008 Report Share Posted May 9, 2008 doh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atomix Posted May 9, 2008 Report Share Posted May 9, 2008 Thats spam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyhe Posted May 9, 2008 Report Share Posted May 9, 2008 yea I bet you never thought I was trying to make a book or that my rp had some backround story feel free to give oppions ~Dawn of the new age~ Chapter 1' date=' page 1 It all started one night when I was out with my friends enjoying life, even though I had just got out of a bad relationship with my girlfriend. After we hit the bar, we headed towards the store to pick up some things for the weekend. Everyone went inside, but I passed out because I drank to much. Thinking back, that’s were the problem started. When I woke up I instantly realized where I was, considering I’ve been to this place over a thousand times, but what I didn’t recognize was the jeep sitting at the end of the parking lot it was filled with beautiful Goth girls. Well at least I thought they were Goth. They had pale skin but not much makeup. I was still drunk so I decided to go over there to talk to them. As soon as I got close, I was attacked from all sides by vampires. I looked around to try to find a weapon, meanwhile the vampires were surrounding me. I soon spot a piece of iron lying in the parking lot……………………. ~it’s a work in progress but still I think it could end up being good~By the way when ever you see “…………………….” that’s where I stopped typing for some reason or another[/quote']did you base that off some horror novels & I Am Legend? (the original novel) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffer Posted May 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2008 no I based it off a idea I had Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoingHeh? Posted May 9, 2008 Report Share Posted May 9, 2008 Thats a good thing you made there mate, i'd like to here more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffer Posted May 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2008 good I'll make more today Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffer Posted May 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2008 (sorry for the dp)more added Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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