Umbra Posted June 11, 2008 Report Share Posted June 11, 2008 Consider this a sequel to my previous poem Never Meet Again. And once again, this is based on my life. Standing on a pillarsurrounded by the oceanRoaring tides all around me,as far as I can see.Why did you do this to me? Unnoticed and ignored by youYou've broken my hopeThe last chain that bound me to the worldwas youand now it's gone It's the end of the world as I know itbut yet again I feared that this would happenI've been ignored by everyonefor as long as I can rememberI can't take it anymore The ocean is the endand the pillar was my love for younow it's shambling underneath my feetfalling to piecesand I took the deep breath before the plunge Six months laterMy body washed ashoreYou came to my burial, but you did notcryBecause you didn't care... Watching from above nowlooking at youNot a single tear, not a prayer for meIt tears up my heartAt the end of the world... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atomix Posted June 11, 2008 Report Share Posted June 11, 2008 Nice poem but if you died in the poem doesn't that mean your dead here? ~ Supreme King ~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EliminateHRN Posted June 11, 2008 Report Share Posted June 11, 2008 Very nice poem Umbra i really like it hope you make more :D and like Supreme King said XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atomix Posted June 11, 2008 Report Share Posted June 11, 2008 Yes, very weird ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CinnamonStar Posted June 11, 2008 Report Share Posted June 11, 2008 @ Supreme King: This is supposed to be meant symbolically. He isn't dead as you can see lol. But anyway, I really like the "métaphore filée" (don't know what it's called in English O.o) with the ocean and the fact of letting the pillar stand for the girl. It's something different from the usual stuff like roses and such.Regarding the style and vocabulary, it's not bad, but at least I can see that you put lots of emotion into this. It's very touching, especially the part when she comes to your funeral, but doesn't care and you watch her from above (which btw reminds me of something I wrote a while ago O.o).Well it's hard to rate this type of works, since it seems more like a way to express your issues and letting them out, but as I said, it's touching. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted June 11, 2008 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2008 I just died inside, not actually died. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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