Final Fantasy Revolution Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 [align=center]I know' date=' they don't have anything decent up there. :/ Read my fan-fic? Another snapped twig’s crackle echoed through the sunlit clearing as the Umbreon barrelled forward with another Take Down, driving head-first into her opponent who stood a few body-lengths above her; it was an Electrivire. Hissing as the swift feline drove into his lightning-yellow flesh, his palm suddenly shocked up, volts dashing along the black-and-yellow hand. He than drove it into the Umbreon’s side, sending her flying backwards, spiralling a perfect three-hundred-and-sixty degree spin in the air before landing on all fours also perfectly, skidding through the dust and springing up a soft cloud of smoky brown dust, masking her black form for a moment. A moment just long enough to make her move.[/align] those are the only corrections I can see Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snitch Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 [align=center]Never use 'than'. ._. Besides which, that makes no sense, try reading it: He than He then The 'dust' part wasn't needed, as I wrote a cloud, which obviously states of a cloud of dust clearly, coloured smoky brown. You can figure it out without me actually telling you. Show, not tell.[/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Final Fantasy Revolution Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Yes but he then takes away the sentence run on you have here. Hissing as the swift feline drove into his lightning-yellow flesh, his palm suddenly shocked up, volts dashing along the black-and-yellow hand, and he drove it into the Umbreon’s side, sending her flying backwards, spiralling a perfect three-hundred-and-sixty degree spin in the air before landing on all fours also perfectly, skidding through the dust and springing up a soft cloud of smoky brown, masking her black form for a moment. as for the cloud part I most have overlooked the word, sorry =P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kira Magister Magi Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Exactly. I see no corrections, except, "snapped twig's crackle" = "twig's crackle". (If it crackles, it must be snapping) and "barrelled forward" = "barreled forward" Edit: FFR, that's the wrong version anyway... In this case, it would be "then" since it is showing WHEN the person does it. The way you spelled it is for comparison (i.e. He is stronger THAN an ox) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snitch Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 [align=center]WELL I LIKE COMMAS. ._. Fair enough on the twig part, but it's hard to randomly guess it's snapping, correct? Perhaps it was flung into a tree making it crackle. Besides, as long as long sentences are spaced/comma'd out correctly, it really makes no change.[/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juuzou Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 WELL I LIKE COMMAS. ._. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Final Fantasy Revolution Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 [align=center]WELL I LIKE COMMAS. ._. Fair enough on the twig part' date=' but it's hard to randomly guess it's snapping, correct? Perhaps it was flung into a tree making it crackle. Besides, as long as long sentences are spaced/comma'd out correctly, it really makes no change.[/align'] fair enough, LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snitch Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Win. xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kira Magister Magi Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 [align=center]WELL I LIKE COMMAS. ._. Fair enough on the twig part' date=' but it's hard to randomly guess it's snapping, correct? Perhaps it was flung into a tree making it crackle. [/b'] Besides, as long as long sentences are spaced/comma'd out correctly, it really makes no change.[/align] Either way, it would most likely snap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pikachu Posted August 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 [align=center]WELL I LIKE COMMAS. ._.[/align] Good for you, Mr. Comma. Anyways, has anyone seen Seta Sojiro recently? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snitch Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 [align=center]Seta is online all the time. ._. TO ANY SPRITERS✪✪The Spriting HQ✪✪SpOTM Host✪✪SpOTM #01✪✪[/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daybreak Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 I saw him online yesterday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pikachu Posted August 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Then why isn't he replying to me? FINNISH ROCK SHALL PAY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Final Fantasy Revolution Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 he's probably trying to finish judging all the cards before he replys to you...or he's just lazy lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pikachu Posted August 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 he's probably trying to finish judging all the cards before he replys to you...or he's just lazy lol He's a lazy rock. >_< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
六兆年と一夜物語 Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 [align=center]WELL I LIKE COMMAS. ._.[/align] Good for you' date=' Mr. Comma. Anyways, has anyone seen Seta Sojiro recently?[/quote'] Where in the world is Carmen SanDiego Seta Sojiro?Where in the world is Carmen SanDiego Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enrise Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 [align=center]WELL I LIKE COMMAS. ._.[/align] Good for you' date=' Mr. Comma. Anyways, has anyone seen Seta Sojiro recently?[/quote'] Where in the world is Carmen SanDiego Seta Sojiro?Where in the world is Carmen SanDiego Where's Waldo? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skuldur Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 [align=center]WELL I LIKE COMMAS. ._.[/align] Good for you' date=' Mr. Comma. Anyways, has anyone seen Seta Sojiro recently?[/quote'] Where in the world is Carmen SanDiego Seta Sojiro?Where in the world is Carmen SanDiego Where's Waldo? In my basement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shradow Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 [align=center]WELL I LIKE COMMAS. ._.[/align] Good for you' date=' Mr. Comma. Anyways, has anyone seen Seta Sojiro recently?[/quote'] Where in the world is Carmen SanDiego Seta Sojiro?Where in the world is Carmen SanDiego Where's Waldo? Waldo is a lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charizard Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Hey pikachu! I would like to affiliate with ur club Mines a gfx shop. Username: lightswornsrockClub/Organization Name:The Light And Darkness Gfx ShopWhy would you like to affiliate?: Because I am a member of club pikachu and I need more customers in my shop.Like this club?: DUH! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felix Culpa Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 I KNOW WHERE WALDO IS... He's in France, hanging out with all his mime friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuimicVital Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 <-------------------i caught him in the first post of my club he was standing out there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skuldur Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 Actually... ...I am Waldo! =O Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuimicVital Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 no ur not because it is in the other post.i caugth him and i want 5 points for rescue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skuldur Posted August 10, 2009 Report Share Posted August 10, 2009 *throws Matimanymow into the dungeon* That's your reward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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