Luna Diviner Posted August 20, 2007 Report Share Posted August 20, 2007 this is my story about a few characters and returns from yugi seto etc. characters(main)name:ken ichiyoage:14bio: owner of ichiyo duel disk franchise and supplies duel disks to major company like kaibacorp very serious.looks:dark red spiky hair,white trousers,white top.deck type:light magicians. name:theador james micheal strozenburg(ted)age:14:bio:goofy kid who is ultra laid back.looks:green shoes ,green hair ,blue top,grey trousers.deck type:e-heros. anne kingsleyage:15bio:not much to say just follows the main characters and is kind.looks:blonde hair,blue skirt,red top.deck type:wind mokuba kaibaage:17bio:just like old mokuba but more grown up.looks:same but black trousersdeck:blue eyes just like brothers. prolugeset 15 years after the original yugioh the duel mountain tournament has begun the worlds greatest tournement held every 2000 years last winner was a nameless egyption pharaoh and he was granted the power to control the mullenium items but who will be the next KING OF GAMES?so what do people ill start postin the episodes later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted August 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 21, 2007 Episode 1:The journey begins. *Ichiyo mansionA child was reading the paper and he glanced at the main headline "duel mountain",he knew that his butler will be driving him to the train station.He got into a white sports car.Ken:It's a nice day today butler.butler:Ah yes it is master only a few more minutes 'til we get there.(they got out of the car and into the train station.)Butler:Time for you to get to the meeting,ken.(Ken looked to the right as he saw a train heading for duel mountain.)Ken:Sorry but I'm going to duel mountain.Butler:What?(and in a matter of minutes ken was on the train,he found three people sitting down)Ken:Hello everyone,I'm Ken.Mokuba:Hello im Mokuba.Anne:I'm Anne.Theador:I'm Theador but call me Ted.Ken:So were all heading for duel mountain?Everyone:Yes!(In unison)(Everyone heard footsteps somebody got in the room)????:Prepare to meet your doom,I challenge you(pointing at Ted)Ted:Lets duel,then.????:I start first(draws a card) I Summon Grave keepers vassal in def mode(atk:700 def:500)And play 2 face downs,I end my turn.Ted:I play Elemental hero-Sparkman in attack mode(ATK:1600 DEF:1400) attack his Gravekeepers vassal(bang)!,I end my turn.????:I play Gravekeepers guard in attack mode(ATK:1000 DEF:1900) and now I activate my face down card shield and swords now are monsters attack switch with their deffense.(sparkman=ATK:1400 DEF:1600) (Gravekeepers guard=ATK1900 DEF:1000)now my guard attack his hero(sparkman got destroyed)now your life points are 3500 ha ha ha but my guard attack points switch back,I end my turn.Ted:This is so fun but to bad I have to end it so quicky cause I play clayman(atk:800 def:2000) in attack mode and play skyscraper because clayman has less attack than your monster he gains 1000 atk points(ATK:1800) attack his Gravekeepers guard.????:NO!(Life points drop to 3200).Ted:I end.????:I draw,oh look at this I play raigeki break so I discard my gravekeepers assalaint to destroy skyscraper,now I summon gravekeepers chief (attack:1900 def:1200)but now activate my curse of aging clay loses 500 atk (clayman atk:300)Chief attack,i end.Ted:(with only 1900 lifepoints,looked unhappy but he drew a card it was miracle fusion)I play miracle fussion which allows me to fuse my clayman and sparkman to summon(Elemtal hero-lightning guardian atk:2400 def:1500,created.)now becuase fusion monsters can't attack on the turn their summoned I end my turn.????:(thinking:I can't do a thing)I switch my chief to defensive position(now I wont lose and points.)I end.Ted:Lightning guardian attack his chief(bang and the chief was gone) now attack again!I end.????:What noooooo!(lifepoints:800) I play ring of destruction on your lightning guardian but then I play ring of defense so you lose 1200 lifepoints but I don't and your lightning guardian has been sent to the gravehyard,I summon Gravekeepers curse(ATK/DEF=800) so becuase of his effect you lose another 500 leaving you with 200 lifepoints now gravekeepers curse ATTACK!(BOOM!the duel ended)Ted:How could I lose,I'm lucky this isn't the tournament.????:I thought you were worthy guess I was wrong(he opened the train door and jumped out).Ken:Great match Ted you will win next time.(sksss was the sound the train made when it stopped)Ken:We've finally arrived.????2:Hello please follow me children.Mokuba:Who are you?Next time on YU-GI-OH!DM Who is the the mystery man and is he working for the same person as the other mystery man or is he good all that and more on YU-GI-OH!DM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryumancer Posted August 21, 2007 Report Share Posted August 21, 2007 EvaluationNot bad. 8/10:) CritiqueThe text was bunched together, made it hard to read. Whenever there is a change in stats and/or Life Points, give that little tidbit its own space.Try using Bold on the names of the people who are talking. It would make it easier for the readers to know when one person stops talking and when another one starts.And when you're using '????', try using 'Anonymous' or 'Man' or 'Woman', something like that. Otherwise, not a bad story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted August 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 21, 2007 YUGIOH DM EPISODE 2:Heir of the Kaiba family. ????2:My name is Jason brown get ready to duel.MOKUBA:It's my turn to duel ,Jason.JASON: (DRAWS CARD)I start I play Red archery girl (Attack:1400 DEF:1500.)and I equip Megamorph to her, but because our lifepoints are tied it is useless but I play Upstart goblin I draw and you gain 1000 life points so know Red archery girls attack is doubled(ATK:2800)I end my turn.lifepoints:4000Hand:4Field:2 MOKUBA:My turn I play Kaiser seahorse(Attack:1700 DEF:1650)in defensive mode and I play Ookazi so you lose 800 lifepoints and end my turn.lifepoints:5000hand:4Field:1 JASON:Now my Red archery girl attack his Kaiser seahorse. MOKUBA:No JASON:I end my turn.Lifepoints:3200hand:4Field:2 MOKUBA: I draw (He draws a card) I play change of heart so I take control of your Red archery girl then I summon my Battle ox (atk:1700 def: )Red archery girl attack and now battle ox attack! JASON:You win.MOKUBA:Don't I know you Jason.JASON:Yes you do but I came to keep on to see if you don't,like your brother did in duelist kingdom against Yugioh Mouto (Flash back) i don't wan't you to break the rules alright. Ken/ Anne/ Ted:Yes Jason MOKUBA: Screw the rules my brother has money. (The duelist walked along the mountain path to a giant room where they were told the rules.) ORGANISER:Ok the rules are no cheating,no violence,and last but not least no stealing catchphrases. (Meanwhile a thounsand miles away) Yugi: Who are you ? Bandit kieth:Don't you remember me from duelist kingdom. Yugi:Now I remember you got whooped by Joey Wheeler. Bandit:keith well I'm going to duel you in america to be the american king of games. Yugi: king of lames more like,lets duel. (one minute later.) Bandit Kieth:No, but my mindless henchmen are in the tournament so beware. (coughs)(Meanwhile at the tournament) Ken: Its getting late guys lets sleep.Everyone:zzzzzz. Next time on Yugioh DM who are keiths mindless henchman and is yugioh going to get a bigger part all that and more on the lext episode of YU-GI-OH! DM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted August 24, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 24, 2007 come 55 views no comments Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Dinosaur Posted August 28, 2007 Report Share Posted August 28, 2007 sorry..It's good but in the first episode..the duel was very rushed...Let's recap: This is what you wrote: Ken:Hello everyone,I'm Ken.Mokuba:Hello im Mokuba.Anne:I'm Anne.Theador:I'm Theador but call me Ted.Ken:So were all heading for duel mountain?Everyone:Yes!(In unison)(Everyone heard footsteps somebody got in the room)????:Prepare to meet your doom,I challenge you(pointing at Ted)Ted:Lets duel,then.????:I start first(draws a card) I Summon Grave keepers vassal in def mode(atk:700 def:500)And play 2 face downs,I end my turn. You kinda need to build the beginning of a duel better than that...The character could've asked why he needed to duel him instead of missing the plot twist at the beginning of the duel... This was just a small remark...I like it though...I can't wait until more eps are written!!! P.S: Read my Fan Fic...it's called Reversal of Fear and I already have 12 episodes up!! BYE!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted August 29, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 29, 2007 Episode 3:Match made in heaven pt.1 *On a large mountain some place were no except eager duelist dwelt trouble was afoot. Ken:{Dream:}*He was standing infront of a golden gate standing on clouds ,he was in heaven,the doors opened. Angel:Hello ,what do we have here,it seems you shouldn't be here. Ken:What do you mean? Angel:Well you are stuck here forever unless you duel me and this isn't heaven as you no its duel monsters heaven were duel spirits go to each duel. Ken:You wan't a duel you'll get one. Angel:It's not going to be easy. Ken:We'll see about that. *The angel transformed and he stood. Angel:I am the guardian of the gate also known as the Gate Guardian ? Ken:Lets duel. Gate guardian:Ok I start first I play a facedown and play a trap and end my turn. Ken:Is that all 'cause if it is your going to need to do much better,I play light sorceror lv.3 in defence mode and play a facedown. Gate guardian: I flip up my facedown ooguchi and use my face down sword of deep seated so my ooguchi now has 800 atk points and becuase of its effect I'll attack you directly,then I play two facedowns and end my turn. Ken:I tribute my Light sorceror lv.3 for its effect so I can summon Light sorceror lv.5 (ATK:2000 DEF:1200) now sorceror use your effect and attack his life points directly. Gate guardian:Nooooo!(as life points drop to 2000.) Ken: I think you've had enough for now I end my turn. Gate guardian:I play change of heart,to get your sorceror. Ken:Don't do it! Gate guardian :Now ooguchi attack your lifepoints directly ,now Sorceror attack your master.(The sorceror look at ken and mummbled something that sounded like sorry as kens life points dropped down to 1200.) Ken:AAaaah. Gate guardian:I play a facedown card and end my turn. Ken:I tribute my light sorceror lv.5 for light sorceror lv.7(atk:2700 def:1900.)and I equip him too my face down card anc.... What is Ken's card ? will it be good enough ? all that and more next time on YU-GI-OH DM! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted September 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2007 Episode 4: Match made in heaven pt.2.*previously kenwas dueling the gate guardian. Ken:....ient morph, so now my monsters attack increases by a whopping 2000 so my sorceror has now got 4700 attack points, so my sorceror will now destroy your ooguchi. Gate guardian:Not so fast I play tornado wall which allows me to summon one wind t Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted September 14, 2007 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2007 everyone im sorry for double posting but dont read this thread im currently making a new fan fic which is so better and some of the characters are going to come back. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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