Parting Shot Posted October 17, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 You lost me half way through :/I still dunno how you could have gotten lost....=/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CinnamonStar Posted October 17, 2008 Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 The prologue seems a bit rushed, even for an introduction, but that’s not the only reason why I enjoyed the first chapter more. I’m not a fan of fanfics which include too much dueling, but I quite enjoyed this one, as the duels are kept in a realistic way. Actullay this seems to be one of the better duel-based fanfics. Your writing style is alright, there were no grammar or spelling mistakes and although I’m not a partisan of this script format, it strangely didn’t bother me too much during the duel parts. The problem lies more in the plot and character development. The idea at first reminded me of “The Island” with the promised tropical place and now it seems that the person behind the game is some kind of marionettist who enjoys his twisted games. Interesting... I can see a lot of development potential coming from the idea, but it’s your descriptions that you should work on, as well as character development. They seem so flat right now.=/ Grammar & Spelling: 10/10Vocabulary: 6.8/10---------------------------------------------------Style: 8.4/10 Plot: 5.8/10Originality: 6.2/10Structure: 7/10---------------------------------------------------Content: 6.3/10 I have the feeling that Darth is a good writer and more experienced with other things than Yugioh fanfics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 17, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 17, 2008 The prologue seems a bit rushed' date=' even for an introduction, but that’s not the only reason why I enjoyed the first chapter more. I’m not a fan of fanfics which include too much dueling, but I quite enjoyed this one, as the duels are kept in a realistic way. Actullay this seems to be one of the better duel-based fanfics. Your writing style is alright, there were no grammar or spelling mistakes and although I’m not a partisan of this script format, it strangely didn’t bother me too much during the duel parts. The problem lies more in the plot and character development. The idea at first reminded me of “The Island” with the promised tropical place and now it seems that the person behind the game is some kind of marionettist who enjoys his twisted games. Interesting... I can see a lot of development potential coming from the idea, but it’s your descriptions that you should work on, as well as character development. They seem so flat right now.=/ Grammar & Spelling: 10/10Vocabulary: 6.8/10---------------------------------------------------Style: 8.4/10 Plot: 5.8/10Originality: 6.2/10Structure: 7/10---------------------------------------------------Content: 6.3/10 [b']I have the feeling that Darth is a good writer and more experienced with other things than Yugioh fanfics.[/b]Thanks Raven! I really appreciate the detail you gave in your response, it helps me know what I need to improve on ^_^. As for the bold statement, yeah; I love writing general fiction, and this was the first time i tried my hand at fan fiction :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 Bumpity :P I could use more constructive comments on specific things I should improve in the next installment ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GHawk Posted October 18, 2008 Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 Can't wait for the third part of it. So far 8/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Omega Posted October 23, 2008 Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 this story is cool i give it a 100/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 this story is cool i give it a 100/10Hey, thanks! Glad you like it ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silas Angel Posted October 25, 2008 Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 good job Darth, youv done a great job Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 27, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 27, 2008 good job Darth' date=' youv done a great job[/quote']Thanks! I'm glad you like it. I'm working on the next installment, so it should be up within a day or two ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mutant Monster RAEG-HAPYP Posted October 28, 2008 Report Share Posted October 28, 2008 OMG Kale has even more competition. Awesome fanfic *keeps 4kids out* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 29, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2008 OMG Kale has even more competition. Awesome fanfic *keeps 4kids out*Lol! Thanks ^_^ There's been a snag (I got a bit of writer's block), so the next installment won't be out for another day or two while I dredge up my old snippet journal looking for ideas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KageKatana Posted November 25, 2008 Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 That was A M A Z I N G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted November 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 That was A M A Z I N G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Lol, kinda late, but thanks! I'm glad you liked it ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brushfire Posted November 25, 2008 Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 Are you still writing this, Browa? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrabHelmet Posted November 25, 2008 Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 OMG Kale has even more competition. Awesome fanfic *keeps 4kids out*Lol! Thanks ^_^ There's been a snag (I got a bit of writer's block)' date=' so the next installment won't be out for another month or two while I dredge up my old snippet journal looking for ideas.[/quote'] Fixed, am I right? :o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KageKatana Posted November 25, 2008 Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 Are you open to suggestions?Well even if you aren't I'm still going to suggest stuff anyway need new characters!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted November 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 25, 2008 Lol! Thanks ^_^ There's been a snag (I got a bit of writer's block)' date=' so the next installment won't be out for another month or two while I dredge up my old snippet journal looking for ideas.[/quote'] Fixed, am I right? :oHaha, yeah. That sounds about right ;) Are you open to suggestions?Well even if you aren't I'm still going to suggest stuff anyway need new characters!!Oh, don't worry, I have several new characters ready to be used, I just have to actually write them in :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KageKatana Posted November 26, 2008 Report Share Posted November 26, 2008 when is the 2nd part coming? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J123 Posted December 2, 2008 Report Share Posted December 2, 2008 Yeah! :D But that was great dude :DAlso how did you do those Life Point Signature things?Azrael is just like me! He has an Evil Hero Deck!But lucky him got his monsters ATK to 6700 or something :(My highest is 5700 :(But still... Great Stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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