«₣lџχ» Posted October 18, 2008 Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 Wawaweewah, ep.1 has a brilliant duel, you make the talking so life like throughot the duel. I love, love , love it... You ended at a perfect time that everyone would wanna read on, though it doesn't seem like half the episode, seems like its ended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyhe Posted October 18, 2008 Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 I have to say that this is actually great there,it makes a fine replacement for DS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotix® Posted October 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 THANK YOU RAVIEL PRIEST AND NC!!!!!!!! I was worried like crazy thinking all of you guys forgot me, and would hate my first chapter!! Do you guys have any suggestions? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StevenBray Posted October 18, 2008 Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 Nice first part, very interesting - the speech is so realistic and believable, and the duel is good so far - nice action thus far. A couple of minor errors that I can see, and they really are only caused due to possible haste on your part while writing the episode: 1: '“Better that I stay on the safe side and attack Patrol Bot.” thought Alabaster, as Battle Fighter charged...' - this might just be nitpicking, but the thought process (italic) part should be in Teal (Light-Blue) colour right? 2: '“My turn, again.” said the Officer, as he drew 1 card. “A malicious smile spread across the Officer’s face. “I’ll...' - again nitpicking. but I'll assume the (bold) speech mark shouldn't be there. That's all the errors I could find, one thing though - it is a bit strange for the protagonist to be using less cards (monsters especially) than the opponent; I realise this is only the first episode but if it was the Anime his "Battle Fighter" would've blown up a long time ago. Now I said it was weird, not bad - I like the idea that sometimes the protagonist's cards/skills can be better than the opponent's and thus they're good cards remain on the field for a long time. Lastly, I would just like to comment - if some (not necessarily all) of the cards featured in this Fanfic are Custom Cards, I would just like to comment about how good (in theory) you are as a card maker. I say in theory because I haven't seen any posted cards (from the Card Maker) by you, but I would like to say the card seem well made and useful too - so excellent stuff. All in all good so far, can grow to great with more episodes of the same quality as this 1st part. I only hope my attempt at a Yu-Gi-Oh! (unposted) Fanfic is nearly as good as this Note: I realise I may be nitpicking on the 2 errors I saw, but I feel they should be brought to your attention because noticing the mistakes (no matter how small they are) can help you learn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotix® Posted October 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 Nice first part' date=' very interesting - the speech is so realistic and believable, and the duel is good so far - nice action thus far. A couple of minor errors that I can see, and they really are only caused due to possible haste on your part while writing the episode: 1: '[i']“Better that I stay on the safe side and attack Patrol Bot.”[/i] thought Alabaster, as Battle Fighter charged...' - this might just be nitpicking, but the thought process (italic) part should be in Teal (Light-Blue) colour right? 2: '“My turn, again.” said the Officer, as he drew 1 card. “A malicious smile spread across the Officer’s face. “I’ll...' - again nitpicking. but I'll assume the (bold) speech mark shouldn't be there. That's all the errors I could find, one thing though - it is a bit strange for the protagonist to be using less cards (monsters especially) than the opponent; I realise this is only the first episode but if it was the Anime his "Battle Fighter" would've blown up a long time ago. Now I said it was weird, not bad - I like the idea that sometimes the protagonist's cards/skills can be better than the opponent's and thus they're good cards remain on the field for a long time. Lastly, I would just like to comment - if some (not necessarily all) of the cards featured in this Fanfic are Custom Cards, I would just like to comment about how good (in theory) you are as a card maker. I say in theory because I haven't seen any posted cards (from the Card Maker) by you, but I would like to say the card seem well made and useful too - so excellent stuff. All in all good so far, can grow to great with more episodes of the same quality as this 1st part. I only hope my attempt at a Yu-Gi-Oh! (unposted) Fanfic is nearly as good as this Note: I realise I may be nitpicking on the 2 errors I saw, but I feel they should be brought to your attention because noticing the mistakes (no matter how small they are) can help you learn. Thanks. You ARE getting a rep, because I said helpful comments get rep, and this qualifies :)And Battle Fighter will stay throughout most of the duel lol, that;s how I planned it :P You'll see, the boring part of the duel just finished ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crystal Beast user J Posted October 18, 2008 Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 Awsome Chaotix, but I still wold love to see card pics. 10/10 though.:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotix® Posted October 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 No card pics sorry :P Need some more rates guys! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGiver Posted October 18, 2008 Report Share Posted October 18, 2008 i really like itbut it could use some of these Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A●O●J Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 teh awesomeness. Can't wait to see the "ya know" cards. *WINK,WINK* *NUDGE* *NUDGE* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotix® Posted October 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 1 turn left to wait, Better_Metal_Snake! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A●O●J Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 1 turn left to wait' date=' Better_Metal_Snake![/quote'] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotix® Posted October 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 I'm glad you're so "hyped" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Holy Makrel! Chapter 1 is fantastic but maybe a little short. The field pics are amazing but could you expect less from the graphics master of YCM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotix® Posted October 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 Thats only half of chapter 1. The other half is coming soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelsthla-Mental Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 “This draw’ll have to be a good one,” my computer doesn't like "draw'll", but that can be explained simply by the character's accent. So yeah, nothing special to report. Well, the first chapter has revealed a surprising amount of the protagonist's character. Not much else to say, good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotix® Posted October 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 So is the a like, or a dislike? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A●O●J Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 I think something might be messed up with the fic dude. Im seeing all sorts of lik spoiler and font commands and stuff and like part of the first chapter is like cut off. or i cud be my computer acting really,really stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schyshter Posted October 19, 2008 Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 I think something might be messed up with the fic dude. Im seeing all sorts of lik spoiler and font commands and stuff and like part of the first chapter is like cut off. or i cud be my computer acting really' date='really stupid[/b']. bolded part: nah dude, i dunt think there's anything wrong on your side. this is what i see... dunt know what's wrong there, but the first chapter has been cut short and i didn't even get a chance to read it. damn... well, those parts that i were able to view were okay. nothing special as of yet. i don't watch 5D's, so the connections that the other members spotted between that and your fan fic is lost to me. i do see some similarities to Kale's "Edge of Justice" though... 1 more thing: the Evolution sub-type smells like you copied it from the Duel Masters TCG. here's an example of an Evolution monster from Duel Masters... the following is an extract from the Duel Masters online rulebook... How to summon an evolution creature An evolution creature* is a special kind of creature that will be introduced in the first Duel Masters expansion. Summoning an evolution creature works just like summoning a regular creature except you can summon an evolution creature only when you have the correct race** of creature already in the battle zone. The evolution creature tells you what race of creature you need to have. Once you summon an evolution creature, put it on top of the creature it "evolves" from. Leave that creature underneath the evolution creature, but ignore it. Only the evolution creature's name, abilities***, color, and power**** matter --- *creature = monster** race = type*** abilities = effects**** power = ATK/DEF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotix® Posted October 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 No I didn't copy from duel monsters, I didn't even though Duel Monsters existed... It seems that something strange has happened to my fic... I'll have to re-write chapter 1 because of this, and I really don't feel like doing that right now... This is not discontinued, we'll just have to put it on wait for a while :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelsthla-Mental Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 You probably wrote too much on the post you put the chapters on. Happened to me once, but I just clicked "Back". Oh, and it was a like, sorry that I didn't make that clear, I was in a hurry (had to go somewhere) :). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotix® Posted October 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 I clicked back, it didn't work :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schyshter Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 wait, so you DIDN'T save your work on your PC...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotix® Posted October 21, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 I wrote it on a different PC... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted October 23, 2008 Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 This will give you a chance to create even better stuff.I actually have a story that might help you. I had a notebook(yes, on paper)full of drawings. I thought they were the best drawings I had ever done. One day though, I lost it and had no idea where I could've left it. I moped around for months and then I decided to try to recreate the drawings that were in my notebook into another notebook. I had just finished recreating my drawings(and added some more)when I found my previous notebook under a stack of folders at my church. When I compared the two, I thought the recreated drawings were actually better! So good luck with your writing and most importantly, have fun! (This story has been collected from Raelen's journal of amazing life lessons) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zaca Posted October 24, 2008 Report Share Posted October 24, 2008 Pretty good. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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