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Yu-Gi-Oh! HL5D's (Hidden Legacy - 5D's) -I'll top Edge of Justice ;)-

Synchronized

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Yu-Gi-OhHL5DsArtDesign.jpg

 

Season 1 Episode Listing

 

Episode 1 - Spiritual Flame! Dharcness!

Episode 2 - Neo Domino Fire Fight!

Episode 3 - The Dark General's Revenge Part 1

Episode 4 - The Dark General's Revenge Part 2

Episode 5 - The First Turbo Duel! Summon Turbo Booster!

Episode 6 - Stolen Duel Runner! Riley vs. Takaro!

Episode 7 - Enough Clowning Around!

Episode 8 - Black Rose Demolition!

Episode 9 - The New Fortune Cup! Turbo Dueling Championship!

Episode 10 - Monstrous Morphing Morphtronics!

Episode 11 - Summon Red Dragon's Archfiend!

Episode 12 - The Ultimate Clash! Riley vs. Yusei!

Episode 13 - Shimmering Stardust!

Episode 14 - Black Rose Rebirth!

Episode 15 - Akiza's Rose

Episode 16 - Dark Armed Destruction!

Episode 17 - Final Judgment!

Episode 18 - A True Gladiator!

Episode 19 - The End! Or is it?!

Episode 20 - Thunder King Rai-Oh!

 

Episode 1: Spiritual Flame! Dharcness!

 

Life wasn’t always easy to deal with. Sometimes, people ran into problems. But hey, there’s nothing you can do about that. There’s always gonna be challenges, and they’re always gonna be taken care of.

 

Ten years ago, Riley Storm, a duelist who was only 16 years old at the time, saved the world from an evil known as The Dark General Freed. Storm had many opportunities to become a pro duelist, but he just played for fun, and he didn’t care about the fame.

 

Riley lived in Diamond City, a rather small city located near what was now Neo Domino City. Of course, Turbo Duels were the popular thing these days, but Riley preferred to duel regularly. As a matter of fact, Riley had never once participated in a Turbo Duel. However, part of him wanted to. Just to see what it was like.

 

His duel disk, a blue duel disk with a dragon-like design and flames on it, was one of a kind, and he had treasured it for that reason. That, and the fact that it was given to him by his parents.

 

Riley was one of the most overconfident people you could ever meet, yet he was still able to win most of his duels. Some people actually saw his overconfidence as a gift; something that willed him on, gave him the courage to stay in the fight.

 

It was seven thirty in the morning, and Diamond City was bustling with people trying to get to work, and duelists playing a duel or two before having to go to school. Because he was twenty six years old, Riley didn’t have to go to school anymore. Instead, he spent his time trying to improve his deck. As he passed a small hobby shop, he noticed a television in the window. The news was on, and the duel monsters World Champion, Yusei Fudo, was being interviewed about his latest duel.

 

It had been almost been a year since Yusei became the World Champion, and it was almost time for him to defend that title. In only a few weeks, The Fortune Cup was going to begin. After a lot of thinking, Riley had decided to enter The Fortune Cup. He figured it’d be fun to throw down with Yusei Fudo. He had nothing better to do anyway.

 

He heard a voice, but he figured it was just someone walking to work, and talking on their cell phone or something. After hearing the voice a second time, he began to think that it was calling to him. He had never heard the voice before, but for some reason it sounded familiar.

 

Suddenly, he realized that he was no longer in Diamond City. He was surrounded by darkness, inside of what seemed like a dark stadium. Once his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw a boy tanding across from him. He had black shorts on, a tan shirt that seemed to extend into a cape that was torn in many areas. He was holding a staff with what looked like a bird skull on the top of it, and a small black creature, almost bat-like with only one eye and dark purple wings was floating in the air next to him.

 

“What the? He looks like a charmer, but that’s not possible; there’s only four of them.”

 

The boy smiled at Riley’s confusion.

 

“You look confused”, he said with a smile.

 

“Well, seeing as I was somehow transported from the city I live in to some kind of dark stadium, I think I deserve to be.”

 

"Allow me to explain. My name is Dharc the Dark Charmer, but you can call me Dharc. I've been told that you defeated all four charmers, so I decided to find out for myself how good you really are. I've taken us to a place called Dark Suspension. In this place, the time doesn't change. If you are able to escape, nothing will have changed, and you will return to where you were before I brought you here."

 

The news came as a bit of a shock to Riley, who hadn't expected to get taken to a weird realm where time never changed.

 

"However, if you can't defeat me, you'll remain here forever, in a world of nothing but darkness and lonliness. Now then, let's begin our duel."[/color]

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StevenBray Newbie

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nice episode: detail is good - much better than you used to be, but still iffy in places. Would've been nice to see a duel - even a piece of a duel in this episode, but nice build up to the first duel with the newest Charmer. Also it could be a little bit (not too much) longer as well.

 

Now I don't see why you didn't just continue the original Hidden Legacy story, and I can't understand why you've put the episode contents on the Main Post after only 1 episode being posted, but not important.

 

So not a bad start, would've preffered some duel action though.

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Kale Newbie

Kale

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I think we all know what attracted me here. ^_^

 

I read it, and every once and a while it skipped straight from one idea to the next, like there was no transfer. It kinda made me feel like I missed something...

 

And the dialogue could be improved, you write what they are saying the same way that you write the rest of the story, long and detailed. ^_^ while that's fine for the story, no, that's great for the story, but people don't really talk like that...

 

It seems odd to me that you have a camio of Yusei, but that's cool. It's just that he is a running character and all, so it just seems odd to have him here to me...

 

Anywho, those are my criticisms, I hope you reach your goal to beat my fan fic... XD

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Umbra Newbie

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The first part feels more like a summary than a chapter; could have been a Prologue. You know a bit of my opinions already, but here's the rest.

 

Really, there was just one thing that bothered me. You didn't write a difference between thoughts and dialogue in the first sentence. Maybe this was a one-shot event, I dunno.

 

You already know I like it,

//Umbra

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Yu-Gi-Oh! HL5D's

 

On the last HL5D's: Having decided to join the Fortune Cup, Riley was walking around Diamond City in an attempt to find a challenging opponent to get some last-minute practice in before the Cup started. Without even knowing it, Riley was taken to a place called Dark Suspension, where he met Dharc the Dark Charmer. Dharc informed Riley that they were going to duel, and if Riley lost, he would remain in the Dark Suspension forever.

 

Episode 2: Neo Domino Fire Fight!

 

"So you want a duel huh? No problem! Defeating you will be a piece of cake!"

 

A weird look, most comparable to a look of confusion, formed on Dharc's face. It was almost impossible to tell how the charmer was feeling. The look on Riley's face was the same as it usually was; a look of excitement and confidence.

 

"Why don't you make the first move?", Dharc said, with that weird look still on his face.

 

"Fine with me!", Riley yelled as he drew a card from his deck. "I'll start with Necro Gardna (600/1300) in Defense Mode! Then, I'll place 1 card face-down and end my turn!"

 

A large warrior covered in armor, some red and some gray, appeared on the field and knelt down. Behind it appeared a face-down card.

 

"Playing defensive already?", Dharc asked, speaking with a bit of arrogance. "I don't know how you managed to defeat the charmers with a playstyle like that."

 

"I beat the charmers because I'm a good duelist! They were easy to defeat, and you'll be just as easy, if not easier to defeat!"

 

"I wouldn't get overconfident if I were you."

 

Riley smiled as Dharc spoke. "Save the advice for someone else! Being overconfident is what I do best!"

 

Riley's words seemed to frustrate Dharc, but not to the point where he got angry. That same look of confusion was on Dharc's face.

 

"If the kid thinks I'm just an average duelist, he's going to be surprised.", Dharc said to himself. He drew a card, and looked through his hand, as if he was trying to create some sort of strategy. "Ah, this should do just fine. I'll Set a monster, and place one card face-down."

 

Two face-down cards, one horizontal and one vertical, appeared on Dharc's field.

 

Riley laughed for a moment.

 

Again the frustration. "What's so funny?"

 

"It's just that, you criticized me for playing defensive, but you made a similar move."

 

Dharc stood silently, leaving Riley a bit puzzled.

 

"Not gonna say anything? Alright, that's fine with me! I'll make my move!"

 

An eerie silence swept across the stadium, and Dharc continued to stare at Riley.

 

"Here goes somethin! I activate the Spell Card Power Gain! Now, my Necro Gardna is changed to Attack Mode, and its attack points double until the End Phase! Necro Gardna, attack his face-down monster with Necro Orb!"

 

A small orb of energy materialized in the Gardna's hand, and the Gardna threw the orb at the face-down monster.

 

Dharc grinned, and flipped the face-down monster face-up, revealing a monster that looked just like Dharc himself.

 

"Say hello to Dharc the Dark Charmer (500/1500)!"

 

"Argh...that monster's got a defense higher than my Gardna's attack!"

 

Riley's Life Points: 3700

Dharc's Life Points: 4000

 

"I don't think my monster's defense is the only thing you have to worry about. You see, when Dharc the Dark Charmer is flipped face-up, I can take control of a DARK monster you control."

 

"Argh! My Necro Gardna!"

 

"That's right, now hand it over!"

 

The Gardna teleported to Dharc's field, seeming disappointed to be there.

 

"Don't worry Necro Gardna, I'll get you back over here soon."

 

The eerie silence swept across the field once again, and both duelists stared at each other.

 

"There's nothing else I can do right now, so make your move."

 

"Alright then. Here I go. I'll start by Tributing Dharc the Dark Charmer and your Necro Gardna to Special Summon Familiar-Possessed - Dharc (1850/1500) from my Deck!"

 

Suddenly, the two monsters were surrounded by black energy, and they vanished. A new creature, looking like a taller version of Dharc, with a larger version of the bat-like creature floating next to him, appeared on the field.

 

"That thing looks powerful! It's a more powerful version of Dharc!"

 

Riley was a bit concerned at first, but he managed to overcome the fear and remain confident. After all, the monster only had 1850 attack points; it wouldn't be that hard to defeat.

 

The creature raised its staff, as if it was preparing to attack.

 

Riley put his arms over his face to block the attack that he was sure would be coming momentarily.

 

Suddenly, Dharc vanished, and Riley found himself standing outside a tall building in Neo Domino City.

 

There was no one around, and he had no idea what had happened.

 

For some reason though, he had a feeling that the duel had come to a conclusion.

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StevenBray Newbie

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not a bad episode, not the best you've done though; from this episode it appears you did very more the human element rather than the duel element (which isn't always the worst thing) and that you ended it... but I doubt you have for some reason.

 

Even early in the Fan Fic you are true to your word about Riley - overconfidence is thy name I suppose, and I'm still a bit upset that it's not that long either. But as I said it's not too bad, but not the best you've done.

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Yu-Gi-Oh! HL5D’s

 

Episode 3 – The Dark General’s Revenge Part 1

 

“So, you’ve Summoned a super version of yourself? *This one’s gonna be a challenge to take down *”

 

“If you want to call it that, then yes. You see, Familiar Possessed - Dharc gains two Special Abilities when he’s Special Summoned from my deck! The first thing is, he gains 500 attack points!”

 

The duel disks made a noise, indicating that the monster’s attack points had increased. That was all he heard though. He could hear the duel incredibly well, but for some reason he couldn’t see any of it. He couldn’t even tell what the monsters looked like. Something told him that this duel was very important, so he figured he might as well listen to it and figure out what happened.

 

He couldn’t see the monster or its attack points, but he remembered that Familiar Possessed - Dharc originally had 1850 attack points, so he knew that Dharc’s attack was now 2350. The weird part was that he had no control over what happened in the duel, as he was just hearing it, not taking part in it. That part had already happened. Now he was hearing the duel that he had taken part in however long ago.

 

“2350 huh? That might intimidate other people, but it’s gonna take a lot more than that for you to intimidate me!”

 

“Don’t worry, I plan on doing much more than intimidating you.”

 

Riley was a bit surprised by that comment; what had Dharc meant when he said that? Whatever it was, it definitely wasn’t good.

 

“Let’s see what you’ve got then! There’s no way you’re gonna win with attack points alone!”

 

“Of course not. However, I’m just trying to savor this duel. I heard you were a good duelist, but apparently that’s not true. All you’ve done so far is cower in fear and pretend to act tough. You’re going to lose this duel, and unfortunately for you, you’ll end up trapped in the Dark Suspension for ever.”

 

“I’m definitely not staying in this place! Soon enough I’ll defeat you and I’ll be right back in Diamond City! Then I’ll go and enter the Fortune Cup!”

 

There was a sudden silence, almost one of surprise, occured.

 

"Heh. If you say so. Now then, onto my monster's second Special Ability. If Dharc battles a monster in Defense Position, you still take Battle Damage! That means I can win this duel even if you continue to play defensive!"

 

"I know I can win this."

 

"Alright, enough talking! Dharc, attack his Life Points directly with Chaos Scythe!"

 

Again; Riley couldn't see what was going on, but he could hear it clearly. He heard laughter. It wasn't Dharc's laughter though; it was his own.

 

"What's so funny?!", he heard Dharc yell out in frustration.

 

"You think you're gonna beat me so easily? This fan-fic isn't like the original Hidden Legacy; the duels actually last a long time. To demonstrate, allow me to stop your first major attack! I'll remove the Necro Gardna in my Graveyard from play, and now your attack is negated!"

 

He still couldn't see, but he heard an explosion of pixels, and knew that Necro Gardna had stopped the attack.

 

"Alright then! It's time for me to start winning! Dharc, you're not gonna trap me in this Dark Suspension! The fans are definitely gonna like the next episode! Stay tuned!"

 

HL5D's Explanations

 

-Incase you don't understand what happened in this episode, I'll explain. Riley is in Neo Domino City, and he's seeing what happened in the duel in his mind. I've realized that I can write better when I don't include monster descriptions, so I'm going to stop giving monster descriptions, and start focusing more on other important parts of the Fan-Fic.

 

-As a side note, you should check out Darth Browarod's Fan-Fic, Heroic Darkness!

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Parting Shot Newbie

Parting Shot

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Well, um, that one was even weirder than the last one O_o

 

So, he dueled, but doesn't remember any of it, and now is hearing it played back in his mind....

 

And, now the character knows he's in a fan fic, and is himself promoting it :P

 

You do like to throw twists in, don't you? ;)

 

And, thanks for the note to read my fic ^_^

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StevenBray Newbie

StevenBray

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1 - nice plug of Darth's Fan Fic

2 - It's my belief that if you have to explain the situation in your Fan Fic (in a footnote sort of thing), then the episode wasn't very well written. Sorry, but that's the harsh truth

3 - please, to holy god, don't do anything like "...This fan-fic isn't like the original Hidden Legacy; the duels actually last a long time..." again. It makes it seem like you were running out of ideas for what to write

4 - Too short.

 

This episode was a bit poor in my opinion, not fantastic and might be the worst episode I've seen you write. Hope it gets better really...

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