TheGiver Posted October 15, 2008 Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 [spoiler=Chapter one]I was at my house the year is 2078.The world is in World War and we have been losing forever and now i am going to stop it said jack.Jack was running away from his home because enemy have invaded it and he was 12 at the time he was aware of land mines and so was very careful.I need to get far away so they won't find me Jack said.Jack got to a museum and hid there for the night but he could here the enemy getting closer.Jack's heart stated beating faster and faster then the noise stopped and he was relived Jack stayed the night in the museum and when he woke up the Enemy soldiers where breaking down the door jack ran out as fast as he could then they started shooting him and jack got shoot in the arm but he continued to run until he lost them,Then jack got a message from his mom saying that she was alive but he had to make the president surrender to them or he would never see his parents again.So Jack set off to form a group of people to help save his mother.Jack was walking into a town and a kid running ran into himmove i am in trouble said the kid.soldiers were after him too.Jack ran with the kid till they got away.i am Andrew said the kid.So Andrew why where they after you said jack?Andrew said that he had something they needed.jack asked Andrew to help him save his parent.Andrew said yes.So jack and Andrew headed off to find more people to help.Andrew started to ask Jack question's about what had happened so Jack told him,Andrew told Jack that he was with him all the way.I need to go get something i hid in case something like this would happen said Jack.Jack took Andrew to the place and grabbed the knife he hid.Jack said that we could use this to get some food and help protect us.They went into town and got a job.Jack was working in a store and he got money that day for helping so they could get something to eat and get a place to stay,as it got late Jack and Andrew went to the hotel room they rented and stayed then in the morning they set off.Jack meet a girl name Cali the next day.Andrew said Hi my name is Andrew and you are?Cali said,My name is Cali.Jack asked Cali if she would join them and Cali said yes~jake~ [spoiler=chapter 2 part 1]Jack started to head off into a gym where they worked out.Andrew then said his arms hurt so they left and then 5 days later the enemy found them and they beat up 5 of them and stole there guns and started shooting rapidly.All shall die said Jack and Andrew then hours later they killed the enemys and started running away as fast as theycould but then Jack got Shoot in the knee and fell,then Jack told the others to go on with out him but they carried him away and hid at a motel called the Crappy place.Then they healed Jack's Wound and then they headed off and found a note the note saidNote:We know where you are you have 2 months to give up or your parents will be killed Ha Ha ha!Crap this is bad said Jack and Andrew,so they started looking around for weapons and stumbled upon a cave inside they found 2 swords and a bow and arrow so Jack and Andrew took the Swords and Cali took the bow and then they went out to practice."Jack Set up a Training Ground" and they used Wood for them to practice hitting and Cali used targets.more to come soon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted October 15, 2008 Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 WAI too short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGiver Posted October 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 i know i am still working on itand i just made it alot longer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tiger Posted October 15, 2008 Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 Still, short. It's alright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kale Posted October 15, 2008 Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 hm... you need to work on your English. you have some spelling errors and a lot of grammAr errors. ^_^ its a neat story, but it needs work. if you are willing to put forth that effort it can grow into something great. ^_^ ~K Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGiver Posted October 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 Thank you i am still making what will happen next Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Lovegood Posted October 15, 2008 Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 hm... you need to work on your English. you have some spelling errors and a lot of grammAr errors. ^_^ its a neat story' date=' but it needs work. if you are willing to put forth that effort it can grow into something great. ^_^ ~K[/quote'] I don't know what 'grammAr' is, but needs better grammar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGiver Posted October 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2008 Thanks i will work on it i am still a kid and at school i am learning Sorry but chapter 2 is coming soon in a few day's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGiver Posted October 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 BUMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kale Posted October 16, 2008 Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 hm... you need to work on your English. you have some spelling errors and a lot of grammAr errors. ^_^ its a neat story' date=' but it needs work. if you are willing to put forth that effort it can grow into something great. ^_^ ~K[/quote'] I don't know what 'grammAr' is, but needs better grammar grammAr was written in response to those of you who think that it is spelled grammer. a capital A is written to emphasize that point. Thank you i am still making what will happen next i will be awaiting it. ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGiver Posted October 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2008 awesome i hope i will get to post it in the next 2 days Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGiver Posted October 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 19, 2008 part1 of chapter 2 added Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGiver Posted October 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 BUMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGiver Posted October 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2008 BUMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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