The Ruby Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noble Legend Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Incredible! I LOVE IT!!!! It looks so fantastic, you really outdid yourself, absolutely awesome :o im gobbsmacked! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted October 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Incredible! I LOVE IT!!!! It looks so fantastic' date=' you really outdid yourself, absolutely awesome :o im gobbsmacked![/quote'] Thanks LolI'll have the Pilot up tomorrow, as it's late here ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 O,x Well, you certainly put effort into the presentation. How-e-ver. There are several scientific (the soundwaves of time?), cadential (he coughed really loud), and grammatical (numerous) errors smattered about the piece, just enough to leave a negative impression on the reader. I believe the grammatical errs are especially glaring, though this may be due to my experience as a critic. The plot involves time travel (read: is good), and as the interpretations for that are numerous, I eagerly await seeing what you do given my advice. Bonne chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Ok, just checked Pr1 briefly, and noticed something. You, my friend, are overusing commas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:|Fallen|:. Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 nice fan fic ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyhe Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 good prologue & unique way of showing it too...but let's see ch1 to see how this goes by now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaotix® Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Quite interesting... Very unique! I'll have too see chapter 1 before I can post a rate, but this looks to be fantastic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Well, this is quite good. The descriptions are very nice, time travel is always a nice twist to throw in ;), and the characters seem real and alive. How-e-ver. There are several scientific (the soundwaves of time?)' date=' cadential (he coughed really loud), and grammatical (numerous) errors smattered about the piece, just enough to leave a negative impression on the reader. I believe the grammatical errs are especially glaring, though this may be due to my experience as a critic.' pid='1257342' dateline='1224486941']You, my friend, are overusing commas.Though, I do have to agree with the above to comments. And, the whole aspect of having the first letter or two of a word on the end of one line with a hyphen and the rest of the word on the next line just breaks the consistency of the story, imo, and makes it harder to read. perhaps you should just put the words completely on the next line if they don't fit on the current line :P Wicko is the bad guy XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted October 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 O' date='x Well, you certainly put effort into the presentation. How-e-ver. There are several scientific (the soundwaves of time?), cadential (he coughed really loud), and grammatical (numerous) errors smattered about the piece, just enough to leave a negative impression on the reader. I believe the grammatical errs are especially glaring, though this may be due to my experience as a critic. The plot involves time travel (read: is good), and as the interpretations for that are numerous, I eagerly await seeing what you do given my advice. Bonne chance.[/quote'] I over did the commas Lol,I'll take your advice when writing Chapter One. ' pid='1257342' dateline='1224486941']Ok' date=' just checked Pr1 briefly, and noticed something. You, my friend, are overusing commas.[/quote'] Yes, Lol, My bad.I'll see to that especially when writing Episode 1. ' pid='1257358' dateline='1224487965']nice fan fic ^_^ Thank You ^_^ good prologue & unique way of showing it too...but let's see ch1 to see how this goes by now You might already know ;) Quite interesting... Very unique! I'll have too see chapter 1 before I can post a rate' date=' but this looks to be fantastic![/quote'] Thank you =) Well' date=' this is quite good. The descriptions are very nice, time travel is always a nice twist to throw in ;), and the characters seem real and alive. How-e-ver. There are several scientific (the soundwaves of time?), cadential (he coughed really loud), and grammatical (numerous) errors smattered about the piece, just enough to leave a negative impression on the reader. I believe the grammatical errs are especially glaring, though this may be due to my experience as a critic.' pid='1257342' dateline='1224486941']You' date=' my friend, are overusing commas.[/quote']Though, I do have to agree with the above to comments. And, the whole aspect of having the first letter or two of a word on the end of one line with a hyphen and the rest of the word on the next line just breaks the consistency of the story, imo, and makes it harder to read. perhaps you should just put the words completely on the next line if they don't fit on the current line :P Wicko is the bad guy XD Thanks, I tried to be more descriptive than last time.I'll work on that Hyphen thing, Ch. 1 Will be much better K? Lol And yes, Andrew Wickens is the Bad Guy xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Lovegood Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 I beleive the guys are a little to tall. 6 7"? That's REALLY tall. mYabe lower it to 6 4". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted October 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 I beleive the guys are a little to tall. 6 7"? That's REALLY tall. mYabe lower it to 6 4". Lol, from everything, you rate only about the height, xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Lovegood Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 I beleive the guys are a little to tall. 6 7"? That's REALLY tall. mYabe lower it to 6 4". Lol' date=' from everything, you rate only about the height, xD[/quote'] Thats my stategy. XD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
schyshter Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 what is it with all these bad fanfics spamming up the place? yes, i can probably tell you that you did an okay job, that you made a few errors here and there, and that this is better than most other works published within the last 2 months or so. but ultimately, it's still horribly lacking. you REALLY have to pick up your game with chapter 1, or this thing will just end up rotting away like most of the crap found here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Καsτοr Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Nice. Thats all I have to say really. . . Gosh, this is great. . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huntar! Posted October 22, 2008 Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 when does the best duelist in the land, Grandmaster Hunter Baker defeat you all, and teach you who is boss? :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted October 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 [align=center][size=xx-small] [quote=Episode One - Destined Rivals of the Shadows] [spoiler=[b]>Part One<[/b]] [IMG]http://i380.photobucket.com/albums/oo242/Meta_Ruby/Destiny%20Echoes/DestinyEchoesEpisode1PT1SECT1.png[/IMG] [IMG]http://i380.photobucket.com/albums/oo242/Meta_Ruby/Destiny%20Echoes/ProlouguePt1SECT2.png[/IMG][url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdZXT6tSKBQ][IMG]http://i380.photobucket.com/albums/oo242/Meta_Ruby/Destiny%20Echoes/ProlouguePt1SECT3.png[/IMG][/url][IMG]http://i380.photobucket.com/albums/oo242/Meta_Ruby/Destiny%20Echoes/ProlouguePt1SECT4.png[/IMG] [IMG]http://i380.photobucket.com/albums/oo242/Meta_Ruby/Destiny%20Echoes/DestinyEchoesEpisode1PT1SECT5.png[/IMG] [/spoiler] [spoiler=[b]>Part Two<[/b]] [IMG]http://i380.photobucket.com/albums/oo242/Meta_Ruby/Destiny%20Echoes/DestinyEchoesEpisode1PT2.png[/IMG] [/spoiler] [spoiler=[b]>Part Three<[/b]] -Coming Soon- [/spoiler] [Spoiler=[b]>Part Four<[/b]] -Coming Soon- [/spoiler] [spoiler=[b]>Part Five<[/b]] -Coming Soon- [/spoiler] [color=purple] -Next Time- [Episode 2] [Enter The Realm Of Darkness] [/color][/quote] [b] I came up with the plan to seperate each Episode into Parts, since each are rather long. So, as I finish certain parts, I will post them, and update my official Episodes posts with the rest. And with this Posts i make My first Episode, Parts 1 & 2 [/b][/size][/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Omega Posted October 22, 2008 Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 this story is cool it is fantastic most amazing i ever readoh and you need to make more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyber-Valley™ Posted October 22, 2008 Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 WOW *O* *o* i am err i am err i am ABSOLUTELY AMAZED that is wicked you had to overdo it lol no im tellin the truth *0* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted October 22, 2008 Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 Ooh, chapter one is coming along very nicely! Though, you still use too many commas ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:|Fallen|:. Posted October 22, 2008 Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 its very entertaning it was nice 2 read because im extremly bored^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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