Fh-Fh Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 Before I start this I would like to say that this has not been copied from somewhere else. It is purley mine. I want to test the reactions to the story and how people rate it. Oh mommy. When I was born you were the first thing I saw. I could not stop cyring until I saw you. I loved you, but you loved me more. You held me until we got home. You started saying things I couldn't understand. You kept calling me "Steven" though. You put me in a wooden crate with bars and fluffy cloth and I fell asleep before I got confused. I played with toys that had pretty colors and couldn't break. You gave me a fluffy toy and started calling me "bear, bear". I was confused but the fluffy toy was too soft that I didn't care. When I started walking, you started screaming I got scared and daddy got a metal toy and pointed it at me and looked into it. I was so scared I fell down. You never forgot my first word. I said it and you kept saying it. "Box". you pointed to the brown tall toy but I went and played with the plinky toy. You and daddy hugged and looked at me while I played. When you took me to the kid building I was confused. I had been in the car before but only for small trips. I went in and there were lots of toys but they were all brown and had teeth marks. The other kids there tried to play with me, but I wanted to be alone. I was too scared. I remember we would go lots of places. We went to the park and I went on a sideways tree that was easy to climb. there were other kids there but they were older than me. We kept going to the school and coming back home every day. One time we went to the school but went to the park because you said it was "correnteen". I went on the jungle gym but then went on the sideways tree. I went higher than I ever did and looked at you. You were talking to another person. I wanted you to look at me. I was high up! I could touch the fuzzy leaves if I tiptoed. But I fell. I looked down. I was high up. I fell and fell. Farter from the fuzzy leaves. Trying to grab on. I was on a bed in a funny smelling place. Plastic tubes were on my body. I couldn't see. I couldn't move. I heard you talking. A strange voice said something. You didn't say anything. You held my hand and cried. What happened? Why are you crying, mommy? Please don't cry, mommy. Please don't cry. Please... End. Please rate and review! Thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pikachu Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 Wow, what a tragic endYou did very well, is this true though? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enrise Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 Wow, that has got to suck. Pretty good though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jericho Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 Woah, dude. Epic writing style and great content. 10/10 on the writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exyst Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 -sniff- Uhh. Hayfever Loving it all the way, Excellent writing style. 10/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tiger Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 What? I got confused by the end. Did the person die? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jericho Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 What? I got confused by the end. Did the person die? Dying, I think. You're in the hospital with a bunch of tubes coming out of you. The doctor talks to your mom and she starts crying. I would think he's either dying or crippled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marly Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 Wow, I'm actually tearing up. *Sobs* If I had to rate this 10/10, I loved how you ended it that way to make us keep guessing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akira Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 Depressing =[ Interesting PoV though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jesus Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 O_O Moral: Don't climb trees. Very nice though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JG. Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 *Starts crying* Man, I don't usually cry, but that... that... is beutiful. I love it. Is it a real story? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fh-Fh Posted November 27, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 Not a true story. All made up. Very sad though, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 if this story is true, it's beautiful. If made up, I'd say you're a great liar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fh-Fh Posted November 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2008 It might be true. Who knows? 6-Year old kid falls out of a tree, goes into a coma, its possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted November 28, 2008 Report Share Posted November 28, 2008 6 year olds falling out of a tree and into a coma is much more believable Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lazer Yoshi Posted November 28, 2008 Report Share Posted November 28, 2008 Very nicely Written, excellent Style.I know many people who went through Stories like this. This is really Good and Tear-Jerking.-Yoshi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fh-Fh Posted November 28, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2008 If you notice, the vocabulary gets more advanced as he moves through his years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fh-Fh Posted November 29, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2008 Bump. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeppeli Gyro Supreme Posted November 29, 2008 Report Share Posted November 29, 2008 It was pretty... unaffected at the beginning. The only thing that struck me at all was the ending. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pikachu Posted November 29, 2008 Report Share Posted November 29, 2008 Oh, it's fake? *zaps Fh-Fh till he ends up in hospital with tubes*I must say.....it's great. Is this for fun or homework? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted November 29, 2008 Report Share Posted November 29, 2008 It's great. The end was great but I felt sad as I wanted to read more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fh-Fh Posted November 29, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2008 Oh' date=' it's fake? *zaps Fh-Fh till he ends up in hospital with tubes*I must say.....it's great. Is this for fun or homework?[/quote'] Fun...although... hmm... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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