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Prelude to my story, Great or Second-Rate?


Great, or Second Rate?  

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  1. 1. Great, or Second Rate?

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    • Second-Rate

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Hey. It's Arekku. I have a question. I'm writing a book, and I need to know if this intro is any good. Because if it isnt, no publisher will ever take it seriously. There is intentionally very few details, because the narrator is dying.



When do you know your dead?


I wished I was. It would have saved me the trouble of meeting Kai.


Blood trickled down my cracked forehead and crawled down the floor like a stream of lead. I was engulfed with fear.


I tried to think, I tried to speak. I was gone. I knew it. Samuel Zachary was dead. But I wasn’t.


I was screaming. I didn't want to. But I was. And I wasn't going to stop.


As I screamed and cried in the musty alley, the border of darkness around my eyes closing in on me, a man approached me in the most suave and secretive manner I had ever seen.


I cried out for help and screamed bloody murder, but it did no good. The man stared at me. His eyes were covered by two thick shades that were tinted so dark it seemed like he had no eyes at all. The contrast this made to his untidy silver hair was striking. He wore a really huge, stupid, tie. I will never be able to forget it, as it is engraved in my oh-so fragile mind. His face was perfect. It made me mad.


He smiled at me (it was pretty damn chilling) and said, “Do you know what I have to say to that?” His smile sank. “Every good story has a beginning.”


And then I died. First time for everything.

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Also' date=' why wouldn't he want to be screaming?



It was the feeling of not being able to control your own body that scared him.

I see. I noticed something else. It says "Abandoned Alley" in the paragraph. You should make it "Alley" because this paragraph will show up later in the story so the readers will know where the characters are.

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Honestly, I like it. It makes me slightly confused but that's what wants kme to read more. It's the curiousity of what is going to happen next and what already happened. Due to the fact that it mentioned a samurai and the main character dieing from who knows what and how which also makes you think is this the last page but that gives you more curiousity. Are there battles? Like sword fights or something?

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