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The Crown Of The Demons Chapter One Up!!!(More Character details Added)

Haseo

By Haseo
in Creative Writing

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Haseo Newbie

Haseo

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[align=center]I think this is a good story but i wont right the first chapter until i know how it is so plz tell me.Also,i will post a chapter every day or two.So plz tell me if this is a good idea and if i should keep writing it.Lastly, I will post more charcters after i know if this is a good idea or fanfic.

[spoiler=Introduction]

Kun Hagi who is a talented boy has befreinded a demon since he was little.He found out that there is a valuable item in the demon world or called The Death World.In this World there are many demons and monsters and also your talented humans. These humans are talented because they can see demon portals that send you to the Demon World.Also the humans can fuse with demons.All of the talented humans are here for the valuable item called The Crown Of The God Of Demons.In Kun's Journey he will train with his befriended demon Zelestic. They will fight together to find and get the Crown.On his journey he will fight strong /weak Wild Demons and Humans that have befriended Demons. Also when you befriend a demon you can fuse with that demon. If a human fuses with a demon you can use its power and its weapons.Not all demons can be befriended but whoever has the Crown can bring out the true powers of the Demon they fuse with.

 

[spoiler=Major Characters]

[spoiler=Kun Hagi]Characters Name:Kun Hagi

Age:15

Gender:Male

Appearance:Dark Brown Hair.Tall and wears Blue jeans, a red shirt,black jacket and white and black sneakers.

Background:A teenage boy who is very smart and knows more about demons than anyone else.He lives near a deman portal which are everywhere around the world and he is the only person in his town that can see it because he is one of the talented teens.He has befreinded a demon named Zelestic since he was 8.They used to always talk and have fun until they found out about the crown from the another demon.Kun is ready to be the boy with the crown.

 

 

[spoiler=Zelestic]Demon's Name: Zelestic

Age: ?

Appearance : Has wings,average sized,skinny,Fast

Demon Powers: Can attack with Fire and can run faster than any normal demon

Demon Weapon:Scythe

Background:A demon who befriended Kun when he was little.Zelestic is lazy demon who is very strong but doesnt show it.He is confident about himself and lets Kun do all the work.When this demon was younger his parents were injured and passed away.This has happened because a human with a demon hurt them. He told himself he needs to find that person and destroy him/her.

 

 

[spoiler=Sly Guki]

Character Name:Sly Guki

Age:15

Gender:Male

Appearance:A young teen with light dark hair.His eyes are Red and he wears a white shirt.His pants are dark blue and his shoes are black.

Background:A young teen that is lazy about his school life.He met Kun when he was in junior high.They never met but they could see each others demons. Sly was in a coma when he was 3.When he woke up two months later he wa able to see demons and portals. He wants to be the king of demons and show everyone that he cant lose. His demon and him were befriended when Sly was 6.They have been friends from there and on.The difference between Sly and Kun is that Sly is More powerful when he fuses with his demon.

 

[spoiler=Sinray]

Name:Sinray The Demon

Age: ?

Gender:Male

Appearance:A demon with shadows around him.He has fangs and Tall.

Background: This Demon is mysterious no data is known yet.

Demon Powers: Can teleport anywhere and can transform his hands to any weapon.Has the power of Psychic and can control time and space.He can also control humans to do his work.

Demon Weapons:All of the wepons but only from his hands.

 

[spoiler=Minor Characters]

[spoiler=Kun's Mom]

Name:Mira Hagi

Age:38

Gender:Female

 

 

[spoiler=Kun's Father]

Name: Ichigo Hagi

Age:41

Gender:Male

 

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1:The Fight Of The Beginning]

Kun has just woke up and has been packing his stuff in a backpack.So

 

he can leave but once he zipped the bag someone called him.

 

?: Kun what are you doing ?

 

Kun: Nothing Mom. I'm just getting ready for school.

 

Kun's Mom: Ok well come down for breakfast.

 

Kun was lieing to his mom he was getting ready to go through the portal

 

to get to the demon world.Kun thought of a perfect plan to get there.

 

First, he would pretend to go to school then run through the portal.You

 

might be thinking this is a bad idea because someone will know he is

 

gone.That isnt true because when you enter the demon world the time

 

is different. In the demon world one year is a hour in the human world.

 

Which is good for Kun plus he always gets to school one hour early so

 

this is the perfect plan.

 

Kun's Mom: Honey come down and eat breakfast already.

 

Kun: I'm coming! Just give me a sec.

 

Kun comes out of his room with his backpack.

 

Kun's Mom: There you are, I thought you went to sleep again.

 

Kun: Well here i am but, mom i dont want breakfast today. I have to get to school early because i have an assembly. Anyway mom bye.

 

Kun's Mom:Well bye and also your father is picking you up today. Since I a have work and he needs to hang out with you more. You guys never talk anymore.

 

Kun:I have been busy, but i will be sure to talk to him today.

 

Kun leaves his house and walks to the portal.He has never ever gone

 

through the portal, but right before he was about to enter someone

 

behind him yelled.That person wasn't a person it was a demon.Or to be

 

more specific Zelestic.

 

Zelestic:So you didn't wake me up.What were you thinking? If you

 

entered and i was a sleep.A demon could have attacked you anytime.

 

I forgot to tell you but only talented can see demons and here

 

them.The demons walk or float behind there befriended human.

 

Kun:I was prepared if a demon came. I brought some Demon Deflecting

 

Spray.I also brought some Blocking Powder.

 

I will tell you about the two items.The first one Demon Deflecting Spray which if you spary it on something or somone.Then wild demons cant touch them.The second item is a powder that you can throw on something.If you do that the wild demons atacks dont work.These two items only work on wild demons not befriended demons.

 

Zelestic:Well just wake me up next time got that!

 

Kun:Your to lazy to even fight.So what help are you anyway!!

 

Zelestic:Look that is enough lets just go.

 

Kun: Ok, my adventure begins now........

To Be Continued....Next Chapter:The Battle That Started it All

Here is a Quick Preview of the next chapter

Kun:Zelestic fuse with me or else we will lose.

 

Sly:Ahahahaha!!Your own demon doesn't even fuse with you here I come Time Slash!!!!!!!!

 

If you have any questions about the introduction plz ask me.Also if you have pictures for my characters plz let me use them and i will give you credit for the pic if it is yours.[/align]

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Nishi-chan Newbie

Nishi-chan

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There's lots of run-on sentences but besides that it's a very good story line. I have a question about the Crown. What does it do? Is it just a spiritual symbol that tells others that he/she is the king/queen of The Death World or does it give certain abilities to certain people? Or both? Also, can the Crown be worn by both humans and demons alike? Or only one?

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The Warden Enthusiast

The Warden

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hmm, let's see now. i'm sure you hear this repeattedly but the grammer really does suck, you;re confusing words that sound the same but our spelt differently. I can feel slight passion, but not enough to interest me. but then again, you need to give time for a sauce to simmer, maybe, all this needs is time....and better grammer

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Guest Supreme Gamesmaster

Guest Supreme Gamesmaster

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1.

There's lots of run-on sentences

Just the opposite, actually. Most of your sentences have periods in place of commas, chopping them into very small pieces. Also, the spacing is horrible, and you aren't describing anything at all. We learn nothing about the plot or characters without reading auxiliary information (which shouldn't exist).

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Nishi-chan Newbie

Nishi-chan

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1.

There's lots of run-on sentences

Just the opposite' date=' actually. Most of your sentences have periods in place of commas, chopping them into very small pieces. Also, the spacing is horrible, and you aren't describing anything at all. We learn nothing about the plot or characters without reading auxiliary information (which shouldn't exist).

[/quote']

No I posted that when he posted saying he was making this series, then kingduel1 completely deleted that post, and posted the first chapter.

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Guest Supreme Gamesmaster

Guest Supreme Gamesmaster

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1.

There's lots of run-on sentences

Just the opposite' date=' actually. Most of your sentences have periods in place of commas, chopping them into very small pieces. Also, the spacing is horrible, and you aren't describing anything at all. We learn nothing about the plot or characters without reading auxiliary information (which shouldn't exist).

[/quote']

No I posted that when he posted saying he was making this series, then kingduel1 completely deleted that post, and posted the first chapter.

 

I had assumed as such. I was just using that as an effective segue into my argument against this fic's quality.

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Nishi-chan Newbie

Nishi-chan

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1.

There's lots of run-on sentences

Just the opposite' date=' actually. Most of your sentences have periods in place of commas, chopping them into very small pieces. Also, the spacing is horrible, and you aren't describing anything at all. We learn nothing about the plot or characters without reading auxiliary information (which shouldn't exist).

[/quote']

No I posted that when he posted saying he was making this series, then kingduel1 completely deleted that post, and posted the first chapter.

 

I had assumed as such. I was just using that as an effective segue into my argument against this fic's quality.

I see. Are you making a fan-fic yourself and no one liked it so you go around making fun of other fan fics to make yourself feel better about yourself inside because your mother and/or father don't take the time out of their day to say "good job"? Or do you really think this fic is bad.

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Guest Supreme Gamesmaster

Guest Supreme Gamesmaster

Posted
Posted

1.

There's lots of run-on sentences

Just the opposite' date=' actually. Most of your sentences have periods in place of commas, chopping them into very small pieces. Also, the spacing is horrible, and you aren't describing anything at all. We learn nothing about the plot or characters without reading auxiliary information (which shouldn't exist).

[/quote']

No I posted that when he posted saying he was making this series, then kingduel1 completely deleted that post, and posted the first chapter.

 

I had assumed as such. I was just using that as an effective segue into my argument against this fic's quality.

I see. Are you making a fan-fic yourself and no one liked it so you go around making fun of other fan fics to make yourself feel better about yourself inside because your mother and/or father don't take the time out of their day to say "good job"? Or do you really think this fic is bad.

Read it.

 

I doubt you'll be able to defend its quality.

 

Also, I'm not making a fanfic per se — at the moment, I'm working on a novel proper.

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