Jump to content

I plan on being permabanned tonight...

Holy Babylon

By Holy Babylon
in General

Recommended Posts

Holy Babylon Newbie

Holy Babylon

Posted
Posted

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness.God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day. And God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. God called the expanse "sky." And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day. And God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good. Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day. And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day. And God said, "Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth." And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day. And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind." And it was so. God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."

So God created man in his own image,

in the image of God he created him;

male and female he created them.

God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food." And it was so. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

 

Genesis 2

Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Replies 68
  • Created
  • Last Reply
Guest KAJN

Guest KAJN

Posted
Posted

I want to be banned so I never come on here again. I know if I just leave' date=' I'll log back in again...

[/quote']

 

Then why leave or get banned? If you get perma banned you can look around as a guest -.-

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Careless Whisper Newbie

Careless Whisper

Posted
Posted

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty' date=' darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness.God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day. And God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. God called the expanse "sky." And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day. And God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good. Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day. And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day. And God said, "Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth." And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day. And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind." And it was so. God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."

So God created man in his own image,

in the image of God he created him;

male and female he created them.

God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food." And it was so. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

 

Genesis 2

Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.[/u']

 

Where is the proof that says that this bull**** is true?

Where is the proof that says that this bull**** is true?

 

My words exactly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Amethyst Phoenix Newbie

Amethyst Phoenix

Posted
Posted

All you're doing is reinforcing the stereotype of religious people being over-zealous idiots.

 

Must you make the secular users think less of christianity than they already do?

 

This is counter productive of your goal.

 

Using the bible as a malevolent device to spam forums......seems similar to blasphemy to use the bible for wicked deeds, such as spamming, doesn't it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Frlf Newbie

Frlf

Posted
Posted

Tl;dr version:

 

Old Testament: God creates the universe and he sees it and it's serious business, but then Satan pretends to be a snake and trolls Eve, telling her " Apple or GTFO"(cuz she was already showing tits). She chooses the former and then her and her funk buddy Adam get b& from Eden for being trollbait. Then a lot of serious funking incest occurs and we get the human race (which explains a lot, really).

 

Then later, God gets uber pissed about Pharaoh Hitler pwning the jews, so he gives Moses some cheat codes for the universe. Moses stages a mass slave runaway and opens up the sea so the Jews can run through, closing it behind him and drowning the ancient Nazis; God Lol'd.

 

Some other less important sheet happens, mostly composed of a bunch of baka writing emo poetry about god for him to fap to.

 

New Testament: God finds Mary sleeping and just sticks the tip in and drops his load. Nine months later Jesus is born. For his 13th birthday God gave Jesus more cheat codes than he gave Moses, plus the rcon password for life, and some CP.

 

Later, Jesus became a hard core ska punk and trolled the old school jews hard. They got super pissed and permabanned him with a cross and some nine inch nails. They forgot he had god mode turned on though, so he waited 3 days and hit vid_restart on the rcon panel, came back into life's server, and laughed at the Jews.

 

After that, 3 more guys tell the same story, then this baka Paul wrote an assload of sheet about sex being evil and a bunch of other stuff that Jesus never funking said but everybody listened to Paul anyway because they're stupid.

 

THE END

 

 

Also:

 

1234784542462.jpg

 

inb4lockage.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Amethyst Phoenix Newbie

Amethyst Phoenix

Posted
Posted

Good point' date=' but God isn't a wizard, He is God.

[/quote']

 

1234785178115.jpg

 

God exists.

He is a killer.

I will now use a conversation from an epic book to explain how that "God isn't powerful because he won't do EVERYTHING for our lazy asses" fails.

 

Lieutenant Chatrand: I don’t understand this omnipotent-benevolent thing.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: You are confused because the Bible describes God as an omnipotent and benevolent deity.

Lieutenant Chatrand: Exactly.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Omnipotent-benevolent simply means that God is all-powerful and well-meaning.

Lieutenant Chatrand: I understand the concept. It’s just… there seems to be a contradiction.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Yes. The contradiction is pain. Man’s starvation, war, sickness…

Lieutenant Chatrand: Exactly! Terrible things happen in this world. Human tragedy seems like proof that God could not possibly be both all-powerful and well-meaning. If He loves us and has the power to change our situation, He would prevent our pain, wouldn’t he?

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Would He?

Lieutenant Chatrand: Well… if God Loves us, and He can protect us, He would have to. It seems He is either omnipotent and uncaring, or benevolent and powerless to help.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Do you have children?

Lieutenant Chatrand: No, signore.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Imagine you had an eight-year-old son… would you love him?

Lieutenant Chatrand: Of course.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Would you let him skateboard?

Lieutenant Chatrand: Yeah, I guess. Sure I’d let him skateboard, but I’d tell him to be careful.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: So as this child’s father, you would give him some basic, good advice and then let him go off and make his own mistakes?

Lieutenant Chatrand: I wouldn’t run behind him and mollycoddle him if that’s what you mean.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: But what if he fell and skinned his knee?

Lieutenant Chatrand: He would learn to be more careful.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: So although you have the power to interfere and prevent your child’s pain, you would choose to show you love by letting him learn his own lessons?

Lieutenant Chatrand: Of course. Pain is part of growing up. It’s how we learn.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Exactly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Frlf Newbie

Frlf

Posted
Posted

Good point' date=' but God isn't a wizard, He is God.

[/quote']

 

1234785178115.jpg

 

God exists.

He is a killer.

I will now use a conversation from an epic book to explain how that "God isn't powerful because he won't do EVERYTHING for our lazy asses" fails.

 

Lieutenant Chatrand: I don’t understand this omnipotent-benevolent thing.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: You are confused because the Bible describes God as an omnipotent and benevolent deity.

Lieutenant Chatrand: Exactly.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Omnipotent-benevolent simply means that God is all-powerful and well-meaning.

Lieutenant Chatrand: I understand the concept. It’s just… there seems to be a contradiction.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Yes. The contradiction is pain. Man’s starvation, war, sickness…

Lieutenant Chatrand: Exactly! Terrible things happen in this world. Human tragedy seems like proof that God could not possibly be both all-powerful and well-meaning. If He loves us and has the power to change our situation, He would prevent our pain, wouldn’t he?

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Would He?

Lieutenant Chatrand: Well… if God Loves us, and He can protect us, He would have to. It seems He is either omnipotent and uncaring, or benevolent and powerless to help.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Do you have children?

Lieutenant Chatrand: No, signore.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Imagine you had an eight-year-old son… would you love him?

Lieutenant Chatrand: Of course.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Would you let him skateboard?

Lieutenant Chatrand: Yeah, I guess. Sure I’d let him skateboard, but I’d tell him to be careful.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: So as this child’s father, you would give him some basic, good advice and then let him go off and make his own mistakes?

Lieutenant Chatrand: I wouldn’t run behind him and mollycoddle him if that’s what you mean.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: But what if he fell and skinned his knee?

Lieutenant Chatrand: He would learn to be more careful.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: So although you have the power to interfere and prevent your child’s pain, you would choose to show you love by letting him learn his own lessons?

Lieutenant Chatrand: Of course. Pain is part of growing up. It’s how we learn.

Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Exactly.

1234784403437.png

 

At least Satan doesn't unleashes his wrath on us so often D:

Also, how can we worship someone who doesn't even follow his own rules? D:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...