Phantom Roxas Posted May 4, 2009 Report Share Posted May 4, 2009 Those crappy little things people use on gaia. They're not crappy, they're awesome. It's okay, but Vexaeus's ability of extreme speed is rather pointless when they can open Corridors of Darkness. Also, I noticed some grammar errors. "It seemed simple, just run towards the castle. But with such a high speed, if he by any chance crashed into an object. He would surely die." It should be "It seemed simple: Just run to the castle. However, with such a high speed, if by any chance he crashed into an object, he would surely die." I would like to see how these new members are acquainted to Organization XIII and why they were not present during the events of CoM and KHII. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted May 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2009 Vexeaus can do more than that. Despite their look, they are much younger and I will create a prequel of this with everyones origins story in about...forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelsthla-Mental Posted May 4, 2009 Report Share Posted May 4, 2009 I would enjoy this prequel. But anyway, to the story at hand. First off, I agree with it not mattering if it is a 'rip-off' of Zexaeon's story. For one thing, it is pretty much impossible to come up with an idea that hasn't been used SOMEWHERE these days. Second, this section is called "Fan Fic" for a reason. Third... No copyright! Besides, I can't speak for them, but unless they object strongly, I see no reason why this story can't be. Now that's out of the way, on to the story... Wow, we already know of a self-destruct button in the castle? Nothing wrong with that, but it's weird... Perhaps the 'jokes' should have been expanded on. There were possibly a few too many one-liners that weren't too interesting. Of course, that could just be me, everyone has a different sense of humour, and most jokes these days reward a groan rather then a laugh, with a few exceptions. Apart from that, I think most of the stuff has been said and probably will soon be or has been edited. Sorry that my 'suggestions' are pretty biased, but I wish you luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted May 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 4, 2009 Uh..thanks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted May 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 6, 2009 Chapter 1 has been added to the mix. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nexev Posted May 6, 2009 Report Share Posted May 6, 2009 Interesting, another keyblade master, that means we can use Xemnas's old plan to gain hearts without manipulating the goofballs. All we have to do is make Vexaeus kill heartless after heartless until kingdom hearts is recreated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skuldur Posted May 6, 2009 Report Share Posted May 6, 2009 I wonder what the next tests will be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted May 7, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 7, 2009 Thanks guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted May 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2009 Post moar! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxxElsaxxx Posted May 8, 2009 Report Share Posted May 8, 2009 youre such a good writerr!!!!xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted May 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 8, 2009 Really? Wow thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larxene Posted May 8, 2009 Report Share Posted May 8, 2009 Just two things I noticed. 1. Clariex's power allows her to copy any ability she sees and use it whenever she wants. 2. The characters (mostly me for some reason) tend to repeat themselves a lot. "Prove me wrong kid, prove me wrong." “You did well kid, you did well.” “Oh no, it will be harder. Trust me, it will be harder!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted May 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 13, 2009 Bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted May 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted May 15, 2009 Should I make more chapters or just give up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.