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Yugioh ~ Hearts of Hell

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[spoiler=Characters, In order of importance]

Name: Akako (Red)

Age: 17

Gender: Male

Appearance: White Skin, Spiky Blonde Hair, Green Eyes, Red Scar On His Chin,

White Coat w/ Black Undershirt, Black Jeans w/ Chain

Bio: Akako usually keeps to him self. He never starts a conversation and dreads being part of one, he usually answers in short sentences.

When he duels he becomes very crude and ruthless.

[spoiler=Deck List]


Red Dragon Archfiend




Red Dragon Archfiend / Assault Mode

Desrook Archfiend X2

Infernalqueen Archfiend X2

Imprisoned Queen Archfiend X2

Terrorking Archfiend X2

Archfiend General X3

Archfiend of Gilfer

Skull Archfiend of Lightning

Darkbishop Archfiend X2

Dark Necrofear

Fiend Roar Deity Raven X2

Vilepawn Archfiend X2

Mad Archfiend X2

Magna Drago X3

Trap Eater




Pandemonium X3

Falling Down

Heavy Storm

Foolish Burial

Lightning Vortex

Mystical Space Typhoon

Monster Reborn

Different Dimension Capsule

Double Summon

Assault Teleport




Archfiend's Roar X2

Bark of Dark Ruler

Solemn Wishes/Life Absorbing Machine

Mirror Force

Hate Buster

Assault Mode Activate

Crimson Fire

Assault Slash




Name: Ichiro

Age: 18

Gender: Male

Appearance: Brown Skin, Black Curly Hair, Brown Eyes, Gold Basketball Jersey w/ number 18 on it, and baggy blue jeans.

Bio: He is Akako's best friend, and greatest rival. Even though Ichiro is older than Akako he is hot tempered and immature, but when it counts he is always there to help and he'll never leave a friend behind. When he duels he concentrates on summoning his reactor cards.

[spoiler= Deck List]



Dark Strike Fighter




Spell Reactor - Re X3

Trap Reactor - Y FI X3

Summon Reactor - SK X3

Flying Fortress SKY FIRE X3

Dark Crusader X3

Trap Eater X3

Fiendish Engine ~0~ X2(Sorry Best I Could Do About The Symbol)

Dark Tinker X2



Mind Trust X3

Double Summon X3

Star Blast X3

Swords of Revealing Light



Level Retuner X3

Half or Nothing X3

Fake Explosion X3

Trap Stun




Name: Alex

Age 15

Gender: Male

Appearance: White Skin, Short Brown Hair, Blue eyes, Black T-shirt, Beige Cargo Shorts

Bio: Alex is a transfer student from America, he feels insecure and has no friends until he meets Akako. He always has hands in his pockets. When he duels he acts nervous and usually makes bad moves. He is extremely lucky.

[spoiler= Deck List]


Colossal Fighter



Colossal Fighter / Assault Mode

Broww, Huntsman of Dark World X3

Caius the Shadow Monarch X3

Cyber Dragon

Dark Resonator X2

Goldd, Wu-Lord of Dark World X3

Gorz the Emissary of Darkness

Krebons X2

Morphing Jar


Sillva, Warlord of Dark World X2



Allure of Darkness

Brain Control

Card Destruction

Card of Safe Return

Dark World Dealings X3

Dark World Lightning X3

Heavy Storm

Monster Reborn

Lightning Vortex

Double Summon

Assault Teleport



Bottomless Trap Hole X3

Dimensional Prison X3

Mirror Force

Dark Mirror Force X3

Torrential Tribute

Trap Stun







"How is the boy?"

"He is performing as we expected, the X - Lr8 Prototype is running perfectly."





"Summon, Road Synchron!" Shouted Tomi

"Now attack his mad archfiend!"


Tomi --- 1800 LP / Akako --- 200 LP


"I end."

"I use Monster Reborn, come back Mad Archfiend. I place two face downs. End." said Akako

"Now Road Synchron, Tune with Quillbolt Hedgehog and Speed Warrior!

Synchro Summon, Road Warrior! Now attack Mad Archfiend...

"Road Warrior, ATTACK!"

"When Mad Archfiend is selected as an attack target he is switched to defense mode."


Tomi --- 1800 LP / Akako --- 200 LP


"Damn! Well I use Road Warrior's effect, come to me Nitro Synchron!"

"My turn, I place one card face down, Next I'll activate Pandemonium, I end with Dessrook Archfiend."

"Attack, Road Warrior!"

"Sorry but I activate Mirror Force."


"My turn, I reveal Foolish Burial, I send Imprisoned Queen Archfiend to the graveyard, Next I play Terrorking Archfiend and raise his attack to 3000. Attack, Nitro Synchron."


Tomi --- 1800 - 2700 = -900 LP / Akako --- 200 LP


"I win"

"You did well Mr. Shinigami." Said Mr. Yamato

"This is why you shouldn't use a copied deck Tomi."

"Yes sir." Frowned Tomi

"Tomorrow’s duel will be Ichiro Aname and Alex Moore."

Alex looked up in surprise.

"Looks like, we're dueling!" Said Ichiro in excitement

Ichiro extended his arm as a sign of friendship. Alex looked shocked and turned his head down.

"Fine be that way!"




"Can you believe that guy! Oh here's an Archfiend General."

Ichiro throws the card at Akako.

"Here, I'll give you a SKY FIRE."

"Cool, thanks."

"You should let it go, he most likely didn't talk to you because he doesn't know Japanese."

"Yeah but "I" spoke English!"

"He might just be shy, after all he did just come from America."

"I know, I know."

"I wonder if people in America can duel?"

"We'll soon find out."


The Next Day...


"Alright lets get down to business class." Said Mr. Yamato

"Let the duel between Ichiro Aname, and Alex Moore... Begin!

"I'll go first." Said Ichiro

He draws six cards.

"I activate Star Blast! This lets me drop one level off a monster in my hand and I choose Summon Reactor - SK, next I'll summon him. I'll end with two face downs."

Alex draws

"I play Broww, Huntsman of Dark World in attack mode. Next I use Brain Control."


Ichiro --- 8000 LP / Alex --- 8000 - 800 = 7200 LP


"I take control of summon reactor. Now both attack."

"Not so fast, I activate Half or Nothing!"

"I choose half."


Ichiro --- 8000 - 1700 = 6300 LP / Alex --- 7200 LP


"My turn! Summon Reactor come back."

Ichiro Draws

"I summon Spell Reactor RE, next I'll use double summon to summon Trap Reactor Y Fi. Now I use Summon reactor's special ability special summon Flying Fortress SKY FIRE!"



To be continued in Chapter 1



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Woah, woah, WOAH. Guys, take it to the pms. I'll let KaiKae review it first, as asked, but your prologue is too short to properly evaluate. And usually when writing a story, try to make the first chapter 10 pages or so. A story I'm writing right now has a 30-page chapter(when written into a notebook with my handwriting).

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Put more effort into it.

Could be MUCH longer.

When you post the first chapter' date=' I would like it if I could reveiw it first, thank you very much Crystal Beast/Weather Report/Keundo Fish/[b']Rinne[/b].


Woah, woah, I get put last!? Just because of that slander, I'm reviewing the prologue, RIGHT NOW.


-First, any Japanese name that ends in "-ko" is almost always a girl's name. Not the best thing for a male character. Also, where's their last names? They aren't orphans, are they? It's kinda difficult to match up first and last names. Fix it.

-You have some odd habits with dialogue and the text that follows. If you are using spoken text and the word that immediately follows it is a verb, never end the dialogue with a pyramid period. Always use a comma instead, or exclamation/question marks if need be.

-You lack all description in your story. Don't say that you put it in your character description, because that means you're too lazy to describe them IC. They only talk, too; why don't they think about the situation, or even stop to admire (coughDESCRIBEcough) the scenery? It's incredibly boring the way it is now.

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