The Mike Posted July 22, 2009 Report Share Posted July 22, 2009 *It was a rainy day and this duelist named Brittany is bored and has got nothing to do*Mom: Brittany! Brittany Brittany! Guess what? Brittany: Let me guess there is a new duel disk out, I saw it on TV last night. Mom: No but that sounds cool. But anyhow there is a new Duel Academy open next door. Brittany: New Academy? Episode 1: Brittany's First Day! Mom: New academy, known as Belle Vernon High Duel Academy. It just opened and I just registered you in! Brittany: Sweet...but I don't got a deck or a duel disk. Mom: Oh really? Your birthday is tomorrow remember, and look what I got you! A Duel disk and a Deck. Brittany: Awesome It's time for my first day of School. Wielder Heroes? Mom: Yup. Your father designed them. Also he made the best one in town. Wielder Hero - Fire Horse Reaper *15 minutes later* Brittany: Here it is the academy and there is a duel right now. I better go see. ???: Alright pal, get ready to be finished. Now Real Genex Kurokishian, finish her. Brittany's Sister: Nooooooooooooooooo! [[[LP: 0]]] My beautiful Toons. Gone! Brittany: Jasmine! Are you alright? Jasmine: Yes Brittany! I just lost to Principal Jenn thats all. Jenn: Sorry Jasmine but you cannot be in the tournament. Brittany: Tournament? What Tournament? Jasmine: The Belle Vernon Annual 2009 Tournament starts tomorrow 9:00AM sharp. Brittany: WOW! Can I participate? Jenn: If you defeat me. All I need is 1 more duelist. Brittany: Alright Jenn, you got yourself another duel. Both: Let's duel! [[[LP: 8000]]] [[[LP: 8000]]] Jenn: Principal's first. *Draws* I start with Genex Doctor. [[[ATK: 1500]]] I end my turn with a couple of face-downs. Brittany: My turn! *Draws* Sweet. I start with Wielder Hero - Arcane Archer in attack mode. [[[ATK: 1900]]] Now attack her Genex Doctor with...Bright arrow of destruction. Jenn: Not so fast. Activate Trap Card, Quick Summon. This trap allows me to special summon another Genex from my hand. And I sacrifice my Doctor to summon Solar Genex. And to activate his effect you inflect 500 points of damage for each Genex monster that is destroyed. Brittany: AH! OW! [[[LP: 7500]]] I don't continue the attack so I place two cards face-down and end my turn. Brittany: (If I don't Synchro Summon my dad's favorite Hero, I am done for!) Jenn: Nice decision, but not nice enough I summon the tuner monster, Spare Genex. [[[ATK: 800]]] But that is the beginning now I activate the spell, Genex's Weak Level. This spell allows me to decrease my Solar Genex by 1 level. [[[LVL: 6]]] next I tune my Spare Genex with my Solar Genex to Synchro Summon Real Genex Kurokishian.[[[ATK: 2500]]] Now Real Genex Kurokishian, attack her Arcane Archer with Kurokishian Cannon. Brittany: Wrong! I activate Wielder's Shield. It negates your attack then I draw 2 cards. If both of them is a monster, then your Kurokishian is automatically destroyed. If both of them is a spell, I draw two more cards and my monster gains the attack points equal to your Kurokishian's attack points. On the other hand if both of them is a trap, then my monster loses half of it's attack points and your Kurokishian doubles the ATK points. If the cards are different, the effect is negated plus your monster's attack is negated. Jasmine: Come on Britt, you can do it. *Draws 2 cards* Brittney: YES ITS BOTH A SPELL! so my archer grows stronger while your monster still attacks.[[[ATK: 3800]]] GO BRIGHT ARROW OF DESTRUCTION![[[LP: 6500]]] Jenn: Impossible! I END MY TURN! Brittany: Very well then, My turn! I activate Wielder's Strength. With this spell when I have a tuner monster in my hand It gains by 1 level. so I summon Wielder Hero - Prayer. [[[ATK: 1000]]] Jenn: Not so fast activate Trap Hole! *Prayer gains light then Trap Hole get's destroyed* Say what? Brittany: sorry but my prayer cannot be destroyed by any spells, traps, or monster effects. Pretty Sweet huh? Jenn: Grr. Brittany: Now Prayer give my Archer a tune-up. (Daddy this is for you) I Synchro Summon Wielder Hero - Fire Horse Reaper. [[[ATK: 2400]]] CPU: Wielder Hero - Fire Horse Reaper is a level 6 Fire-Attribute Warrior-Type Synchro Monster with 2400 ATK points and 1200 DEF points. Brittany: Now my reaper's effect activates. Go burning staff strike. Unfortunately for you, its a monster you lose LP equal to that monster's attack points so that was Solar Genex and you lose 2500 Life points.[[[LP: 4000]]] That's not all I activate the Field Spell Wielder Stadium!*Ground Shakes* Jenn: What's going on!? Brittany: Now my Field Spell gains my Fire Horse Reaper's Level by 1. [[[LVL: 7]]] But that's just the beginning also with this field spell's effect I can activate my Horse Reaper's effect again. go Burning Staff Strike. Yes its another monster and it was another Solar Genex you lose 2500 attack points?WRONG with this field spell you lose 5000 life points, just enough for the game. [[[LP: 0]]] Jenn: No! Impossible! Congratulations Brittany Baron, you are in the tournament. Brittney: Sweet! Jenn: Here is your tourney card for information. Also you will be live on TV. Brittany: Super Sweet! Alright Daddy thanks to you I am in the tournament. Jenn: Good luck Brittany. Character's Looks for Episode 1: Brittany Baron: Jasmine Baron: Mom: Principal Jenn: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted July 22, 2009 Report Share Posted July 22, 2009 Sigh. Why hasn't anybody new here read the guide to writing fan fiction? At least it doesn't look like you have, because I can already tell the grammar and CRAPPY SCRIPT FORMAT aren't good. There's no description and theme songs are grossly unnecessary for fiction. Smileys suck in stories. So before I write a harsh Weather Report on this thing, READ THE GUIDE TO WRITING FAN FICTION and EDIT YOUR WORK. Then I'll take it seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mike Posted July 22, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2009 Fixed! Updates: Erased Faces. Got Spaces in every paragraph. Check out for more Episodes Every Day @ 5:00PM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 *deep breath* THERE you go. Now that you've read the guide, let's take a look, shall we? Don’t worry, you’re not the only one who’s had to go through a WEATHER REPORT. Which is a humorous review pointing out all of the editable portions of the story and what-not. In order to be truly respected in the "industry", you must go through this terrible ordeal...*It was a rainy day and this duelist named Brittany is bored and has got nothing to do*Brittany the dog breed? What Brittany is this? I’m gonna say it’s the Excellent French Brittany' date=' a type of brown-and-white spaniel. She’s also, apparently, outside, in a white void, in the rain. Not in her house. Just THERE. This is just me personally, but script format can end up looking amateurish and what-not, too.[/color']Mom: Brittany! Brittany Brittany! Guess what?Her last name seems to be Brittany, too? And I guess this is Mom Brittany talking to her. Mom is also very hyper. I would hate to have her as a mom already. Gee, I wonder what she looks like? Guess she’s a Sableye.Brittany: Let me guess there is a new duel disk out, I saw it on TV last night.Ew! Run-on! She sounds so stale and bread-like, like stale bread. (DOY) I’ll try to revise it and maker it sound more realistic:Brittany: Lemme guess: there’s a new duel disk out. I already saw it on TV.Wow. Brittany sounds like kind of an [CENSOR]. I mean, she’s being so sassy and snappy to Mom, who’s being kindly enough to tell her about something that Brittany claims she saw even when Mom never told her what it was. That’s a bit rude.Mom: No COMMA but that sounds cool. Moms say ‘cool’? 90’s Mom! But anyhow there is a new Duel Academy open next door.Try using contractions and moar commas.Brittany: New oddly-capitalized Academy? Episode 1: Brittany's First Day!Generic. *shrug* Can’t complain much about that. Mom: New academy, known as Belle Vernon High Duel Academy. It just opened and I just registered you in!Oh, wait. Where are they? In a giant apple, of course. Why did she just say “New academy” instead of “We’re at the duel academy”, and why is academy capitalized and then lowercased? Brittany: Sweet...but I don't got a deck or a duel disk.She’s a dog from the ghetto! That’s all I can gather from how she was speaking. Mom: Oh really? Your birthday is tomorrow remember, and look what I got you! A Duel disk and a Deck.I think I should revise the punctuation here. Mom: Oh, really? Your birthday is tomorrow, remember? Look what I got you! A duel disk and a deck! By the way, is she holding them? Are they on her head? Is she lying and are they buried in Roswell? Why were they talking so much about Duel Academy earlier? I thought there was one academy for each country (I won’t complain much about that because they could have easily built several more due to their initial success). Why isn’t Brittany already in a school? Is it the beginning of the semester conveniently over RIGHT AS THE SCHOOL IS FINISHED? And what cruel mother would put her daughter in a SCHOOL SHE HARDLY KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT? I mean, she doesn’t have a deck, give her a break! That’s like saying... “Hey, honey! I just registered you into the newly-opened Art Institute!” “But I don’t know what art is!” “Don’t worry! I got you this ‘Guide to Art’!” *hands her daughter small children’s book* “Have fun!” *runs away* “Wait!” Brittany: Awesome PUNCTUATION It's time for my first day of oddly-capitalized School. Wielder Heroes? She said that without looking at the cards, apparently. PSYCHIC!! Oh, and heroes that wield? WHAT!? Okay, there are TOO MANY HEROES FLOATING AROUND THE FAN-FIC AISLE. Elemental Heroes, Alien Heroes, Time Heroes...what’s with everyone and the Hero tag line? It’s annoying to me. Are they easily compatible with fusing? You betcha! And here I thought they were just handing her the materials for school, NOT SENDING HER OFF WHEN SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW THE RULES OF THE FREAKING GAME. That’s like forcing your child to compete in a Street fighter tournament when all they’ve been playing is Pokemon, which doesn’t require much in the form of reflex. It makes the mom FAIL. Mom: Yup. Your father designed them. Also COMMA he made the best one in town. Wielder Hero - Fire Horse Reaper PERIOD OBVIOUSLY it’s the best Wielder Hero. You just implied that he designed ALL of them! And Fire Horse Reaper? What? Weird long name. Maybe combine Fire and Horse? Also, why wouldn’t Brittany already know what cards her father made? ALSO, WHY HASN’T SHE GOT A DECK BEFORE!?!? Is there a rule that only eleven-year-olds can obtain their children’s card games and go on their journey to collect Yugimon and become the Champion after beating the Elite Four? I repeat, what? *15 minutes later*Please spell out numbers. Brittany: Here it is the academy and there is a duel right now. I better go see.BRITTANY FAILS WRITING CLASS FOREVER. She’s showing and not telling. Why is she SAYING THE OBVIOUS. “Here’s the Academy. there is a duel. I had better go see.” “Why are you talking about obvious things, Brittany?” “Derr, I dunno.” She appears to be a dumb blonde brunette ash-blonde female dog (literal definition)...from the ghetto! That’s the message I’m getting.???: Alright COMMA pal, get ready to be finished. Now COMMA Real Genex Kurokishian, finish her.Why do you not describe anything? It makes me sad? What do Real Genex guys look like? Who’s this guy he’s using? Where are they? Are they on the skin of the apple? Uhh...erm...is this guy Blinky, the red ghost from Pac-Man? Of course. Brittany's Sister HER SISTER DUELS BUT SHE DOESN’T. AND WE DON’T SEE THIS SITER UNTIL JUST NOW. Where was she before?: Nooooooooooooooooo! Because EVERYBODY shouts an incredibly long “no” when they lose at a children’s card game with no major consequences! Right? RIGHT!?!?[[[LP: 0]]] My beautiful Toons. Gone! Um, psychotic much? Brittany: Jasmine! Are you alright? Of course she is. She’s just psychotic./ Losing a card game really isn’t much to worry about.Jasmine from Aladdin! that’s the only Jasmine I know, and so it shall be! Wait. Brittany’s a blonde brunette ash-blonde Indian? Jasmine: Yes COMMA Brittany! I just lost to Principal Jenn There was a principal dueling her? It was a she? DESCRIBE. that APOSTROPHE s all. I was also having another psychotic episode. It’s all good! Brittany: Not again! *sitcom canned laughter* Jenn: Sorry COMMA Jasmine COMMA but you cannot BEEP. Try can’t. be in the tournament. Brittany: Tournament? What oddly-capitalized Tournament? Jasmine: The Belle Vernon Annual 2009 Tournament starts tomorrow 9:00AM sharp.What? BRITTANY JUST JOINS A SCHOOL SHE HAS NO IDEA HOW TO SUCCEED IN AFTER APPARENTLY NOT BEING IN ANY OTHER SCHOOL, AND FIGURES OUT THERE’S A TOURNAMENT THAT NEXT DAY SHE FIRST COMES IN. WOW! Ironic timing! Brittany: WOW! EVeryone says wow at things like this! Right? RIGHT!?!? Can I participate?Jasmine: Of course not. You’re a newb at this and you’ll fail. Brittany: Come on! *stupid sister nag* Jasmine: Oh, alright. *canned sitcom laughter* Jenn: If you defeat me. All I need is ONE more duelist.WOW! Ironic number! IT SEEMS LIKE ALL OF THESE WERE MERELY COINCIDENCES FOR THIS OBVIOUS MARY SUE TO WIN THE TOURNAMENT! Even if she doesn’t win the tournament she’s practically assured a respectable place. Mary Sues suck! Brittany: Alright Jenn, you got yourself another duel.Doesn’t the principal have more important matters to attend to besides DUELING? Don’t the students have a CLASS to get to? Both: Let's duel! [[[LP: 8000]]] [[[LP: 8000]]] Jenn: Principal's first. *Draws* I start with Genex Doctor.Who’s that? Is he Kakashi from Naruto? So he shall be.[[[ATK: 1500]]] I end my turn with a couple of face-downs. Brittany: My turn! *Draws* Sweet. I start with Wielder Hero - Arcane Archer in attack mode.WaitWUT!?!?!? This girl has only gotten a deck JUST THAT DAY and she ALREADY KNOWS about ATTACK POSITION!?!?!?!? She already knows which cards are “sweet”?[[[ATK: 1900]]]Arcane Archer looks like a monkey. Now attack her Genex Doctor with...Bright arrow of destruction.Gross. First of all, the capitalization is way off. Second, why does she talk like that? That’s like saying “I draw...a card” or “Today I reunited my my friend...Jane”. It just sounds awkward. Jenn: Not so fast. Activate Trap Card, Quick Summon. This trap allows me to special summon another Genex from my hand. Unnecessary enter press! And I sacrifice my Doctor to summon Solar Genex. Wait, what’d she summon? And to activate his effect you inflect It’s inflict. 500 points of damage for each unnecessary enter press I use. Oops, wrong effect. Genex monster that is destroyed. Tribute equals destroyed now?Kakashi throws fingernails at everyone. What, that’s not SUPPOSED to happen? Then what is? Something COOL!?Brittany: AH! OW!This comes to mind... “I attack directly with my Kuriboh.” “AH! OW! PSYCHOTIC EPISODE!” *loses 300 LP* [[[LP: 7500]]] I don't continue the attack You never attacked in the first place. What would continuing it mean? so I place two cards face-down and end my turn.WAIT. Brittany never ended her turn! CHEATER PRINCIPAL!! Brittany: (If I don't Synchro Summon my dad's favorite Hero, I am BEEP. Try I’m done for!)Doesn’t she have another hero besides Firehorse (I refuse to separate them) Reaper to summon? Which reminds me, HOW IS A REAPER A HERO AGAIN? Explanation time c’mon. Jenn: Nice decision, but not nice enough PERIOD I summon the tuner monster, Spare Genex.He looks like a spoon.[[[ATK: 800]]] But that is the beginning PUNCTUATION now I activate the spell, Genex's Weak Level. This spell allows me to decrease my Solar Genex by 1 level. [[[LVL: 6]]] next I tune my Spare Genex with my Solar Genex to Synchro Summon Real Genex Kurokishian. Naruto and Charmander combine to make a Naruto with red-and-green dragon wings and a flamin’ tail. Apparently.[[[ATK: 2500]]] Now Real Genex Kurokishian, attack her Arcane Archer with Kurokishian Cannon. Brittany: Wrong! I activate Wielder's Shield. It’s shaped like a shoe. It negates your attack PUNCTUATION then I draw TWO cards. If both of them is a monster, TWO CARDS CANNOT BE ONE CARD. It’s “if both cards are monsters”. then Unnecessary enter press! your Kurokishian is automatically destroyed. If both of them are spells, I draw two more cards and my monster gains the attack points equal to your Kurokishian's attack points. On the other hand COMMA if both of them is a trap, then my monster loses half of its attack points and your Kurokishian doubles its ATK points. If the cards are different, the effect is negated What effect? You already activated the effect! NONSENSE! plus your monster's attack is negated. WOW. I think I have just heard the effect of one of the cheapest cards in the game. Jasmine: Come on COMMA Britt, you can do it. *Draws 2 cards* Brittney: YES THEY ARE BOTH SPELLS! So my archer grows stronger while your monster still attacks.PSYCHOTIC EPISODE! *reverts to normal*[[[ATK: 3800]]] GO PUNCTUATION BRIGHT ARROW OF DESTRUCTION![[[LP: 6500]]] Jenn: Impossible! That’s an obvious counterfeit card! Oh well, who cares. Even though I’m the principal of the freakin’ school, I can’t do a thing about it. PSYCHOTIC EPISODE! I END MY TURN! Brittany: Very well then, my turn! I activate Wielder's Strength. With this spell COMMA when I have a tuner monster in my hand It gains You don’t gain by levels, YOU GAIN LEVELS. 1 level. So I summon Wielder Hero - Prayer.Uhh, who looks like a nun?[[[ATK: 1000]]] Jenn: Not so fast PUNCTUATION I activate Trap Hole! *Prayer gains light in her stomach. Not an aura of light, not a sword of light or anything of light. It’s just her tummy COMMA then Trap Hole gets destroyed* Say what?I’m the freakin’ principal of Duel Academy but I don’t know a freakin’ thing about card effects. Jenn is stupid. Brittany: Sorry COMMA but my Prayer cannot be destroyed by any spells, traps, or monster effects. Pretty sweet COMMA huh? Jenn: Grr.What grown woman would say that to losing a Trap card in a children’s card game? Brittany: Now Prayer COMMA give my Archer a tune-up. (Daddy this is for you) By the way, thoughts should be in ITALICS, like this. Parentheses makes it seem like you’re dedicating it to your actual father. Odd. THERE’S NO PUNCTUATION, EITHER. I Synchro Summon Wielder Hero - Fire Horse Reaper.Mary Sues do the darndest things. That was quite an obvious move.[[[ATK: 2400]]] CPU: Wielder Hero - Fire Horse Reaper is a level 6 Fire-Attribute Warrior-Type Synchro Monster with 2400 ATK points and an unnecessary enter press. 1200 DEF points. How come you never brought up this CPU before? Guess it’s the power of the MARY SUE. We still don’t know what it looks like, though. Brittany: Now my reaper's effect activates. Go burning staff strike. Unfortunately for you, its a monster you lose LP equal to that monster's attack points so that was Solar Genex and you lose 2500 Life points.THIS MAKES. NO. SENSE. He attacks, SOMETHING is a monster and Jenn loses Life Points. CONFUSION! ADAMANTIUM RAGE!![[[LP: 4000]]] That's not all PUNCTUATION I activate the Field Spell Wielder Stadium!*Ground shakes* Jenn: What's going on!?THE POWER OF THE MARY SUEEEEE..... Brittany: Now my Field Spell gains my Fire Horse Reaper's Level by 1.THE FIELD SPELL DOESN’T GAIN A LEVEL. THE REAPER DOES. I hate that female dog.[[[LVL: 7]]] But that's just the beginning PUNCTUATION also with this field spell's effect I can activate my Horse Reaper's effect again. go Burning Staff Strike. Yes its another monster WHAT WAS ANOTHER MONSTER!? and it was another Solar Genex you lose 2500 attack points?WRONG with this field spell you lose 5000 life points, just enough for the game.This punctuation is, honestly, unbearable. The sheer n00biness of it makes me want to stop reading the adventures of Obvious Mary Sue and get on with my life. Once again, looking at how she says WRONG to the principal’s face, she’s not just a female dog! She’s a [CENSOR], which is virtually the same![[[LP: 0]]] Jenn: No! Impossible! I’m the principal of a freakin’ Duel Academy, and I get beaten by a freakin’ female dog, dueling for the first time, using some of the cheapest counterfeit cards in existence. And I can’t do a freakin’ thing about it. Congratulations Brittany Baron, you are in the tournament. Brittney: Sweet! Jenn: Here is your tourney card for information. Also you will be live on TV.You say this just now. Brittany: Super sweet! Alright COMMA Daddy COMMA thanks to you I am in the tournament.Brittany is a 90’s female dog from the ghetto! Her catchphrase is sweet? That’s really outdated. Unlike cool. That’s been around since the 20’s, I think, but it’s still hip and happening. *shrug* And why is she talking to her dad when he’s nowhere in sight? Presumably he’s still alive and producing cheapass counterfeit cards, so WHY!? And why doesn’t she use contractions like “I’m”? It annoys me. Jenn: Good luck COMMA Brittany. Character's Looks for Episode 1:YOU COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO DESCRIBE THE CHARACTERS AND INSTEAD MADE COMPUTER-GENERATED PICTURES OF THEM. That sounds like laziness on the author’s part. Why is Brittany walking around in such a long dress and why is her mother dressed like a traditional Japanese woman when THEY LIVE IN WHAT IS PRESUMABLY AMERICA!?!? Jenn’s outfit looks pretty gaudy, too. Brittany Baron: Jasmine Baron: Mom: Principal Jenn: Overall, the main character is a Mary Sue, the main character is a Mary Sue, and the main character is a freakin’ Mary Sue. She’s always gonna win by pulling out her trump card at the very last minute with these cheapass cards on her side, win nearly every single tournament she enters, get into an alternate “sixth dimension” which is nothing like the others (length, width, height (whatever order it is), time, dragons, duel monsters?), save the world and what-not. She’s always gonna be perfect at everything and everybody who doesn’t adore her and her “Super sweet!” is Bad Guy . And her last name is Baron, for Pete’s sake! Fix your grammar, fix your PSYCHOTIC EPISODES! and FIX YOUR MARY SUE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 Oh, gosh! This looks so... 'um' from just a glance! This is gonna be great. Pay attention, since everything I say WIILL be true. Pay attention mostly to the CAPITAL LETTERS.*It was a rainy day and this duelist named Brittany is bored and has got nothing to do* UM' date=' WHERE DOES SHE LIVE? WHAT'S SHE LOOK LIKE? DUMB PICTURES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE POST DON'T WORK.[/color']Mom: Brittany! Brittany Brittany! Guess what?HER MOM IS LIKE A SUGAR-HIGH KID. What kind of mom ACTS LIKE THIS?! WHAT'S SHE LOOK LIKE? DOES ANYBODY HAVE A REAL DESCRIPTION?! This story is already VERY LAZILY-WRITTEN.Brittany: Let me guess there is a new duel disk out, I saw it on TV last night.THE MOM ACTS LIKE A CHILD AND THE CHILD ACTS LIKE A MOM!! What's up with that?! What possessed you to make such a stupid person exist?Mom: No but that sounds cool. But anyhow there is a new Duel Academy open next door.USE PUNCTUATION. DON'T USE SCRIPT FORMAT. IT'S RETARDED TO USE SCRIPT FORMAT. Don't be a retard, be an original!! WHO DOESN'T NOTICE WHEN A DUEL ACADEMY OPENS UP RIGHT NEXT DOOR?! It's like this: Two years ago, a HUGE area of forest nearby were cleared away by 'Duel Academy Builder-Guys Inc.'. Brittany, walking home from school, passed by without noticing the loud, booming noises of the equipment. Then in a few months, they began building the huge structure. The construction went on for over five months without any breaks, 24/7. Brittany was too busy playing card games to notice this. Then there was the day when it fell down suddenly. Brittany was at her nearby friend's house(still within earshot). Then the building went on again after clearing out the debris, and when they finished they had a huge fireworks celebration! Brittany didn't notice because she was brushing her teeth and getting ready for bed. HOW DOES SHE NOT NOTICE?!?!Brittany: New Academy?Repeat what I just said, right now.Episode 1: Brittany's First Day! Mom: New academy, known as Belle Vernon High Duel Academy. It just opened and I just registered you in!WHAT A jabroni!! WHAT KINDA MOM DOES THIS TO A POOR KID?! What if he DOESN'T like children's card games, per chance? Maybe she wants to go to, I dunno, the rodeo clown academy? This mom's DUMB.Brittany: Sweet...but I don't got a deck or a duel disk.YOU JUST SAID SHE WAS A DUELIST AT THE BEGINNING. WHAT THE HELL?!Mom: Oh really? Your birthday is tomorrow remember, and look what I got you! A Duel disk and a Deck."Oh yeah, I forgot my own birthday. Thanks for being the worst mom ever." WORST. BIRTHDAY. EVER. And your CAPITALIZATION is very SUCKY here.Brittany: Awesome It's time for my first day of School. Wielder Heroes?AWESOME I FORGOT HOW TO USE PUNCTAUATION AND I'M GONNA WRITE A DUMB STORY. USE PUNCTUATION. And 'Weilder Heroes' comes outta nowhere. "I hate you mom! I nver wanted to go to Duel Academy!! When have you ever let me do what I wanted?! Weilder Heroes?" SEE?! THAT WAS VERY ODDLY PLACED. IF ONLY YOU COULD STOP USING SCRIPT AND DESCRIBE STUFF LIKE A SMART GUY. ALSO, HOW WAS SHE JUST NOW FORCED INTO THE SCHOOL, THEN HAS TO GO IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARD? Was it monday at 6:00 AM? Gosh, this is stupid.Mom: Yup. Your father designed them. Also he made the best one in town. Wielder Hero - Fire Horse Reaper She has a dad?! And if he made them up, of course he'd make the best one. DUH. THINK BEFORE YOU TYPE. And is this who I think it is?What's so heroic about HIM?*15 minutes later*BUT YOU SAID IT WAS BUILD RIGHT NEXT DOOR. YOU REALLY DID. Is the mom that stupid that she was wrong about the location?Brittany: Here it is the academy and there is a duel right now. I better go see.Thank you for telling me what is happening right now in your robotic voice. Prepare to be ahnilated.???: Alright pal, get ready to be finished. Now Real Genex Kurokishian, finish her.WHY DO YOU HATE DESCRIPTION? IS THERE ANYBODY ELSE WATCHING? CAN'T YOU DESCRIBE THE ACADEMY IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM? WHY IS THIS SUCH A POORLY-WRITTEN STORY?Brittany's Sister: Nooooooooooooooooo! [[[LP: 0]]] My beautiful Toons. Gone!Brittany: Jasmine! Are you alright?"Yes, I'm okay, I just blew out my voice whilst screaming after a monster pecked out my liver and my bowels. How about you?"Jasmine: Yes Brittany! I just lost to Principal Jenn thats all.YOU'RE OFFICIALLY A GRAMMAR HATER. STOP NOT USING GRAMMAR, GRAMMAR HATER!!Jenn: Sorry Jasmine but you cannot be in the tournament.Even non-described principals can't use grammar. What a world.Brittany: Tournament? What Tournament?WHY DID YOU CAPITALIZE TOURNAMENT?Jasmine: The Belle Vernon Annual 2009 Tournament starts tomorrow 9:00AM sharp.It's not annual yet. It's the first year ever, since it JUST opened. And there are only two students in the entire school so far. No way there can even BE a tourney.Whoops, I mean Tourney. Seriously, how could she start the tournament tomorrow if there's not enough time to test everybody? USE YOUR THOUGHTS, PEGASUS RANDOM NUMBERS FOR SOME STUPID REASON WITHOUT A CAPITAL LETTER IN YOUR NAME. USE YOUR THOUGHTS.Brittany: WOW! Can I participate?Shut up. Stop being so loud and care for your disemboweled sister.Jenn: If you defeat me. All I need is 1 more duelist.Yeah, you only need one more SINCE NOBODY ELSE IS EVEN AT THE UNDESCRIBED SCHOOL. IF IT'S THE FIRST DAY, SHOULDN'T KIDS BE HEADING IN IN DROVES? AND WHY ISN'T THERE AN INTRODUCTORY SPEECH FOR THE STUDENTS FROM ALL THE TEACHERS? THAT WOULD BE MORE OFFICIAL.Brittany: Alright Jenn, you got yourself another duel."Avenge me!!"Both: Let's duel! [[[LP: 8000]]] [[[LP: 8000]]] Jenn: Principal's first. *Draws* I start with Genex Doctor.YEAH, GREAT DESCRIPTION THERE, MRS. DUMBTRON. DECRIBE STUFF THAT MATTERS AND DON'T EVER USE SCRIPT FORMAT.[[[ATK: 1500]]] I end my turn with a couple of face-downs. Brittany: My turn! *Draws* Sweet. I start with Wielder Hero - Arcane Archer in attack mode.THI SGIRL SOUND LIKE JADEN YUKI. ALWAYS STUPIDLY HAPPY, SHOUTIN' 'Sweet! Awesome! Throw down some face-downs, yo!'. IT'S NOT COOL. THE ENGLISH YU-GI-OH GX DUB SUCKS.[[[ATK: 1900]]] Now attack her Genex Doctor with...Bright arrow of destruction."Now, attack him with... uh, bright arrow of... destruction?" The car with a human head on the front shoots out a massive duck bill from its engine, aimed straight at the doctor.Jenn: Not so fast. Activate Trap Card, Quick Summon. This trap allows me to special summon another Genex from my hand. And I sacrifice my Doctor to summon Solar Genex. And to activate his effect you inflect 500 points of damage for each Genex monster that is destroyed.WHAT'S WITH THE SPACING?! SERIOUSLY!! WHAT DOES THE EFFECT LOOK LIKE, HE THROWS A BOTTLE AT BRITTANY CAUSING 500 DAMAGE?Brittany: AH! OW!The bottle smashes across her face, causing her nose to break and her eye to be cut nastily.[[[LP: 7500]]] I don't continue the attack so I place two cards face-down and end my turn. Brittany: (If I don't Synchro Summon my dad's favorite Hero, I am done for!)E-HEROES AND SYNCHROS?! SYNCHROS WEREN'T MADE UNTIL 3000 AD OR SOMETHING!! THIS CAN'T BE 2009!!Jenn: Nice decision, but not nice enough I summon the tuner monster, Spare Genex.PUNCTUATION HATER!![[[ATK: 800]]] But that is the beginning now I activate the spell, Genex's Weak Level. This spell allows me to decrease my Solar Genex by 1 level. [[[LVL: 6]]] next I tune my Spare Genex with my Solar Genex to Synchro Summon Real Genex Kurokishian.[[[ATK: 2500]]] Now Real Genex Kurokishian, attack her Arcane Archer with Kurokishian Cannon. Brittany: Wrong! I activate Wielder's Shield. It negates your attack then I draw 2 cards. If both of them is a monster, then your Kurokishian is automatically destroyed. If both of them is a spell, I draw two more cards and my monster gains the attack points equal to your Kurokishian's attack points. On the other hand if both of them is a trap, then my monster loses half of it's attack points and your Kurokishian doubles the ATK points. If the cards are different, the effect is negated plus your monster's attack is negated.WHAT A F*CKING CHEAP-ASS CARD!! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN JOKE ABOUT MAKING THIS THING?!Jasmine: Come on Britt, you can do it. *Draws 2 cards* Brittney: YES ITS BOTH A SPELL! so my archer grows stronger while your monster still attacks.IT? BOTH?! FIX YOUR GRAMMAR. ALL OF IT.[[[ATK: 3800]]] GO BRIGHT ARROW OF DESTRUCTION![[[LP: 6500]]] Jenn: Impossible! I END MY TURN!"Oh no! I END MY TURN." *Dun dun DUN!*Brittany: Very well then, My turn! I activate Wielder's Strength. With this spell when I have a tuner monster in my hand It gains by 1 level. so I summon Wielder Hero - Prayer.THESE CARDS AND SPACES ARE ALL BROKEN. TONE THEM DOWN BEFOR I KILL YOU.[[[ATK: 1000]]] Jenn: Not so fast activate Trap Hole! *Prayer gains light then Trap Hole get's destroyed*THIS JUST DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. GAINS LIGHT? FIX NOW.Say what? Brittany: sorry but my prayer cannot be destroyed by any spells, traps, or monster effects. Pretty Sweet huh?You SUCK with capitals!! STOP IT!!Jenn: Grr. Brittany: Now Prayer give my Archer a tune-up. (Daddy this is for you) What, did he die or something? What's so dramatic about this scene?I Synchro Summon Wielder Hero - Fire Horse Reaper.WOW! I'D NEVER HAVE GUESSED!! IT'S AMAZING!! I'M BEING SARCASTIC, JUST SO YOU KNOW.[[[ATK: 2400]]] CPU: Wielder Hero - Fire Horse Reaper is a level 6 Fire-Attribute Warrior-Type Synchro Monster with 2400 ATK points and 1200 DEF points.Oh, NOW THE RETARDED 5D'S DUB TURNS ON. WATCH JAPANESE YU-GI-OH EPISODES FROM NOW ON. PLEASE DO US ALL A FREAKING FAVOR.Brittany: Now my reaper's effect activates. Go burning staff strike. Unfortunately for you, its a monster you lose LP equal to that monster's attack points so that was Solar Genex and you lose 2500 Life points.[[[LP: 4000]]]CAPITALS!! DESCRIPTION!! STUPIDITY!!That's not all I activate the Field Spell Wielder Stadium!*Ground Shakes*GRRRRAAAAAMMAAAAAAAR!!Jenn: What's going on!? Brittany: Now my Field Spell gains my Fire Horse Reaper's Level by 1. [[[LVL: 7]]] But that's just the beginning also with this field spell's effect I can activate my Horse Reaper's effect again. go Burning Staff Strike. Yes its another monster and it was another Solar Genex you lose 2500 attack points?WRONG with this field spell you lose 5000 life points, just enough for the game.WHat the hell is going on here? I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING. HER MONSTER DIED, THEN IT WAS KILLED AGAIN. WHY IS EVERYTHING SO CHEAP IN THIS CRAPPY STORY?[[[LP: 0]]] Jenn: No! Impossible! Congratulations Brittany Baron, you are in the tournament."NOOO!! I LOOOST!!" She sobs a bit. "Congratulations, you're in the Tournament!" WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER PERSONALITY, AND BRITTANY'S NAME?! BARON?! BB? HA, THAT'S SO UN-FUNNY.Brittney: Sweet! Jenn: Here is your tourney card for information. Also you will be live on TV. Brittany: Super Sweet! Alright Daddy thanks to you I am in the tournament. Jenn: Good luck Brittany.This story will give me nightmares forever.This story is about a blob named Brittany Baron, who on a rainy day, was forced by her blob mother to be entered into a big school for dueling right next door, 15 minutes away. She gets a duel disk and deck forced upon her, and is forced to go to school. Apparently this rainy day was at 6:00 AM, so she goes to school right after that, in the soaking rain in the blank background of Vernon Hills. Then at the blank space called 'school', she meets her equally-stupid long-lost blob sister, whose name is Jasmine, who loses to the world's most dramatic principal. She fights to go into a 'Tournament' at the abandoned school and wins with her unbelievably unfair cards very easily, causing the teacher to have a brief episode of insanity before letting the girl be the first person, and last, to be at the school entered into the tournament. SInce, y'know, there aren't any OTHER duelists there, despite it being the first day of school. THIS IS SUCH A LAZY STORY, I'M GONNA BE LAZILY BRIEF HERE. MY TIPS: LOOK AT WHAT THE REVIEW SAID!! Gosh, that was stereotypically stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Leo Posted July 25, 2009 Report Share Posted July 25, 2009 you should post your chapters in Spoilers because it doesn't take up much space and it is more organized Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.