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The Love of Ai Enma (Jigoku Shoujo). (Pg-13, just to be safe)


Spirit of DMG

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Been working on this a while, but I've hit writers block. I'll post it here and ask for help in the continuation.

[spoiler=Chapter 1]

It was early in the afternoon when it happened. The great warrior fell in battle, his 500-year-old sword discarded in the bushes. A girl, apparently ten or twelve years old, appeared in the clearing where the warrior now lay. She said quietly, "Great warrior, now you have fallen, it is now time to fulfill your end of the covenant with me." She then disappeared as the last breaths of life left the warriors body.

 

The apparently young girl then approached the discarded sword, which started glowing faintly. The light lifted into the air, and took the form of a tsukugami. The spirit took the form of a young man, seemingly 15 years of age. He had short, brown hair, green eyes, and wore casual dress. The girl who approached him, long, black hair, red eyes, and wore a black sailor suit style school uniform, the kind used only in cold winter months.

 

"What do you want with me?" the tsukugami asked her, "Who are you?" His face betrayed a man who was scared that he was about to be cast into hell for a crime he did not commit. The girl said nothing at first, but instead simply stared at him with complex eyes. These eyes were the kind no artist could paint.

 

The eyes she stared at him with at first glance did not seem to show any emotion at all. It was only upon much closer inspection that one realized how many emotions were shown in them. A long look into her eyes revealed a girl who had lived through much, in her eyes one saw that she was incredibly sad about some tragic event that happened early in her childhood. At the same time one could see a helpless girl, who knew someone close to her was in great danger, but unable to do anything about it. In these un-paintable eyes, one could see anger, anger at the world, for allowing some tragic thing to happen to her, and not doing anything to stop it.

 

Yes, the eyes this seemingly young tsukugami looked into showed a mosaic of emotions. Yet, they did not tell the entire story. What made her sad? Who was she so concerned for? What could have happened to make her angry at the entire world? Who was this girl, who could harbor all these emotions at once, and contain them with such poise, and such calmness? Who was this apparent child, who held such rage at the world, such sadness, and yet spoke with such a soft voice?

 

"I am Ai Enma," she said at last. "Ai Enma…why does that sound familiar?" The tsukugami thought, "wait, isn't Ai Enma the name of that Hell Girl person everyone's been talking about?" Again, she said nothing. "I see, but, you only answered half of my question, what do you want with me?" She gave a look that answered the question, the expression on her face told him she wanted him to follow her, and he nodded.

 

"What is your name?" Ai asked the tsukugami as they came upon an old house. It appeared that it had suddenly become twilight. "Aizamaru," the young tsukugami said. "How long have you inhabited that sword?" Ai asked. Aizamaru looked at her through the corners of his eyes, "Why do you ask so many questions when you won't answer mine?"

 

"I have reasons," was all she said. "400 years," Aizamaru said plainly. It was clear he didn't want to discuss his age, or answer any more questions. His name and age seemed enough for Ai. Three more people came from the house. "Who are you three, and where are we?" Aizamaru asked. The first to answer was a woman, who appeared to be a geisha in her mid to late 20's-her name was Honne-Onna- then a seemingly young man, with part of his hair covering his right eye, and dressed similarly to Aizamaru-his name was Ren Ichimoku- then someone who seemed an older gentleman in traditional Japanese clothing, with a red scarf around his neck, it was clear to Aizamaru that he was also a tsukugami-his name was Wanyuudo.

 

Ai went to stand in front of the other three. "You are a tsukugami; you were born of the five-hundred year old sword on its one-hundredth birthday. Now the master of the sword is dead, and the sword lost, you have nowhere else to go, I wish for you to join us," Ai said to Aizamaru. Aizamaru thought about this for a second. "Why didn't you just move the sword to a place someone would have found it?"

 

"Tell me, did you enjoy knowing what you were doing, yet having no control over what you were being made to do?" Ai answered. "If she had moved the sword to where just anyone could have found it, the wrong kind of person could have found it, is that what you wanted?" Honne-Onna continued. "I did enjoy fighting with the master, but he's dead now, and if someone used the sword for dishonorable reasons..." he broke off, thought, and continued, "I'll join you...if you can make sure that no one ever finds the sword again." Ai nodded in agreement, and walked of, without saying a word. "Talkative little thing, isn't she?" Aizamaru asked.

 

Ren Ichimoku shrugged, and responded by saying: "Eh, you get used to it." "How long have you three been working for her?" Aizamaru asked. It turns out that they had all been working for her for longer than any of them could remember. "Ok, so, when did you start to get used to her behavior?" he asked. Ren immediately responded with "Last Thursday."

 

"Ren!" Honne-Onna said in a scolding voice. Ren chuckled. It was clear to Aizamaru that he was joking. Though none of them were really used to the mysterious behavior of the girl called Ai Enma, they had reached a point where it was a part of their lives. A deep part, that if ever removed from it, they wouldn't feel right about it.

 

"I see then, well, she will be back soon, she knows where the blade is located," he said quietly. He looked around, "So, what do you guys usually do for fun around here?" he asked. Honne-Onna informed him of how things work in the Enma residence, and in the service of Ai Enma specifically. "Ok, that seems...dull," was the only thing he could think to say. "Maybe, but if you don't like it, take it up with our young mistress, she's returned with the blade, and your agreement WAS if she made sure no one could take it again, you'd work for her, so, welcome aboard."

 

Aizamaru knew what Ren said was true, but he also knew that his life was never going to be the same, nor was it ever going to be as interesting as when he was in the service of the warrior who wielded the blade. He was then held as a partner, he was now a servant. However, he also knew, in the back of his mind and the bottom of his heart, that this was the only way to ensure that his blade never fell into the hands of someone who would use it for the wrong reasons. He accepted being a servant. It was for all the right reasons that he had sold himself to this young girl-the Hell Girl.

 

Aizamaru sighed, "Yeah, that's true, not much I can do about that now." Ai walked passed them without as much as a glance at any of them. "Well, she's talkative," Aizamaru said when she was out of ear shot. "Yeah, might as well get used to it now, 'cause your gonna get a lot of that," Ren told him. "Ren, knock that off, you know she always knows when we say stuff like that," Honne-Onna jeered.

 

"No she doesn't, she just wants us to THINK that she does. In reality, she just sneaks up behind us, listens, and then pretends that she showed up right at the moment she lets us know she's there," Ren informed her. "How are you so sure?" Honne-Onna asked of him. "I saw her spying on us in the bushes before, and then she stepped out and pretended to have only just shown up," Ren told her, flatly. Honne-Onna looked confused, but then thought of all the times they'd been talking about "Their young mistress."

 

She'd never noticed if and when she'd been spying on them from the bushes. Ren Ichimoku claimed to have seen her hiding in the bushes, however, she and Wanyuudo had never noticed. "When was this, Ren, I have never noticed her hiding anywhere," She asked after a minute or two, looking around. "Just last week actually and also there were several times I thought I saw something in the bushes when we were talking about her, and then she showed up," he replied. Honne-Onna went back into thought.

 

Aizamaru walked over to a patch of bushes. "Hey, where are you going?" Ren asked. "Here," Aizamaru told him when he got to the bushes. He reached in and grabbed something, it felt like it was made of cloth, but he didn't know what it was. He pulled it out of the bushes.

 

"Whoa, Ren, I think I know what you saw in the bushes all those times," Honne-Onna told him. Aizamaru had pulled Ai out of the bushes by the cloth of the shirt on her chest. "How did you know she was there?" Wanyuudo asked him. "I don't know, I just felt that there was someone there, so I walked over, and look who was spying on us," Aizamaru answered. "Interesting," Wanyuudo said, smiling.

 

"So, how long were you watching us, 'Miss' Ai?"Aizamaru asked. "Put me down, Aizamaru," Ai said, apparently as an answer. Aizamaru did as asked. "Whatever, we were just leaving anyway, weren't we?" he said to the others. They looked at each other confused. "WEREN'T WE?" he said again. "Oh, uh, yeah," Ren said, tripping over his words.

 

The others seemed to catch on as well. "Yes, we were just planning on going back to our quarters, show Aizamaru around the place." Honne-Onna said in response. Aizamaru nodded in agreement, and walked back over to the others. Together, they all walked off, leaving Ai to wonder why -how- Aizamaru knew she was there. Ai walked off back to where she lived, still thinking of how Aizamaru could have possibly known where she was.

 

"Okay, Aizamaru, now you can tell the truth, how did you know where Miss Ai was?" Ren asked. "I honestly don't know, I just knew someone was watching and listening to us fromt he bushes, so I whent to check it out," Aizamaru told him. "Hmmm..." That was Wanyuudo. The rest looked at him, puzzled. "Well, if you didn't notice, Miss Ai is about 400 years old-" Aizamaru let out the kind of whistle one gives when reciving suprising information-"and Aizamaru if 400 years old. Also, their names: Ai, AIzamaru."

 

Ren, Honne-Onna, and Aizamaru exchanged looks. "Okay, you're right, and those are interesting coincidences, but... what does that have tp do with anything?" Ren said. "Well, they were both born about the same time, and our mistress's name is used in his, perhaps they are connected somehow," Wanyuudo suggested. Aizamaru chuckled and replied "well, as interesting a coincidence as that is, let's not forget that I'm a tsukugami and she's Human." Wanyuudo put his chin in his hand and let out another "Hmmm."

 

"He does that a lot," Ren informed Aizamaru, "Who knows where he goes when he does that.""Lost in thought, please send search party," Aizamaru said, clearly growing bored. At this, Honne-Onna slapped him on the back of his head.

 

"Hey!"

 

"Well, don't say such things and I won't slap you."

 

"I'm bored, is there anything you do around here besides wait for requests?"

 

"Not really. you could go for a walk around the grounds, but other than that, theres not much we get to do." Aizamaru threw back his head with a "Grah!" "Was it really that interesting, being in the service of that 'great' warrior?" "One: only mock the master if you WANT me to kill you. Two: yes, it was. when he wasn't fighting, he at least carried me with him, polished or sharpened the blade, did SOMETHING." "Lucky," Ren said, not liking what he was hearing, "I'm also a tsukugami of a sword, only, I was trapped in alone in a rock for several hundred years before miss Ai found me." Ren looked like he was about to weep, thinking back on his past before he met Ai. Honne-Onna gave a sympatheic look to Ren, who sighed, clearly he wanted to get off the subject. Aizamaru left the bulding and looked at Ai's quarters.

 

The building Aizamaru and the others were to stay in was smaller than the building Ai and her grandmother stayed in. Aizamaru hardly thought this fair: four people had a smaller living space than two, not what he was used to. "I'm a servant now, not a partner, I guess I'll just have to get used to it." Aizamaru walked around the grounds for several minutes, and found a lake near Ai's place. He sat down at a dock on the lake, without actually going over the water. "I wonder where Ai put the blade," he said to the water.

 

He stayed looking out over the lake for several hours. During this time, he noticed something odd, something he hadn't expected, and something no one had explained to him. He noticed that, no matter how much time passed, the sky always gave the appearance of it being twilight. Regardless of what time it was, the time of day never changed. "Well, that'll take some getting used to," he said to no one.

 

"Yeah, took me a while to get used to the eternal twilight." Aizamaru gave a start, and look behind him. It was Ren. "We've been looking for you, come on, we have a request." "I suppose I'll have on the job training, then," Aizamaru stated. "Yup," Was all Ren said. Aizamaru said nothing further, and Ren said just as much, seeming to catch on to Aizamaru's reluctance to aid in such things as revenge.

 

Aizamaru, Ren, and Honne-Onna arrived in the human world. Aizamaru looked around. He and the master had never been in this place before, but that wasn't the first thing he noticed. "Where's Wannyuudo?" he asked both of them at once. "When Miss Ai agrees to a request, Wannyuudo turns into a black straw doll and stays with the one who made a covenent with Miss Ai," Ren answered. "And we..." Aizamaru began, "watch the soon-to-be-damned for any signs of penance." Ren answered before the question was finished.

 

"And should we find such a sign?" Aizamaru asked. "The covenent is broken and when the thread is pulled, Ai won't take vengence," Honne-Onna informed him. Aizamaru felt a little bit better: he wasn't helping take vengence, he was helping try and prevent it. All he had to do was look for signs of penence. "What happens if we don't see any signs before the thread is pulled?"

"Then we intervene directly and do our best to make them repent their sins," Ren answered.

 

"A guilt trip?" Aizamaru asked. "Pretty much," Honne-Onna answered. Aizamaru could live with this. He hated working solely for vengence, but in this case, he was trying to prevent vengence from being taken; no matter what happened, he could try and make the damned feel penance, sorrow, guilt, anything to stop revenge from being extracted. "We should be going now," Ren said to Aizamaru.

 

So, they all left. Aizamaru settled into full depression on seeing who it was he'd have to prevent being dragged into Hell: It was the masters own daughter. "What could she have done to deserve this?" Aizamaru thought to himself. He would have to watch her, and if need be, make her suffer. The very person who his partner, the master, had died trying to protect was, as near as he could tell, going to be dragged into Hell less before the masters gravedirt was even dry.

 

All Aizamaru could do was watch, hope for some sign of guilt. He knew her well. He made himself a little happier by this fact: If anyone could recognize a sign of repent from her, it was him. She went about her day as normal, showing no signs of guilt. Aizamaru hoped it would come soon, some sign of self-penance, some sign she was suffering for whatever misdeed she had done.

 

[spoiler=Chapter 2]

Chapter 2

 

Aizamaru was growing anxious. It had been nearly a month. The string had yet to be pulled, but at the same time, she did not seem to repent anything. Why, he wondered, would someone do something to someone that they'd want to kill her, and yet not show any signs of penance? He began thinking she didn't do anything after all. "What happens if they haven't done anything?" he began to wonder. "I don't think she's done anything," Aizamaru began saying, "If she had, she'd have shown remorse by now."

 

"Well, that's an interesting theory, but the problem is," Ren stated, "you can't prove it." Aizamaru knew he was right. If he wanted to prevent the girl from being sent to Hell, he'd have to prove she was innocent. He also knew, just as Ren had stated, that such a thing was impossible. He owed her his life, and yet when it came time to repay that debt, he was just plain unable to do so. He would just have to resign himself to the fact that he wouldn't be able to help the one person left in the world he really cared about. His job was not to interfere in the way things worked, but to watch for signs of regret. He knew she did nothing to regret, but he couldn't prove it. That was impossible.

 

What happened next made no sense. He heard Wannyuudo's voice from out of nowhere. Ren told him that meant it was time for them to take action. She was interrogated to a level beyond what even the police would, or even could, do. Though she continuously denied what they were saying, he couldn't stop what was to come. Aizamaru, Ren, and Honne-Onna were transported back to the Realm of Eternal Twilight. He didn't see what happened afterwords. He didn't need to: Ai took her to Hell. He didn't know how, and he didn't care. All he cared about was that he was powerless to stop an innocent girl from going to Hell for something she didn't do.

 

He went back to the lake to stare over it at the never-ending sunset. "We all knew she hadn't done anything," Ren said, walking up behind Aizamaru. "Then why did you let it happen?"

 

"We had to."

"Thats a lie."

"The contract was made, the string was pulled."

"But she did nothing."

"And she showed remorse for nothing."

"There was nothing to show remorse for."

 

Ren sat down beside him. "What we do, and how we do it, aren't perfect. When the contract is made, we have to honor it, even if we know nothing was done. The dambed have to show true remorse for their deed, real or imagined, in order for it to be nullified. This isn't the first bogus charge we've had to deliver on, and it won't be the last." He could see his company was no longer desired, and left.

 

Ren joined Wanyuudo and Honne-Onna watching him watching the sunset. "Poor kid," Honne-Onna said to both of them. "His first job in the revenge business, and its someone he truly cares for, for something she never did," Wanyuudo added. "There was nothing any of us could have done, why's he so upset?" Ren asked. "I hope that was a joke, Ren," Honne-Onna told him, "and even if it was, it wasn't funny." "Now, now, lets not fight over it. Ren, the reason he's upset about it is because tehre was nothing he could do," Wanyuudo explained.

 

"Well, its not like it would have made any difference if he had tried to intervene, you can't repent for something you didn't do," Ren asked. "That's true, and we'd be having a similar conversation right now if he had been able to do something," Wannyuudo told him. Ren looked like he was about to speak up again. "It's his nature. He's more human than any of us. He was powerless to stop the destruction of someone he cared for, so he will now sulk for a period of time, and carry it with him forever. Similarly, if he had been able to step in, she wouldn't have shown remorse, because there was nothing to show remorse for. In that case, he'd have failed, and the situation now would be the same."

 

"That is one thing I will never understand," he said simply. "That's because you were stuck in a rock for 100 years, he was around people throughout his life," Honne-Onna said, "Well, watching this kid's getting me depressed, I'm doing something else." The three of them walked off beck to their living quarters. Aizamaru looked around suddenly. He got up and walked to a patch of bushes, and began to stick his hand in to pull something out. He felt nothing. "Weird, could have sworn something was there," he said quietly to himself.

 

In the bushes, Ai, who had moved back just enough to stay out of Aizamaru's reach, exhaled, having been holding her breath since he stopped in front of the bushes. "What an interesting young man he is," she said quietly. She began pondering over what Wanyuudo had said about him. Ai herself was human. A very old human, to be sure, over 400, though she didn't look it, but still human. She had been delivering vengeance for so long, however, she no longer felt the way he did, but maybe she could, just maybe.

 

Aizamaru slowly returned his thoughts to the girl he couldn't save, as he returned himself to the lake. He was intent on finding some way he could have saved her, so that next time someone would be sent for a deed never done, he could save them. There had to be a way, there just had to be. Hours whent by. It felt to him like years. Sitting in front of the eternal sunset, he had lost all track of time.

 

Wanyuudo walked up behind him. "You know, if you keep this up, you'll worry yourself sick."

 

"Yeah, it's just that there has to be some way I could make a difference next time, some way I could stop people being cast off for something they didn't do."

"In an ideal world, what we do would be completely unnecessary."

 

Neither said anything further. What Wanyuudo had just said seemed completely off-topic. Aizamaru understood him none-the-less. He was right. Had the world been ideal, that never would have happened. What they offered would never be used. Hell Correspondence wouldn't exist. Everything would be perfect.

 

"If only the world were perfect, huh," Aizamaru said at length. "What I wouldn't give for a world like that," Wanyuudo said, staring at the lake. Because of Wanyuudo's face, he couldn't see it, but Aizamaru knew Wanyuudo was smiling. He was obviously thinking of a better world. Aizamaru knew what had happened now: The girl was an innocent victim of a world that would never change. A sick, twisted world of corrupt beings who devour the kind, the innocent, and embrace those who are tainted and cruel.

 

"Is there any way I could leave here? On my own, I mean?" Aizamaru asked. Wanyuudo stared at the lake, but answered. "Yes, there is, if you can find it." Aizamaru could tell from the answer Wannyuudo wasn't going to tell him how. Aizamaru got up and walked off. Wannyuudo kept smiling, for reasons unknown to Aizamaru, still watching the lake.

 

"Well, he's a gold mine of useful information," Aizamaru said, walking back towards his quarters. He looked around at the scenery. There wasn't much to look at, a small pond with a beautiful waterfall, a few trees, some shrubs scattered here and there. A few hills, some small, some high, and several in between, but there was nowhere a passage way back to the human world could hide. Aizamaru continued walking, confused about what Wannyuudo meant about there being a way out if he could find it.

 

When Aizamaru reached the servants quarters, where he lived with Ren, Honne-Onna, and Wanyuudo, he layed back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Wanyuudo's words still buzzed around in his head, but no matter how much he thought of it, he couldn't make sense of them. He thought, and thought, and thought, but from what he'd observed of the landscape of the Twilight World, there was no way of getting out unless a thread was pulled, and that didn't seem it was going to happen soon. "I just don't get it!" he yelled, putting his hands over his face, tilting his head back out of frustration, "I'll just go ahead and go for a walk, see if I can find anything useful." He got out of bed and began walking around the Twilight World.

 

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  • 1 month later...

Hmm... I have a few suggestions

1. Don't describe people in a grocery-list fashion. (it slows thw story down, making readers lose interest) Spread out the details of their appearance throught the story.

2. some dialogue seems unnatural

 

Grammar seems fine, and it was pretty interesting to read. 1st chapter was long, though. (you don;t want readers to feel your chapters are long, you want them to finish the chapter and think "it's over already?")

 

it seems good so far, though.

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