MUST BE DELETED!!!

[Auralady]

Ok guys please don't say anything about the marks. This is how I saw it and what makes sense to me. Also it is modeled after the TV show with my charrie Kate being a Signer and anouther "Order" added that fallows Kate. This picks up in 'The Bloom of the Black Rose' episode.

 

Charries:

Yusei Fudo/wing/Stardust Dragon

Kate Fudo *The Sorceress*/head/Mirrior Dragon

Akiza *Black Rose*/claw/Black Rose Dragon

Jack Atlas/wing/Red Dragon Archfiend

Luna/claw/Ancient Fairy Dragon

Leo/Power Tool Dragon

 

"Order of the Rose":

Hannah/Angel Deck/Crimson Light Angel

Marie/Black Crystal Deck/Black Crystal Wolf

---

"Get away from me Cissy!", the strange figure with the dragon behind it yelled at the new girl. "I'm sorry Rose but I can't do that. I told you not to come to this sector of the Satellite but you did anyway.", the new girl yelled. Yusei noticed the glowing on her upper right shoulder. No way! This girl's a Signer too?, he thought. "You're treated just like me yet you play right into Goodwin's hands and you know it!" "I know how to hurt and not hurt people and when Rose.", the new girl said. "Just stay away from me Cissy!" With a blast of wind and rose petals the dragon outline and the figure was gone.

[Bringerofcake]

This is either a "Previously on Yugioh 5Ds" montage, or a primer chapter. either way, there isn't much to comment on aside from the below:

When I entered the fic, I expected a slight deviation from the plot, but still keeping the focus on the 4( + Leo + Crow) Signers. Instead,I find a Black Hole Sue.

 

In short: You either need to clean up your act and edit this story so that your character doesn't fit the criteria for the above link, OR clean up your act and write another story.

[Guest]

May I give you my opinion?

[Auralady]

I welcome ideas.

[Weather Report - Stand]

Sorry Crabhelmet, I've gotta do this one to reclaim my lost touch. Nothing personal, you can do yuor review after mine.

Ok guys please don't say anything about the marks. This is how I saw it and what makes sense to me. Also it is modeled after the TV show with my charrie Kate being a Signer and anouther "Order" added that fallows Kate. This picks up in 'The Bloom of the Black Rose' episode.

 

Well' date=' this doesn't seem like much of a good idea. You've... made your own character and labeled this story after the real show without adding 'The Fan Fic' after anything, and you're throwing that new girl in like she was normal and important?! Well, the real question is if you can handle this well enough to be reputable.[/color']

 

Charries:

Yusei Fudo/wing/Stardust Dragon

Kate Fudo *The Sorceress*/head/Mirrior Dragon

Akiza *Black Rose*/claw/Black Rose Dragon

Jack Atlas/wing/Red Dragon Archfiend

Luna/claw/Ancient Fairy Dragon

Leo/Power Tool Dragon

 

Okay now will you PLEASE stop calling them charries?! It... IRKS me!! *Note: You do not have to bend to Weather Report's will. He is just expressing his personal opinions.*

And so... what the hell kinda dragon part is a sorceress? (actually, you just kinda put in your weird labels weirdly, making me somewhat confused at first. But why does she have the head, then, and why doesn't EVERYBODY have a deck type posted, in that case?) I mean, how does that relate to the plot? Usually, I'm really opposed to putting character lists in the beginning of stories, because it just looks really lame, and is usually an indicator of bad stories written by bad writers (from what I've seen before). We're supposed to get a sense of who these people are, or in other cases, how they act through their action MID-STORY. Character sheets can come later when it gets too confusing to understand.

 

Back to the main point, your character is... Yusei's sister... has a magic birthmark... and has a Signer Dragon. Yep, she's even more of a Mary Sue than Crow, but he got away with it because he's as cool as some guy in a leather jacket with sunglasses and a cigarette. Can YOUR girl pull off being cooler than a guy in a leather jacket who smokes with sunglasses? If she can, she's excusable. If not, then you need to go back and spell 'Mirror' correctly and stop saying 'charries'. *Note: The views and ideas posed by Weather Report do not exactly reflect the views and ideas of the viewers.*

 

"Order of the Rose":

Hannah/Angel Deck/Crimson Light Angel

Marie/Black Crystal Deck/Black Crystal Wolf

 

... Who the hell are they and why should we care? This is another reason I dislike character sheets. They make us worry about people we don't care or know anything about yet!

 

*Checks YGO Wikia's page on Bloom of the Black Rose*

 

That didn't help explain ANYTHING! I was actually hoping that those people had real significance, making me understand something through research! Aw man, I guess I'll have to read this to understand.

 

"Get away from me Cissy!", the strange figure with the dragon behind it yelled at the new girl.

 

...I don't get it. New girl? Where? Where's the new girl? Why's there a dragon behind that girl? What's Cissy doing to her? Why's there a comma after the quote ended with an exclamation point? Jumping into this story just raised more questions than answers. But... it's okay, as long as it's well-written and explains things well... I hope?

 

"I'm sorry Rose but I can't do that. I told you not to come to this sector of the Satellite but you did anyway.", the new girl yelled.

 

Okay, so your writing style seems to be really clunky and uncomfortable, seriously in need of punctuation. To me, this Cissy-new girl-lady sounds like the Terminator, and I've never actually seen anything about that series other than commercials and parodies. And in fact, WERE we in Sattelite before this? I had no idea! SURE woulda been nice 'o you to explain the setting before throwing us in here, by gum!

 

Yusei noticed the glowing on her upper right shoulder.

 

Wait, so she's... Cissy? Kate? Aw darn it, now your damn character sheet's made me confused and stuff! And I STILL don't see Hannah OR Marie! And what's worse, NOBODY here has any Japanese names!! That's just adding American insult to Japanese injury, doggonit! Didn't Yu-Gi-Oh (the original version, somehow the English anime was re-written to take place in America for some reason) take place in Japan? I'm thinking too far into this. I'm going onto the next sentence!

 

No way! This girl's a Signer too?, he thought.

 

Hey, I think you should do something to signify that Yusei's thinking here, like 'No way!' or No way!. That and taking away some of those commas where they don't belong would make this thing a bit easier to understand at first glance. Oh wait, since WHEN was Yusei over here...? I'm sorry, but you officially fail at explaining things! Did he teleport over? Was he there all along? How LONG was he there? Was he watching things as he walked out of the poor people's grocery store, or was he watching them from a park bench with some sort of a sick satisfaction until he noticed that one of the two girls he was lusting over was his sister, at which point he thought it was okay for another few minutes, until he snapped out of his weird funk? DAMN I'm taking up space here!

 

"You're treated just like me yet you play right into Goodwin's hands and you know it!"

 

She sound like she's whining like some sort of four year-old, thanks to the lack of real emotion, which you COULD have achieved, had you used punctuation. Though I am glad to see those random commas gone, I just realized something here: you didn't have any spaces between quotations! Take a look at the original post, her quotes are all in the same line! It only looks passable here because I spaced out every sentence! My gosh, do you need to start paying more attention to English class, young lady? Well, I GUESS you are (a lady), due to the increase in the female cast, but maye I'm wrong... Ms. Auralady, I don't judge... wait no, you're Auralady. I should pay more attention.

 

"I know how to hurt and not hurt people and when Rose.", the new girl said.

 

And when what? She just says, "I know how to hurt and not people and when Rose." When Rose does what, I ask! And why does she sound like she has all the emotion of a rock and all the verbal skill of a houseplant? And why can't you just give 'the new girl' her name, already? Cissy, Kate (what I can obviously expect), which is it? And why the hell is she making her statement NOW? Her friend's all like,

"How could you do this! You've betrayed me! We're treated by him just the same, and yet YOU decide to play right into that bastard Goodwin's (Godwin? Japan's original names are kewl, Crow Hogan sounds retarded) plans, and you KNOW it! How COULD you?"

 

Then her Cissy friend says,

 

"I know how to hurt and not hurt people and when Rose," just like a big idiot. Possibly she just wasn't paying attention to the conversation and said what felt right, but I don't think so.

 

"Just stay away from me Cissy!" With a blast of wind and rose petals the dragon outline and the figure was gone.

 

So Rose kinda exploded. And the story ends. Well, I'll tell you this, ma'am, I didn't get the point of this thing! Yusei watches as two ladies duel and says that one of them's a signer. Then one of them flees. I don't quite see the point. What was the point, WHAT WAS THE POINT OF HAVING THIS SINGLE SHORT PARAGRAPH DESCRIBING THE PLOT AND PREMISE OF THE ENTIRE STORY WHILE ACTING AS YOUR FIRST CHAPTER?! Where's the effort, where's the idea?! I'm sorry, but...

 

 

But this was utterly awful. Did you see how much text I wasted on each sentence?! Each sentence was riddled with confusion and stupidity based upon errors!! I'd really suggest you scan this thing a few times and understand what I screamed about. Then you may be able to understand what you need to fix. Weather Report: out.

[Auralady]

Ummm..ok. I'll take all that into cocideration but a few things first:

 

1) "Cissy" and "Rose" is like a nickname; Cissy is Kate and Rose is Akiza

2) Be real! Do you REALLY want me to type the whole episode word for word before getting to this part? If you've seen the episode you should know which part it's at here.

3) There are five Signers in the show and from what I've seen there have only been four revealed so I added Kate as the last Signer

4) I thought making Kate Yusei's sister would make it more interesting but apperently I was wrong in my thinking

5) The 'Order of the Rose' people WILL BE IMPORTENT!! I'M NOT AT THAT PART YET!!

6) Nobody asked you or told you you had to read it. I put it up here for fun and in case others that wanted to could read it

7) I already know I am horrible at spelling and punctuation so I really don't need you to point it out to me

* Oh no! You really have to read the story to figure out wat is going on!! AHHH! PLEASE!! If you don't want to read go check out another Fan Fic!

9) I AM NOT DONE YET!!! I HAVE TO ADD TO THE THING!!! I TYPED THIS UP FAST!!!

10) If you knew about some of my RPs or had an inkling of imagination then you would realize Kate is called The Sorceress because she is a physic duelist. That would also explain her dragon! Yes she is like Akiza! HELLO! Only she can only see and manipulate her's or other's auras, which here is a magnetic feild around every living thing!

11) They were NOT dueling. Did I say anything about dueling or Duel Disks activating? NO!! This is when Akiza appears at the Street Duels. That's when she, Yusei and the others meet.

12) I sorry but you were honest with me so I am going to be the same with you....I don't care if the word "Charries." irks you. And that list is more for me then anyone else so can't you just try and ignore it if you don't like.

13) When you read the 'Order of the Rose' instead of saying "What the heck are these people here for?" and getting upset why not keep an eye on this Fan Fic and find out for yourself why they are in there?

14) **last point to make before I ignore this completely and drop it** I don't care about their names in the 'real' anime or which ever. This is after the American TV show!!

 

---sighs to let steam out and smiles dropping the issue---

 

Sorry about that guys. Had to clarify some things. I'll add to it soon.

-I DON'T mind critisim but I DO mind someone lecturing me and pointing out the obvious when they didn't even bother to stop and consider the other possiblities or if there are any. I HATE THAT!-

[Guest]

The world of Fan Fiction is a wide and varied realm. You have your adventure fanfics that flesh out an amazing and colourful world. You have your character study fanfics that explore the protagonist in ways the original author never imagined. You have your tender romantic shipping fanfics that depict a warm and fuzzy relationship between two characters that make an excellent pairing. And you have your comedy fanfics that can make the reader laugh out loud.

 

Unfortunately, that's not all you have. You also have your fanfics that grasp the English language so badly that you begin to wonder what language they are actually written in. You have your fanfics in which a new Mary Sue appears and destroys the entire actual cast. You have your fanfics in which characters' actual personalities and histories are completely mangled to the point where they may as well be someone totally different with a similar name. You have your fanfics with totally nonsensical relationships, where the author suddenly reveals that McCoy and Snape are secretly lovers. You have your fanfics where so little follows logically that it can barely be called a story; where flat and bland characters perform mundane activities that nobody cares about; where the canon story is rehashed so directly that one wonders what the fan actually contributed; and where mediocrity is so omnipresent that one cannot find the interest to continue reading.

 

If you are a fan of quality fanfics but you are a foe of mediocre-to-bad fanfics, then you've come to the wrong place - because today is a day for Foe Fiction.

 

Wait a minute, Weather Report already covered this story? Well, in that case, there's no need for me to provide my commentary. Bye, everyone; I'm off to find another fanfic to insult.

 

...

 

Is he gone?

 

Ah, excellent, he's out of the way! Now that Crab Helmet isn't around, it's my turn to write my own commentary and save the world from bad storytelling! After all, I am a superhero - Captain R! The "R" is for "Reviewer", you know!

 

Time for heroic reviewing!

 

"Get away from me Cissy!", the strange figure with the dragon behind it yelled at the new girl.

 

Wait, what's going on here? According to the author's responses to that other reviewer guy, we're entering the story in the middle of some episode of 5D's. Anyone who can't figure out instantly where we're entering or what's going on obviously hasn't memorized the entire script of the whole 5D's series and is thus unworthy to read this story.

 

"I'm sorry Rose but I can't do that.

 

And who are Cissy and Rose supposed to be? I'm Captain R, and even though the "R" stands for "Recognition", I still can't tell who they're supposed to be. What's going on here?

 

According to the author's responses to that other reviewer guy, they are in fact nicknames for Kate and Akiza, respectively, where Kate is a new character just being introduced. Even though this story allegedly diverges from a specific point in 5D's that you'd have to be an idiot not to recognize, it apparently assumes that these nicknames have been pre-established, even though Akiza has no such nickname in the actual show - in fact, she is called "Black Rose" or "Black Rose Witch" to refer specifically to her evil murderous persona that attacks and kills people, which makes using "Rose" as an affectionate nickname downright bizarre.

 

I told you not to come to this sector of the Satellite

 

As an unworthy peon who can't tell from the extremely detailed narration when this takes place, I can't actually tell where "this sector" actually is. Therefore, I'm going to assume they're all in a pub right now.

 

but you did anyway.", the new girl yelled. Yusei noticed the glowing on her upper right shoulder No way! This girl's a Signer too?, he thought.

 

So far, the new character has yelled at canon characters for not obeying her divine instructions (given offscreen before the story began, making it even less clear what's going on) and has revealed herself to be one of the chosen Signers. This sort of newcomer who is absolutely perfect and wraps the whole plot around herself is a straightforward Mary Sue.

 

According to the author's responses to that other reviewer guy - collectively, these responses are about three times as long as the actual story - she's a Signer because the author hasn't actually watched enough of 5D's to find out who all five Signers are. Apparently, in order to enjoy this story, we are expected to have memorized the script of 5D's obsessively in order to identify when this scene takes place (since there's no other bloody way to tell what's going on when virtually no information is provided and Cissy/Kate's introduction has changed the past further), but we also must have only memorized the parts of 5D's that Auralady has actually watched, since that's the only way to not realize how drastically canon is being contradicted.

 

"You're treated just like me yet you play right into Goodwin's hands and you know it!"

 

Indeed, all the problems int he world would have been avoided if everyone had listened to the idealized author-insertion fantasy persona. I may be Captain R, but it's clear that Little Miss Perfect is the Captain Right around here.

 

As an aside, this seems like as good a time as any to point out that this story is only five lines long, with no line or paragraph breaks and less-than-impeccable spelling and grammar. According to the author's et cetera et cetera, Auralady already knows her spelling and grammar is bad but chooses not to fix it because... well, she doesn't actually care to explain why she chooses not to fix a major problem that she already knows about in a story this short, so I'll assume it's because 7 8 9.

 

"I know how to hurt and not hurt people and when Rose.", the new girl said. "Just stay away from me Cissy!"

 

They had better listen to her, or else things could get even worse.

 

Since the story is dedicated to providing as little actual information as possible, I'm going to go to the background materials to give us some more facts about this new Cissy/Kate person. Apparently, Kate - who is not revealed to be Cissy anywhere outside of the author's responses to that other reviewer guy - is also Yusei's sister. As if she weren't already enough of a Mary Sue, she now needs to also be a blood relative of a canon character.

 

With a blast of wind and rose petals the dragon outline and the figure was gone.

 

That's the end of the "story", which was five lines long and featured nothing but Cissy/Kate/Sisyphus/whoever showing the canon characters how much more awesome that all of them she was in a setting that I'm honestly not sure I could figure out even if I had memorized 5D's obsessively - no specific information is given, and the only things we do see all revolve around Cissykate, which obviously doesn't give us any clues as to what is actually going on.

 

But we're not stopping at the end of the story. Auralady's responses to the other reviewer guy provide far more interesting material, especially since that's where all of the actual information in this story comes from. Let's check them out.

 

10) If you knew about some of my RPs

 

If you haven't played all of Auralady's RPs, then why are you in this topic? Get out of here! This story isn't for you ignoramuses. Only people with a Ph.D. in Auraladyology have the sufficient knowledge to truly appreciate this masterpiece.

 

or had an inkling of imagination then you would realize Kate is called The Sorceress because she is a physic duelist.

 

Setting aside the fact that she is never called "The Sorceress" in the actual story (nor is she called "Kate", for that matter), I'm pretty sure someone with imagination would have thought that there could be multiple reasons for someone to be called "The Sorceress", especially since the Yu-Gi-Oh! universe has countless forms of actual magic, complete with actual sorcerers and sorceresses, instead of somehow divining that the "The Sorceress" must truly refer to psychic powers.

 

That would also explain her dragon! Yes she is like Akiza! HELLO! Only she can only see and manipulate her's or other's auras, which here is a magnetic feild around every living thing!

 

Okay, now this is just nonsense. There is no way any human being can possibly be expected to get all this from the name "The Sorceress". It's as if Auralady, having decided that Kate is psychic, expects the readers to be psychic as well.

 

These next two items are very common responses to all forms of criticism, and since I've taken over this Foe Fiction series and expect to see them now and then, it seems reasonable for me, Captain R, to respond to them now. After all, the "R" is for "Responder".

 

9) I AM NOT DONE YET!!! I HAVE TO ADD TO THE THING!!! I TYPED THIS UP FAST!!!

 

Then why did you post this when you'd only written five lines of it? You're not under any time pressure here. Your editor isn't going to fire you if you don't have your submission ready for the evening paper. Instead of trying to rush something terrible out, take your time and write something that's actually decent.

 

6) Nobody asked you or told you you had to read it. I put it up here for fun and in case others that wanted to could read it

 

People want to read stories that are actually good; nobody wants to read trash. Posting trash makes it harder to find stories that are actually good, and forces people to sift through trash like this before they can read it - after all, we don't know it's trash before we wander in and waste our time on this trash and discover that, yes, indeed, it's trash. If all you can write is trash, don't throw trash all over - as Captain R, where the "R" stands for "Recycling", I do not approve of such creation of trash.

 

But this last line is truly the pinnacle of this whole debacle.

 

* Oh no! You really have to read the story to figure out wat is going on!! AHHH! PLEASE!!

 

What makes this so brilliant is that, despite how simple, straightforward, and incredibly obvious it sounds, it's actually completely false. Here, to figure out what is going on, you need to read everything except the story.

 

The story consists solely of some "new girl" apparently named Cissy lecturing some people, among them Yusei and someone called Rose, on why they should have listened to her and why she is always right before and that they played into Goodwin's hands by not listening to her perfect instructions before revealing herself to be a Signer and disappearing. That's it. That's all you can tell from reading the actual story.

 

To figure out anything else about this story - that Cissy is actually Kate Fudo; that she's Yusei's sister; that she is called "The Sorceress"; that she is a psychic; that she has some sort of bizarre aura powers; that Rose is actually Akiza; that this takes place at the point in 5D's when "Akiza appears at the Street Duels" (which I finally found in the author's responses to yadda yadda yadda, and even knowing that that's when this takes place I still can't tell how you're supposed to be able to figure that out from the text) - if you want to know anything at all, the story isn't going to help you.

 

You need to read the character bios. You need to read the the author's responses to that other reviewer's criticism. You need to read the author's previous RPs. Honestly, I think you need to read the author's mind to figure out what's going on here. The only way to actually begin to understand this story is to read everything except the narrative itself.

 

That's what's so uniquely awful about this story. Sure, it's badly-written and features a complete Mary Sue protagonist, but those are mere mundane problems. The real problem is that the story actively refuses to provide any information whatsoever. It subscribes to a doctrine of Don't Show And Don't Tell, refusing to give the readers any hints as to what on earth is actually happening. Auralady seems to think we're all psychic and can hear her thoughts, but there's no way for any human being to tell what's going on here! I may be Captain R, but the "R" doesn't stand for "Reads minds", it stands for-

 

Ahem.

 

Ah, Crab Helmet, welcome back. You're just in time for the end of Foe Fiction #20.

 

For the completion of- what on earth are you talking about? And didn't I ban you from my studio?

 

I am a superhero - Captain R! The "R" is for "Reviewer", you know! I have just completed the greatest review thus far, and with it I am claiming control of the Foe Fiction series. This is my studio now, and I'm banning you from it.

 

Not a chance, you lunatic. *skims quickly* What is this nonsense?! You didn't even spend most of the commentary on the story! You went off on long tangents about some other stuff after each line.

 

The story had no content! That was the whole point!

 

You're a lousy reviewer, Captain Ridiculous. This is my series; now, get out of my chair.

 

This review was at least as good as your reviews; we're very similar, you know. But I'm better. Everyone knows I'm better. This is the best review in the whole series, and will make a fitting twentieth installment.

 

Don't be absurd; we're nothing alike. This isn't a review. None of this counts as a review. There's no review here; just some lunatic who thinks he's a superhero typing some nonsense on a keyboard. I could do far better in my sleep.

 

You could never produce something of this quality!

 

Could too!

 

Oh, shut up. Everyone will love this review and you know it. I would be the most popular character by now if you hadn't kept kicking me out of the studio and had let me have some decent screentime and didn't keep showing me only when I was at my worst. When I'm working at full capacity, there is no equal! That's why I'm a superhero! My genius has always been kept down by you - but no longer! Today is the day of Captain R, and you're so low on material that you resorted to recycling that old "Captain Ridiculous" line form before. It wasn't funny the first time. It isn't funny now. You were never funny. But fortunately, someone funny runs the studio now. I'm everything you always wanted to be - and you? You're nothing. Nothing!

 

I already used the Captain Ridiculous line?

 

Sure you did. Way back in, let me see, that Ann 10 story.

 

To be honest, I already knew that. Actually, I'm just stalling so he can sneak up behind you.

 

Wh-

 

HANDLASER!

 

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

 

I warned you that that's what would happen if you didn't stay out of my series.

 

You... you........ you... know... don't.... you...??? ... I... was........ th............... the........................ bet.............. ter.................. re........ v......... i......... e......... w......... e....... r...............................................................

 

Doesn't really matter now, does it? You lost. I won. This series is mine.

 

!!!

 

Ah, yes, thank you, LASERHANDSMAN. If you would be so kind, please remove this fool's corpse from the premises.

 

!!!

 

Excellent. Of course, this nonsense most certainly doesn't count as a review. I suppose there's no sense destroying it, but I'm not giving it the dignity of an actual number. Maybe I'll give it a non-serial designation, like #0. That should work. At any rate, I'm just glad there aren't any more ludicrous non-characters with unusual text colours trying to steal my show.

 

Oh, really? I'm sorry to disappoint you there, Mr. Helmet. Foe Fiction is mine!

 

Wait, what? What's going on here!?

 

How rude of me! Please allow me to introduce myself. I am the Invisible Man!

[Weather Report - Stand]

*Hi-fives* Exactly, Mr. Crabhelmetguy! Thank you for the bold speech on how to write things, and I hope that Ms. Auralady gets it now. Sadly, I must further hammer the point into her, and though I condone cyberbullying, this is, in fact, a focused reply in review style, a la Captain Ridiculous, my new second-best frienemy.

 

Ummm..ok. I'll take all that into cocideration but a few things first:

Okay' date=' shoot.[/color']

1) "Cissy" and "Rose" is like a nickname; Cissy is Kate and Rose is Akiza

How was I supposed to know that? It was never implied, nor did you provide any sort of hint to that. So... no, I don't see the logic.

2) Be real! Do you REALLY want me to type the whole episode word for word before getting to this part? If you've seen the episode you should know which part it's at here.

I do it. Look at my signature! Yeah, I pretty much type out every episode, word for word. Also, I watched that one episode months ago. I remember that Yusei was in the city, he talked to Jack for a while, he saw Akiza duel somebody, blah blah blah. Where was the crowd? What happened to Yusei's cool twin buddies? Where's the logic?

3) There are five Signers in the show and from what I've seen there have only been four revealed so I added Kate as the last Signer

It's Goodwin. SPOILER--aw crap, too late. But wasn't it obvious when his ARM WAS MISSING?! And come on, can't you do the research?! I always *using myself pretentiously as another example* do research on every episode of Yu-Gi-Oh! GX before I get to parodying the hell out of it. So why couldn't you check out something like me? It only takes ten minutes or less! Logic?

4) I thought making Kate Yusei's sister would make it more interesting but apperently I was wrong in my thinking

If you've looked around at fanfiction for ten seconds, you'd notice that bad fanfictions are usually based around introducing a new character at the beginning or really really disgusting. So yeah, you were wrong in your thinking.

5) The 'Order of the Rose' people WILL BE IMPORTENT!! I'M NOT AT THAT PART YET!!

Then don't spoil them. How simple is that?

6) Nobody asked you or told you you had to read it. I put it up here for fun and in case others that wanted to could read it

Okay, at this I take offense. I hate it when people are telling me 'If you don't like it, then shut up!!' Unless I'm yelling in the movie theatres, I don't like being told that. By producing this pile of steaming something (cookies?), you are automatically introducing it to the public, where you are thereby allowing anybody and everybody to tell you what they thought about it. If you DON'T want people to give you their opinions on everything, good or bad, then just send it to some of your friends. Then we don't have to talk about it! What happened to the logic there?

7) I already know I am horrible at spelling and punctuation so I really don't need you to point it out to me

Then fix it. THAT'S logical!

* Oh no! You really have to read the story to figure out wat is going on!! AHHH! PLEASE!! If you don't want to read go check out another Fan Fic!

If I dissect stories sentence by sentence, you look really dumb by accusing me of not reading anything. I bet you just skimmed over most of my review. So read it all and tell me again what you think about me reading that stuff.

9) I AM NOT DONE YET!!! I HAVE TO ADD TO THE THING!!! I TYPED THIS UP FAST!!!

THEN SAVE IT BEFORE POSTING IT. HOW SIMPLE IS THAT?! I DON'T EVEN NEED LOGIC TO FIGURE THAT OUT.

10) If you knew about some of my RPs or had an inkling of imagination then you would realize Kate is called The Sorceress because she is a physic duelist. That would also explain her dragon! Yes she is like Akiza! HELLO! Only she can only see and manipulate her's or other's auras, which here is a magnetic feild around every living thing!

Now you're just sounding really bratty. Why should I go over to the RP forum when I'm perfectly happy here? YOU were the one taking your character to a new, unknown audience and territory. I bet that very few authors here care about Kate yet. Also, sorcerers use magic. They're magicians. Psychics are psychics. She should be called the psyhic, or something brain-related, if you wanna make it obvious! Like ''The Telekinetic'! Simple and logical. And how am I supposed to know anything about sorcerers manipulating auras and magnetic fields?! Name her the compass then, we'll be able to tell what she can do, in that case! Overall, this block was dedicated to you needing to reintroduce your character to us all. Do REAL authors do this in book one of their first series? I hope not...

11) They were NOT dueling. Did I say anything about dueling or Duel Disks activating? NO!! This is when Akiza appears at the Street Duels. That's when she, Yusei and the others meet.

Well then, why should we care? Most people on this forum are (I think) eight year-olds who like reading duels, even though they don't understand them; of course, since this is a yugioh forum. But really, don't throw us into the middle of the story, and then we can understand what the hell you're talking about.

12) I sorry but you were honest with me so I am going to be the same with you....I don't care if the word "Charries." irks you. And that list is more for me then anyone else so can't you just try and ignore it if you don't like.

Couldn't you tell it was a joke? I even put fake disclaimers about it. Damn, looks like now TWO people need to make things more obvious. And wait... if the list is for YOU, then WHY are you showing us, then?

13) When you read the 'Order of the Rose' instead of saying "What the heck are these people here for?" and getting upset why not keep an eye on this Fan Fic and find out for yourself why they are in there?

Well, first I'd like you to write six lines first. THEN we'll be getting SOMEWHERE. No place far, but at least it's better than five.

14) **last point to make before I ignore this completely and drop it** I don't care about their names in the 'real' anime or which ever. This is after the American TV show!!

Well, this kinda tells me about your age... around Middle School, right? I guessed correctly, right?

---sighs to let steam out and smiles dropping the issue---

 

Sorry about that guys. Had to clarify some things. I'll add to it soon.

-I DON'T mind critisim but I DO mind someone lecturing me and pointing out the obvious when they didn't even bother to stop and consider the other possiblities or if there are any. I HATE THAT!-

*Sighs loudly at the simplicity of these arguments*

Well, if you're gonna make an argument, you gotta make it structured! Otherwise you seem really simple and stuff. Now you can hate me, but you DO realize that your brooding over what I've said can let some things sink in, making your anger force you to be a better writer, right?

 

That's the point behind reviews! Now that the criticism is clear, use it to laugh in my face once your story is admittedly good! Is it so hard to take the hint? Well, I hope that my message has been made clear, finally...

 

EDIT: Wow, renaming this to 'MUST BE DELETED!!!'? Well, that means you're giving up. Do you really want to leave like that, with two people smirking in your face? That's how you let jerks win! Come on, you know you don't want that.