Guest Star Posted June 24, 2010 Report Share Posted June 24, 2010 For those of you unfamiliar with Hidden Legacy, it's a Fan-Fiction I used to have a couple of years back when I frequented the site often. I've decided to bring it back with a futuristic sense, but of course new readers will be unfamiliar. Clicking the links below will take you to prior Seasons, where you can get caught up with the story so that you have a better understanding of it. [spoiler=Prior Episodes][align=center] 1-24 25-30 30-333435-60[/align] As a note, when I started writing this back in 2007, I was absolutely awful at writing it. If you actually go back and take a look at some of the episodes, you could probably spend hours pointing out issues with them. However I'd like to think that over the past couple of years I've improved. I'm not good by any stretch of the word, but hopefully at least a couple of people will give it a chance and let me know what you think. I'm completely open to any criticism, so feel free to post a response. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted June 25, 2010 Report Share Posted June 25, 2010 [align=center][/align] Author's Note: What you're about to read might anger you in one way: the generic names. I wrote this three years ago, and I've learned much when it comes to writing since then. Because of how much I've written with these characters, I don't want to change the names, but I ask you to focus on other points of the story in this situation. I realize it's not great, and there's not much action in the first episode, but I wanted to use it to introduce the characters and plot to new people, while continuing the plot for the people who've read it before. I advise you to give it a chance; Episode 2 (though it's not completed) will be more "action-esque". Right. I didn't want to leave people wondering what was going on; I wanted to get everyone on the same page. Which explains why I've written it this way. I'm not a fan of "show don't tell either", but I didn't want some people knowing what's going on and some people being like "what? who are these people?"; if that makes any sense. [spoiler=1 : Under Attack!] It’s been quite a while, hasn’t it? I’d say ten years, maybe more. Life’s a lot different now than it used to be, but I suppose it’s for the better. For those of you who don’t remember me, or perhaps don’t recognize me at all, the name’s Riley. Those of you who do remember me, probably remember me as that naive young teenager who cared solely about having fun, living life as an adventure, and most importantly, dueling. After all, it’s what brought us all together. Ace, Crystal and I, that is. Unfortunately, that which brought us together is the same thing that split us apart. Ten years ago today, after my duel with The Dark General Freed, everything returned to normal. We continued to go about our lives, still hanging out and having fun when we could. Though it was fun, we all knew it wouldn’t last much longer. The three of us were becoming adults, and - as expected - our individual goals were much different. Ace Diamond. Remember him? Easy going, fun-loving kid who always played somewhat of a "parental role", telling me what to do and what not to do. Not that I listened. Sometimes I still find it hard to believe that it's been ten years since I've seen him. I mean I'm twenty-five years old now, which means he's got to be what, twenty-four? Though he loved to duel, Ace had always wanted to be a Card Designer. He'd spent time at home drawing pictures and creating all sorts of effects for cards, many of which he'd actually tried to submit for approval. I always loved to see his cards, but I'll be honest - as good as he was - I never saw it doing much for him. It's funny, though, because I couldn't have been more wrong. Attempting to preserve our friendship after how much we'd been through, Ace and I hung out quite a lot for the first month or so after the incident. If I recall correctly, it was a Tuesday afternoon that he received a phone call from a Kaiba Corp Executive--not quite sure what the man's name was. If you remember me, you'll remember I dueled Kaiba myself before I saved the world the first time around, and I managed to beat him. Those were the days. Anyway, back to Ace. So this guy made him an offer we all knew he wouldn't be able to refuse. They asked him to come to Domino City and work for Kaiba Corp, as one of three Lead Card Designers. We knew it was something he had always dreamed of, so of course we encouraged him to go. Two days later after we said our goodbyes, he boarded a jet and I haven't heard from him since. Of course, with Ace gone, that left Crystal and I by ourselves. Crystal. Crystal Snow. What her parents were thinking with the names I'll never know, but she and I had always been great friends. Crystal was always there for me, and I tried my best to return the favor. Unlike most girls, she was less into fashion and more into dueling. It was what her life was all about, dueling. And it was fitting, too, because she was a better duelist than I was. Only once was I able to defeat her, and that's a time I prefer not to dwell upon because of the details surrounding it. Now I was never a popular guy, but after the incident, it seemed everyone was aware of me, and the popularity hit me like a jolt of electricity. Not one for fame, I paid little attention to it. We went about our lives, hanging out, dueling, whatever, for about four months. Then - just as I knew it would - the day came where Crystal was called off as well. Rather than a Kaiba Corp employment opportunity, Crystal received an offer to travel around the world competing in various World Tournaments, allowing her to live the lifestyle she'd always wanted to; Duelist Extraordinaire. I still miss them, Ace and Crystal. Generic names and all, we grew up together, we'd always been the best of friends, and heck, we'd saved the world together twice. But there comes a time when people have to go do their own thing, and this just happened to be theirs. See unlike them, I didn't have any specific goals laid out, I'd never really spent time thinking about what I wanted to do when I got older. And so when they left, I had some trouble finding, well, finding out what I wanted to do with my life. For the next three years, I guess you could say my popularity helped keep me entertained. I traveled Diamond City competing in the biggest, most competitive tournaments they had to offer. Without feeding my own ego, I was unsurprisingly successful in all of them. After all I'd been through, it just didn't seem possible for me to lose, because I'd learned to take the game seriously, rather than just go out there and throw some cards down. If I wanted to be a competitive duelist - and I'd had no choice when I was saving the world - I had to take time to think out my moves before I made them. And believe it or not, it worked. I faced "Champions" all over the city, and though some of them brought me to the limit, I managed to overcome all of the challenges that were presented to me. But it didn't feel fulfilling. I love dueling, love it more than anything else - aside from my family and friends, of course - but this didn't seem like the lifestyle I wanted to live. After it had been established that a Duel Spirit World did, infact, exist, a gate was opened up between the two worlds, allowing for travel between the two. Leaders from both worlds met with one another, the goal being to work as allies to protect their worlds from danger. You may or may not remember him, but I managed to get myself a "job" working for Exiro. Exiro, mystical guardian of both the human world and the Duel Spirit World. Great guy, er, Spirit, that Exiro. After my duel with Freed, the souls sent previously to the Shadow Realm were restored, and people and Duel Spirits alike returned to their everyday lives. So when the life of tournaments wasn't working out for me, I decided to travel to the Spirit World. A gate between the two worlds had been created, but that didn't mean there was free travel from either side. Leaders knew that would bring nothing but chaos, and as such, only select individuals were allowed to use it. Given my past affairs in the Duel Spirit World and in my own world - that being Earth - I was granted free travel. I had friends and allies on both sides, and there was trust. Upon my arrival in the Duel Spirit World, I was met with praise and appreciation from everyone; after all, my duel with Freed had banished Freed and his minions to the shadows and restored peace to their world. As I mentioned earlier, though, the popularity was nothing for me to marvel at. Sure, you get cheered, and it's cool, but I prefer the style of "quiet hero", not "nationally recognized Superman". There were parties, and celebrations, and I couldn't even tell you how many people extended the offer to take residence in their homes, but - being the self-dependent individual I am - declined the offer. Why decline, you ask? Well it's simple. I didn't travel to the Duel Spirit World in search of a home, I did it in search of adventure. Not crazy showdowns with super-evil creatures, but something that would have a purpose. Though I'd done plenty of saving, I couldn't help but feel that I owed this to the world. The only time I felt true happiness was when I had something to accomplish. Put me under pressure and I'm twice as strong, sharp even, than normal. That's what I wanted. If you were to try and visualize someone who "works better under pressure", you're either going to visualize a high school student trying to justify the fact that they're putting an important project off until the last minute, or you're going to visualize me. I'll leave that up to you. Some of you may remember Rayori, a newer ally of mine who played a big part in my quest to defeat Freed. Exiro saw something in him, and as such decided to bestow upon him "The Blade of Cylix", a dual-edged blade guided by Duel Spirit powers. After our adventure concluded, Rayori returned to the Duel Spirit World to serve as the guardian of both worlds, a title previously wielded by Exiro himself. Rayori's "promotion", if you will, can be attributed to the fact that - when Freed was destroyed - the Duel Spirit World was plunged into chaos. Exiro "took the reigns" and helped restore peace and balance to the world, becoming the world's leader. I live in the Spirit World now. Not sure if I'd made that clear. As for my position, well, it's nothing specific, really. I basically wander around and act when called upon. A mercenary, if you will, except I don't need pay, and I do it because I feel I have something to give back to this world. I continue to duel to get stronger, and though I've faced some tough challenges here, I manage to hold my own quite well. Things here are generally calm. I mean sure, you're always going to have those one or two people who go around and try to take over the world, or go on about some evil quest, but it's nothing some dueling and perhaps hand-to-hand combat can't put a stop to. When Rayori's not here, I generally serve as this world's "protector", but as I said I'm not always needed. It's a calm, peaceful place, and I prefer to spend my time dueling and/or exploring. There's so much to learn here; it's a never-ending adventure that gets more exciting as the days progress. The first time I traveled to the Duel Spirit World - and the other times after until now - it'd been a land of darkness and destruction, with all its inhabitants living in constant fear for not only their well-being, but some, their lives. Ten years later, that's our lives in a nutshell. We went from crazy, fun-loving kids to adults who - though more responsible than before - haven't really changed much. I still duel, I still love adventure, and most importantly, I'm still extremely stubborn. Didn't want to leave that part out, of course. Everything stayed that way, peaceful, calm, no trouble aside from the occasional rogue duelist; life was great. But as in every cliche` story, you can't help but expect things to take a turn for the worse, and in this situation, I'll be honest and say I never, never expected what I encountered. It all started yesterday. Not sure of the date, they don't use that much here, but it was night, and that's generally how I determine the days. They say nostalgia's always fun; it brings back some good memories. True it does, but this is what happens when one good memory brings back many, many bad ones. TO BE CONTINUED Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parting Shot Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 Yay! Finally more updates for Hidden Legacy ^_^ I hope you update often so I have something fun to read during my long, night shifts at work :P Overall, the first part enjoys breaking the "show don't tell" rule, but as you intended it to be a bridge between the seasons, and especially for people who hadn't read the first 2 seasons, I think it works okay. Just don't ever be that wordy in the rest of it ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 Yay! Finally more updates for Hidden Legacy ^_^ That's how I feel. I think I can actually work with this one (though I recognize it needs improvement) because of how much I've done already. I hope you update often so I have something fun to read during my long' date=' night shifts at work :P [i']I'll do my best! As long as I take the time needed to write it.[/i] Overall, the first part enjoys breaking the "show don't tell" rule, but as you intended it to be a bridge between the seasons, and especially for people who hadn't read the first 2 seasons, I think it works okay. Just don't ever be that wordy in the rest of it ;) Right. I didn't want to leave people wondering what was going on; I wanted to get everyone on the same page. Which explains why I've written it this way. I'm not a fan of "show don't tell either", but I didn't want some people knowing what's going on and some people being like "what? who are these people?"; if that makes any sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaos Impact™ Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 wow, i remember this back in the old days.. :Lit's great to see it and you back on the site :) and the new format and writing skills have made it so much better.I missed Riley, Crystal and Ace great to see them back and a bit more matureI hope to see new episodes as good as this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Cakey Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 I'll be honest - I read the first episode of Season 1 and said "No, I can't do this. I'm going to pull a Crab Helmet and ignore all these other distracting details." And so I did. So I suppose it's helpful that your first chapter was a summary of prior plotlines. In which case I can say...thank God you write well. There's not enough ink yet to say how good the story is, but yes, I will be watching this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 wow' date=' i remember this back in the old days.. :Lit's great to see it and you back on the site :) and the new format and writing skills have made it so much better.I missed Riley, Crystal and Ace great to see them back and a bit more matureI hope to see new episodes as good as this.[/quote'] Hey man, long time no see! I was browsing through the older episodes yesterday, and I was wondering if you were even still around. Yeah, I like the characters, but even I realized how awful the other seasons were written. This time around, I'm going to try my best to do much better. I'll be honest - I read the first episode of Season 1 and said "No' date=' I can't do this. I'm going to pull a Crab Helmet and ignore all these other distracting details." And so I did. [i']Thanks; I'm glad you did. The first two seasons were awful. They were written in what, Script Format, and there was little to no description, something you'll find I've improved on. (Though this was just a summary and whatnot, so you haven't seen much yet, I suppose.)[/i] So I suppose it's helpful that your first chapter was a summary of prior plotlines. In which case I can say...thank God you write well. There's not enough ink yet to say how good the story is, but yes, I will be watching this. Compared to three years ago, I'd like to think I write better now. Like I said, I'm get more into the story in the second episode, but had I started right away, people would've been like "I don't get this; what's going on here?". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaos Impact™ Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 yeah i'm kinda back, i dip in and out so nobody really notices me XD i really though back then that you should do a sequel to Yu-Gi-Oh! HL but it never came so i kinda forgot about it lol but now it back :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 Hey, this story is good now! I remember back when it was bad and I was like, "lolwut? How does something like this get so long and popular?" But now it's good and it makes sense, so... yay. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 Hey' date=' this story is good now! I remember back when it was bad and I was like, "lolwut? How does something like this get so long and popular?" But now it's good and it makes sense, so... yay. :D[/quote'] To be honest I never understood that myself. I had like, 60 episodes, and people would like post comments as if they were going out of style. It was awesome, but I never really felt it was a good as it should've been. This one's not going to disappoint. (I hope.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 This used to be a Weather Report until the forums erased half of it, rendering it useless. Please bear with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 So you liked it? As in, you think you'd come back to check out a second Chapter? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 You know what? funk this forum system sheet, it keeps erasing all my messages whenever I try to edit them now, since about a week ago! funk it all, since now I can't tell you how much I enjoyed your chapter! funk!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 You know what? f*** this forum system s***' date=' it keeps erasing all my messages whenever I try to edit them now, since about a week ago! f*** it all, since now I can't tell you how much I enjoyed your chapter! f***!![/quote'] The same thing happened to me, actually. I tried to edit the episode post and it erased a bunch of it, so I had to re-add it in there. Not sure why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted June 26, 2010 Report Share Posted June 26, 2010 Use full post + full edit. It works properly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 I just want to point out that I did make an edit to the episode. I had originally posted it saying it'd been seven years since Riley dueled, but I removed that part for story purposes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 I just want to point out that I did make an edit to the episode. I had originally posted it saying it'd been seven years since Riley dueled, but I removed that part for story purposes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 Use full post + full edit. It works properly. Well, it sucks that I couldn't come to such an obvious conclusion because I was paying too much attention to being angry... thanks, yo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 Use full post + full edit. It works properly. Well, it sucks that I couldn't come to such an obvious conclusion because I was paying too much attention to being angry... thanks, yo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 Use full post + full edit. It works properly. Well' date=' it sucks that I couldn't come to such an obvious conclusion because I was paying too much attention to being angry... thanks, yo.[/quote'] So do you not have the Weather Report anymore? Lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 You know what? Since I have way too little free time, and tons of other things I should be doing - such as writing - I will be doing an all-out, full-scale review because I'm a professional crastinator. Behold! CONSIDERATION[spoiler=1 : Under Attack!] It’s been quite a while' date=' hasn’t it? I’d say ten years, maybe more. I don't even know you. Who are you, and what's your purpose here? What happened ten years ago? Life’s a lot different now than it used to be, but I suppose it’s for the better. Implication that protagonist doesn't like the way life turned out for him: Check. As it stands, I haven’t even played a game of Duel Monsters in seven years.Good for you. Oh wait, this is a Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfic, and you're the protagonist. That is strange. For those of you who don’t remember me, or perhaps don’t recognize me at all, *raises hand* the name’s Riley. Those of you who do remember me, probably remember me as that naive young teenager who cared solely about having fun, living life as an adventure, and most importantly, dueling. I think I've seen this protagonist somewhere else. Oh yeah, GX season 1. After all, it’s what brought us all together. Ace, Crystal and I, that is.Your two best friends are nouns. I could live with that, mainly because one of them is called ACE and is therefore naturally awesome. Unfortunately, that which brought us together is the same thing that split us apart. DUN DUN DUUNThis looks very out of place in a literal work. It might make sense in a movie, or an anime, but the drama doesn't transfer well onto the words. Ten years ago today, after my duel with The Dark General Freed, everything returned to normal. And all of the aminals and hummens were safed from combines. Riley Freeman was hero. We continued to go about our lives, still hanging out and having fun when we could. Though it was fun, we all knew it wouldn’t last much longer. The three of us were becoming adults, and - as expected - our individual goals were much different. This is probably the best way one could clear out the old cast without killing all of them. Very good. Ace Diamond McCoolname. Remember him? Easy going, fun-loving kid who always played somewhat of a "parental role", telling me what to do and what not to do. Wait a minute. Easy-going, fun-loving, and then always being the strict guy? Is this a case of Show, Don't Tell of a character that isn't even in the series? That might just be a first. Not that I listened. Our protagonist, ladies and gentlemen. Sometimes I still find it hard to believe that it's been ten years since I've seen him. I mean I'm twenty-five years old now, which means he's got to be what, twenty-four? Here, our protagonist demonstrates the ability of calculating basic math. Though he loved to duel, Ace McCoolname had always wanted to be a Card Designer. Which is apparently such an important job that it needs to be Capitalized. Again I'm reminded of GX Season 1, with McCoolname here being Hayato. He'd spent time at home drawing pictures and creating all sorts of effects for cards, many of which he'd actually tried to submit for approval. I always loved to see his cards, but I'll be honest - as good as he was - I never saw it doing much for him. Prepare for Riley to be proven wrong in five, four, three... It's funny, though, because I couldn't have been more wrong. A-ha! Attempting to preserve our friendship after how much we'd been through, Ace and I hung out quite a lot for the first month or so after the incident. First it was a duel between Riley and this Dark General Freed, now it was an incident? If I recall correctly, it was a Tuesday afternoon that he received a phone call from a Kaiba Corp ExecutiveAnother insanely important job.--not quite sure what the man's name was. If you remember me, you'll remember I dueled Kaiba myself before I saved the world the first time around, and I managed to beat him. So, you beat a National Champion of Japan, something very few people managed to pull off back in the days. I'll take "Mary Sue" for 500$, Alex. Those were the days. Anyway, back to Ace. So this guy made him an offer we all knew he wouldn't be able to refuse. If he refused, what'd happen? He'd sleep with the fishes? They asked him to come to Domino City and work for Kaiba Corp, as one of three Lead Card Designers. Important Jobs: 3/3Maybe this is a heavy-duty job, given all of the lead cards involved. Also, isn't it Industrial Illusions that actually designs the cards? KaibaCorp develops the technology. We knew it was something he had always dreamed of, so of course we encouraged him to go. Two days later after we said our goodbyes, he boarded a jet and I haven't heard from him since. Since this is Ace Diamond McCoolname we're talking about, I imagine him riding on one of the wings with a grapple hook. Of course, with Ace gone, that left Crystal and I by ourselves. Crystal. Crystal Snow. Maybe you should say Crystal some more, in case we forget it. What her parents were thinking with the names I'll never know, but she and I had always been great friends. Crystal was always there for me, and I tried my best to return the favor. Unlike most girls, she was less into fashion and more into dueling. There's this subtle misogyny here - or is it just gender stereotyping? Maybe that is misogyny. Either way, it's not that good. It's not that surprising, either, given that this is a Yu-Gi-Oh! fanfic. It was what her life was all about, dueling. And it was fitting, too, because she was a better duelist than I was. Only once was I able to defeat her, and that's a time I prefer not to dwell upon because of the details surrounding it. Moving on to GX Season 2 and Saiou's brainwashing. Now I was ...what? Now you was? never a popular guy, but after the incident, it seemed everyone was aware of me, and the popularity hit me like a jolt of electricity. Not one for fame, I paid little attention to it. Yeah, I too try to avoid my screaming horde of fans (with tasers) by ignoring them. I also try to avoid being popular, because I don't like people liking me. I'm also the protagonist of a fanfic based on a friendship-centered anime. We went about our lives, hanging out, dueling, relaxing all cool while playing some b-ball outside of the school whatever, for about four months. Then a couple of guys that were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood- just as I knew it would - the day came where Crystal was called off as well. Is it just me, or does it not seem like a good idea for Riley to have ignored all of that fame he received about a paragraph ago? He might've gotten a job offer by now then. Rather than a Kaiba Corp employment opportunity, Crystal received an offer to travel around the world competing in various World Tournaments, allowing her to live the lifestyle she'd always wanted to; Duelist Extraordinaire. 4/4She got a sponsor. There's not really anything "extraordinaire" about that. I still miss them, Ace McCoolname and Crystal. Generic names and all, Oi, no making fun of your writing! That's Crab's job. On a more serious note, I can't imagine anyone calling their friends' names "generic". It would be like calling your childhood "a bland setting" or addressing someone you've never met at school / work as a "side character". we grew up together, we'd always been the best of friends, and heck, we'd saved the world together twice. That must be the whole "incident" thing you mentioned earlier. Saving the world. From this "Dark General Freed". Which you did. And still, they got jobs and sponsorships faster than you. I'M MAKING A NOTE HERE; HUGE SUCCESS. But there comes a time when people have to go do their own thing, and this just happened to be theirs. See unlike them, I didn't have any specific goals laid out, I'd never really spent time thinking about what I wanted to do when I got older. That much seems to be obvious by now. And so when they left, I had some trouble finding, well, finding out what I wanted to do with my life. Aside from the fact that cell phones or phones at all existing, is Riley so weak a person that he needs his friends for him to have a purpose in life? For the next three years, I guess you could say my popularity helped keep me entertained. I traveled Diamond Coolname City competing in the biggest, most competitive tournaments they had to offer. You're still in the same city. For three years. Playing Duel Monsters every now and then. And you made a living out of that. Even assuming you won all of them, which is highly unlikely, it shouldn't be enough. Without feeding my own ego, I was unsurprisingly successful in all of them. ... After all I'd been through, it just didn't seem possible for me to lose, Your explanation is that you've won too much in the past for you to lose now? because I'd learned to take the game seriously, rather than just go out there and throw some cards down. That your determination alone is the reason you're invincible? Or that you've actually learned how the game works? If I wanted to be a competitive duelist - and I'd had no choice when I was saving the world - I had to take time to think out my moves before I made them. Yup, that's all it takes to become a professional duelist. Thinking. And believe it or not, it worked. I faced "Champions" all over the city, and though some of them brought me to the limit, I managed to overcome all of the challenges that were presented to me. I believe I called Riley a Mary Sue earlier in the review, and it appears I wasn't mistaken. But it didn't feel fulfilling. I love dueling, love it more than anything else - aside from my family and friends, of course - but this didn't seem like the lifestyle I wanted to live. Sure, who'd want to be the best duelist in the world. After it had been established that a Duel Spirit World did, infact, exist, With the previously established similarities to GX, I should've suspected a Spirit World by now. a gate was opened up between the two worlds, allowing for travel between the two. Wasn't that possible until now? Then how would we even know of it? Leaders from both worlds met with one another, the goal being to work as allies to protect their worlds from danger. Maybe they should just hire Riley Stu, Ace McCoolname and Crystal Crystal Snow. You may or may not remember him, but I managed to get myself a "job" After ten years of being excessively pro at Duel Monsters, you managed to get a job! Great! working for Exiro. Who? Exiro, mystical guardian of both the human world and the Duel Spirit World. Oh, right, because settling down as a professional Duelist and make a living out of that just isn't secure enough. Great guy, er, Spirit, that Exiro. After my duel with Freed, the souls sent previously to the Shadow Realm were restored, It is not only GX - it is the 4Kids dub. Exiro have mercy on us all. and people and Duel Spirits alike returned to their everyday lives. The birds were singing at the top of sky. So when the life of tournaments wasn't working out for me, I decided to travel to the Spirit World. A gate between the two worlds had been created, You mentioned that before. Maybe you should say it again, just in case we forget. but that didn't mean there was free travel from either side. Leaders knew that would bring nothing but chaos, and as such, only select individuals were allowed to use it. Let me guess; Riley's one of them. Given my past affairs in the Duel Spirit World and in my own world - that being Earth - I was granted free travel. Well, whaddaya know. I had friends and allies on both sides, and there was trust. Upon my arrival in the Duel Spirit World, I was met with praise and appreciation from everyone; "And it looks like you've hit the daily double, Sean Connery!" Even more Mary Sue on Riley's part here; he's not only the greatest duelist in the world, he's also loved by everyone in another world. after all, my duel with Freed had banished Freed and his minions to the shadows and restored peace to their world. I guess you could say... *puts on cool shades* ...they were freed. YEAAAAAAAAAAH Seriously, how many worlds have Riley saved by now? As I mentioned earlier, though, the popularity was nothing for me to marvel at. As I mentioned earlier, that might be a bad idea. Sure, you get cheered, and it's cool, but I prefer the style of "quiet hero", not "nationally recognized Superman". You want to do good, but don't want anyone to know about it. Not even the people you are helping. Does that sound good to anyone else reading this? There were parties, and celebrations, and I couldn't even tell you how many people extended the offer to take residence in their homes, but - being the self-dependent individual I am - declined the offer. When random people invite you into their house, on the other hand, the best choice is to decline. They'd probably kidnap you and demand a random. Why decline, you ask? Well it's simple. I didn't travel to the Duel Spirit World in search of a home, I did it in search of adventure. On second thought, maybe you should've taken up that "private party" offer. Not crazy showdowns with super-evil creatures, but something that would have a purpose. Right, because super-evil creatures most likely sit around all day and admire their own irrelevance. Though I'd done plenty of saving, I couldn't help but feel that I owed this to the world. The only time I felt true happiness was when I had something to accomplish. This implies that Riley turns sad on the ground when he actually accomplishes something. Something tells me Riley should've become a Pokémon trainer instead. Put me under pressure and I'm twice as strong, sharp even, than normal. A Mary Stu with a generic power-up. Oh boy. That's what I wanted. If you were to try and visualize someone who "works better under pressure", you're either going to visualize a high school student trying to justify the fact that they're putting an important project off until the last minute, That would be me. Except that I don't work better under pressure. or you're going to visualize me. I'll leave that up to you. Shouldn't there be a paragraph break here, now that you're changing the subject? Some of you may remember Rayori, I certainly don't. a newer ally of mine who played a big part in my quest to defeat Freed. I thought you said that you defeated him. Now this guy helped? Don't try to hug all the glory. Exiro saw something in him, and as such decided to bestow upon him "The Blade of Cylix", a dual-edged blade guided by Duel Spirit powers. You would rather describe this blade with an insanely flashy name rather than the apparently-established character that is going to use it? A new reader like myself knows nothing about Rayori; not what he looks like, his personality, or anything except him being allied with you. Heck, I didn't even know it was a he. After our adventure concluded, Rayori returned to the Duel Spirit World to serve as the guardian of both worlds, a title previously wielded by Exiro himself. What could this extremely pretentious title mean? Could it be to prevent outside threats? The threats that could never occur, had the gate never been built? Rayori's "promotion", if you will, can be attributed to the fact that - when Freed was destroyed - the Duel Spirit World was plunged into chaos. Exiro "took the reigns" and helped restore peace and balance to the world, becoming the world's leader. And that's the guy who hired you. The self-proclaimed king of the world. I live in the Spirit World now. Not sure if I'd made that clear. As for my position, well, it's nothing specific, really. I basically wander around and act when called upon. I think the word you're looking for is "teenager". I wish I was getting paid for doing very little. A mercenary, if you will, Nope, still going with teenager. except I don't need pay, The only thing that overshadows Riley's Mary Stu-ness is his feeble-mindedness. and I do it because I feel I have something to give back to this world. I continue to duel to get stronger, Why Duel Spirits would even want to duel using cards that represent themselves is beyond me, but hey, it's canon, so I guess it could be pulled off. and though I've faced some tough challenges here, I manage to hold my own quite well. Things here are generally calm. I mean sure, you're always going to have those one or two people who go around and try to take over the world, Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain... or go on about some evil quest, but it's nothing some dueling and perhaps hand-to-hand combat can't put a stop to. Riley WhatshisnameTaking down super-evil creatures with his fists and cards When Rayori's not here, I generally serve as this world's "protector", but as I said I'm not always needed. It's a calm, peaceful place, Didn't it have villains trying to take over the world in the last paragraph? and I prefer to spend my time dueling and/or exploring. There's so much to learn here; it's a never-ending adventure that gets more exciting as the days progress. The first time I traveled to the Duel Spirit World - and the other times after until now - it'd been a land of darkness and destruction, with all its inhabitants living in constant fear for not only their well-being, but some, their lives. And you've done... what, exactly? If there are people out there who could use your help, and you're the hero that saved the world, shouldn't you go... help them? Or would you rather go around and do nothing? Ten years later, that's our lives in a nutshell. We went from crazy, fun-loving kids to adults who - though more responsible than before - haven't really changed much. Except that your friends got jobs with salaries, whereas you were sympathy-hired by the self-proclaimed king of the spirit world to do pretty much nothing. I still duel, I still love adventure, and most importantly, I'm still extremely stubborn. Didn't want to leave that part out, of course. Nor did you leave out your perfection and stupidity. Everything stayed that way, peaceful, calm, no trouble aside from the occasional rogue duelist; life was great. But as in every cliche` story, Again with the unmotivated fourth-wall breaking; I don't think anyone would call their own life cliché and actually be serious. you can't help but expect things to take a turn for the worse, and in this situation, I'll be honest and say I never, never expected what I encountered. So, since you're expected to expect things to turn bad, and you encountered something you didn't expect, things were good? It all started yesterday. Not sure of the date, they don't use that much here, but it was night, and that's generally how I determine the days. They say nostalgia's always fun; it brings back some good memories. True it does, but this is what happens when one good memory brings back many, many bad ones. TO BE CONTINUED Except it won't; this is where Consideration ends. Overall, I would say the chapter's alright. It could've been better; Riley could've been less of a careless Mary Stu that considers people liking him to be a bad thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted June 27, 2010 Report Share Posted June 27, 2010 First of all, man, I appreciate you taking the time to do a full review. I'm doing the same for you I just haven't finished it yet. Second of all, the names bothered me too, but it's been so many episodes long that I don't think it would make sense to change them now. I realize a lot of its generic, and I'm trying to focus on improving that in the newer episodes. Don't worry; they'll get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted June 28, 2010 Report Share Posted June 28, 2010 [spoiler=2 : And So Begins the Journey] * SPIRIT WORLD – NIGHT* It was dark, as is usually the case at night time. There’s no weeks or months here—at least none that I know of. For me, it’s simple. There’s day, and then there’s night. Simplistically, when it’s day, it’s light out, and when it’s night, it’s dark out. I’ll spare you the details. I was walking along a desert path, hearing nothing but the sound bursts of sand my shoes kicked up, and the feint cries of Duel Spirits in the nearby forests. Though many duel spirits have the capability to speak, there are some who are unable to; kind of like the “wild animals” of this world’s society. In an effort to remain energetic, or at least prevent getting tired easily, I’d chosen to travel light, carrying nothing but a small bag on my back full of necessities like water and first-aid, my duel disk, and of course, my Deck. Unlike Rayori, I do my fighting through duels; don’t have any magical weapons. Incase you’re wondering, I still have the same duel disk I did ten years ago. Since it was a gift, I went out of my way to prevent it from being destroyed. That’s right, my blue duel disk, shaped like a dragon and enhanced with smaller spots of red and silver was still just as effective as ever, and – surprisingly – valuable. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been offered everything from food to money for it. I’d never give it up, though. It was a gift from my parents, and I’ve been through so much with not only the disk but my cards as well; the memories are too important to me. Back to the story. Exiro had requested a search mission of sorts. It wasn’t a globally known thing, though. Rather, he’d asked me specifically to go investigate a nearby village. He’d received reports of fighting within the village, and the details were unclear. The best thing about my “job” is the fact that nothing scares you. When you’ve been through what I’ve been through in my life, being asked to go investigate something like this is more humorous than anything. Then again, being overconfident isn’t always beneficial. Hence why I dropped the act a while ago. I try to take things more seriously now, even if I know I can handle it. I always keep that though that it’s completely possible for a situation to arise that I can’t handle, and then what? Clear-minded as I could be, I continued to walk, paying very close attention to detail. The path itself wasn’t much to look at. It honestly seemed like I was walking in circles, with nothing but large mounds of sand and the occasional cactus coming along for the ride. Far off in the distance, I could still hear the creatures of the forests that border the desert, but they were so far away that I could barely make out the tree lines. Scary thought, huh? Creatures so loud that you can hear them from tens of miles away; makes you wonder what kind of creatures they were. I didn’t have a map, an atlas, or even a Smartphone to find my way there. “It’s a simple path. There’s no twists, turns, curves, just stay straight and you’ll find your way there; prepare for a bit of a walk, though.” I had spoken to Exiro earlier that morning, and that was the last thing he told me before I’d taken off. Everything was calm and quiet for the first two hours or so, and I managed to keep a steady pace. The problem was, I had no idea what I was looking for. “A village”; that was all he’d told me. That’s all well and good, but there’s thousands of villages here, and I had absolutely no details on the one I was supposed to investigate. I continued to walk for another twenty minutes or so. It was then that fatigue began to take its toll. It wasn’t the walking, rather the intense heat. I had to stop at least once every two minutes to wipe the dripping sweat from my eyes, seconds before cringing to reduce the irritation of the sting. I’d wanted adeventure, not a nature walk from hell. Coincidentally, right around the time I began to feel exhausted, I stumbled upon a straw hut. Hut, not hat. Though that might’ve helped at the time, too. There was no village, rather a small hut that couldnt’ve been more than, say, eleven feet tall and ten feet wide. Foolishly, yet extremely tired at the same time, I walked up to the door and knocked. Normally Id’ve attempted to be more slow about it, making sure it wasn’t a trap of some sort, but I needed the rest, and nothing could be worse than the exhaustion I’d had to endure at the time. “Please, come in.” It took me a second to realize where it was coming from, but as the door opened, I was able to hear the soft-spoken, some-what freightened child as he opened the door. I looked down, and saw a boy standing there. He couldn’t have been more than ten years old at best, and he didn’t stand out much aside from the tan mushroom cut that covered his head. A suit of armor and some worn-out sneakers made up his attire, and there was a scared look in his eye as he stared up at me. He hurried me in and closed the door, promptly locking it. The hut itself wasn’t much to look at, either. There was a table, with three chairs, one of which had a large crack down the middle of it. In the corner lay two small mattresses, none with pillows. There was simply a faded blue sheet on each one. And that was about it. Judging by the looks of things, these people (or person) were far from rich, and living out here in the desert in these conditions had to be tough to deal with. That didn’t explain the child’s fear, though. “Are you here to protect me?” He asked, staring into my eyes as if it was Christmas and I was Santa Claus here to bring his gifts, except he didn’t seem to be anticipating anything. “Woah, protect you? From what? I just happened to stumble upon this place during my travels. I was just looking for somewhere to rest for a while, you know?” I couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed as he lowered his head, borderline sobbing. This had all happened so fast. I could tell something was wrong, though. There were three chairs, two beds, and just one kid. That didn’t add up. I don’t think a parent would just leave a young child in the middle of the desert, alone. At least not one who had any sense of responsibility. “Not from what...” He seemed ready to explain, but then lowered his head again. I remained silent for a moment; whatever he was going through was certainly affecting him in some way, and for a kid his age to be in this kind of situation...that’s harsh. “...from who. They took daddy away! I...I was barely able to escape, and they said they were going to come back, too!” At this point, he’d burst into tears. I wasn’t sure how to respond; he was a young kid, like I said ten or so, and having had no prior experience in this situation, I was confused. This answered my first question, though, as to why he was here alone. He had a father, but someone – or something – had taken him away. “What do you mean? Who took your father away?” I tried my best to console him, but this wasn’t really my thing. Regardless, the kid needed someone to be there for him and I was going to do what I could at the very least to help him. “I—I don’t really know. They were big, scary guys, and I couldn’t get much of a look at them. Daddy said just to run and hide, so I did. They took him away!” He was crying almost uncontrollably at this point, making it difficult to understand what he was saying. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what he was going through, and I’ve seen plenty of violence here in the Duel Spirit World. He was quiet for a moment, and I patted his forehead a couple of times, trying to help him calm down as best I could. I had no idea where to go from there. I could’ve just turned around, walked out the door, and left him to deal with this on his own, but that didn’t seem right. It was certainly the logical decision, but I’ve never been much of a logical guy. I prefer to follow my heart, and so I knew I had to do what I could to help him. “Listen; um, what’s your name?” “Marshall.” He looked up and wiped the tears from his eyes. They were soon replaced by more tears, and he lowered his head again. “Listen, Marshall, I’ll do what I can to help you find your dad, alright? I’m sure you’re going through a lot right now, and I’ve got plenty of dueling experience under my belt. I’m sure that we can find the guys who took him and rescue him!” I stared at him, and he seemed to stop crying for a moment, but the problem was, I wasn’t really sure if there was anything I could do. It couldn’t hurt to try, but if I failed... “Let me save you the trouble.” I turned around, coming almost face-to-face with a large, muscular man standing at the door. He was wearing a white muscle shirt, torn jeans, and boots. The duel disk on his arm signified that he was a duelist, but I couldn’t not feel intimidated by looking at him. He towered over me by almost half a foot, and judging by his face he had to be in his late thirties/early forties. Marshall hid behind me as the man shifted his eyes back in forth, looking throughout the hut. “I am Darland. My men and I are responsible for the taking of his father, and I’ve been requested to do the same with the boy.” I stood up straight as Marshall tugged on my shirt. I could hear him crying behind me, probably in fear for his life. “You can simply move out of my way; there are two ways to do this, and I think you’d prefer the easy way, no?” He laughed. It was a bold, confident laugh, one that annoys you from the get-go. “You don’t want to be on my bad side.” "Listen, I've heard just about enough from you. This may not be my business, but whatever's going on here, Marshall's not dealing with it well. And I'm not going to stand around and watch the kid in tears because of you! If you want to take him, you're going to have to get through me first!" It may not have been the sensible move, or even the logical one, but after standing there and listening to him practically pour his heart out, it was the move I was going to make. I'd deal with the consequences later. Darland watched me with distaste, but a smile formed on his lips at the same time. "Sure, I'll play a game. But it doesn't seem fair that this is so one-sided, now does it?" He let loose a small laugh, keeping his eyes on me the whole time. "What do I get in return? After all, to come back empty-handed wouldn't look very good on my part, now would it?" I could still hear Marshall crying as I stood in the doorway, making sure I kept my ground. I had no plans of letting this guy in at all; I promised Marshall I'd keep him safe, and even if it was something I didn't really contemplate before I said it, a promise is a promise. He wanted something in return, yet I had nothing to offer, really. "What exactly are you referring to?" You could cut the tension with a knife as we stood at a standstill, the area feeling even hotter than it did before. "Well let's see, how about this?" He looked up to the sky for a moment, thinking. He was a very large individual, and his presence alone was intimidating, but what else was I going to do? Seconds later, he eyed my duel disk. "That's a nice disk you've got there. Unfortunately, my boss specifically requested that I bring this child to him immediately. I'm afraid the disk itself won't be enough to keep myself in high favor." He grinned. "Should I win this game, you give me not only the disk, but your entire Deck as well." So basicaly, everything I had. He was asking a lot, but I knew there was no way out of it. How could I just let Marshall go like that? Then again... "You know, this kid's got nothing to do with you at all. You could just let me take him, really, and it'll save you worlds of trouble." I lowered my head into my hands for a moment. The goal was to give him the impression that I was thinking it over - and perhaps I was - but in actuality, I knew there was no way I was going to back down from this guy. Dueling was my passion, I had all the faith in the world in my Deck, and there was something on the line here. Losing wasn't a possibility; it wasn't an option, either. I looked back at Marshall for a moment. He just sat there in the chair, eyes-wide, tears slowly creeping down his face. Darland watched me, curiosity in his eyes. It was then I pressed the button on my disk. The red light flashed, and the disk extended outwards. "Sorry, I'm not one for bargains. You talk a good game, but if you want Marshall, you're going to have to get through me. I accept your challenge." A sly look lined his face. "You win, you get my disk, my cards, and Marshall's yours for the taking, but I win, and you leave without another word." "Hmph, so be it!" He took a couple of steps back and activated his own duel disk. It was a black Battle City-style disk, quite different from my own. We shuffled our respective Decks and placed them in. One last glance at Marshall showed a slight smile on his face; he had hope. He knew I'd come through for him and though this whole idea was probably crazy, I had to admit I felt good doing it. It gave me a sense of responsibility, and that's what this whole thing was about. He needed someone to be there for him, and since there was only me, he'd have to take what he could get. "I'll make the first move, then!" He picked up his sixth card, examining it closely before adding it to his hand. "I'll begin with my Dark Elemental in Defense Mode!" A gust of wind blew across our playing field, followed by lines of blue light. The beams of light, coming from multiple directions, intertwined with one another, and in the center formed a blue orb of light. The light deteriorated slowly, and a winged creature emerged from it. It had four wings, maybe more, but those were the only visible ones. It took to the skies, it's arms and legs extended, before hovering back toward the ground and landing on a horizontal hologram of its own card. "I'd hate to spoil the fun by rushing things, wouldn't you agree? One face-down should be plenty for now." Marshall seemed freightened by the creature, his eyes still wide. He was almost hugging himself, shivering from the fear. So much for the suit of armor. "Hang in there, Marshall, this one's not going to last too long! Thanks for finishing up, because now I get the fun of taking out your oversized butterfly! Say hello to my Ace Hunter (1500/400)!" A burst of light shot out from the card as my hunter took to the field. Dressed in a dark black suit, complete with matching hat, he kicked up bursts of stand before a metal staff formed in his hands. Though I'd say the entrance was cool, Darland didn't seem so impressed. "With Ace Hunter's special ability, when he's put into play, I can send a Level 4 or lower monster from my Deck to the Graveyard!" I didn't want to waste any time, so I quickly selected a monster from my Deck, discarding it. "I'll send my Necro Gardna to the grave, and with that, Ace Hunter's attribute becomes the same as my Gardna's!" A black veil, consisting of constantly moving shadows, surrounded my Hunter, signifying the DARK attribute change. "Is that the best you can do? I'm finding it quite hard to take you seriously if you're going to waste your time summoning joke cards like that." He let loose a bellowing roar, enjoying his own arrogance. I wasn't going to play into it, though. Show, don't tell. The motto of this story. "Ace Hunter, take out his Elemental with Slashing Wind!" He took to the skies and swung the staff, releasing a high-impact wind, sharp enough to cut through the elemental, to my surprise. It exploded into pixels, then disappeared. I hadn't expected it to be the easy. In fact, I was almost certain the face-down would come into play there. "Yeah!" Marshall had leapt out of his chair, cheering in the background. For the first time, I saw a smile on his face. It was only for a moment, but he believed in me, and after all he'd been through, I was glad to know I could bring some joy to his life. But I didn't expect this to be easy at all. It's no challenge to hit a couple of big moves; it's winning the game that matters, especially in a situation like this. "Not exactly fair of you to get the boy's hopes up when ultimately you'll face defeat, now is it?" He laughed. Again. I was quickly getting sick of listening to him talk, but since I couldn't outpower him, I had to rely on out-dueling him. Marshall remained confident, and it seemed as though he was going to stay that way as long as I was in control of this thing. That's exactly what he needed to do; ignore this guy's insults and focus on what's important. "Bravo, a really impressive first move. You've got me shaking in my boots." Let him have his arrogance. It didn't hurt me any. I'd faced tons of opponents who were so certain they were going to win, only to be disappointed when I was able to find a way to do it myself. "I take it you're finished?" "Just about. I'll throw down a couple of face-down cards and call it a turn. It's going to be disappointing when you report back to your boss and have nothing to show for it, wouldn't you say?" I smiled, giving him a taste of his own medicine. Judging by the intensity in his eyes and the smug look on his face, it worked. My two face-downs materialized in front of me, and my Hunter looked back, nodding. So far so good. "Fair enough, now it's my move." He drew a card, keeping his eyes moving back and forth between the cards in his hand. "I suppose I'll start with this. I activate my face-down card, Call of the Haunted!" It flipped up and streams of smoke escalated out of the ground. His Dark Elemental followed the smoke, making its way out of the ground moments later. It stared right at me with an evil look in its eyes. I'm happy to see you too. "You didn't actually think I'd let you destroy my monster, did you?" He chuckled "To be honest, I just wanted to give you a false sense of hope. You've got no idea what you're up against. Now then, I'll activate the Spell Card Mistaken Sacrifice!" Another Spell appeared on the field, and this time it was followed by Darland discarding two cards from his hand. The cards that went to the grave turned into small black orbs, two of them to be exact, and they merged with his Elemental. The fairy itself grew larger, now overpowering my Hunter. "With this card, I can discard up to three cards from my hand, and for each one I do, my Dark Elemental gains one thousand Attack Points!" [1000 + 2000 = 3000] Of course it's destroyed during the End Phase, but I'm hardly concerned with that now. "Dark Elemental, take out his Ace Hunter with Shadow Storm!" The creature's four wings formed a point, and it fired out a massive beam of purple energy. My Hunter braced itself for impact, but there was nothing to worry about. "Not so fast, Darland! If you remember correctly, the card I sent to the Graveyard during my last turn was my Necro Gardna! With it's special ability, I'm allowed to remove it from play to negate one attack! And guess what, I think I'm going to use it right now!" Just as the beam was prepared to make contact, a blue barrier formed in front of my Ace Hunter, shielding him from the attack. I was safe. At least for the time being. "Sorry to disappoint," he grinned "but I've got another idea. You're not the only one capable of utilizing Graveyard Effects. Allow me to demonstrate by removing from play my Battle Servant (0/0)!" He took a card from his Graveyard - it looked to be a monster - and a small skeleton appeared on his field. No sooner did it appear than it vaporized into thin air, taking my Necro Gardna's barrier with it. "Battle Servant can be removed from my Graveyard at any time during the Battle Phase to negate the effect of any card! That means your Necro Gardna's effect is useless! Now, Dark Elemental, take out his Ace Hunter!" There was no way to block the beam now, and it fired at full force. My Ace Hunter let out a final yell before exploding into pixels himself. [RLP: 4000 - 1500 = 2500] Strong winds blew across the field, and I put my arm up to shield my eyes from the sand. As I lowered it, I stared across the field at Darland, who had a large grin on his face. His Dark Elemental hovered above him, and he seemed to have all the confidence in the world. I stared back at Marshall, who wasn't smiling anymore. "This, this was your decision. You made the decision to try and protect the boy, and now you're one move away from paying a heavy price for it. But that's what you get for trying to play the hero. How does it make you feel to know this boy needed your help, you were his only hope, and you've already let him down?" He chuckled again. This time, it wasn't annoying. I didn't feel irritation, I felt anger. My move was careless, and I'd practically walked into a trap. If Marshall were to suffer, I'd have no one to blame but myself. There was no way I could lose this duel. Too much depended on my success. TO BE CONTINUED Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zextra Posted June 28, 2010 Report Share Posted June 28, 2010 Wow! This fanfic is awesome! It has a great storyline with cards that aren't OP'ed as hell. Nice job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted June 28, 2010 Report Share Posted June 28, 2010 Wow! This fanfic is awesome! It has a great storyline with cards that aren't OP'ed as hell. Nice job! Hey, thanks, I appreciate it! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.