Yu-Gi-Oh! Zodiac Cross (Chapter 3: First Duel)

[Phantom Roxas]

Initially this was going to be two separate projects, but due to problems such as finding a plot for a Yu-Gi-Oh! fic and how the other project, Zodiac Cross, would work. As such, yes, this is a Duel Academy fic, but hopefully it will work a little differently. How? Well, read on.

 

[spoiler=Chapter 1: Joining the Academy]Even though I was only in sixth grade back then, my school, Southfair, had called in people from various schools to get students to prepare students for where they'd go to once they would move on to junior high. Now, there's this card game called Duel Monsters, and it's ridiculously popular around here. I'm an avid player of the game, since it's actually pretty fun, but that's not the point.

 

My point is that out of the schools that showed up to have people register, one of them was from a Duel Academy. They're really not that different from your typical high schools other than the fact that they specialize in playing Duel Monsters. Out of curiosity, I had decided to talk with the representative of the school. She was pretty tall, maybe just an inch or so taller than me, and her blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She was dressed in an all-black suit with a name tag that said "Janine O'Hara".

 

"Hi there," she said to me as I approached her desk. "Are you interested in joining Duel Academy?"

Taking my seat, I said, "Sure, I guess. Where are you guys at?"

"Well, we're a boarding school about two hours away from here, in Mecile."

"Two hours? Why did you come all the way over here?"

"Well, we wanted to expand the number of students for future years. We've sent people all across to other states to see if anyone was interested."

 

 

Now, if I was a little older or a little wiser, I might have said that was a stupid idea back then, but I was only twelve at the time. Duel Academy sounds fun and all, but my parents kept telling me it wouldn't be good for my education. I'm fourteen now, and I still have a lot of time to plan out my future. My parents thought it would be nice living somewhere else for a few years and maybe meet some new people, but I had spent the last two years making my way through school, taking time to structure my deck for the school, and now here I was, on the bus ride to Mecile's Duel Academy, "Zodiac Academy" .

 

With my hat covering my face, I was enjoying a little rest as much as I could. I could hear a lot of people chatting with each other, playing video games, or having a nice little duel or two. Fortunately, the seats were very comfortable. The bus probably had over thirty people in it, and I think there were still a few seats left.

 

We were probably driving for about an hour when we had to make a stop. I hadn't gotten much rest, but I guessed it was enough. We were going to take a bathroom break, and it sounded like we were going to pick up some more people. I didn't bother to ask why they couldn't have just sent another bus, but I figured it was more convenient this way.

 

As the new kids kept piling on the bus, I noticed that some of them already knew some of the people on the bus, and so they sat with them. A couple people had to sit near the back, which was where I was sitting, so I had to move myself to the window seat. I was joined by some blond boy and a black-haired girl, who both pushed their bags under their seats like me. The boy was wearing a white long-sleeved shirt and some black pants, and the girl was dressed in nearly the opposite, with a black short-sleeved top and some white pants.

 

At first I paid them no mind, instead looking outside the window as we passed by more houses and shops, but then the blond kid tapped me on the shoulder. "So what's your name?" he had asked me.

"I'm Blake," I said as I turned my head. "And you are?"

"I'm Andrew."

"And I'm Cassie," the girl said with a little wave. I looked past them to see if there were still any more open seats in our row, but there weren't. Well, at least there was someone to talk to.

"Want to duel?" I suggested, already reaching for my deck from my bag.

Andrew shook his head. "No, we can wait till we get to the Academy. Besides, it's a little cramped here even for a table duel, right?"

I felt embarrassed after that, so I tried to think of something to change the subject.

"So what school did you go to?" Cassie asked.

"I went to Southfair." I pretended to ignore that they had no idea where that was.

 

For the rest of the bus ride, I left Andrew and Cassie to talk amongst themselves as I looked through my deck for all of ten minutes. I run a Gladiator Beast deck, and I wanted to make sure it was organized properly, just in case I had to duel the instant I got to the Academy. After that, I went back to taking my nap.

 

It didn't take too long, but it came as no surprise to me when Andrew started shaking my shoulder and telling me that we were finally there.

 

[spoiler=Chapter 2: Houses and Dormitories]As I got out of the bus, I had to admit that I was impressed. It seemed there was a long bridge the boat had crossed, since it looked like we were on a bit of an island. The buildings stood higher than all of the trees, at about ten stories tall, and it spread out faster than the eye could see. Well, mostly because a lot of it was just walls with a couple windows, but it looked impressive to me.

 

"I don't think I told you," Cassie started, "But my mom works here. My last name is O'Hara."

"O'Hara?" I took me a while, but I remembered her mother. "Oh yeah, she came to my school. She's the one who told me to come here."

"Really? Cool, maybe she'll recognize you. Anyway, follow me. I'll show you where we pick up our schedules and get assigned our dorms."

 

In the application form for the school, I remember it mentioned something about dorms. It said that your dorm would be predetermined based on your application form alone, but it didn't bother to mention what those dorms were. It was stupid if you ask me, but as long as I got a dorm that wasn't too bad, I didn't mind.

 

Cassie took us to the auditorium, which was straight ahead of a long row of doors. The floor was plain silver, but there were tons of lines on the ground assorted in all kinds of ways; in the middle of the room there was even something that looked like a playing field. Was it for duels? It seemed kind of large, like something you'd use for dodgeball. All the kids had to be split up into large lines that led to the stands where they'd take their papers, based on last name.

 

"Cassie, how do they decide dorms?" I asked out of curiosity. "Is it random, boys and girls are separated, or something else?"

"Birthday," she said.

"That's it?"

"Yes. Depending on your birthday, you're put into a different dorm. There are four houses, and each of them have three dorms, and each dorm is split up into boys and girls."

"Why would we need twelve dorms? Are there really that many students that they need to group together so specifically?"

"This place is called Zodiac Academy, remember? Each dorm is named after the different signs. My birthday is the nineteenth of April, so I'll be in Aries, and since Andrew's is the seventeenth of December, he'll be in Sagittarius."

"So I guess that puts me in Leo."

"Nice, so we'll all be in the Fire House!" Andrew said. I actually liked that idea, so things worked out nicely.

"So where we do actually duel?" I asked.

"Well, most places work," Andrew said. "But this place is usually for big events."

"Big events? Do we really need a whole auditorium for a tabletop game?"

"Tabletop?" Cassie asked. "I guess you're out of the loop. While we do play the game tabletop a lot, it's always a spectacle to use Duel Disks."

"Duel Disks?" I'll admit, while I do enjoy the game, it usually takes about a year or two for my town to keep up on the new technologies. Games and movies aren't that much of a problem - it usually only takes an extra week more than other places - but whenever it came to the newest console or plasma screen television, it takes forever. Every time I'd ask my parents about that, they'd say only so much could be available at one time.

 

I noticed that every kid who had gone through the stands had a box with them, which I realized was their Duel Disk. Each box was plain white, about as long as your forearm. The line was starting to move up a little faster now, and some people actually moved out of the line since some of the stands were open. There were still a couple dozen people ahead of us, and there was a question I wanted to ask.

 

Giving a few see-you-later's to each other, the three of us split up into different lines to pick up our schedules. After a few minutes, I reached the front, and sitting at the booth was Janine. Since I just met Cassie, I wasn't sure what to call her, but I figured "Miss O'Hara" was my best bet.

"Hey, Miss O'Hara. It's been a couple years."

She looked up to me with an uncertain smile. "Sorry, I don't remember you." I felt a little hurt, but it was two years ago and I really shouldn't have been surprised.

"You came to my school - Southfair - two years ago. Remember?"

"Maybe. Name?"

I made a quiet sigh. "Lyners."

"Alright then." She only needed to fumble through a couple papers to find my sheet. "Oh, Blake Lyners. Yes, I think I remember you. Glad to see you could come here."

"Yeah. Oh, by the way, I met your daughter, Cassie."

I really shouldn't have said that, because she didn't seem to want to talk anymore. She just put the box with my Duel Disk on the desk with a key card on top. I took that as my hint to leave.

 

 

Fortunately, there was a map on some of the walls of the school, and the third floor onwards was where the Houses divided up. People were actually rushing, so if anyone came to ask me for directions, I would tell them to check the map. There were four wide hallways to take, two ahead of me, two to the side. It felt like standing at the tip of a star, and I had to go to another corner. At the top of each hallway was a sign that said "Earth", "Water", "Air", or "Fire", all white text on a brown, blue, green, or red plate. I took the hallway closest to my right, Fire.

 

After a couple minutes - I was getting tired of walking so much just to find where I was supposed to stay - I stood before three more doors. Each of them had their own red sign as well, only these had either "Aries", "Leo," or "Sagittarius" above a different sign. The Aries symbol looked with a "V" with the ends curving into goat horns, and Sagittarius was an arrow with a line through part of it. Leo was a circle with a wave sticking out of it. I was a bit jealous of Andrew and Cassie for getting cooler-looking symbols.

 

At each door, different students used their key card to open the door as I opened the Leo door with mine. I tried to look, but I couldn't see Andrew or Cassie. I was actually kind of curious to see if some people went into the wrong corridors, but I made sure to follow into Leo. We went into yet another corridor, but I could see two guys at the end wearing red blazers, and they both had black hair tied back in ponytails. On their left hands they both carried Duel Disks, which had silver lion heads and some yellow streaks across it. They looked a few years older than me. There were only five other kids with me; two boys and three girls. One of the boys was this little plump kid with a mop of black hair, and the other was just an inch taller than me and had short, red hair. The girls seemed like a clique, since they were chattering about stuff I couldn't care less to pay attention to. One was a blonde, another was a brunette, and the third was another red-head.

 

"Only six of you?" the guy on the left ask.

"Hey Reggie," the other called out, knocking on the door. "The newbies are here!"

The door opened up and out came some guy with messy blond hair. He had a white T-shirt that looked a little worn and some blue jeans. He looked like he was the same age as the two guards, but he didn't have a Duel Disk on.

"For Christ's sake," the first guard muttered. "Reggie, could you even try to set an example to the new kids?"

"Maybe tomorrow, Mark," Reggie laughed. "Anyway, show me your key cards." Everyone took out their key cards, a small white card with a black line down the side. The names were printed on the middle with the same symbol on the Leo plate. We each showed it to Reggie as he gave us the thumbs up to head in.

 

[spoiler=Chapter 3: First Duel]Considering how Fire House was just three dorms that weren't too far apart from each other, I was pretty surprised that the Leo dorm wasn't that small. After going through the door, we were right in the living room, and I had to admit I was a bit surprised. There were beanbags and couches and chairs, and a few people were playing video games on a big T.V. There was a small kitchen with a refrigerator, a freezer, a microwave, and a small little table with the sink not too far off. I didn't see a dinner table anywhere, so I figured that we ate wherever we felt like. At the end of the room was the bathroom, and on each side of that was a spiral staircase.

 

"The girls go up the left staircase," Reggie told us. "The guys go up the right."

I looked at the two guys in our small group who were now my roommates. I was a bit worried, but then I saw there were a few more guys and girls sitting down.

"So how many people are in this dorm?" I asked Reggie. "You split us up into a lot of small groups, so I'm just wondering how many of us there are."

"Including you guys, we're now at fifty."

"And how many students are there in the entire school?"

"About five hundred."

I was a bit surprised by how low that number was, but I remembered that this was a Duel Academy, so it probably wouldn't attract as much attention as other schools.

 

I decided to get acquainted with the other new kids. We were the only first years in the dorm, so I thought it would be nice to get to know each other. The plump kid was Kevin, the tall one was Sean, the blonde girl was Harriet, the brunette was Tabitha, and the red-head was Stephanie. The girls went up the staircase to the girl's area while Sean tried to "absentmindedly" follow them. Kevin pulled him by the collar to make sure he didn't get in trouble.

 

"You coming?" Sean asked me.

"Hang on," I said. "Reggie, would you mind giving me a practice run with this Duel Disk?"

Reggie laughed. "You're an ambitious freshman. No, I don't think I should duel you on your first day. Why not duel with some of the other freshmen first?"

That didn't seem too bad, but for some reason I felt like dueling Andrew or Cassie right now. They were the first people I met on the trip, but we were in different dorms. Same House wasn't too bad, but I hadn't really thought of how divided things would be.

"Sean?" I asked, looking at the red-head that was halfway up the stairs.

"Sure thing," he smiled.

Reggie clapped his hands and looked at everyone sitting down. "Hey, I see none of you guys have greeted our freshmen! Who wants to see what these guys can do?"

 

The T.V. was turned off, and everyone was looking at us. A few of them were screaming "Freshmen Orientation!" while others ran to their dorms to get ready.

Reggie looked at me. "Once you're here at Duel Academy for a while, duels are a pretty exciting thing."

I opened the box my Duel Disk was in. The Duel Disk was mostly white, looking like an egg with a thick half-circle attached to it. A number of red lines were drawn to give it a more technical design. I strapped it on to my left hand, the strap being metal that stuck on my arm. I wagged my arm a bit to see if it was loose, but the Duel Disk had a pretty tight grip. The half-circle straightened out into a line and moved the side, just behind my forearm. Part of the upper half of the "egg" moved back for a slot for me to put my Duel Disk in. I was surprised at how light the Duel Disk was. I held it out, just in front of my chest, and examined it. The edge of the Duel Disk had five indentations on the top, and to their side, there were five slots facing towards me. I thought of the mats I would use to play Duel Monsters, which was good, because it helped me understand how to use the Duel Disk.

 

"Let's take this out into the hallway," Reggie smiled. We went all the way back to where the hallway split up into the four dorms. Reggie had called out the Dorm Heads for Aries and Sagittarius, who brought in everyone from their dorms. The head of Aries was another blonde girl, but it curled on both sides of her head. She had a pink top with black sleeves and a white dress. The guy in charge of Sagittarius had a black ponytail and dressed in all white. They both looked around Reggie's age, which I guessed was at least seventeen. I could see Cassie and Andrew moving around the crowd, which made me happy.

 

"Welcome to the first freshman duel!" Reggie announced, pointing his index finger at the ceiling. "And to think the semester hasn't even started yet! These are two of my new guys from Leo, Blake Lyners and Sean Overway. Let's give them a round of applause."

 

Everyone in the crowd clapped except for the Sagittarius leader. "Always one for theatrics, aren't you Reggie?" he asked. "And to think you can be so laid back at times."

"Quiet" the Aries leader said. "It's nice to give the first years a welcome entry."

"Have it your way," he muttered.

 

"Let's duel!" Sean smiled, placing his deck in his Duel Disk as I did the same. Each of us drew five cards, beginning the duel.

 

Blake Lyners: 4000

Sean Overway: 4000

 

"I'll start," I said as I drew my sixth card. "I set one monster and place a card face down. Your turn."

"Alright, then. I'll activate the Spell Card Polymerization, which allows me to fuse Possessed Dark Soul with Frontier Wiseman to summon Dark Balter the Terrible!" (2000 / 1200)

For a moment I saw a fiend made entirely a crimson flames and a old man with a crown an a green robe only for them to vanish as they were replaced my a demon dressed in golden armor with a green cape designed like the old man's robe. In place of a chest was a grinning face, and the monster's face on its head had a wide grin, revealing sharp teeth. Gray hair flowed in a wild mane behind curling red horns. The demon hovered in the air with red wings as its golden tail swung at the ground. Now I understood what Cassie meant when she said that Duel Disks presented spectacles, but it was a bit jarring. I didn't even try to make it subtle, but I felt a little twitch in my feet. The demon was obviously a hologram, but it looked real enough to me. I took a deep breath and decided to enjoy the duel.

 

"You scared, Blake?" Sean teased.

"A bit," I said. "But not of you, of course. It's just my first time dueling like this."

"Is that so?" Sean asked. "Let's see how you fare, then. Dark Balter! Attack his face-down monster."

The demon swung down as it bared it's golden claws. The card flipped up to show a rhino in sand-colored armor, guarding Balter with its arms.

"Sorry," I said. "But Gladiator Beast Hoplomus (700/2100) has twenty-one hundred defense, so you'll take damage." (Sean: 4000 -> 3900) "When a Gladiator Beast monster battles, I can return it to my deck to summon a different one, so now I summon Gladiator Beast Laquari."

Hoplomus was replaced with a bipedal tiger covered in red armor, sporting its own brown mane. (1800 / 400)

 

"Nice one, Blake!" Reggie cheered. "I see you already had some Leo pride in you."

I forced a chuckle. "I sure do. Anyway, Laquari originally has eighteen hundred attack, but when he's summoned through the effect of a fellow Gladiator Beast, his original attack is instead twenty-one hundred, and that's enough to kill Balter." (Gladiator Beast Laquari: 1800 ATK -> 2100 ATK) Six small red devices appeared between Laquari and Balter, a ring of circle generating from them. Laquari leapt through ring and dug its claws into the demon, bringing it down to the ground as it shattered into yellow shards. (Sean: 3900 -> 3800)

"This is going a bit slow," I said. "Do something next turn, or else I might hurry things up. Ah well, I guess I'll just replace Laquari with Secutor."

 

In Laquari's stead was a small lizard in blue armor with cannons attached to its shoulders. (400 / 300)

"Only three hundred defense?" Sean pointed out. "What are you planning? Anyway, it's my turn. I'll summon Opticlops." (1800 / 1700) "You shouldn't have traded out that Laquari, because now I can leave you defenseless. From looks of it, your Gladiators need to stick around if you plan to bring out another one. Opticlops, attack his Gladiator Beast!"

"I activate Defensive Tactics," I said. "My Gladiator Beasts is safe. Of course, now I can activate Secutor's effect." Appearing next to Secutor stood a green bird in green armor and a purple horse with orange armor.

"What?" Sean shouted. "Two of them?"

"Secutor works differently from the rest of my Gladiators. If he battles, I don't even have to return him to my deck, and I get to summon two more. These are Gladiator Beasts Bestiari and Darius." (Gladiator Beast Bestiari: 1500 / 800 | Gladiator Beast Darius: 1700 / 300)

"I'll set one card and end my turn," Sean snarled.

"Great. Now I'll return Bestiari and Secutor back to my deck to summon Gladiator Beast Gyzarus!" (2400 / 1500) Secutor's armor separated from the the lizard and mixed with the bird's own.

"A Fusion Summon without Polymerization?" Sean asked.

"Gladiator Beasts can perform Contact Fusion. I don't need Polymerization; I just need to return them back to my deck. Now I'll activate Gyzarus' special ability, which lets me destroy up to two cards on the field, so your monster and your face-down card are destroyed." Gyzarus fired bullets from guns strapped to its wrist, destroying Opticlops and Sean's face-down card, Sakuretsu Armor. "Now you're wide open. Gyzarus, Darius, attack!"

 

The two Gladiator Beasts charged forward at Sean, finishing him off. (Sean: 3800 - 2400 - 1700 -> 0)

"I win," I smiled, taking my cards from my Duel Disk. I walked up to Sean with my hand out for a handshake. "That was actually pretty fun."

Sean laughed. "Yeah, you're pretty good," he said reluctantly. "Guess I got some things to learn."

"Excellent duel, freshmen!" Reggie approached the two of us, clapping his hands. "Shame you didn't use that lion for too long, though. Still, looks we got two interesting freshmen on our hands. Oh yeah, I should introduce you all to the heads of Sagittarius and Aries. Meet Frank and Ariel."

Ariel gave a small wave and a pleasant smile while Frank simply folded his hands behind his back and nodded slightly.

"Oh, have you two seen my friends?" I asked the two. "Andrew and Cassie?"

"Certainly," Frank answered. "Andrew, front and center."

"You don't have to be so mean," Ariel sighed. "Cassie, where are you?"

 

Andrew rushed to me, staying clear of Frank. Cassie shook her head, muttering to herself.

"Something wrong?" I asked her.

"Andrew, are you already being such a coward in front of your dorm leader?" Cassie asked.

"We can talk about that later," Andrew said. "Anyway, that duel was pretty nice, Blake. Maybe we can duel next?"

"Later," I said. "Why don't we hang out for a bit?"

"Sure," Cassie smiled. "Let's head outside."

 

"See you later, Blake," Reggie said, leading the other Leo students back to the dorm.

As Frank and Ariel led their own dorms back to the Fire House, Frank called to Andrew without turning back. "Return to the dormitory within two hours."

 

Edited September 6, 2011 by Phantom Roxas

[-Griffin]

It looks like it could turn out pretty nicely, but I didn't like this section:

Now, if I was a little older or a little wiser, I would have probably said that was a stupid idea back then, but I was only ten. It's been two years since that, and because my parents thought it would be nice living somewhere else for a few years and maybe meet some new people, I had spent the last two years making my way through school, trying to structure my deck for the school, and now here I was, on the bus ride to Mecil' Duel Academy, "Zodiac Academy" .

 

With my hat covering my face, I was enjoying a little rest as much as I could. I could hear a lot of people chatting with each other, playing video games, or having a nice little duel or too. Fortunately, the seats were very comfortable. The bus probably had over thirty people in it, and I think there were still a few seats left.

 

We were probably driving for about an hour when we had to make a stop. I hadn't gotten much rest, but I guessed it was enough. We were going to take a bathroom break, and it sounded like we were going to pick up some more people. I didn't bother to ask why they couldn't have just sent another bus, but I figured it was more convenient this way.

 

That's eight times you're using a clearly uncertain phrase in three short paragraphs, which I personally feel is far too much, and I expect him to then question his own name and if he'd exploded in the last five minutes. A bit of certainty is always nice for the reader.

 

And at him using Glads: Consider Crab's note, I believe in a recent Foe Fic, about the dangers of using a meta Deck, although I'm sure Glads can be played with a lot of their normally un-used cards to be less of a meta threat.

[Alexander Kyrby]

Personally, I think that that level of uncertainty is usable in the past tense. Adds realism.

[Brimtosis]

Hmm. Interesting. I think there are some errors, but it is very good. I like it.

[Phantom Roxas]

I'm an awful deck builder, Glads are my favorite archetype, and so many deck types are better than Glads, so don't worry about it being too meta.

[Phantom Roxas]

Bump!

[Umbra]

Why is Blake embarrassed of his clothes of all things? He's applying to a school specializing in card games. He has other things he should be embarrassed about. The card game doesn't seem to be as established in your continuity as in the anime / manga; more similar to professional gaming today. While it isn't exactly laughable, it's not really that prideful either.

 

One paragraph near the middle confuses me. Does two years actually pass between Blake meeting Janine and him being Put On A Bus with the rest of the ABC-crew?

 

Other than the above, I didn't really feel drawn into the plot. There wasn't really a plot hook, and the premise doesn't seem that different from Kid Goes To Duel Academy. I know you write good plots, though, so I look forward to seeing how this resolves.

[Phantom Roxas]

It's a hackneyed way to describe him, which was pointless anyway since it was only a flashback, so I removed it. And yes, two years actually did pass.

 

Chapter 2 should have more of a plot hook.

[valliant12]

Nice intro.

[Phantom Roxas]

Chapter 2 is up.

[Brimtosis]

I like the second chapter a lot. It's good.

[Limited Edition KING]

2 WHOLE CHAPTER'S WITHOUT A CARD GAME WHERE THE MAIN CHARACTER WHOOPS A GUY/GIRL? D:

 

Glad's aren't much of a meta threat as they were in the past there are better decks like Infernites and x-saber. (Although I nearly took down the infernities using my Blackwing deck.)

 

But yeah I like this fic keep it up! ^_^

[Skyfi]

I've only had time to read the first chapter but from what I can see it's good so far. I'm glad to see that he's actually using a decent themed deck (Although I never loved Glads). Still your off to a good start.

[Phantom Roxas]

I haven't thought of how Chapter 3 will work, so I'll just say that it will feature our first duel, but it will progress the story.

[Rokandre]

Hi.

 

Really like your fic. Hope to see more. I'm curious to see the "Big Plot". Will be a "chosen" card for each zodiac sign?

[Cthonian]

I really like this... It takes D.A. and adds more flare and detail to it, I'm going to keep reading.

[Phantom Roxas]

Chapter 3 is out. Enjoy the first duel.

[Erinyes]

I've only read chapter one, but I really liked it. The only real problem I had was how it was almost completely unnecessary. With the possible exception of the introduction of Cassie and Andrew, you really could have summed up this chapter, or implied it to the reader, while actually building a plot up or more character development instead.

 

Still, I really liked the way you transitioned when it came to time skips (the two year one and the short time when Blake was looking through his deck on the bus). You really made them feel natural and went with the flow of the story. And your writing is pretty good; I could only spot a few grammar errors. Plus its easy to follow and read. I'll be reading the next few chapters soon.

[Cthonian]

Yet another good chapter with more interesting characters thrown into the mix. Can't wait for the next chapter.

[Rokandre]

Loved chapter 3. Can't wait for the next. You're a excelent writer

[Phantom Roxas]

Bump.

Edited August 22, 2010 by Phantom Roxas

[Nexev]

I read it.

It's good.

 

BTW I'm Libra so when the Libra dorm leader appears...welll... you know who to base him off of. XD

[Phantom Roxas]

Excellent. I do think it will be a bit troublesome to come up with characters from the other nine dorms. I've already run out of hair colors, so it's going to be a bit repetitive.

[Phantom Roxas]

Yes, it's been three months since I've updated, but I'd like to bump to say that I haven't abandoned this. I've been doing some planning, so expect Chapter 4 soon.

Edited December 28, 2010 by Phantom Roxas

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Ok, this is the FIRST fan-fic I've read on this forum. Ok I lie I tried reading Trio of DEF half hour ago but got bored. Anyway what I'm saying is don't expect expert critique. :)

 

Think this is awesome. I dunno if writing in the first person is common in fan-fics, but it works well in the same way 'The Spook's Apprentice' does. The build up is straight-forward and it's well written.

 

I wouldn't worry to much about having too many characters, you probably won't need to mention members from every dorm. Using the YGO anime as an example, they usually have what... 10-12 major characters tops and that is quite a few, plus several side characters that only need to be mentioned when relevant. So don't overload readers with lots of different names and faces to remember.

 

A good read, would like to see more.