Angel Warrior

[kingdom01]

Hi, this is my latest card, i hope it's good, criticism and advice please

[center][img]http://img714.imageshack.us/img714/8198/82157.jpg[/img][/center]


Lore: You can only Special Summon this card if you have less than 500 Life Points. If this card is Summoned otherwise, its effects are negated and it is treated as a Normal Monster. When this card is Summoned, draw 3 cards then banish 2 of them, if you drew atleast 2 Monster Cards, place 5 Counters on this card. Once per turn, you can sacrifice 1 Counter on this card to prevent the destruction of a card on your side of the field and destroy a random card in the opposite field. If this card has no Counters on it, banish it. Ther can only be 1 "Angel Warrior" on the field.

[ragnarok1945]

remove 1 counter, not sacrifice a counter

as for the counter effect, that shouldn't be as many times as you want per turn

draw power is a bit too much as well

7.5/10

[kingdom01]

[quote name='ragnarok1945' timestamp='1306695691' post='5240120']
remove 1 counter, not sacrifice a counter

as for the counter effect, that shouldn't be as many times as you want per turn

draw power is a bit too much as well

7.5/10
[/quote]
Thank you for your reply, i edited the card and added some tweaks.
what do u think of it now ?

[newhat]

"Draw 3 cards from your Deck then send 2 of the cards you drew to the Graveyard" is a very Graceful-Charity-esque effect, and one that sets up the Graveyard pretty quickly. This card can get some mean early-game OTKs. Nerf it a bit. Make it so you can only Special Summon this if your opponent controls a monster, and add "There can only be 1 'Angel Warrior' on the field".

[Sleepy]

If I got this right:

You just need to pay 2000 Life to Special Summon and perform a "Pot of Duality" that thins your Deck more and has less drawbacks than "Pot of Duality". Then you have a 50/50 chance of it not dying and giving you 5 opportunities to protect your cards from destruction and destroy cards from your opponent along the way (as if the protection wasn't enough.)

By the way, YES it is a 50% chance of staying:
-0 Monsters = [b][color=red]Banishes.[/color][/b]
-1 Monster = [color=red][b]Banishes.[/b][/color]
-2 Monsters = [color=red][b]Survives with Counters.[/b][/color]
-3 Monsters = [color=red][b]Survives with Counters.[/b][/color]

I think the card has some over-the-board parts in it, but it is fixable. Its looks are overpowered, yet risky (which is a bad combination in some cases.)

My advice:
-Draw 2 cards instead.
-Gain only as many Counters as the monsters drawn.

That is all it needs.

Now independent from my suggestions above, here is OCG fix (Note: I'm only correcting [color=red][b]your[/b][/color] effect without applying any of my suggestions to it. You'll know what to do):

[quote=OCG fix:]You can Special Summon this card [color=red][s]from your hand[/s][/color] by paying 2000 Life Points. If this card is Summoned otherwise, its [color=red]e[/color]ffect[color=red](s)[/color] is [color=red][s]cancelled[/s] [b]negated[/b][/color] and it is treated as a Normal Monster. When this card is [color=red][s]Special[/s][/color] Summoned, draw 3 cards[color=red][s]. from your Deck[/s] [b]T[/b][/color]hen send 2 of them to the [color=red][b]G[/b][/color]raveyard, if you [color=red]drew at least[/color] 2 Monster Cards, place 5 Counters on this card [color=red][s](max5)[/s][/color]. Once per turn, you can [color=red]remove[/color] 1 Counter on this card to prevent the destruction of a card [color=red]o[/color]n your [color=red]side of the[/color] field and destroy a random card in the opposite field. [color=red][s]When[/s] [b]If[/b][/color] this card has no Counters on it, [color=red]banish it[/color]. [/quote]

-It is implied that it Special Summons itself [color=red][b]from your hand[/b][/color] when it is not stated from where. Making it redundant.
-"Effect" only goes with capital when starting a sentence or when [color=red][b]"Effect Monster[/b][/color]" is being said specifically.
-Effect[color=red][b](s)[/b][/color] is because your monster doesn't just have one to be negated.
-When this card is [color=red][s]Special[/s][/color] Summoned ~ is redundant. You already stated it doesn't have effect when Summoned any other way so, why put that?
-"from your Deck" is just a question of taste really. You can ignore it but its not actually needed for the reader to understand.
-You "remove" Counters. [color=red][b]REMOVE![/b][/color]
-A "(max [x])" is not needed. How do you ever plan on replenishing those counters anyways? Spell Counters are NOT the same type as Counters, or A-Counters, or Venom Counters, or Hyper Venom Counters, or any other type of Counter so you can't mix them. Also, a "(max [x])" clause is only needed when the limit is needed for [color=red][b]balance[/b][/color], but your card cannot possibly gain more Counters than the ones it gains by itself, which it only gains once when Summoned, and [i]sometimes[/i] only.
-"If" in this case is a continuous effect what will instantly kick-in as soon as the requirements are right. "When" just sounds out of place because it is [i]waiting for an action to happen[/i].
-"banish" is new OCG for "remove from play" and I'm starting to implement it barely.

~That is all~

[ragnarok1945]

[quote name='kingdom01' timestamp='1306700916' post='5240364']
Thank you for your reply, i edited the card and added some tweaks.
what do u think of it now ?
[/quote]

it is better, so I can raise the rate to 8.4/10

[kingdom01]

Thank you for your replies, it really helped.

i want this card to be a life savior, not used in the first turn or sth like that, plus since it has a dangerous effect, it's chance to activate its effect is pretty risky so...

i made some tweaks i hope u like it

[KdogPrime]

My question has to do with the game mechanics as they relate to the card. Since your opponent will most likely have a mix of face-down and face-up cards on the field, how exactly do you choose at random which one to destroy? The only way would be to gather all the cards on your opponent's field, shuffle them face down, then choose one. But this could lead to all sorts of problems with Set monsters and Spell/Trap cards, since you'd have to trust your opponent to put them back in exactly the same place as he had them to start. If you've locked down some of your opponent's Set cards or you've previously revealed them, he could potentially switch their positions with other Set cards to give himself an advantage and you would never know.

[kingdom01]

[quote name='KdogPrime' timestamp='1306838697' post='5243912']
My question has to do with the game mechanics as they relate to the card. Since your opponent will most likely have a mix of face-down and face-up cards on the field, how exactly do you choose at random which one to destroy? The only way would be to gather all the cards on your opponent's field, shuffle them face down, then choose one. But this could lead to all sorts of problems with Set monsters and Spell/Trap cards, since you'd have to trust your opponent to put them back in exactly the same place as he had them to start. If you've locked down some of your opponent's Set cards or you've previously revealed them, he could potentially switch their positions with other Set cards to give himself an advantage and you would never know.
[/quote]
that's not really a problem, i can give u a simple way
the cards are already numerated by their positions, so roll a dice to select a number that's referring to a position
then rite in a sheet of paper : M on a side and T/S on the other side and toss it, the result is to decide wether to destroy a monster card with position number x or a T/S card with the same position number

Example: the dice gives us, 2
and the paper gives us M
then the Monster in position 2 is destroyed

[kingdom01]

bump, i need more feedback on the final draft

[KdogPrime]

[quote name='kingdom01' timestamp='1306839270' post='5243919']
that's not really a problem, i can give u a simple way
the cards are already numerated by their positions, so roll a dice to select a number that's referring to a position
then rite in a sheet of paper : M on a side and T/S on the other side and toss it, the result is to decide wether to destroy a monster card with position number x or a T/S card with the same position number

Example: the dice gives us, 2
and the paper gives us M
then the Monster in position 2 is destroyed
[/quote]

Yeah, I know all about that. That's similar to how I wrote up the effect on Roulette Spider (except I used a coin instead of tossing paper). My point is, it should be written on the card (or documented in the rulebook) or else there is no reference for how the effect should work. Otherwise, it's not realistic.

[kingdom01]

bump bump

[Sleepy]

[quote=effect]You can only Special Summon this card if you have less than 500 Life Points. If this card is Summoned otherwise, its effects are negated and it is treated as a Normal Monster. When this card is Summoned, draw 3 cards then banish 2 of them, if you drew at[color=red][insert-space-here][/color]least 2 Monster Cards, place 5 Counters on this card. Once per turn, you can sacrifice 1 Counter on this card to prevent the destruction of a card on your side of the field and destroy a random card in the opposite field. [color=red]If this card has no Counters on it, banish it. Ther[b]e[/b] can only be 1 "Angel Warrior" on the field. [/color][/quote]

I got what you said about this card aiming to be a Life-Saving monster and not a card that could be abused by other Decks. I think you achieved that with this card's latest update, but I think the last part (the one I have in red) is already too much. With the "500 or less Life" condition, it is more than enough. This card's self-banishing effect makes it almost unthinkable as a viable option in a Deck.

[kingdom01]

i agree with u, and i think also that the chances for this card to activate its effect are quite low, so i think i should tweak that up a bit to make more viable in a deck. what do u think ?