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My take on how the banlist should look

CrabHelmet

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CrabHelmet Newbie

CrabHelmet

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WilfordBrimley.jpg

 

I swear, you kids these days. Now that I figure out how to get my internets working, I find out what you've done with that list of printed cardboard that you aren't supposed to use. That list is a piece of crap right now, so it's high time for me, Wilford Brimley, to come and set you young'uns straight.

 

First of all, there's all these damn robotic dragons or something running around. Now, I've no problem with them, since back in my day we thought it was good whenever we got another big monster so we could kick the crap out of people, but when they combine together it just goes too far. These big things are far too much like communism; you take a bunch of equal things and toss them all together to make something evil that has no purpose other than mindless destruction. I don't see why you kids haven't done away with the damn things yet, but I suspect it was bad parenting. Your parents' generation wasn't very good either, no sir. Anyhow, with these blasted dragons out of the way, you can bring back those good old cards like the one that lets you turn one card into another, or the one that combines these mechanical thingies in the junk yard, or whatever. Then you can start using that one computer dragon with the gatling guns, like the ones we used on those German communists back during the war.

 

And another thing! Back in my day, we didn't get our pocket money every week. We had to make do with what he had, and what we could earn. That's why I spent so much time in the coal mines, so I could earn more money to buy things from people who weren't communists. Anyhow, the point is that there's that one card that lets you draw more stuff each time you bring back a dead card. Now, that is just going too far. You can't go around throwing your resources about willy-nilly! Imagine if whenever you bought something in a store, the manager gave you the crap you bought as well as your money. Then you could just buy as many things as you wanted. Also, the money you spend coming back for free sounds a lot like communism to me. That sort of thing should not be endorsed. They should toss out that card so you need to conserve your resources, not throw them all away mindlessly knowing that you'll just be reimbursed.

 

Speaking of mindless revival, I hear they're even making a card that lets you find and recycle that damn revival card over and over again. Are we supposed to be rewarding those skater punks who just let everything they have die, since they can just get it back? They should just get rid of that reviving card altogether. Back in the war, we didn't have trading cards that would let us revive our allies that those damn communists had killed. We needed to use our wits and foresight to stay alive while killing those blasted commies off.

 

Then there's that wizard thing that lets you cast spells you've already used when he comes out. Now, I never liked that piece of crap, since it means you can just use the same boring moves over and other, but now that there's all these blasted things that let you bring back stuff that have been taken out of the entire game, he can return more often than a skater punk that has been told to go away, and he's almost as annoying. Plus, the magic spells he recovers can revive him, so the damn thing's practically immortal. Away with him, I say.

 

Then there's the sniper demon and that evil dragon thing that let you kill everything. Now, if you ask me, destruction in card games is like a war; it should be used sparingly, and in different ways. For example, in one war a great country might defeat a damn Middle Eastern tyrant with footsoldiers, whereas in another that country might defeat a bunch of Japanese communists with bombs. Either way, you can't just go around killing people willy-nilly without running into some consequences, such as losing the respect of the world because the younger, foolish generations have taken over your country. But these damn cards let you do precisely that, nuke the entire battlefield. We can't allow mass murder like that in a capitalist society, especially if the price, like it is for that giant dark dragon, makes use of your own side's soldiers that you've already gotten killed through neglect. While I'm on the subject of these blasted dark monsters, there's that one evil emissary that comes out whenever you get hurt. How is anyone supposed to avoid that? You can't fight a war without damaging the enemy. If you kids could understand all this, you'd see that those three cards all should be removed.

 

Then there's these viruses. I'm totally against biological warfare, but let me say that the one disease that they have managed to disallow is one that really doesn't deserve it. If your opponent is going to squander all his resources by bringing out everything at once, and if his card set is so boring that all his crap cards are the same type, it damn well serves him right if they get killed. The real problem is that crushing virus that kills all the strong cards your opponent has anywhere. Why is this still allowed? Jesus, you can't fight a war with only a bunch of midget munchkins for soldiers, and all you need to do to cripple the opponent is give up one measly weak soldier. It's clear that those cards ought to switch places, especially since America is a land of diversity, and it would be much harder for Russian communists to attack us if they could only kill off types of people rather than everyone strong, since a great country like this is full of strong people, and we can't give the damn commies any ideas.

 

Since each generation of people seems to be getting worse and worse, I won't be surprised if you kids don't understand everything that someone like myself, Wilford Brimley, would tell you. But if you'd all stop shoplifting and riding your motorcycles, you'd see that these combination dragon things are useless and should be abolished. Just remember that if Russian communists see these cards and obliterate America by creating a communistic armed dragon, it's your own damn fault for spending too much time playing Halo 3 instead of listening to me.

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Static Newbie

Static

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That was ****ing EPIC

 

Quite.

 

Then you can start using that one computer dragon with the gatling guns' date=' like the ones we used on those German communists back during the war.[/quote']

 

Almost fell out of my chair when I read that.

 

here's that one evil emissary that comes out whenever you get hurt.

 

The only thing I think I didn't quite get.

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Abstract [Atrocity] Newbie

Abstract [Atrocity]

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That was ****ing EPIC

 

Quite.

 

Then you can start using that one computer dragon with the gatling guns' date=' like the ones we used on those German communists back during the war.[/quote']

 

Almost fell out of my chair when I read that.

 

here's that one evil emissary that comes out whenever you get hurt.

 

The only thing I think I didn't quite get.

 

He's talking about Gorz the Emissary of Darkness... but unless he's a world championship promo I haven't come across yet, I don't think he's iin the TCG. I do a agree with Crab on it tho... Gorz is too strong.

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