Yugioh: Ending Time [PG-16/Chapter 1 is up!]

[Mecha Love]

[img]http://i882.photobucket.com/albums/ac28/Amirzmom/ET-Nw-1.png[/img]
Hello YCM. Thou friend Thunder End Dragon hath decided to create a Fan-Fiction for all ye personal enjoyment. So sit back in ye chairs, for I hope this 'lil piece of fiction will be at thy disposal when ye feel like reading a story of card games and fantasy.

On a serious note: Yes, I have decided to create a Fan-fiction based in the fantasy world of Terra. This is going to be a long Fan-Fiction I hope and it will be split up into 4 seperate books. The plots of each book will come together in the fourth for the grand finale. So sit back and I hope you enjoy reading Yugioh: Ending Time.

[spoiler= Intro Song]

[/spoiler]

[spoiler= Maps of Terra]
Credit to these blank maps goes to [url="http://www.cartographersguild.com/showthread.php?9808-My-first-fantasy-map-collection"]'betumuraro' from cartographersguild.com[/url]. He HAS stated it is free for anyone to use. I am only using the first map, not the second and third.
[spoiler= Kingdoms and Empires]
[img]http://i44.tinypic.com/2cnbbpd.jpg[/img]
[spoiler= Kingdoms and Empires Profiles]
[i]Coming Soon - Probably tomorrow when I have time to post them[/i]
[/spoiler]
[/spoiler]
[spoiler= Seas and Oceans]
[img]http://i42.tinypic.com/2a68ec7.jpg[/img]
[/spoiler]
[/spoiler]

[spoiler= General Prologue]
[i]Our Creation is our history. Our history makes our future. But our future can never truly be embraced, unless your past is understood[/i] – Poldaran of Incaram Xolotl Kingdoms.



Once, three almighty beings were born from Nothing. Obelisk the Tormentor, Slifer the Sky Dragon and The Winged Dragon of Ra. In the instant of birth, their radiance shone through Nothing and created Everything. Red, blue and yellow light spread far and wide throughout a new universe of fiery stars, rocky moons and large worlds. One of these worlds was Terra. Our world.
Now, the three beings came to Terra and created minor Gods to create and afterwards care for the world. First born were the three Aesir Gods; Odin, Thor and Loki. Next was the Crimson Dragon. Third came the Dark Gods; The Dreadroot, The Eraser and The Avatar. Finally the 100 Number Deities were created.
Each group of Gods looked down at the rocky globe, which was our world, with their eyes set on the task they had been made to do. They combined their power to absolute and thus created land masses, large and small. Mountains and valleys were formed on these lands while the wind and clouds were above them. Next came the seas and oceans, which filled the deep cracks between continents. The sun and moon were created, as was day and night.
With that; a world had been created. A world which was by now covered in lush green meadows and large, violent volcanoes. But it was an empty world. A perfect world, but with nobody to share its magnificence.
***
The Gods lived on in this empty world, until They could not bear it any longer. It was not Their world. It was a world They created for others. So each God created a race of people and together, mortal and immortal cherished in each others love.
Odin, the eldest God, guided the Ragnaroks. They learnt under Him and they cherished, at last becoming the most powerful land in all of Terra. Thor gathered his people around Him and strengthened them to become the warrior race. Very soon they became the strongest land, reknown for their military expertise and the power of their large army. Loki gave His people the secrets of trade and deceipt. They prospered with His wisdom and became wealthy traders, and thus the land of Kirkby became the wealthiest of all lands. These three lands became known as the Ragnarok Empire, worshipping the three Aesir Gods.
Then, the Crimson Dragon led Its people to the north of the central continent. Its people created monuments and structures in worship of the Dragon. They were intelligent people who served only their God. They are now infamous people for the philosophy and scientific discoveries. To the south of the central continent, the 100 Number Deities led Their people. They settled down and became farmers and fishermen, earning honest lives by caring for the land bestowed upon them by their Gods. The people of Astrala are known today as being the simplest of people on Terra, but they play a vital role in the worlds agriculture and seafaring.
Finally there was people of the Dark Gods, nowadays known as The Wicked Gods. The took their people to the Eastern Lands. The Wicked Dreadroot was worshipped in Tenebrae, The Wicked Eraser in Malum. The Wicked Avatar was worshipped universally in both lands. The Wicked Gods were worshipped with sacrifices of human blood. They cherished the smell and sight of the blood of a mortal. The people of these two lands, which became known as the Tenebrae Empire, took slaves from other lands and indeed from their own and placed them on the altar. Their hearts were offered to their Wicked Gods who then blessed them with more slaves and more power. The corrupted lands of the Tenebrae Empire recived bad reputation from the other lands who lived in harmony with one another, and so it was left isolated from the other Gods and mortals.
***
The Gods also created Monsters of great power. They lived alongside humans and fought with them. Some possessed great abilities, others did not. But they were physical creatures with which we shared our world with, under the God’s care. These Monsters are the very same as the ones we know now as ‘Duel Monsters’.
***
But thus, the peace could not last. The Wicked Gods became crazed with blood thirst and began to lay waste to Their own people and land. But then, They gathered what remained and constructed a mighty army to destroy the other lands and banish the other Immortal Gods. The Wicked Avatar realising that what was left of Its army was not enough compared to the armies of the northern kingdoms of the Ragnarok Empire, molded Immortal Monsters from the earth in which Its people stood. These became known as the Earthbound Gods, or Immortals.
Then, using Its powers of corrupted replication, it copied the Number Deities and created darkened versions of them, thus was the Avatars power. Then, the Wicked Gods, the Monstrosities known as the Earthbound Immortals and the Minus Numbers marched towards the northern and eastern kingdoms.
But their army was matched. The heir to the Ragnarok Throne, Beldar II, was advised of this coming by an small order of farsighted knights and raised an army in defiance. Ten years was the Great Battle of Terra and during the last year, the Gods of each of the Western Lands met up and made a decision. They would sacrifice their physical forms and become spirits, locked away in cards, which we know as Duel Monsters. The same sacrifice would be made from every Monster in the Western Lands and thus, the same fate would be forced upon the Wicked Gods and the other Monsters in the Eastern Lands. This fate is what saved our modern world from total annihilation.

The Gods wept as they parted their people. They passed on a final knowledge and gathered in the skies above Terra. In a blast of bright white light, the Monsters encased their spirits within cards, and the armies of Tenebrae were trapped also within cards of their own. There was no chance of permanent escape.
All except the Crimson Dragon. It split Its own spirit into six pieces, which became the six Signer Dragons; Stardust Dragon, Red Dragon Archfiend, Black-Winged Dragon, Black Rose Dragon, Life Stream Dragon and Ancient Fairy Dragon. It gave responsibility of these Dragons to his six wisest, strongest and purest people. These people became known as the ‘Signers’ due to the glowing red mark they possessed upon their forearm as a symbol of being the Crimson Dragons most beloved and ‘chosen’ people. They protected the lands of Xolotl while the Crimson Dragon could not. These Signer Dragons also became cards, like every other Duel Monster, and were the sole property of whoever possessed the Crimson Mark corresponding with the particular Signer Dragon.
***

Then, the people of every land quested to find their God’s trapped spirits and returned them rightfully to their lands. But Beldar II, once finding his God’s cards safe, travelled to the Tenebrae Empire and stole the Wicked God Cards, to be locked away in Ragnarok, guarded by his descendants for all of time.
***
The once mighty Tenebrae Empire became isolated from the rest of the world once again as they could not raise an army to take back their Gods and there was peace once more. The spirits of the Gods remained, in the care of their people. But the final knowledge that the Gods gave was the ability to call upon the spirits of ‘Duel Monsters’ temporarily in a battle known simply as a ‘Duel’. Dueling is now the foundation of our modern world and our ‘Decks’ of Monsters Cards and forms of Magic and Traps are what define us as a person. The Monsters and Gods still live alongside us in spirit, and we still sing of the sacrifice They made for us people.

Terra truly was in its Golden Age.

[b]- Extract from the Book of Ragnarok.[/b]
[/spoiler]

[spoiler= Book 1: March for Ragnarok!]
[spoiler= Prologue]
The Great War of Terra was the greatest war mankind had ever seen. Ten years of ruthless bloodshed and killings, just to stop the Empire of Tenebrae invading every other country, massacring every living thing. Their invincible army was matched by forces from every corner of Terra. Duel Monsters and humans alike fought for survival and after [i]The Great Sacrifice, [/i]where Duel Monsters encased their spirits into card form; the Tenebrae Kingdom was defeated and order restored.

However, the threat of the Wicked Gods power being called upon in a ‘Duel’ was too great to be left unnoticed. So, the heir to the Ragnarok throne; Beldar II, who raised the army in defiance of that of the Tenebrae Empire, with Delin; the heir to the Kurkbian throne and Cherak; the heir of the Mjolnir throne, invoked the powers of their God’s spirits and secretly entered the kingdom of Meloria, in the Tenebrae Empire and stole the Wicked Gods from under the Tenebrans watchful eyes, with the aid of four mysterious knights.

They fled home to the Ragnarok Empire before the Tenebrans discovered their Gods had been stolen and immediately set up a volt in the palace
of the Ragnarok Emperor where they would be guarded by the Emperors of Ragnarok, as the first guardian soon be Beldar II, nowadays known as Beldar the Great. The mysterious knights cast several enchantments upon the three wicked cards so that only one with a pure heart could ever touch them and live. Anyone with evil and corrupted intentions would be burnt upon touching them and ultimately killed. Thus was the fate of the Wicked Gods.

[i] [font=comic sans ms,cursive][color=#0000CD][size=5]Or was it?[/size][/color][/font][/i]

[b]- Extract from The Ages of Terra, whch has been graffitied with a cliffhanger by an unknown person.[/b]



Please Note: This prologue is short because it is simply a more in depth paragraph from the General Prologue.....
[/spoiler]
[spoiler= Arc 1: An Empire at War]
[i]When the scales tip and darkness arises, Light shall fall down.[/i]
[i]When Darkness arises, plots of evil shall be made.[/i]
[i][b]When Darkness arises, friendships shall be strained.[/b][/i]
[i]When Darkness prevails, worlds shall end.[/i]

[spoiler= Chapter 1: Threats are Revealed]
[color=#000000]The sun shone brightly on a carpet of perfect white snow. The birds sang and the polar animals of the region ran along; a flurry of white fur which blended perfectly with the snow. The odd tree poked out of a thin permafrost, barely noticeable as a tree with white covering every leaf, which otherwise would be visible.
There was no wind, but the air was bitter. It always was in the Ragnarok Kingdoms, being in the chilled north of Terra, despite the amber sun shining overhead. The people of Ragnarok became used to it, even if their bodies were not adapted to the cold as one might expect. This same rule applied to a boy, or rather a man, as he now entered his late teenage years. He sat cross legged on a thick red mat which had an emblem of three interlacing triangles, a Valknut, which many know as the flag of the Ragnarok Empire.
His name was Adils. Adils of Ragnarok. He had a tall and a somewhat lean figure, easily 6”1 or 6”2 which gave him a slightly imposing character and unquestionably a respectable one. Rightly so. He had steely grey eyes, or rather [i]eye[/i], in singular form, due to a long, thin scar running down through the centre of his right eye, keeping it forcably shut. His eyes contrasted with his pale white skin and loose grey-white hair which was up to his shoulders in length. Adils possessed a face which showed a naturally serious expression, but mixed in with one of a man who seeks knowledge and has undeniable intelligence.

Adils was watching a duel which was taking place in front of where he sat. He knew the two duelists as Drake of Kurkby and Garath of Mjolnir, both were his friends but both were very different. Garath had a broad and well-built figure. He wore a simple chainmail, Like most Mjolnirs of his age, Garath boasted immense muscles, and was rather tall, but not so much as Adils. He had ginger hair which was cut short and the stubble of a ginger beard forming on his chin. These looks alone gave the impression that he possessed brute force yet little intelligence and no comprehension of the world around him, but his deep brown eyes were fierce and direct, an obvious sign of a Mjolnir warrior and also of a man who knew exactly what was happening and exactly what he would do about it. Not only that, but he wore loose chainmail with a rough bear skin cloak around him, which very often was an obvious giveaway.
On the other hand, Drake gave the impression of a thief, which in every respect was true. He was a Kurkbian after all. Unlike his associates, Drake was not tall, yet nor was he small, but an average and just about respectable height. Not only this, but he had a slender figure, with no noticeable muscles on his arms or legs. However, Drake had a face full of very different emotions. Along with his slick blonde hair, he had deep blue eyes and a long nose. But, with these sly features, Drake portrayed several distinct features of his personality. His eyes were narrowed, studying his opponents face carefully, as to be ready for any move his opponent might make to tip the favour of the duel to his advantage. Meanwhile, his mocking, but wicked smile twitched in anticipation and his eyebrows were inclined in a rather mocking way, as if nothing anyone did could surprise him or rather to ask ‘Is that all?, solely by the use of expression. All this made up a typical Kurkbian, and Drake couldn’t be more so than he was already. A thick woollen cloak was wrapped around him to keep out the cold and it was a deep purple colour, the favourite amongst most Kurkbians.

The two friends, Drake and Garath stood a couple of metres apart, as customary in a duel. Both wore Duel Disks, one coloured purple, the other brown. The duel was already underway and at that particular moment, Drake appeared to be leading, having full Life Points while his opponent, Garath, having half of that; 4000 Life Points. But there were still many possibilities for the favour to tilt.
Both Garath and Drake knew that Adils was by far the superior duelist of the trio, so both of them were in endless competition to get second place, and every time, it was a close duel. Sometimes Garath would win, other times Drake. It had become a habit, a custom or a routine it could be said; to defeat one another. This time was one of many.

Already, the field was bursting with possibilities. Every single Spell and Trap card zone on Drake’s field was occupied by a set card, yet he only controlled 1 monster, namely [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Jester_Queen"][b]Jester Queen [/b][/url]which was in face-up attack position and had caused the 4000 points damage to Garath only the turn before, by attacking 5 consecutive times with 800 ATK because of the 5 face-down cards in Drake’s back row. On the opposite side of the field, there was only 1 monster, [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/X-Saber_Airbellum"][b]X-Saber Airbellum[/b][/url], and only 1 card in his back row. However, Garath had a larger hand of 4 cards, while Drake had only 1. It was Garath’s turn.


He drew a card and smiled coolly, adding it directly to his hand. “So Drake, what are the chances of winning this duel?” He asked mockingly, in a deep, rather low voice.
“Well… I’d say somewhat higher than your chances. Unless you haven’t noticed, 4000 is a lower number than 8000!” Drake replied calmly, making sure Garath took in every piece of the sarcasm involved with that sentence.
Garath’s eyes flashed fire and he threw his hand forward dramatically. “[b]X-Saber Airbellum[/b], attack his [b]Jester Queen[/b]!”
The armoured lion known only as[b] X-Saber Airbellum[/b] jumped high in the air and came spiralling back down towards [b]Jester Queen[/b], fangs bared and its arms outstretched. The six claws, three on each fist, slid cleanly through the [b]Jester Queen[/b], casing a shrill scream to emit from her and then disappearing in a burst of shards.
“Did you ever think that I may have a potentially dangerous back row?” Queried Drake, but even so, slotted the card into the graveyard.
“You bluff most of the time. And waste a lot of your Spell and Trap Card space.” Garath replied, smiling as he saw Drake put a crestfallen expression on his face. “And you’ll be even more upset when I tell you that because I inflicted 800 damage to your Life Points [b](Drake: 8000 --> 7200)[/b], you have to discard the one card in your hand!”
Drake sighed briefly, and added the only card in his hand; [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Jester%27s_Panic"][b]Jester’s Panic[/b][/url], to his grave. Then, as he saw Garath motion for him to begin his turn, he drew a card from his deck, and he gave a wicked grin. “It appears that my little friend has appeared. And it appears that you will be taking a lot more damage!” Drake challenged and placed a single monster card face-up on the field. “[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Jester_Lord"][b]Jester Lord[/b][/url]! Mighty king of the jokers and tricksters! Come forth with all your power!”
A small skinny figure emerged on the field, juggling a single crimson ball. It began jumping around Drake’s field, laughing wickedly, bringing an annoyed expression to Garath’s face.
“That’s all very well Drake, but it does only have 0 ATK you realise?” Garath asked, hoping that his opponent had made a fatal error, thinking that his monster had 5000 ATK, which it would if he didn’t control[b] X-Saber Airbellum[/b].
The Kurkbian put on a shocked face, which evidently lifted Garath’s hopes, but after just a second, Drake doubled over in a fit of laughter. “You really think I’m that stupid Garath? Perhaps you dim witted Mjolnir’s would make a mistake like that, but not I! Because I [i]do [/i]use my face-down cards, you might not have realized. So, I activate[b] Final Joke[/b]! This allows me to half my Jester Lord’s ATK [b](0 --> 0)[/b], which you may notice is zero, and select a card in your hand. Then, I guess what type of card it is, Monster, Spell or Trap.”

[i]‘Right. If I know Garath, he would summon as many monsters as possible, and it’s obvious he hasn’t been able to do so because he only has the one. So I doubt he has any monsters in his hand, unless they are high Level, else he’d have summoned them already. Even so, it would have to be at least Level 7 and unless I’m very much mistaken, none of them are in the Main Deck. Second choice is Spell. That is a possibility. He doesn’t tend to set them, unless they are Quick-Play. So that’s a maybe. Finally there’s the possibility of a Trap Card. Is there any reason he’d keep a Trap Card in his hand? He’s only got 1 card set, so he has plenty of space to set one. So…..’[/i]

“The card on your far right is a Spell Card!” Drake declared confidently, after several minutes deep in thought. Then he grinned as Garath revealed Saber Slash, much to the big Mjolnirs disappointment. “What happens now?” He asked.
“What happens? Your X[b]-Saber [/b]is destroyed I’m afraid!” Drake said, confirming Garath’s fears. His shoulders sagged as Jester Lord tripled in size, and juggled four balls of crimson fire [b](Jester Lord: 0 ATK --> 4000 ATK).[/b]
Then, Drake shouted, at the top of his voice. “[b]Jester Lord[/b]! Attack Garath directly and win this duel!” The Jester obeyed, throwing the fireballs one by one at Garath, who sagged to his knees, causing a crunch in the snow [b](Garath LP: 4000 --> 0)[/b].

Garath’s Trap card revealed itself to be [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Trap_Dustshoot"][b]Trap Dustshoot [/b][/url]and [b]Jester Lord[/b], as well as the rest of Drake’s field faded away as the duel came to an end. The Kurkbian walked over and offered a hand to Garath. “Nice duel my friend, but this one goes to me.”
Garath looked up and grinned at Drake. “I should have expected something like that, shouldn’t I?”
“Yes. You should have.” Said Adils, walking up to the two. “One to Drake’s side.”
The trio laughed together, only to be interrupted by the yap of several Huskies and the skid of a sled. The three friends turned in the direction of the sound, to see a horror stricken man running towards them, panting hard. He fell to his knees.
“Adils! Prince of Ragnarok! I bear thee a message of great importance!” He cried. “The accursed gods of Tenebrae have been robbed from the Emperor’s Vault! Make haste! Thy father bids that you be at thy palace as soon as possible!”
The look on Adils face was a mask of horror. The colour had completely drained from it, and also from the faces of Drake and Garath. The Kurkbian was the first to recover, yet his voice quavered. “H- How is this? Only a man with a sinless heart can touch these Gods and survive. It cannot be!”
But the messenger looked at Drake and said spitefully; “Prince of Kurkby. Would thee not know? For it is thou kingdoms which would create such a cunning plan, and art thou not the prince? Thou father would have you know of his plans!”
“Y- You’re not seriously blaming me, or my father for such an act!” Drake replied, his face vivid with rage. “No person in Ragnarok would ever commit such a crime, it is the sacred rule! Yet you blame us Kurkbians?! I should-“
“That’s enough Drake.” Adils said, as he regained his composure. Quickly, he made a decision, and said as calmly as he could; “We go to Báleygr, as my father has commanded. And you…” he said, looking sternly at the messenger, “return home. I don’t like it when people insult my friends, especially the way you did so. I am sure the Kurkbians had no affair in such a matter!”
The young man scrambled to his feet and fled, tripping over his feet several times before he finally clambered into his sled. Hurriedly, the large dogs raced through the snow, pulling the sled in which the messenger sat in, leaving Adils, Garath and Drake behind. They passed a knowing look between them and ran towards their own sleds, which were not 10 yards of where they had been dueling. Climbing in, they set off towards Báleygr, the capital of the Ragnarok Kingdoms.[/color]
[/spoiler]
[/spoiler]
[/spoiler]

I'm open to any criticism.

[Aesirson]

As I've already told you this looks interesting, and I will follow it!

And as always, feel free to ask me for suggestions and card/character ideas!

[Mecha Love]

Thanks very much Aesirson. You've been a big help!

[Super Chaos Sonic]

Told you this looks cool.

I'm anticipating the next prologue!

[~Tico~]

This is quite interesting. Guess you finally got Word working, huh? This could become somethin good, so I look forward to it.

[Mecha Love]

Yes I did get it working after much cursing in several different languages
I'm glad, I write for others enjoyment
I hope to get the next prologue up soon. What I'll be doing is in each Prologue for every book, state a legend which refers to important events during that book...

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Well now, I love the way you've gone about this prologue. It's a really different approach to most on this site who just barrel straight into Chapter 1 with little setting. The way its written, with little details like the book extract at the end, is exactly like you would find in that kind of text. Kudos.

Couple of nitpicks. Major gripe to start with is, quite shockingly given comments I made in the writers guild, the presensce of the Numbers in a 'god' role. Given their nature and ranks (ba-dum toosh) for them to be placed alongside the Nordic Gods, The Crimson Dragons and the Wicked Gods seems impractical and unsuitable for purpose. They just don't match up to Odin and company in my mind. Perhaps you acknowldge this and thats why you've dumped these 'lesser' gods with the simple farmer folk. What kind of kingdom functions where everyone does pretty much the same thing. If you've ever played games like Empire/Civilization/Black&White you'll know a kingdom needs everything to survive. Although the Ragnarok has it covered over the course of their three sections, the others don't seem self-sustainable. Perhaps they're not supposed to be.

That's it for technical issues. As for your writing style, hard to comment on anything given it was a history lesson as opposed to storytelling. All seems grammatically good and everything was well explained, so have no problems with it. Can't say it was particularly gripping, but again the nature of what it was couldn't possibly do anymore than explain the state of play. Which I appreciate.

Just wished you'd given us the first chapter of the story proper as well.

[Mecha Love]

[quote name='Verz Bahamut' timestamp='1320173355' post='5611011']
Well now, I love the way you've gone about this prologue. It's a really different approach to most on this site who just barrel straight into Chapter 1 with little setting. The way its written, with little details like the book extract at the end, is exactly like you would find in that kind of text. Kudos.

Couple of nitpicks. Major gripe to start with is, quite shockingly given comments I made in the writers guild, the presensce of the Numbers in a 'god' role. Given their nature and ranks (ba-dum toosh) for them to be placed alongside the Nordic Gods, The Crimson Dragons and the Wicked Gods seems impractical and unsuitable for purpose. They just don't match up to Odin and company in my mind. Perhaps you acknowldge this and thats why you've dumped these 'lesser' gods with the simple farmer folk. What kind of kingdom functions where everyone does pretty much the same thing. If you've ever played games like Empire/Civilization/Black&White you'll know a kingdom needs everything to survive. Although the Ragnarok has it covered over the course of their three sections, the others don't seem self-sustainable. Perhaps they're not supposed to be.

That's it for technical issues. As for your writing style, hard to comment on anything given it was a history lesson as opposed to storytelling. All seems grammatically good and everything was well explained, so have no problems with it. Can't say it was particularly gripping, but again the nature of what it was couldn't possibly do anymore than explain the state of play. Which I appreciate.

Just wished you'd given us the first chapter of the story proper as well.
[/quote]
Ok first; Thanks
Secondly; The kingdom of Astrala, where the Numbers abide is itself a simple country. Farmers and fishermen are probably as simple as you get so I've placed that as the lands 'speciality' as such. Its what majority of people do. The agricultural industry and fishing industry is what keeps 'ordinary' people alive, in many respects. However, it doesn't mean there aren't other jobs available in the country, because a kingdom just wouldn't work without these other jobs.
Xolotl is more or less the same. It's not on the same standards as the Ragnarok Empire. The people don't live as good lives so they live off farming also. This is pretty much the same with any average kingdom. These kingdoms are sustainable, but the national industry, especially for Astrala, is agriculture and the like.

Also; the prologue is just a way to introduce some spoilers. I'll be bringing in the first chapter soon.

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

[quote name='Thunder End Dragon' timestamp='1320173864' post='5611021']
Ok first; Thanks
Secondly; The kingdom of Astrala, where the Numbers abide is itself a simple country. Farmers and fishermen are probably as simple as you get so I've placed that as the lands 'speciality' as such. Its what majority of people do. The agricultural industry and fishing industry is what keeps 'ordinary' people alive, in many respects. However, it doesn't mean there aren't other jobs available in the country, because a kingdom just wouldn't work without these other jobs.
Xolotl is more or less the same. It's not on the same standards as the Ragnarok Empire. The people don't live as good lives so they live off farming also. This is pretty much the same with any average kingdom. These kingdoms are sustainable, but the national industry, especially for Astrala, is agriculture and the like.

Also; the prologue is just a way to introduce some spoilers. I'll be bringing in the first chapter soon.
[/quote]

45 minutes ago. Good lord that other fic took a long time to review.

Yeah, I guess its reasonable that each area has a 'speciality' that defines them. I might have read it more literally than I was supposed to.

Will give a more detailed review of the story when there actually is a story. At the minute I find that there wasn't one released with this history lesson a comedown, because I had got genuinely excited about reading chapter 1 after reading the prologue. That there was nothing there to follow up on that buzz was just a killer for me.

[Mecha Love]

Sorry about that
I'm working on it now

[Dr. Cakey]

I don't really like the Egyptian Gods -> (Aesir, Crimson Dragon, Wicked Gods, Numbers) -> Earthbound Gods cosmology, but I guess that's up to you to decide. I agree that Numbers are probably a poor choice...maybe you could use the Sacred Beasts?

Here, a brief list of divine and semi-divine cards that have appeared:
Exodia
Egyptian Gods
Orichalcos
Zorc (kinda?)
Reshef the Dark Being (would make a good demigod?)

Sacred Beasts
Arcana Force EX's
Rainbow Dragon
Yubel
Darkness series

Five Dragons
Earthbound Gods
Machine Emperors
Temporal Machine Gods

Wicked Gods
Legendary Planets

That should more or less cover it. Don't mean to seem like I'm dictating to you - just suggesting stuff.

[Mecha Love]

I've got an I'dea for legendary planets already....

[Super Chaos Sonic]

[quote name='Dr. Cakey-chan' timestamp='1320282316' post='5614008']
I don't really like the Egyptian Gods -> (Aesir, Crimson Dragon, Wicked Gods, Numbers) -> Earthbound Gods cosmology, but I guess that's up to you to decide. I agree that Numbers are probably a poor choice...maybe you could use the Sacred Beasts?

Here, a brief list of divine and semi-divine cards that have appeared:
Exodia
Egyptian Gods
Orichalcos
Zorc (kinda?)
Reshef the Dark Being (would make a good demigod?)

Sacred Beasts
Arcana Force EX's
Rainbow Dragon
Yubel
Darkness series
[b]E-HERO Divine Neos[/b]

Five Dragons
Earthbound Gods
Machine Emperors
Temporal Machine Gods

Wicked Gods
Legendary Planets

That should more or less cover it. Don't mean to seem like I'm dictating to you - just suggesting stuff.
[/quote]

The bolded is basically the god of the E-HEROs...

[Mecha Love]

[quote name='Chaos Sonic' timestamp='1320329690' post='5614631']
The bolded is basically the god of the E-HEROs...
[/quote]
How did I guess?
[quote name='Dr. Cakey-chan' timestamp='1320282316' post='5614008']
Exodia [b]Cheap, especially in Fanfics. If someone were to use an Exodia Deck, they'd win in the first turn. Not really very interesting. I may mention him though.[/b]
Egyptian Gods [b]Already mentioned as the Divine Creators, however they won't be playing a part at all in card form because they weren't present at 'The Great Sacrifice' and due to that are still in physical forms....[/b]
Orichalcos
Zorc (kinda?)
Reshef the Dark Being (would make a good demigod?)

Sacred Beasts [b]Possibly. I'm coming up with thought on them anyway.[/b]
Arcana Force EX's [b]No[/b]
Rainbow Dragon [b]No[/b]
Yubel [b]It's just a very powerful duel spirit. Not really a God.[/b]
Darkness series

Five Dragons [b]Got them already[/b]
Earthbound Gods [b]Got them already[/b]
Machine Emperors [b]Don't really serve any purpose.[/b]
Temporal Machine Gods [b]I suppose, but I doubt they'll play any significant role.[/b]

Wicked Gods [b]Got them[/b]
Legendary Planets [b]I may well use these in a sequel.[/b]
[b][/quote][/b]



All I say to Legendary Planets is:
[img]http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkpuvwURp51qe61p7.gif[/img]

[Super Chaos Sonic]

Idk XD

EDIT: Oh nice LOL

[Mecha Love]

Rightio. Onto Chapter 1!

[Ren✧]

Read the prologues and was sorrily disappointed to discover there was no Chapter 1, not that you haven't already heard this. I am not too keen on you using the Numbers as 'gods' but to each his own. I do think the Sacred Beasts should be used, but once again this is your fanfic. I really enjoyed the setting up of the story, most fanfics don't have prologues that set up the scene very well and they just delve into Chapter 1. So congrats on that. I do like how the prologues are excerpts from the Book of Ragnarok. I am looking forward to Chapter 1.

[Mecha Love]

The Numbers have good reason to be 'Gods'. However, notice I have named them Deities, as in 'Immortal Beings', rather than Gods.
I also got the idea from religions which have gods for everything. So I wanted a land which had many gods, or deities.
You'll see where they fit in due course.....

[Mecha Love]

Chapter 1 will be up as soon as I can get my French work out the way :/

[Mecha Love]

Chapter 1 is up

By the way, the duel is not very long, I know. Keep in mind, it was already half way through

[~Tico~]

Chapter One is quite good, in my opnion. Looking forward to what you cook up next.

[Mecha Love]

Thanks very much
You may notice I do write a bit old fashioned

Thanks Chaos Sonic for the intro song.

[Super Chaos Sonic]

The song isn't there ED.

[CODE]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uk1mcTxaopU
[/CODE]

[Mecha Love]

Thanks, its up now

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

You asked me to review this, so I will.

Erm....

Some really strange logic here.

Chapter starts with a little bit of nice description to say 'here's the scene, and now meet our hero' as we're immediately set our eyes on our lead. Who is apparently the near flawless epitomy of humanity and has all the great qualities one should aspire to have in abundance. So I hate him already.

What I mean by that is, the only people who like the leading men to be broody, smart, powerful, sensitive, good-looking and perfect in every way from the start of chapter 1 are bored housewives. Most people prefer characters who are flawed, who make mistakes, and have room to grow. For example: John McClain from Die Hard smashes Edward Cullen's head in two, vampire or not. The only way this guy can progress throughout the story is by having a major fall from grace first, and work for redemption.

Next we meet his friends, who bear all the stereotypical hallmarks of their gods, so much so they might as well be called Odin Thor and Loki and be done with it. The description is good, I can picture them perfectly (why ginger? why?) but I can't shake the feeling its just get a picture of Loki and some colouring pencils for his new hair, etc.

Moving on from our characters; because Loki and Thor... sorry Drake and Garath... are having a duel. We're somewhere mid-match... okay I can go with this, and we're... starting with 8000 LP...? Oh damn, trust me when I say you'll regret that, because it really makes close duels and comebacks much MUCH harder. Anyway it looks pretty even, with Garath starting his turn and...

Hold on... why are peoples spoken lines colour coded? I haven't been here the longest but I have honestly never seen that before. I'm going to guess its for easy and quick reference, to avoid confusion. Proper spacing between paragraphs would suffice. That just looks really unprofessional, not to mention irritating.

Anyway, back to the duel. Don't quite understand how Drake's Jester Queen will have got its attacks off when its got Airbellum opposing it. Wikia says its because it can attack directly as well as multiple times. I didn't know that/had forgotten that. Also, if you're going to use custom cards like I assume Gamble is, then that is more than fine. But please don't use names of existing cards, because thats really confusing.

So the duel ends (with a really condescending remark from Mr. Perfect that makes me despise him further) and now thats out of the way, we can now be presented with a plot. The shock news that the Wicked Gods have been stolen. Except thats not a shock, because it was obvious from the prologue that was going to happen. Yes its the setup of chapter 1 and it would have made little sense without the history lesson, so I think you unfortunately got yourself into a lose-lose situation there. Another put down from the noble prince, and the chapter ends.

Unfortunately I don't really have much positive to say about this other than it wasn't the dire attempt of most on-a-whim fanfics. I appreciate the level of planning and detail thats gone into setting this up, probably the wait built up my expectation a lot and it also makes me sad to pass these critisisms, but for everything inventive about the world and the history and the original ideas, it fell apart with the characters. Sorry.