Justice Master Posted December 11, 2011 Report Share Posted December 11, 2011 Hello people on the other side of the computer screen! As you can see, I'm going to be reviewing fan fiction, however, instead of doing the normal quoting of the fanfic or just letting you read it and posting my thoughts inbetween, I'll be going the Zero Puncuation route. If ZP had no pictures and no accent and only text and did fanfics. So without further ado, here's my reviews. WARNING: You will find "bad language" in here, so be careful if your [s]parents [/s]siblings are in the room. [spoiler='Review 1: My Immortal']You know, I've read a lot of fanfics and such and such and have found that getting worse than a Sonic fanfic is very difficult to do. Sadly, this fanfic, My Immortal, does all that and more. But wait! If you read it in the next eternity, we'll also throw in the most retarded spelling ever! And as an added bonus, you'll lose all hope in humanity for absolutely no added cost! As we begin our amazing adventure through this new girl at Hogwart's journey through wizardry school, we learn that her name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way, or, as I like to call her, Annoying Slutbag. Through this virst chapter we learn three important things about Annoying Slutbag. First, her appearance. Second, she is not related to Jerald way, but wishes that she was because he is a "hottie." From this we learn that she is fine with screwing her own family. Third, we learn that she was trained how to spell by a family of mentally ill squirrels. In all seriousness, this writing is absolutely terrible, and that's still too nice for it. I've seen many other crappy fanfics, at least, get this part right, however, this one has it being one of the many fatal flaws. The other being that every Harry Potter character is completely different to their canon counterparts in the ideal that they A. are goth and B. are the most uninteresting people ever. Back on the train, Annoying Slutbag is said hey to by Draco Malfoy. You know, the person who goes up to random people and nicely and shyly says hey. But then her [s]nonexistant[/s] friends call her over and she must leave. The next day(chapter) they are at Hogwarts and we are introduced to Slutbag's friend, Willow, or as I like to call her, Willow because I'm unimaginative. She is apparently a goth and fond of [s]absolute crap[/s] Marilyn Manson's and Good Charlotte's music. Draco comes over, they flirt, etc, etc. Willow tells Draco and Slutbag that there is a [s]Bad[/s] Good Charlotte consert coming up at Hogsmeade. Because angsty music writers are wise in the ways of magic? That night(next chapter) they all go to the GC consert and.... I'm sorry, I just can't do this anymore! I refuse to believe that this is already the worst fanfic I've read on chapter 3! Let me see if I can speed through chapter 3-10... Okay... They go to the GC concert and Draco and Slutbag get a flying car. He rides it all the way to The Forbidden Forest so they can have sex....ugh. After they are almost done a mysterious voice cries from nowhere saying, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" It was Dumbledore. After that- WAIT A SECOND! Dumbledore?! Are you freaking kidding me? I can't even make a joke about this, the evidence it there to prove it. This is the worst written sentence in fanfic history. I'm done! I will not read more of this eyesore! I refuse to! This is an absolute atrocity! If God read this he'd feel guilty he ever made such a person to make a thing! Reading this is about as satisfying as sticking your own head up a horse's arse. And then it craps you out and you're sent as a holiday fruitcake.[/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrabHelmet Posted December 11, 2011 Report Share Posted December 11, 2011 My Immortal is a troll fic. By reviewing it, you lose, and simultaneously prove you are not qualified to review anything anywhere ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thar Posted December 11, 2011 Report Share Posted December 11, 2011 Anyone mind giving me the link to it? Now I'm curious. EDIT: Never mind I found it. Crab Helmet is right. Besides, it's not even on this forum. So why are you reviewing it here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justice Master Posted December 11, 2011 Report Share Posted December 11, 2011 [quote name='Crab Helmet' timestamp='1323591421' post='5700292'] My Immortal is a troll fic. By reviewing it, you lose, and simultaneously prove you are not qualified to review anything anywhere ever. [/quote] Yes, it is a dilebrately bad fanfic. Sadly, it went beyond the possiblilities of absolute crap. It doesn't mean that I'm a bad fanfic reviewer and am not qualified. There are good troll fics out there, not to mention the greatest fanfic ever. [quote name='Brothar' timestamp='1323623897' post='5700706'] Anyone mind giving me the link to it? Now I'm curious. EDIT: Never mind I found it. Crab Helmet is right. Besides, it's not even on this forum. So why are you reviewing it here? [/quote] Well, you see, I never said I was going to review something from here. I'll review fanfiction, and that's very broad making sure I can point out the worst of the worst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catterjune Posted December 11, 2011 Report Share Posted December 11, 2011 [quote name='Justice Master' timestamp='1323631876' post='5700918'] I'll review fanfiction, and that's very broad making sure I can point out the worst of the worst. [/quote] Why? If it's already the worst of the worst, most people don't need you to point it out. I mean, I'm all for taking the piss out of someone but you really gotta pick your targets. Laughing when a politician falls into an open sewer is okay, but laughing when a homeless bum falls into an open sewer just seems mean spirited. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justice Master Posted December 11, 2011 Report Share Posted December 11, 2011 [quote name='PikaPerson01' timestamp='1323633342' post='5700974'] Why? If it's already the worst of the worst, most people don't need you to point it out. I mean, I'm all for taking the piss out of someone but you really gotta pick your targets. Laughing when a politician falls into an open sewer is okay, but laughing when a homeless bum falls into an open sewer just seems mean spirited. [/quote] I see... I'll be more wise for review 2. However, I refuse to review the masterpiece known as "Doom: Reprecussions of Evil." It is the best troll/fanfic ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted December 11, 2011 Report Share Posted December 11, 2011 I concur. Why the hell are you reviewing a troll(?) fic that's old and already well-mocked by the rest of the Internet when there's a lot of opportunities for constructive criticism here on YCM alone? It just seems like bandwagon-hopping without much forethought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrabHelmet Posted December 12, 2011 Report Share Posted December 12, 2011 [quote name='Justice Master' timestamp='1323631876' post='5700918'] Yes, it is a dilebrately bad fanfic. Sadly, it went beyond the possiblilities of absolute crap. It doesn't mean that I'm a bad fanfic reviewer and am not qualified. There are good troll fics out there, not to mention the greatest fanfic ever. [/quote] But your review does not criticize it by the standards of a troll fic, i.e. by pointing out areas in which its trolling is particularly strong or weak. Instead, you just say that it's bad when evaluated like a non-troll fanfic. Yes, of course the fanfic deliberately written to suck will suck by normal standards. You're not providing any insight there; you're just stating the obvious and telling everyone how retarded you are. It's like saying that A Modest Proposal sucks because only a complete monster would advocate eating Irish babies. If something isn't written straightforwardly, evaluating it as though it were intended to be taken straightforwardly makes you look like an idiot. [quote name='Justice Master' timestamp='1323633542' post='5700981'] I see... I'll be more wise for review 2. However, I refuse to review the masterpiece known as "Doom: Reprecussions of Evil." It is the best troll/fanfic ever. [/quote] No, it isn't. It contains misspellings and has a completely nonsensical ending. By the standard you have established for reviewing troll fics, it is just plain bad. See, you can't even be internally consistent, and you've only written a single "review". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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