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Yu-Gi-Oh!: Terminal World [Chapter 4 is now up. Rep to constructive comments.]


DARKPLANT RISING

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

[quote name='Pacmanexus' timestamp='1333903566' post='5906340']
Yeah, the chapter was good but. But Avance's change from " Imma kill you k" to "Oh ok Imma hide you from baddies now" seemed a bit...rushed.
[/quote]
Was half-afraid of that.

Might re-write a bit of it.

EDIT: Edited. Two paragraphs, but it was something I had forgot to write, so.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Well, [i]well[/i] done. I came in expecting something good, and you exceeded my expectations. You've really filled out the DT storyline.

The only critique I have is that Noelia's lurking and omniscient council of vagueness is definitely the least interesting part of the story. Based solely on what I've read, you could [i]probably[/i] even cut all the scenes with Noelia without doing any damage to the story. That's just something to think about.

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Noelia's OMG IT'S HER DREADED EVIL COUNCIL OF DEATH AND DOOM thing is (scheduled to) play a role later on in the story. Not very soon, though.

Chapter 4'll prolly be about Lavals and Gem-Knights (with a tint of Steelswarms). I can't write any more about Gishkis until I can get a more clear art of Trial and Tribulation.

Thanks for the comment.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Dear god that made me feel good to read... and I don't feel good reading... most of the time.

Anyway, now I REALLY want to talk DT storyline theory with you. Congratulations, you've succeeded in writing a compelling story in a foreign language. I'm impressed.

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[quote name='Darkplant - VENOM' timestamp='1337987894' post='5947013']
Thanks.

Exams made it hard for me to write up Chapter 4, but now that it's over it's currently being written. Expect it by Wednesday.
[/quote]I'll expect it on time... since I really need to put out a new chapter of my fic as well... better get that finished up.

Anyway, I'm serious about talking about how you view the DT storyline... well maybe just with[url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Aquamirror_Cycle"] Aquamirror Cycle[/url] and the relationship between Emilia and Avance... because if it's a one-sided love story, it'd make for some cool tension and stuff. Yeah... anyway. What I repeat what I said about the next chapter: can't wait.

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Very nice, only one or two grammar issues, nothing worth mentioning though.

Might I suggest, as a format decision, though, to post each chapter in a post as a bump and merely link it in the OP, it will eliminate clutter in the OP and would mean that you don't need to wait for the unnecessary load time that editing it can do.

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  • 3 weeks later...

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