YCM City: The Third Admin

[Nathanael D. Striker]

[quote name='Loki Rancid' timestamp='1355455050' post='6092615']
Hey whoa, did I say you were contesting? Nope.

I'm just saying: If Spike wanted to read something similar to this, then he/she could read DEF, which I just happen to have copied on Word and can send to him/her.
[/quote]

Ah, I understand. Sorry interpreting that wrongly. I have yet to read Trio of DEF, mainly of its length and because I have something else I have to read. X_X

[Thar]

[quote name='Nathanael Darius Striker' timestamp='1355455358' post='6092619']
Ah, I understand. Sorry interpreting that wrongly. I have yet to read Trio of DEF, mainly of its length and because I have something else I have to read. X_X
[/quote]

Yeah, it took me a lot of discipline to start reading it, and while I only made it half way before giving up, it was a very good read. It would've been nice to have it converted to an eBook, though. Would've made reading it less of a strain as far as bookmarking.

[Nathanael D. Striker]

We are getting off topic. So Thar, how is my fic so far?

[Thar]

From what I've read, it seems a bit too stationary. Kinda thirsty for progression in whatever plot you are or plan on splatting in.

[Nathanael D. Striker]

[quote name='Loki Rancid' timestamp='1355459577' post='6092690']
From what I've read, it seems a bit too stationary. Kinda thirsty for progression in whatever plot you are or plan on splatting in.
[/quote]

Like I said, I'm free-styling this. TBH, the first two chapters were made in the summer. With that said, there is a difference in style from the first two chapters and the third. And yea, I can see what you mean about it being stationary.

[Mugendramon]

If you ask me, you should probably make a little research on the people who's cameos you're writing. Because out of these three chapters, I don't think you've actually managed to properly characterize any of the ones you mentioned. Whom I've talked to in the past.

I might be wrong, but that's about it.

Oh, physical description. You could use a little more of that.

[Nexev]

Avast a fanfic!

As any good fanfic, it deserves a STRONG CRITICAL THROTTLING.

LET US VOYAGE TALLY HO!

[spoiler=Chapter One: The Meeting]
It was early morning in the seemingly quiet YCM City. The sun was starting to rise allowing its citizens to wake up and start another day with the countless debates in TCG to the varied works in Creative Writing to the religious drama in General.
[b]Rp-kun let a tear roll down his cheek. "Senpai why wasn't I mentioned." Multimedia stroked Rp's cheek. "Don't worry, no matter how baka Striker is, I will always notice you." The two embrace, their passionate kiss causing Graphics to let out a loud fangirl squeel so vast that it destroye dthe rest of this fanfic.[/b]
It was around this time when most clubs in the city opened their doors. While most club owners were eager to open up to members, there was one hoping to sleep in after a night in the Treehouse.

"Morning already?" asked the drowsy owner as sunlight glimmered in his room. "Is it too much to ask for me to sleep in once and a while?" Already knowing the answer to his question, the owner reluctantly got out of bed and headed downstairs.

"Morning Strikeout," said LC, a regular of the Treehouse. "In case you are wondering how I got in, I let myself in with the spare key you gave me." Strikeout was a nickname LC gave the owner, Striker. At first Striker hated the nickname, but he got used to it.
[b]What in sam hill is a LC and a Striker? What do they look like? No you know what I think I know.[/b][b][img]http://stuffpoint.com/bunnies/image/46461-bunnies-cute-rabbit.jpg[/img][/b]

[b]I am 100% sure thats what a Stirker is.[/b]

"You could have opened the Treehouse while you were down here LC," replied Striker as he unlocked the front door. "I assume you locked the back door after you came in?"

"When don't I Strikeout?" responded LC in a humorous way.
[b]HAHAHA COMEDY GOLD[/b]

[b]SEE ITS FUNNY CAUSE HE SAID IT WAS.... WHAT DO YOU MEAN THATS NOT HOW JOKES WORK?[/b]

"I can list them right now, but I have somewhere to be right now," Striker responded. Striker headed out the door, but gave LC a simple request before he closed the door.

"Make sure you keep the place running while I'm gone LC. I don't want a repeat of last week." With that, Striker headed out towards his blue and white BMW and drove off, and leaving LC to run the Treehouse in his absence.
[b]What was last week? Was it a orgy? Did they just go away and watch the hobbit? I think it was an orgy these ARE bunnies we are talking about. [/b]
Back in TCG square, the terribads were getting a head start on the day. Now, terribads are those who are completely bad at the game with little hope of improvement or those who are completely clueless about the current meta.
[b]So.... there is a entire race defined by being not smart? What do they look like? Are they considred malicous... nah I think I know.[/b]
[b][img]http://dribbble.s3.amazonaws.com/users/13307/screenshots/772588/bird.jpg[/img][/b]



[b]Once again adorable.[/b]


"DMoC is broken cause it doesn't need dedication, just two tributes," proclaimed a terribad.

[b]What is a DMoC Dark Magican of Chaos? Dangerous Man of Carebears?[/b]

[b]Pretty sure its the latter.[/b]
"I don't get it." said Agro, attempting to troll the terribad.
[b]The terribad flinched, no dude thats weird stop. Unswayed Agro continued to rub karkats face all over the terribad, making everyone (especially karkat) uncomfortable.[/b]
"It needs two tributes to NORMAL SUMMON it."

"I don't get it."

"PLEASE tell me your joking. Well, Tribute Summon is pretty much in the same category with Normal Summon in TCG and OCG format. I mean look at cards like Torrential Tribute and Ultimate Offering. You don't see 'Tribute Summon' on the cards but they still activates when you do. Unless you don't play Yu-Gi-Oh, you will at least notice that."

"What is a Tribute Summon?"

"RAEG!!!!!"
[b]Oh he's in this now? That would be fun[/b].
"Alright Agro, you've had your fun," said Darkplant-a TCG local. "Leave the poor fool alone now." Darkplant checked his watch and realized he was late for an important meeting.
[b]With who? Peter Rabbit? Why would you have meetings in YCM, what is the point of any of this? The story seemed to be about a city based on ycm but is now just about ycm itself and then back to a city? Pick one, if its a city have important city things![/b]
"So Darkplant, did you see how I messed with him? That was priceless.
[b]He did a stellar interpretation of a idiot. Everyone was fooled. Even... himself...[/b]
[b][img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-O_qXPTp7CLY/TqMhKt13szI/AAAAAAAAAfs/yTmpCFlFc4E/s1600/omg-face-3.jpg[/img][/b]
"Agro, I'd love to hear what you have to say, but I have somewhere to be right now and I'm currently running late." Not saying anything else, Agro let Darkplant head to the bus so he could make it to his meeting.

On the other side of town, a crowd was forming in an old discussion hall near News Square. It was here were an important meeting was to be held, yet no one knew what it was about. The hall was lined with metal chairs with only a 4 ft walkways between the two sections of chairs. People were coming in by the dozens, each were marked and had their names crossed off.

Striker arrived at the hall around the same time Darkplant got off the bus. Both were still hoping some seats were open.

"Hey Kenta, how are you this morning?" asked Striker. "I'm surprised that you came out of TCG."
[b]Whats a kenta?[/b]
"Striker, I'm only here due to the magnitude of this meeting," replied Darkplant. "Now, let's get inside before they lock the doors on us."

The duo managed to get inside just before the doors were locked. Inside, almost every single chair was taken except a chair in the back and a chair in the front. Since both of them wanted to be in the front, they raced their way to the empty chair. Due to his size, Striker was able to get people out of his way easier allowing him to get to the chair. Awaiting him was a reserved marker with Darkplant name on it.

"Come down here for nothing Striker?" chuckled Darkplant. "I could have told you that I reserved the seat, but I thought you could use the exercise."

Feeling ashamed, Striker headed towards the back. "That is what I get for trying to take the front chair," he thought.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVTXPUF4Oz4
Striker took his seat as Legend Zero-a General Mod-headed to the wooden podium in the front of the hall. Zero was a one year member of the Staff, but was one of the more known Mods.

"I thank you all for coming on such a short notice," said Zero looking on at the large audience. "This is probably the last thing I would like to be doing, but no one else wanted to do this. Anyway, I called you all here this morning due to YCMaker's extended absence. This should be nothing new, but it is an issue that provides a challenge to us."

Striker had a good idea how this meeting was going to end. Once Zero was done with his piece, everyone was going to into rant mode about YCMaker's laziness. He had seen similar meetings unfold and he wouldn't be surprised if the same happened here
[b]spoiler: strikers wrong[/b]
"As you may know, the Staff have been constantly trying to get YCMaker to do something. Unfortunately, he ignores our pleads and continues to do nothing: until now. I have called you here because YCMaker has finally answered our pleas for a third administration.
[b]FINALLY A JUDICAL BRANCH... OH YOU MEANT ADMINISTRATOR[/b]
At the sound of that, the hall erupted in cheers. Everyone in the hall was glad that YCMaker had finally listened to their crys.

"Order in the hall! Now, the new admin will be arriving tomorrow. I expect everyone in here to welcome him. Meeting ajourned," said Zero, leaving the hall.

Everyone was shocked as they left the hall. They realized what Zero said was biter sweet; they were going to get a new admin, but it would be another one of YCMaker's trusted friends. Unfortunately, they had no idea if it would turn out like Falling Pizza-YCMaker's second in command who hasn't been seen since 2009.

"Things just got very interesting. Hope this helps us," thought Striker as he got into his BMW. "Another admin may be what we need, but it could easily back fire. I must get my Treehouse ready." Striker started his BMW and drove back to his Treehouse.[/spoiler]

So far I really don't really see the big Cityness of the world, it just seems like it's just the normal forum despite all you say otherwise, also there isn't really much description.

You get about as much good story writing from simply reading the first page of a math textbook.

But I have to give props because the bunny is adorable.

[Alice Moonflowyr]

[quote name='Cutie Morning Gem' timestamp='1355784839' post='6096202']
Avast a fanfic!

As any good fanfic, it deserves a STRONG CRITICAL THROTTLING.

LET US VOYAGE TALLY HO!

[spoiler=Chapter One: The Meeting]
It was early morning in the seemingly quiet YCM City. The sun was starting to rise allowing its citizens to wake up and start another day with the countless debates in TCG to the varied works in Creative Writing to the religious drama in General.
[b]Rp-kun let a tear roll down his cheek. "Senpai why wasn't I mentioned." Multimedia stroked Rp's cheek. "Don't worry, no matter how baka Striker is, I will always notice you." The two embrace, their passionate kiss causing Graphics to let out a loud fangirl squeel so vast that it destroye dthe rest of this fanfic.[/b]
It was around this time when most clubs in the city opened their doors. While most club owners were eager to open up to members, there was one hoping to sleep in after a night in the Treehouse.

"Morning already?" asked the drowsy owner as sunlight glimmered in his room. "Is it too much to ask for me to sleep in once and a while?" Already knowing the answer to his question, the owner reluctantly got out of bed and headed downstairs.

"Morning Strikeout," said LC, a regular of the Treehouse. "In case you are wondering how I got in, I let myself in with the spare key you gave me." Strikeout was a nickname LC gave the owner, Striker. At first Striker hated the nickname, but he got used to it.
[b]What in sam hill is a LC and a Striker? What do they look like? No you know what I think I know.[/b][b][img]http://stuffpoint.com/bunnies/image/46461-bunnies-cute-rabbit.jpg[/img][/b]

[b]I am 100% sure thats what a Stirker is.[/b]

"You could have opened the Treehouse while you were down here LC," replied Striker as he unlocked the front door. "I assume you locked the back door after you came in?"

"When don't I Strikeout?" responded LC in a humorous way.
[b]HAHAHA COMEDY GOLD[/b]

[b]SEE ITS FUNNY CAUSE HE SAID IT WAS.... WHAT DO YOU MEAN THATS NOT HOW JOKES WORK?[/b]

"I can list them right now, but I have somewhere to be right now," Striker responded. Striker headed out the door, but gave LC a simple request before he closed the door.

"Make sure you keep the place running while I'm gone LC. I don't want a repeat of last week." With that, Striker headed out towards his blue and white BMW and drove off, and leaving LC to run the Treehouse in his absence.
[b]What was last week? Was it a orgy? Did they just go away and watch the hobbit? I think it was an orgy these ARE bunnies we are talking about. [/b]
Back in TCG square, the terribads were getting a head start on the day. Now, terribads are those who are completely bad at the game with little hope of improvement or those who are completely clueless about the current meta.
[b]So.... there is a entire race defined by being not smart? What do they look like? Are they considred malicous... nah I think I know.[/b]
[b][img]http://dribbble.s3.amazonaws.com/users/13307/screenshots/772588/bird.jpg[/img][/b]



[b]Once again adorable.[/b]


"DMoC is broken cause it doesn't need dedication, just two tributes," proclaimed a terribad.

[b]What is a DMoC Dark Magican of Chaos? Dangerous Man of Carebears?[/b]

[b]Pretty sure its the latter.[/b]
"I don't get it." said Agro, attempting to troll the terribad.
[b]The terribad flinched, no dude thats weird stop. Unswayed Agro continued to rub karkats face all over the terribad, making everyone (especially karkat) uncomfortable.[/b]
"It needs two tributes to NORMAL SUMMON it."

"I don't get it."

"PLEASE tell me your joking. Well, Tribute Summon is pretty much in the same category with Normal Summon in TCG and OCG format. I mean look at cards like Torrential Tribute and Ultimate Offering. You don't see 'Tribute Summon' on the cards but they still activates when you do. Unless you don't play Yu-Gi-Oh, you will at least notice that."

"What is a Tribute Summon?"

"RAEG!!!!!"
[b]Oh he's in this now? That would be fun[/b].
"Alright Agro, you've had your fun," said Darkplant-a TCG local. "Leave the poor fool alone now." Darkplant checked his watch and realized he was late for an important meeting.
[b]With who? Peter Rabbit? Why would you have meetings in YCM, what is the point of any of this? The story seemed to be about a city based on ycm but is now just about ycm itself and then back to a city? Pick one, if its a city have important city things![/b]
"So Darkplant, did you see how I messed with him? That was priceless.
[b]He did a stellar interpretation of a idiot. Everyone was fooled. Even... himself...[/b]
[b][img]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-O_qXPTp7CLY/TqMhKt13szI/AAAAAAAAAfs/yTmpCFlFc4E/s1600/omg-face-3.jpg[/img][/b]
"Agro, I'd love to hear what you have to say, but I have somewhere to be right now and I'm currently running late." Not saying anything else, Agro let Darkplant head to the bus so he could make it to his meeting.

On the other side of town, a crowd was forming in an old discussion hall near News Square. It was here were an important meeting was to be held, yet no one knew what it was about. The hall was lined with metal chairs with only a 4 ft walkways between the two sections of chairs. People were coming in by the dozens, each were marked and had their names crossed off.

Striker arrived at the hall around the same time Darkplant got off the bus. Both were still hoping some seats were open.

"Hey Kenta, how are you this morning?" asked Striker. "I'm surprised that you came out of TCG."
[b]Whats a kenta?[/b]
"Striker, I'm only here due to the magnitude of this meeting," replied Darkplant. "Now, let's get inside before they lock the doors on us."

The duo managed to get inside just before the doors were locked. Inside, almost every single chair was taken except a chair in the back and a chair in the front. Since both of them wanted to be in the front, they raced their way to the empty chair. Due to his size, Striker was able to get people out of his way easier allowing him to get to the chair. Awaiting him was a reserved marker with Darkplant name on it.

"Come down here for nothing Striker?" chuckled Darkplant. "I could have told you that I reserved the seat, but I thought you could use the exercise."

Feeling ashamed, Striker headed towards the back. "That is what I get for trying to take the front chair," he thought.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVTXPUF4Oz4[/media]
Striker took his seat as Legend Zero-a General Mod-headed to the wooden podium in the front of the hall. Zero was a one year member of the Staff, but was one of the more known Mods.

"I thank you all for coming on such a short notice," said Zero looking on at the large audience. "This is probably the last thing I would like to be doing, but no one else wanted to do this. Anyway, I called you all here this morning due to YCMaker's extended absence. This should be nothing new, but it is an issue that provides a challenge to us."

Striker had a good idea how this meeting was going to end. Once Zero was done with his piece, everyone was going to into rant mode about YCMaker's laziness. He had seen similar meetings unfold and he wouldn't be surprised if the same happened here
[b]spoiler: strikers wrong[/b]
"As you may know, the Staff have been constantly trying to get YCMaker to do something. Unfortunately, he ignores our pleads and continues to do nothing: until now. I have called you here because YCMaker has finally answered our pleas for a third administration.
[b]FINALLY A JUDICAL BRANCH... OH YOU MEANT ADMINISTRATOR[/b]
At the sound of that, the hall erupted in cheers. Everyone in the hall was glad that YCMaker had finally listened to their crys.

"Order in the hall! Now, the new admin will be arriving tomorrow. I expect everyone in here to welcome him. Meeting ajourned," said Zero, leaving the hall.

Everyone was shocked as they left the hall. They realized what Zero said was biter sweet; they were going to get a new admin, but it would be another one of YCMaker's trusted friends. Unfortunately, they had no idea if it would turn out like Falling Pizza-YCMaker's second in command who hasn't been seen since 2009.

"Things just got very interesting. Hope this helps us," thought Striker as he got into his BMW. "Another admin may be what we need, but it could easily back fire. I must get my Treehouse ready." Striker started his BMW and drove back to his Treehouse.[/spoiler]

So far I really don't really see the big Cityness of the world, it just seems like it's just the normal forum despite all you say otherwise, also there isn't really much description.

You get about as much good story writing from simply reading the first page of a math textbook.

But I have to give props because the bunny is adorable.
[/quote]O.O

Is it wrong that I think that was awesome?

[Thar]

[quote name='Spike the Bloody' timestamp='1355786922' post='6096235']
O.O

Is it wrong that I think that was awesome?
[/quote]

It's a sin to think it's wrong.

Also,
>Nexev reviewing Striker's fic

[img]http://onpurpose.uk.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/confused-face1.jpg[/img]

[FreelancerRaiko]

What there still isn't a third admin? Well if that's not just begging for corruption I don't know what is >>

[Nathanael D. Striker]

[quote name='Mugendramon' timestamp='1355782792' post='6096152']
If you ask me, you should probably make a little research on the people who's cameos you're writing. Because out of these three chapters, I don't think you've actually managed to properly characterize any of the ones you mentioned. Whom I've talked to in the past.

I might be wrong, but that's about it.

Oh, physical description. You could use a little more of that.
[/quote]

Description has never been a strong point of mine. I see what you are getting, and chapter 3 shows a bit more physical description than the others. And yea, I didn't expect my portrayals to be accurate at all mainly since the first two chapters where made, eh, months ago. Though, I'll make a better attempt on that in the future.

And Nexev reviewing my fic, what?

*reads review*

Entertaining to say the least. Nice to get a good laugh at my own work through the eyes of someone else.

@Freelance: A mod managed to get admin powers not too long ago. Though, I'm still doing this fic for the lulz.

[Mugendramon]

[quote name='Loki Rancid' timestamp='1355787118' post='6096240']
It's a sin to think it's wrong.

Also,
>Nexev reviewing Striker's fic

[img]http://onpurpose.uk.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/confused-face1.jpg[/img]
[/quote]

He only reviews things he dislikes. To mock them.

[Nathanael D. Striker]

[quote name='Mugendramon' timestamp='1355790193' post='6096296']
He only reviews things he dislikes. To mock them.
[/quote]

Though, I'm not offended at all which defeats the purpose of mocking it.

[Mugendramon]

[quote name='Nathanael Darius Striker' timestamp='1355790478' post='6096301']
Though, I'm not offended at all which defeats the purpose of mocking it.
[/quote]

Whether it worked or not is not my problem, I'm not the one mocking you. And I don't personally care to mock you o:

But to be fair, anyone who got a laugh at it is basically laughing at you.

[Nathanael D. Striker]

[quote name='Mugendramon' timestamp='1355790599' post='6096303']
Whether it worked or not is not my problem, I'm not the one mocking you. And I don't personally care to mock you o:

But to be fair, anyone who got a laugh at it is basically laughing at you.
[/quote]

I don't really mind if they are laughing at this. I'm writing this for the heck of it and anybody reading it and saying something about it is better than nothing.

[Alice Moonflowyr]

I laughed at the review. But I still like the story!

[Nexev]

Well despite my nonactiveness I still am around the fine Digital Revolution (Your premiere club for all digimon based desires, providing rpesque games and adventures since Broken got bored with quartz (commercial jingle)). So normally I avoid fanfic cause its usually stuff like OOOOOH SNAP SUDDENLY BLEACH USES NINJAS AND THAT NINJA PLAYS YUGIOH. Buuuut Mugen was like OH SNAP NEX STRIKER WROTE A FIC.

And I was like RUSTLE THE JIMMY CRICKETS I GOTTA SEE THIS.

So I came, I saw, and maybe I conquered.

I don't know what would constitute conquering in this situation, if it was simply me twerking it up in chapter 4 that would be fun.

But yeah this is on my reading list, if only cause I can post more silly cat images and so on.

It's still lacking a bit of AU, like you choose a good event to make as a big theme, 3rd admin does sound like a big deal BUUUUT its not AU enough.

Despite it being called a city it seems like one in name only. The activities are litterally what we do anyway as a forum, it's like he was making a YCM AU but then got bored halfway and just went with it being a normal forum story.

You can't half ass the setting in a ycm fic you gotta have analagoys rather then literal stuff.

For example let me do the AU world spin..... oooh steampunk.

Okay so Creative Industries (also known as the CC) is a large factory that produces the hmmm ... lets call them The Copper Machines, giant behemopths of coal and copper who can move mountains and change the tides of wars.

TCG is a area where these Machines are stored and distributed, the Grime Gang (terribads) are constantly raiding the area, taking the weakest Machines do to their disorganized nature and lack of knowledge in these matters but they are gradually growing more powerful and numerous.

Aggro is a TCG security guard who has grown addicted to combat, enjoying taunting the Grime gang to crush people under its foot.

The Treehouse is run by former Grime Gang menber Strike Torn. The Treehouse lives on the outskirts of the Residential C&O district, run by the poor and rejects of the world.

They are opposed by the elite snobes in Hotel Towers, run by the Upper class, particurally Advisor Jake, seeing the Treehouse as scum he seeks to destroy them under his financial foot.


In addition a new factory head was declared on the deathbed of YCM, since his former replacement went missing. There is shock, he who controls the copper machines controls the entire city of Y.

With a plan to finally get the respect the Treehouse deserves, Striker seeks to approach the new Factory head.

Meanwhile Mayor Josh Icy does not believe new blood can run the city he has been so painstaking in crafting, the lax Police Commissioner Roxas disagrees however, furthering the tension between the two.



See? I basically took the basic premise of this story but by furthering the AU nature of the story I made it sound far more interesting. I rest my case.