This is NOT Edward Cullen... - - - - Twilight Fiend Knight {Prime-Ace John}

[PrimeAceJohn]

So here I made a sick-looking Generic XYZ. 

 

This is the upcoming ace monster for the Main Character in my next story, so PLEASE tell me your suggestions.

 

I couldn't honestly find much wrong with it, but of course I'm always wrong.

 

So tell me what you think?

 

Oh, btw, I made all these versions because I'm not sure which I should us as my Signature Card. I like it a lot in Rare.

 

 

[Common]

 

2 level 4 monsters

Once per turn: You can remove 1 Xyz Material from this card to have this card gain 500 ATK/DEF until the End Phase. While this card has no Xyz Material(s) attached to it, once per turn, you can activate 1 of the following effects:

* When this card attacks a face-down defense position monster your opponent controls, you can have this monster lose 500 ATK until the End Phase to inflict piercing damage to your opponent's Life Points.

* When this card attacks a level 4 or lower monster your opponent controls and send it to the Graveyard, the damage calculation is halved: Inlfict direct damage to your opponent's Life Points equal to the level of the destroyed monster x200.

 

[Rare]

2 level 4 monsters

Once per turn: You can remove 1 Xyz Material from this card to have this card gain 500 ATK/DEF until the End Phase. While this card has no Xyz Material(s) attached to it, once per turn, you can activate 1 of the following effects:

* When this card attacks a face-down defense position monster your opponent controls, you can have this monster lose 500 ATK until the End Phase to inflict piercing damage to your opponent's Life Points.

* When this card attacks a level 4 or lower monster your opponent controls and send it to the Graveyard, the damage calculation is halved: Inlfict direct damage to your opponent's Life Points equal to the level of the destroyed monster x200.

 

 

[Super Rare]

2 level 4 monsters

Once per turn: You can remove 1 Xyz Material from this card to have this card gain 500 ATK/DEF until the End Phase. While this card has no Xyz Material(s) attached to it, once per turn, you can activate 1 of the following effects:

* When this card attacks a face-down defense position monster your opponent controls, you can have this monster lose 500 ATK until the End Phase to inflict piercing damage to your opponent's Life Points.

* When this card attacks a level 4 or lower monster your opponent controls and send it to the Graveyard, the damage calculation is halved: Inlfict direct damage to your opponent's Life Points equal to the level of the destroyed monster x200.

 

 

[Ultra Rare]

2 level 4 monsters

Once per turn: You can remove 1 Xyz Material from this card to have this card gain 500 ATK/DEF until the End Phase. While this card has no Xyz Material(s) attached to it, once per turn, you can activate 1 of the following effects:

* When this card attacks a face-down defense position monster your opponent controls, you can have this monster lose 500 ATK until the End Phase to inflict piercing damage to your opponent's Life Points.

* When this card attacks a level 4 or lower monster your opponent controls and send it to the Graveyard, the damage calculation is halved: Inlfict direct damage to your opponent's Life Points equal to the level of the destroyed monster x200.

 

[Ultimate Rare]

2 level 4 monsters

Once per turn: You can remove 1 Xyz Material from this card to have this card gain 500 ATK/DEF until the End Phase. While this card has no Xyz Material(s) attached to it, once per turn, you can activate 1 of the following effects:

* When this card attacks a face-down defense position monster your opponent controls, you can have this monster lose 500 ATK until the End Phase to inflict piercing damage to your opponent's Life Points.

* When this card attacks a level 4 or lower monster your opponent controls and send it to the Graveyard, the damage calculation is halved: Inlfict direct damage to your opponent's Life Points equal to the level of the destroyed monster x200.

 

[Gold Rare]

2 level 4 monsters

Once per turn: You can remove 1 Xyz Material from this card to have this card gain 500 ATK/DEF until the End Phase. While this card has no Xyz Material(s) attached to it, once per turn, you can activate 1 of the following effects:

* When this card attacks a face-down defense position monster your opponent controls, you can have this monster lose 500 ATK until the End Phase to inflict piercing damage to your opponent's Life Points.

* When this card attacks a level 4 or lower monster your opponent controls and send it to the Graveyard, the damage calculation is halved: Inlfict direct damage to your opponent's Life Points equal to the level of the destroyed monster x200.

 

[Ren✧]

I honestly don't see it getting much use. Okay so Piercing damage is fine, but at the cost of 500 Life Points, one use and I can pretty much kiss my monster good bye with the meta game where it is at. It's second effect is absolutely useless and in fact would more than likely make this card less useful. Level 4 monsters usually have an ATK of 1900 or less, meaning normally this could would inflict 600 damage, but instead it only gets to inflict 400. The effects are also uncreative and fairly bland. 

 

This is definitely not an 'ace' card and needs to be reworked. Try something more original. All of this has been done before, make your card unique. Also, don't include every single version of your card, along with the lore reposted like 6 times. It is a definite turn off when people come to look at your card. 

 

Don't take anything I said personally, I am only trying to make you a better card maker. 

[PrimeAceJohn]

I honestly don't see it getting much use. Okay so Piercing damage is fine, but at the cost of 500 Life Points, one use and I can pretty much kiss my monster good bye with the meta game where it is at. It's second effect is absolutely useless and in fact would more than likely make this card less useful. Level 4 monsters usually have an ATK of 1900 or less, meaning normally this could would inflict 600 damage, but instead it only gets to inflict 400. The effects are also uncreative and fairly bland. 

 

This is definitely not an 'ace' card and needs to be reworked. Try something more original. All of this has been done before, make your card unique. Also, don't include every single version of your card, along with the lore reposted like 6 times. It is a definite turn off when people come to look at your card. 

 

Don't take anything I said personally, I am only trying to make you a better card maker. 

 

Yeah it's cool, I never take anything personal.

 

For the piercing effect, I forgot to add the "until the End Phase" and this will be changed. 

 

And the last two effects are minor effects that work when it has no more materials, unlike Utopia who just dies with no more materials.

 

What I did when making this card was compare it to ace monsters they have in the show.

Dark Magician - no effect and takes 2 tributes: sucks

Neos - Goes good with a neos built deck, other then that, its normal and takes 2 tributes: meh

Stardust - Great and useful and needs to be synchro summoned: good

Utopia - Shields itself twice though battle damage goes on, and after all the materials are gone, its done: good

Twilight - Good effect that makes it 3000, which is great. When units are done, during battle with a defense monster, gets a piercing effect. It's last effect, now that you bring that up, also needs to be changed. But besides that, I wasn't even going to add the last 2 effects, I was just going to keep the original effect. 

[Ren✧]

Yeah it's cool, I never take anything personal.

 

For the piercing effect, I forgot to add the "until the End Phase" and this will be changed. 

 

And the last two effects are minor effects that work when it has no more materials, unlike Utopia who just dies with no more materials.

 

What I did when making this card was compare it to ace monsters they have in the show.

Dark Magician - no effect and takes 2 tributes: sucks

Neos - Goes good with a neos built deck, other then that, its normal and takes 2 tributes: meh

Stardust - Great and useful and needs to be synchro summoned: good

Utopia - Shields itself twice though battle damage goes on, and after all the materials are gone, its done: good

Twilight - Good effect that makes it 3000, which is great. When units are done, during battle with a defense monster, gets a piercing effect. It's last effect, now that you bring that up, also needs to be changed. But besides that, I wasn't even going to add the last 2 effects, I was just going to keep the original effect. 

 

 

Then you still have the problem of unoriginality. There is nothing here that just pops out and says 'LOOK AT ME!'. I see a card with some effects that may or may not be useful...but I have things I would rather use. You forget other ace cards like Black Luster Soldier-Envoy of the Beginning or Harpie's Pet Mirage Dragon. They are fairly unique and add something to the game. You want to incorporate something that sets your card apart from all the others, and yet is still useful.

[PrimeAceJohn]

Then you still have the problem of unoriginality. There is nothing here that just pops out and says 'LOOK AT ME!'. I see a card with some effects that may or may not be useful...but I have things I would rather use. You forget other ace cards like Black Luster Soldier-Envoy of the Beginning or Harpie's Pet Mirage Dragon. They are fairly unique and add something to the game. You want to incorporate something that sets your card apart from all the others, and yet is still useful.

 

I'm really focusing on Dark Magician, Neos, Stardust, and Utopia and compared their originality to the main character. 

 

Neos had nothing along with magician

 

Utopia was okay but not so creative

 

Though, I must admit, Stardust was at least somewhat creative and most creative from the others.

[Ren✧]

I'm really focusing on Dark Magician, Neos, Stardust, and Utopia and compared their originality to the main character. 

 

Neos had nothing along with magician

 

Utopia was okay but not so creative

 

Though, I must admit, Stardust was at least somewhat creative and most creative from the others.

 

 

Okay but what I am trying to say is that this card still needs some work. I would much prefer Utopia over this, so while yes it is uncreative that's Konami for you. 

[PrimeAceJohn]

Like how?

[Ren✧]

Like how?

 

 

You need to make the card useful. Basically all I have is a temporary beater that could easily fall prey to Bottomless, Torrential, Mirror Force, Dimensional Prison, Fiendish Chain or even a monster with higher ATK. With cards like Utopia I can negate attacks, not just ones targeting Utopia but also other monsters, that is useful. This card really isn't. So while the attack is good, if I want attack there are better options. I can't tell you what to add, because then it really won't be your card. But if I were you I would start over.

 

If you want to make a beater, make it something worth using. Make it more than just a beater. Make it something that will get its point across.

[PrimeAceJohn]

You need to make the card useful. Basically all I have is a temporary beater that could easily fall prey to Bottomless, Torrential, Mirror Force, Dimensional Prison, Fiendish Chain or even a monster with higher ATK. With cards like Utopia I can negate attacks, not just ones targeting Utopia but also other monsters, that is useful. This card really isn't. So while the attack is good, if I want attack there are better options. I can't tell you what to add, because then it really won't be your card. But if I were you I would start over.

 

If you want to make a beater, make it something worth using. Make it more than just a beater. Make it something that will get its point across.

 

I know, the beater is the main thing, but that's what the other two effects are for.

 

The whole point of the other 2 effects were to make up for the blocking that Utopia has and makes you want to waste the 2 materials and reassure yourself with other helpful effects that kick in.

 

And easily being hit by bottomless or mirror goes for the same thing with Utopia as well. 

 

And the last part of Utopia's effect makes him worthless, block 2 hits and get easily destroyed by literally any card.

 

This card isn't supposed to be so useful in the sense of negating or blocking. This guy is already a high attack beater with 2 additional effects after using that 3000 effect.  

[Ren✧]

I know, the beater is the main thing, but that's what the other two effects are for.

 

The whole point of the other 2 effects were to make up for the blocking that Utopia has and makes you want to waste the 2 materials and reassure yourself with other helpful effects that kick in.

 

And easily being hit by bottomless or mirror goes for the same thing with Utopia as well. 

 

And the last part of Utopia's effect makes him worthless, block 2 hits and get easily destroyed by literally any card.

 

This card isn't supposed to be so useful in the sense of negating or blocking. This guy is already a high attack beater with 2 additional effects after using that 3000 effect.  

 

 

There have been very few times that I've used a Utopia to the point where he is useless. He can still attack without materials so he can still have at least another turn before he is'useless'. Plus, you still got C39 for Utopia, making this card once again less superior. 

 

The last two effects don't do anything for your card, especially the last one. You are still probably apt to do less damage than normal. I can only give you the advice to start over and rethink the effect. The card needs some serious reworking to be considered superior to even Utopia.

[PrimeAceJohn]

There have been very few times that I've used a Utopia to the point where he is useless. He can still attack without materials so he can still have at least another turn before he is'useless'. Plus, you still got C39 for Utopia, making this card once again less superior. 

 

The last two effects don't do anything for your card, especially the last one. You are still probably apt to do less damage than normal. I can only give you the advice to start over and rethink the effect. The card needs some serious reworking to be considered superior to even Utopia.

 

So you're saying on a 1 on 1 battle between this and Utopia and no other card, Utopia would win?

 

It would most likely end up with both of them dead, but Twilight's effect activates still.

 

 

 

 

So say my opponent has a Utopia and I just brought Twilight (TFK).

 

TFK's effect activates and becomes 3000. Attacks Utopia and Utopia blocks - still inflicts 500. 

 

Next turn, your opponent is most likely to scared to attack TFK since they both result dead. Even if he/she DID attack, at least you inflict 500. 

 

Then it's your turn and you use TFK's effect again and its back to 3000. Attack Utopia, and still, even if it blocks, you inflicted another 500.

 

Now neither monster has materials. So now Utopia will be crushed easily and TFK still has 2 other effects.

 

It's back to your opponent who can, as I said, will be scared or take the 1000 already received.

 

Back to you. Now, you attack Utopia and they both die - yet TFK's effect activates.

 

It DID say in the second effect a level 4 or lower monster, so now your opponent loses an extra 800.

 

^If all this worked, your Life Points would be safe and your opponent would have lost 1800.

 

 

 

 

 

Now, in a duel, it is quite risky which to play. For stalling, you would go for Utopia, or course. For effect/beat damage, this guy over power Utopia by so much.

[Ren✧]

So you're saying on a 1 on 1 battle between this and Utopia and no other card, Utopia would win?

 

It would most likely end up with both of them dead, but Twilight's effect activates still.

 

 

 

 

So say my opponent has a Utopia and I just brought Twilight (TFK).

 

TFK's effect activates and becomes 3000. Attacks Utopia and Utopia blocks - still inflicts 500. 

 

Next turn, your opponent is most likely to scared to attack TFK since they both result dead. Even if he/she DID attack, at least you inflict 500. 

 

Then it's your turn and you use TFK's effect again and its back to 3000. Attack Utopia, and still, even if it blocks, you inflicted another 500.

 

Now neither monster has materials. So now Utopia will be crushed easily and TFK still has 2 other effects.

 

It's back to your opponent who can, as I said, will be scared or take the 1000 already received.

 

Back to you. Now, you attack Utopia and they both die - yet TFK's effect activates.

 

It DID say in the second effect a level 4 or lower monster, so now your opponent loses an extra 800.

 

^If all this worked, your Life Points would be safe and your opponent would have lost 1800.

 

 

 

 

 

Now, in a duel, it is quite risky which to play. For stalling, you would go for Utopia, or course. For effect/beat damage, this guy over power Utopia by so much.

 

 

Okay we are focusing WAY too much on Utopia. 

 

This card isn't good the way it is. I've made my suggestions as to what you can do to fix it. 

[PrimeAceJohn]

Okay we are focusing WAY too much on Utopia. 

 

This card isn't good the way it is. I've made my suggestions as to what you can do to fix it. 

 

Thank you for the review and everything, please don't think I think you're wrong and everything. I really appreciate all this you're doing, really.

 

 

But still, I don't understand what it REALLY needs. This card, as is it says in its title, its a KNIGHT, so first thing you think about is an attacker; a beater - not as much of a defender. If I give it a block effect, it would be too much like Stardust and too much like Utopia. This card is supposed to be imagined like how a new character in a new series would have this card. I mean, like really, giving it a block effect is like using Utopia - what's the point of having 1 like that? The other only things that can be added to this card would be draw power, and that is way too risky and not the usual ace.