Tormented makes a Card? An XYZ!?

[Tormented]

Yeah, celebrate and all that. I'm not all too keen on making cards but due to the celebratory Card Maker update I decided I'd make one. (If I get a positive enough response I might make some more) I also did the card art because why not, you can find it here. My thought behind this card would be to allow for some possible OTKs (not on the first turn) although I'm unsure if banishing still allocates as a decent drawback so I made it reduce your LP as well. Also sorry if OCG is off, rusty and all. Oh and if this doesn't belong in RC then move it please.

 

Lore: 3 Level 4 Monsters

When this card is Xyz Summoned, this card cannot be destroyed by battle. You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card to target 1 monster on the field and destroy that target. Each monster destroyed reduces your Life Points by 500. When all Xyz Materials have been detached from this card, banish this card.

 

(Turns out using a 500x500 card art doesn't make it look awful)

[Sleepy]

Hmm is it intentional that the Levels of the materials don't match the card's Rank?

 

Let's see, it can't be destroyed by battle, it has pretty solid ATK, and it can destroy 2 monsters for 1 detach and 500 Life each, and a third one if you are willing to lose it.

 

I don't think it's as balanced as it could be. I mean, it might be 3 materials, but that's not actually too hard (remembering Shock Master).

What makes me dubious of wether it's balanced or not, is that Gauntlet Launcher exists, although it's a Rank 6, only has 2 materials to burn, and can be destroyed by battle. That sort of thing for Rank 4s

 

Well, I'll just not point at that bit. 
I will say though, -500 Life points is not much of a drawback anyways, and it's pretty random. You could take it out if you want.

[Tormented]

No it was not intentional, I've been completely stupid and forgot that the materials where the cards you use to summon it with. Runs off cliff at the amount of stupidity. But we shall roll with it, I'm still in the stone age. 

 

My original plan was to make it lose ATK rather than LP, would that have been better suited?

 

How many materials do you reckon It should have been then, I'm unsure whether or not 4 or more may seem too heavy.

[Sleepy]

No it was not intentional, I've been completely stupid and forgot that the materials where the cards you use to summon it with. Runs off cliff at the amount of stupidity. But we shall roll with it, I'm still in the stone age. 

 

My original plan was to make it lose ATK rather than LP, would that have been better suited?

 

How many materials do you reckon It should have been then, I'm unsure whether or not 4 or more may seem too heavy.

I wouldn't say more materials either, it'd make it more heavy, and a problem here is that it gets to destroy more cards with more bullets and it lacks a "Once per turn" clause.

[Tormented]

My main reasoning for not having a once per turn thing was so that the card would be unusable after you use all the things therefore missing the point, I suppose I could say rather than having it once per turn. On the turn it is summoned on the end phase it is banished? That way it's kind of once per turn in the sense that you can only use it for that turn. So it's even more situational. 

[Therrion]

I'll help your OCG

 

If this card was Xyz Summoned, it cannot be destroyed by battle. Once per turn: You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card and target 1 monster on the field; destroy that target, then lose 500 Life Points. If this card has no Xyz Materials attached to it: Banish it.

 

The way you worded the not being able to be destroyed would be how you'd word something that doesn't allow chains. Basically, your wording would make it not be able to be destroyed by battle the second its Summoned, which isn't possible during the Main Phase. When using an effect, : and ; are used. Before the : is when/condition, after the :/before the ; is usually the cost, and after the ; is what happens when said cost/condition are fulfilled. The life points lost can be included in the same sentence to reduce clutter, since it functions off of when the effect is used.

 

To the card itself: Very solid option. I would most likely prefer Disigma over this, as it equips instead of destroys, and can further win battles because of it. Though, this guys immunity to battle is worthy of note, especially since he has a solid body to boot. A very nice option if you want to be offensive while also being cautious to an extent, and I must say, nice card making despite being out of it for a long while.

[Tormented]

Well thank you! I feel the choice between the two probably varies on the type of deck that said person is using. Anyway I'll get to fixing up the OCG and edit the main thread.