My fist Card (Constructive criticism welcome)

[Omega9002]

Hey guys this is my first time showing one of my cards so i figured i would use the first card i made

 

[attachment=42349:Terror abýssi card.jpg]

 

Text:

Terror abyssi May be summoned by Banishing 1 dark and 1 light type monsters from your graveyard. Terror abyssi may not be normal summoned or set it must special summoned.

Once per turn you may target any Spell or Trap card. roll a die if not 6 or 1 you may destroy the target if a 6 or 1 is rolled the card is triggered and you must resolve it's effect.

 

Tell me what you think!

 

 

Edit

 

Here is the revision 

  

[attachment=42350:Terror abýssi card.jpg]

 

 

Text:

Terror abyssi May be summoned by Banishing 1 dark and 1 light type monsters from your graveyard. Terror abyssi may not be normal summoned or set it must special summoned.

Once per turn you may target any Face down Spell or Trap card. roll a die if not 6 or 1 you may destroy the target if a 6 or 1 is rolled the card is triggered and you must resolve it's effect.

 

2nd revision

 

[attachment=42353:Terror abýssi card.jpg]

 

Text:

Cannot be Normal Summoned/Set. Must first be Special Summoned (from your hand) by banishing 1 LIGHT and 1 DARK monster from your Graveyard. Once per turn: You can target 1 Set card in the Spell & Trap Card Zone and roll a dice; if your roll 1 or 6 , destroy the target, otherwise reveal that target, force its activation, then if the activation timing is incorrect, destroy it.

[Trebuchet MS]

What happens if you target a face-up Spell/Trap Card and roll 1 or 6? What happens if you attempt to activate the card but it's being activated at the wrong timing (e.g. Mirror Force during the Main Phase)?

[Omega9002]

What happens if you target a face-up Spell/Trap Card and roll 1 or 6? What happens if you attempt to activate the card but it's being activated at the wrong timing (e.g. Mirror Force during the Main Phase)?

 

I had not thought of that! I change it so it can only target face down cards.as for what would happen if you target a card that cant be resolved i'm not sure do you have any ideas?

[Dramatic Crossroad]

You can look up "Bait Doll" that does have similar (if not exactly the same) effect. 

 

Also, you can check the OCG - card grammar topics, because there are tons of rules to follow when writing card lores, lot of people, even i sometimes find it hard to follow the guidelines, but making card that looks really realistic is a real joy, and the effect almost always plays an important part of that.

 

It might sound a bit obnoxious, but with the latter grammar edits done in the game, cards would have effects like these:

 

(1st part is taken directly from Chaos Sorcerer, because you have the same summoning conditions on your card as well, with most of the 2nd part borrowed from Bait Doll that i mentioned earlier).

 

Cannot be Normal Summoned/Set. Must first be Special Summoned (from your hand) by banishing 1 LIGHT and 1 DARK monster from your Graveyard. Once per turn: You can target 1 Set card in the Spell & Trap Card Zone and roll a dice; if your roll 1 or 6 , destroy the target, otherwise reveal that target, force its activation and negate its effect, then if the activation timing is incorrect, destroy it.

[Omega9002]

You can look up "Bait Doll" that does have similar (if not exactly the same) effect. 

 

Also, you can check the OCG - card grammar topics, because there are tons of rules to follow when writing card lores, lot of people, even i sometimes find it hard to follow the guidelines, but making card that looks really realistic is a real joy, and the effect almost always plays an important part of that.

 

It might sound a bit obnoxious, but with the latter grammar edits done in the game, cards would have effects like these:

 

(1st part is taken directly from Chaos Sorcerer, because you have the same summoning conditions on your card as well, with most of the 2nd part borrowed from Bait Doll that i mentioned earlier).

 

Cannot be Normal Summoned/Set. Must first be Special Summoned (from your hand) by banishing 1 LIGHT and 1 DARK monster from your Graveyard. Once per turn: You can target 1 Set card in the Spell & Trap Card Zone and roll a dice; if your roll 1 or 6 , destroy the target, otherwise reveal that target, force its activation and negate its effect, then if the activation timing is incorrect, destroy it.

 

 

Ok thanks! i'm revising the card now.

[Trebuchet MS]

WATER is an Attribute (the thing that goes in the top-right corner), not a Type (like Dragon), nor subtype (like Spirit, Tuner, etc). Did you intend for this card to be a WATER monster, or DARK monster that's also WATER?

[Omega9002]

I meant for it to be dark and water.

[asterr259]

I meant for it to be dark and water.

"Cannot be Normal Summoned/Set. Must first be Special Summoned (from your hand) by banishing 1 LIGHT and 1 DARK monster from your Graveyard. While face-up on the field, this card is also WATER-Attribute. Once per turn: You can target 1 Set card in the Spell & Trap Card Zone and roll a dice; if your roll 1 or 6 , destroy the target, otherwise reveal that target, force its activation, then if the activation timing is incorrect, destroy it."

 

OR

 

(This card's Attribute is also treated as WATER.)

Cannot be Normal Summoned/Set. Must first be Special Summoned (from your hand) by banishing 1 LIGHT and 1 DARK monster from your Graveyard. Once per turn: You can target 1 Set card in the Spell & Trap Card Zone and roll a dice; if your roll 1 or 6 , destroy the target, otherwise reveal that target, force its activation, then if the activation timing is incorrect, destroy it.

 

The difference being the latter is not an effect, but a part of the card; permanent.

EDIT: Also noticed you didn't capitalize "Abyssi"