how do you get over breakups... ?

[CLG Klavier]

"If you really cared about her, you won't." - i forget

That's a load of baloney as well. You gotta understand that caring is a mutual thing. So if she didn't care for you to the point of breaking up, then maybe your care was misplaced. I'm not saying she wasn't worth it earlier, or she isn't worth having fond memories of though.

 

Or him. Depends which way you swing.

[Icy]

Guys, "start dating again" is really silly. Your mind is in the mode that tells you that you just lost your most beloved, one-and-only person, and first thing you do is look for another one?

 

Give it time. No one knows how much will it take, it's dependant only on you. Do your best to remember the good moments you had, don't remember the bad. Find a hobby, occupy yourself with games, movies, books, whatever works for you. Try to listen to music with positive lyrics, not the sentimental shit, it will just put you in an even worse mood.

 

At least how I tried to cope with mine. As I said, it will take a while. But you will get there. Just hang on~

 

You can date without wanting or trying to find a new beloved. 

And I think the "give it time"-phase is pretty implied. Give yourself a breather (me its a month or two before I get back into the groove again) and then put yourself out there.

[Agro]

That's a load of baloney as well. You gotta understand that caring is a mutual thing. So if she didn't care for you to the point of breaking up, then maybe your care was misplaced.

breakups can happen even when both people care, though.

 

I'm also not saying that I think OP cared enough.

 

Mainly because I don't.

[Sethera]

It's not a way to get over a breakup, it's a way to get over yourself. You get back out there to get yourself out of stagnation - it's not about using someone else, it's about helping yourself. Of course if you start treating subjects like objects you're going to have problems (see generally: worldwide oppression), but maybe seeing other people as objects, or focusing on them rather than yourself, is part of the problem?

 

The reason to start dating again is because it's a way of proving to yourself that you're going to be alright, and there are plenty of great people out there.

Not sure how I feel I should react to the third sentence.

 

Helping yourself to climb out of a rut is all well and good, just be sure you're not trampling on others while you do that. I agree that entering a new relationship can help to renew your hope that there are "plenty of fish in the sea" but you also have to be wary of diving straight into a relationship right after a breakup. Oftentimes, you're not thinking straight and you also can have too much baggage, which can lead to decisions you wouldn't otherwise make.

 

To be more on-topic, again I recommend strengthening your relationships with family and friends. It really helps to let you know that you're not alone, even if you feel like you are. I also agree that being active is probably one of the healthiest ways to recover. Doing something, anything, more than just sitting there and brooding is the better option. Brooding is time spent thinking of somebody who shouldn't have as much prominence in your life anymore. Sometimes, it helps just to do what you normally would've done before you met the person, a way of adjusting yourself to being single again. Other times, discovering something like a new hobby to immerse yourself in or maybe getting a pet if you don't have one already, can work. Pets are really therapeutic, and again, help you to feel less alone. And recovery is always easier when you know you're not alone (I mean, there are probably exceptions to this too, but in most cases, it helps).

[VCR_CAT]

It honestly is much better to let yourself heal and move on without flirting or dating again immediately. I know from experience that it helps a lot in helping a person know where to place their confidence and their strength; to find out how to be strong, independent people who can tackle the shit life throws at you in healthy ways on their own or with friends around them. It makes you a stronger, more independent and self-sufficient person; and this is a FANTASTIC thing for future relationships. It may not be immediately happy and easy like simply dating someone else, but taking the time to find healthy ways of healing and moving on will do so much more for your own character than simply getting back in the game.

 

Not to mention it will save you from jumping into another relationship a little too hastily, among a lot of other issues that going into a dating relationship with a lot of immediate baggage can offer. Don't get me wrong; everyone has baggage at any and all points in their life, but jumping into a relationship when you've got a fresh batch of personal drama and problems without first finding healthy ways of dealing with it can create a lot of problems.

 

Heck, my last relationship made me realize how much I depended on relationships to make myself happy and I've been spending the last year or so working on fixing that and placing my dependence where it needs to be placed, and not putting so much pressure on the person I would be dating whether either of us know it or not. I've made a LOT of progress in the past couple years; progress I never would have made if I just ended up dating someone else right away.