Umbra Posted May 10, 2008 Report Share Posted May 10, 2008 Chapter name seems kinda weird. "Enter the Celestial Soldiers"? There are kids on this site, you know. Anyway, you have improved much from that other fan-fic you wrote before that I can't remember the name of. No LOEACDLKAS for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted May 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 10, 2008 Thank you very much, but I don't think kids would freak out at the name "Soldier". I knew worse things than that before I even heard of Yugioh. This might sound dumb, but what's LOEACDLKAS? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted May 10, 2008 Report Share Posted May 10, 2008 LOEACDKAS (No L, sorry for that) = Lack of environmental and character description kills a story. And it's more the whole "entering the soldiers" business I think about. It's probably just my mind playing tricks on me, but still. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted May 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 10, 2008 Yeah, my last story did have that problem. Anyway, I thought the title for the chapter fit, and Lord Whye seems to agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted May 10, 2008 Report Share Posted May 10, 2008 I just think "Enter the Celestial Soldiers" sounds somewhat wrong. Not just in that way, in general reality-way. Unless you use some kind of mind-control thing (or the other thing that I'm not supposed to mention to the kids) It's somewhat hard to enter a person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted May 10, 2008 Report Share Posted May 10, 2008 Umbra: Well, "Enter _______" means "Introducing _______." And I know exactly what you're talking about, don't worry. SR: Eh, yeah, we need more physical description and/or thoughts. Space out the dialogue, too. Remember: new speaker, new paragraph. Good chapter, though, even if the wait was long. D'you mind posting all the chapters on the front page? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightfallen Posted May 10, 2008 Report Share Posted May 10, 2008 wow, that was a good chapter. Still has a lot of room to improve though. ^^ Oh, and please teel me my guy isn't oe of thoughs guys, I really dont like any of my guys being evil, and If they had to be, make him lawfull please. ^^; But like I said, has some room to improve, right now, it Kinda sound flat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted May 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 10, 2008 SGY: Alright, thanks for the help. I'll put the Chapters on the Front Page later. Nightfallen: Well, I got a lot of characters, so your guys doesn't have to be evil. I'll try to improve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightfallen Posted May 11, 2008 Report Share Posted May 11, 2008 Lol, you tryed your best, that all we can ask for. Wha you could do is ask someone to read it before you post, then they respond and you edit. I can honostly say that I am not very goot in english, but I cna make a good story with some help from my friends. Not even the best story wrighter could wright a perfect story in one try. Just wright a draft, read it and ask yourself "What could I do to make this better?" Then if you think it's ok, ask someone else "What do you think I could do to make this better?" If he says it is good, then it is most likely a good story. I mean, that what I always do when righting a story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted May 11, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 11, 2008 Thanks for the tip. I think my main problem is that the chapters are way too short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supreme Gamesmaster Posted May 11, 2008 Report Share Posted May 11, 2008 At least 1500 words per chapter is what I usually use, with an exception in Warmyst: World of War, where I don't check and cut off wherever it's climactic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted May 11, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 11, 2008 Okay, thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightfallen Posted May 11, 2008 Report Share Posted May 11, 2008 Well, can't wait for the next wone, If you need help, just ask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted May 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 13, 2008 Thank you for offering to help. I will try to have Chapter 3 be even better, but I've barely started on it. By the way, I fixed some errors in Chapter 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Oncoming Storm Posted May 13, 2008 Report Share Posted May 13, 2008 let me know when u add david mitchell, cause i wanna write his parts, if u don't mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted May 14, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2008 I'll do that. While I'm at it, I'll have you check the chapter for editing. Just don't expect David Mitchell to appear for a few chapters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Oncoming Storm Posted May 15, 2008 Report Share Posted May 15, 2008 Ok. But i must warn you, i'm not thr best editor in the world, but i'll do my best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted May 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 18, 2008 I think I'll say this before I get the questions again. Chapter 3 has barely begun, and I'll try to get it done sooner or later. All I'm gonna say is that Jaden's duel with Marcus will end next chapter, the rest is a secret. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted May 18, 2008 Report Share Posted May 18, 2008 Chapter 3 has barely begun' date=' and I'll try to get it done sooner or later. [/quote'] Welcome to the club. We have jackets and cake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted May 18, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 18, 2008 I know you're lying about the cake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted May 18, 2008 Report Share Posted May 18, 2008 Have I ever lied to you? I mean, in this room? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted May 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2008 No, but I'm pretty sure the cake is a lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightfallen Posted May 20, 2008 Report Share Posted May 20, 2008 Lol, I got a piece of cake. ~Hands ShadowRaxas a card.~ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phantom Roxas Posted May 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 20, 2008 Thanks. *Takes cake from L* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charlie016 Posted May 20, 2008 Report Share Posted May 20, 2008 Wow. those two chapters are awsome! I would have done better in place of jaden though. Bit heck, he "seems" unbeaten so, he'll figure things out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.