_Wulf_ Posted May 31, 2016 Report Share Posted May 31, 2016 Avalon------Avalon is a place where many races and kingdoms lived in harmony, and the keyword is 'lived', after the war started many races have fallen and many have been scared. The Oblivions took out many of the weak races first, then they moved in, they started attacking the higher on the 'food chain' races, it would take awhile but they got most of the stronger races, we only know of 4 main races left that are on our side, we would be able to win this war easily, but are two strongest allies betrayed us and went into hiding. We are the last line of defense for good, if they win no race will be safe, are last hope is the prophecy, we need to find these 9 people before the enemy does. ~King Arvin Plot----------When good is on the break of extinction, the prophecy people must be found to push back the forces of darkness and destroy the Oblivions. They will search every village in every kingdom and they must find the prophecy people before the Oblivions do. After they have gathered as many as they can they will be sent to fight the enemy and destroy all the evil. Races - Allies - Humans - Strong willed warriors and strong heart-ed warriors, the ruler of the Ally kingdoms. Elves - Accurate shots and great intelligence makes these great allies in the war against the opponents. Wolves - These humanoid wolves are great trackers and help track down the enemy army's bases. Dwarves - Tiny but mighty warriors using brute force to take down there enemys. Netural -- Familiars - These act like pets to the 9 warriors, helping them through there tasks and everyday lives. Draconians - These dragons walk on to legs and can speak many languages, this race can control dragons. Elementals - These beasts can control the same elements that the 9 warriors do. Enemy -- Oblivions- Very strong shadow like warriors wearing Obvivin Iron armor, leader of the enemy kingdoms and highest level threat in all of the 12 kingdoms. Shadows- These mindless beasts transform there selves into there opponent gaining there abilities, there only weakness is that they don't know how to use there powers and can easily hurt themselves. Necros - Skeleton knights trained by the Oblivions, they are pawns to the Oblivions. Demons - Demons are powerful mages. They have many weaknesses, that include crosses, holy water, and weapons of light. Orcs - strong and dumb warriors able to take many hits, but aren't very good at getting out of weak traps. ----------- Map/Landscape http://i.imgur.com/mOVuZAb.png 1 - The humans, elves, and dwarves kingdom. Filled with green grass, deep forests, and great mines. 2 - This is were the Wolves and some Familiars live. Very big and deep forests. 3 - This is where all the enemy's troops live except for the shadows. Very big and deep craters. Very nether like and filled with hatred. 4 - This is the shadow lands no one is allowed on this island. The shadows live here and with how dangerous they are, no one is allowed to step anywhere near that island. 5 - This the heaven zone, no one knows much about it. Some say thats were the elemental and the draconian live. -------------- Main Characters Drake - The wielder of lightning and the first one to know about his destiny. His weapon is a great sword: Hair Style: Wild-ish, Hair Color, Black Height: 5,9", Race: Human, Gender: Male, Age: 19, Apperance: Wears fabric steel armor.(Very light type of steel thats felxible, Very rare.), color of this armor is light gray/dark-ish yellow. Insignia of a Gold dragon on shoulder pad. Audrey - A beautiful girl and the wielder of nature, she is the princess of the humans and is trained with the bow: Hair Style: Long, has curls at the end, Hair Color: Dirty blonde, Eye Color: Green, Height: 5,6", Race: Human, Gender: Female, Age: 18, Appearence: At first, long blue dress. When they leave the human kingdom, Green training uniform, small green bow in hair. Daemon - A young man that has many secrets as the wielder of dark who knows what he could be planning. He uses dual daggers as his weapon: Hair style: Gothic, Hair Color: Deep Black, Eye Color: Brown, Height: 5,11", Race: Elf, Gender: Male, Age 22, Appearance: Wears a black bandanna around is mouth, gray-ish pants, and a black trench coat.----------------------Planned Release Sometime this summer.----------------------- I could use some help making some other characters and some other stuff that you guys can suggest. -------------------------- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonKnightXYZ Posted May 31, 2016 Report Share Posted May 31, 2016 I personally like the idea of having a companion in the group who eventually is found out to be working for the enemy. Maybe the wielder of Dark.You could make him out to be a rebel-ish/bad-boy-ish character. He could be abrasive and at many points a bit shady, but around the middle-late stages he starts warming up. Or getting better at the whole 'I'm your friend' act.I'd suggest the name Daemon for him. In my head I can imagine him with a very precise or fast weapon, maybe a dagger(s) or longsword(s).That's my 2 cents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Amazing Avian Posted May 31, 2016 Report Share Posted May 31, 2016 Js Drake and Daemon look edgy as funk. I mean really, mono black with a trenchcoat and skull armor? Rethink these character designs. For example, Drake has a big weapon, have some heavier armor to go with it. If he's right handed he'd often have his left side forward so a heavy pauldron and some bracers would be okay if you want to keep the lightly armored thing. Daemon is lightly armed. Keep that going with some light armor if any. If you want to round out the team you're going to need a roguish character at some point, might as well do that here. When thinking about characters, remember you want to have a cast that's rounded out unless you're specifically trying to show that something else is needed or to highlight that there are weaknesses (like a group of warriors getting dunked on by wizards because they have no way to deal with magic). Additionally for physical appearance, keep KISS in mind (Keep it simple, stupid) so you don't end up with some overly ornate things like gem encrusted swords or dragon shaped pauldrons. Simple designs are much easier to do. Not to say trying to have some ornate designs is a bad thing, just try not to overdo it. Particularly with armor and weapons. As an example think of armor amd weapons in Skyrim. Steel seems much more functional in practice than Daedric which has spikes everywhere for no funking reason whatsoever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadowsapex Posted May 31, 2016 Report Share Posted May 31, 2016 Daemon is a ridiculously edgy name. I wouldn't take it seriously if I read a character like that. And if someone's going to betray the party, do you want every reader to be able to see it coming a mile away?My suggestion is don't be so cliche about the dark wielder. Dark can be so many things besides edgy gothic rogues. Subverting that expectation would be so much more interesting.And don't rush character creation. Make good in-depth characters that are fun to read about. Give them flaws, backstories, quirks, all that good stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LordCowCowCowCowCowCowCowCow Posted June 1, 2016 Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 Okay piece by piece I'm gonna give some thoughts.AvalonOkay so. There's no information here, though evidently many ways to describe it, don't know what to say here.Plotmfw I just made an RP with these same elements being used for 9 Chosen to save the world.Which just helps me in saying, this is a super generic plot. Not that it can't do well, but it's a warning flag if that's all there is to it.RacesSadly so far all I can say about these are generic. And the way they're described comes off as if they're some old video game throw-away description as opposed to actual races.Map/LandscapeThis one kinda hurt me. Because I wouldn't be able to tell it was a map. It feels like...Well it just seems like there's one singular trait to each mass of land, we don't know the size, and for some reason all of the races live on separate islands.CharactersWell we know almost nothing about them except appearance, weapon and element. How do they fight, what do their powers do, what's their motivation, background, personality? How do they feel about being chosen for this?Alright so overall I noticed the same issues. It's all very generic and has lack of information. I know this is an early attempt and such, and I don't mean to be harsh, but as it is I can't see it going places. It doesn't grip me at all.When you have a world of your own you need to be sure to make it into something special. Otherwise you might as well be set anywhere. Give a reason the islands are separated like that. Or on the other side you could instead not have the islands tied into the races as much. Figure out what role these areas serve in the world, what the terrain is like, and perhaps how the people live there. How they interact with the land, what their government system is like, are they hostile to outsiders. So many details that can flesh out a world.When deciding races having generic races is fine, however it's always good to have some more specific things. So far it's mostly physical. But how about cultural differences? Especially if they all live on separate islands. What's their history? Give me reasons for them to exist other than "to have different races" otherwise there's no reason not to have them all human.Making entire races "good" or "bad" is also a trap you shouldn't fall into. It leads to stale interactions between characters of different races.It's good you have the drive to go out of your way to write all this up, and that's promising to me. But you'll need to work on things a lot. Make them something you can say is truly "yours" as opposed to something that's taken from the most basic definition of what already exists. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Wulf_ Posted June 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2016 Didn't know about the RP thing, sorry I will try to add more of a description to the Avalon and the plot. As for races, i'll remove the 'bad' and 'good' thing and maybe add more. The reason I don't want to do a characters personality is because I want the reader to find out as they read through the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Wulf_ Posted June 2, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 2, 2016 Daemon is a ridiculously edgy name. I wouldn't take it seriously if I read a character like that. And if someone's going to betray the party, do you want every reader to be able to see it coming a mile away?My suggestion is don't be so cliche about the dark wielder. Dark can be so many things besides edgy gothic rogues. Subverting that expectation would be so much more interesting.And don't rush character creation. Make good in-depth characters that are fun to read about. Give them flaws, backstories, quirks, all that good stuff.I'm not telling what will happen. ;3 But I will for sure not make Daemon the betray-er. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
_Wulf_ Posted June 8, 2016 Author Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 EDIT: NEW LAUNCH DATE SOMETIME DURING THE END OF SUMMER! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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